I need to know, first, if its a good story line. Second, if it could sell in naija. Apparently, its incomplete. in fact,its the middle of the story i posted.My plan is to keep the english simple to be read by all age... P.s Its not properly edited. Just a draft. Thanks guys. .....Here it goes


I don't know how far into the night we had slept when we woke up to that spooky noise again, this time it was close, very close. We both woke up at once and grab each other tight in fear, there was nothing to see with but the little shine from the moon. We kept peering into the dark , there was a shadow, a weird looking shadow among other shadows casted by the trees. It moved, i covered my mouth with my hand. Eno in shock cried out "Jesus! Jesus!! Jes…I covered her mouth with my other hand before she could end it. We stared at the moving shadow, it moved back and forth, left to right, then it stopped. It came out of the bushes, i couldn't make out what it was because it was dark. The moon shone brightly on it, it had three legs, the leg in front moved first then the two behind, it paused, then continued like it was counting its steps or practicing how to work. It seemed it was walking towards us, by this time we were both stiffed, i could her Eno's heart beat loud like a bass drum.
My Legs were numb, my throat was so dry and tight due to fear, i couldn't swallow the lumpy feeling. All we could do was stare at this small creature a size of a standing dog as it went towards the buildings in search of something. It went with its three legs from building to building making unearthly noises, it came back to the first spot it stood, then it went back into the bush.
Suddenly there came that noise but this time it wasn't only closer, it was everywhere around us, from far and near it drew closer to us. It filled the air, the trees swayed to one direction knocking each other as if they were struggling for survival. The night felt like it was choking itself and us, everything seemed to be alive on it own. The moving shadow, this time it wasn't one or two neither was it three nor four , they were more than i could count at the point. They came out in great numbers in a straight line, different heights, sizes and shapes but none was taller than an eight year child. Leap by leap, step by step the headed towards the open space encircled by the building. Sitting by my side was Eno, i could remember vividly that Eno was sitting by my left but i knew we were not alone by the tree, i felt a presence that presented itself with a foul odor, it spread in the air horribly like a decomposing animal. This time i knew we had been caught, there, by my right came the shrill sound that paralyzed my eardrums , I let out a loud cry.

There were confusing noises around me, i opened my eyes gently and slowly, first i met the sky, then i turned my head to my right, Eno was laying beside me,then she woke up and we got up at the same time and met bright eyes staring at us. We were tight down, our hands were tight to our bodies our legs too. They more we struggled to break free the more the rope or whatever it was tightened, it felt like it had a life of its own, it was dark brown and shiny, not metallic nor rubber, what it was i would tell if could. Then i obsevered the searching eyes around us, we were encircled by…I don't know. They looked like babies and toddlers, but the wrinkles that formed ridges on their faces told me they were neither both. they had three legs but their third legs were formed in front of the two legs that looked like hind legs. They are three legged humans, i thought they were myths, "The legend of the three legged beings of Izaatah forest" is no myth. The legend goes that four generations ago, a brave hunter from our village dared to venture into the forest to hunt, there, he sighted of the creatures they fought and the hunter escaped with wounds, wounds that led to his death in the village. The legend spread like wildfire on a straw farm, it later died down after generations but were only told by old folks and was also broken into different tales told only by moonlight. The popular belief was if a moonlight tale is told during the day it brings bad luck. The legend was awoken once again when a teenager from our neighboring village never returned from palm fruit cutting, he was believed to have been taken by the creatures, by that time i was a girl of about nine years old.
"Wee wee woo cha" came this voice almost like a bird. I turned and looked over my shoulders to see where the voice came from, it was one of those creatures. It had a brown and white animal skin on its body, they all had it on, it was their clothing. "Wee wee woo cha ko loo" It chant again, this time it was standing in front of us. We were too weak to utter a word, not like we understood what it was chanting. One of them made a loud noise as if it was calling out to something far away from us. Almost at the same time, another group arrived, they were the tallest, as tall as a human adult. They came with something that looked like a low,long wooden cart, they ordered us to roll on it, we were too nervous to delay or refuse, we immediately rolled on it and It started rolling on its own. It wasn't far when we came to another opening, what i saw there dried all the fluids in my body, Eno was stoned cold with her eyes almost out of her sockets, her mouth agape...

@op, jes...i covered her mouth...dt sounds like a direct translation, u hope to be heard not just in nigeria right? Again, then she woke up...at d begining of ur story, eno was awake dt she was shoutin jesus...so i didn't get this part, be clear on dt. Aside d above 2 points, ...our hands were tied to our body nd our legs too...was d legs also tied to ur body, be clear on dt. Is it to ur body or back...picture not clear. Again, ...we were encircled by...idon't know. But u just described d creature, put d described creature there, u know u can say i don't know if u were talking but not when u r writting, u have to know o.if u don't know, who will know then, d reader? Another point is ... Dared to enter into d forest...this gives me d pix dt d forest is not to be entered by pple, is dt ur point? D teenager dt never returned from palm fruit cutting, was it in d same forest. I commend ur vivid description nd ur use of figures of speech...its cool...keep it up

Ds makes for a gud read. Problem is its sounds like a sci fic in a traditional african setting. Reconciling ds differents settin in one book might poe a problem. At one point, it sounded like an alien invasion!!! then i saw izataah forest n i cringed. Wat was used to tie u shd b africanized, give it an african feel, odawise u'd still soundin out of ds world too. But generally, big ups to u!!!

@Whiteguru and ATMc, Thanks so much for taking the time out to read my draft and for your sincere suggestions. My plan is to make it an african sci-fi. Abi aliens no fit invade africa? lol .well, It really isn't an invasion, the aliens never wanted to be seen by human eyes that was the reason the lived in the forest and also the reason they made sure they kill or take anyone that sets eyes on them.

I have reconciled the sci fi/african differences by making the story a journal found by a young girl sometime in the future. The journal is dated two centuries ago when there was no western education in africa but after the victims escaped from the aliens, they never grew old nor died. Something strange was did to them.

They were tired of living and seeing thier loved ones die and leave them. They lived and saw it all...in every generation, they had no choice but to adjust to the civilized culture so that they could fit in. The two victims planned their death own plots, they didnt want to live forever. The last victim whose journal is to be found by a girl in the future died some few years ago........

I don't know if it makes sense at all but i'm trying to africanise sci fi using the past, present and future africa.. it has not been done before...All i see is traditional african novels. I want to explore my imagination and see how civilized our continent will be in the future, that's why i want the journal to be found in the future......Please i want to see more critics for more encouragement.........will post more soon.

damsel_Me: @Whiteguru and ATMc, Thanks so much for taking the time out to read my draft and for your sincere suggestions. My plan is to make it an african sci-fi. Abi aliens no fit invade africa? lol .well, It really isn't an invasion, the aliens never wanted to be seen by human eyes that was the reason the lived in the forest and also the reason they made sure they kill or take anyone that sets eyes on them.

I have reconciled the sci fi/african differences by making the story a journal found by a young girl sometime in the future. The journal is dated two centuries ago when there was no western education in africa but after the victims escaped from the aliens, they never grew old nor died. Something strange was did to them.

They were tired of living and seeing thier loved ones die and leave them. They lived and saw it all...in every generation, they had no choice but to adjust to the civilized culture so that they could fit in. The two victims planned their death own plots, they didnt want to live forever. The last victim whose journal is to be found by a girl in the future died some few years ago........

I don't know if it makes sense at all but i'm trying to africanise sci fi using the past, present and future africa.. it has not been done before...All i see is traditional african novels. I want to explore my imagination and see how civilized our continent will be in the future, that's why i want the journal to be found in the future......Please i want to see more critics for more encouragement.........will post more soon.

wohw!!! Few centuries ago, do africans know jesus?? Eno shouted jesus, u remember? U 'll do well, d ones dt r doing well so far do not have anything special dt u don't...keep it up