Jesse took his blind date to the carnival. "What would you like to do first, Amber?" asked Jesse.

"I want to get weighed," replied Amber.

They ambled over to the weight guesser. He guessed 120 pounds. She got on the scale; it read 117 and she won a prize.

Next, the couple went on the Ferris wheel. When the ride was over, Jesse again asked Amber what she would like to do. "I want to get weighed," she said.

Back to the weight guesser they went. Since they had been there before, he guessed her correct weight, and Jesse lost his dollar.

The couple walked around the carnival and again he asked where to next. "I want to get weighed," Amber responded.

By this time, Jesse figured that she was really weird and took her home early, dropping her off with a handshake.

Her roommate, Laura, asked her about the blind date, "How did it go?" Amber responded, "Oh, Waura. It was wousy."

*hmmm[sup][/sup]*

Ivana has been married to Bart for a while now, yet she is so Hot that every time her husband goes away on a business trip, she invites not one, not two, but three men to come over and play hide the snake.

One time when her husband was leaving for a business trip, she had three men lined up to come over right away. However, this time Bart forgot his passport at home so he had to rush back as fast as he could.

When Ivana heard the door open, she told all the men to hide somewhere. The first guy hid under the bed, the second in the closet and the third out on the balcony.

Bart walks into the room and sees his wife standing naked and asks, "Ivana? Why are you naked?"

She immediately claims that she was changing into her PJs for a quick nap. But then Bart hears something under the bed. He finds the first guy under the bed and exclaims, "Who the hell are you? And what are you doing here"

The guy pulls a fast one and says "I'm a carpenter, and your wife sent for me to come and fix the bed, it's fine now."

Bart sighs and says, "Okay, how much do I owe you?"

Bart gives the man $20, as he requested, and tells him to get the hell out of his sight.

He then opens up the closet to get his passport from the drawer and sees yet another guy.

"Who the hell are you" he shouts.

"Your wife sent me to come and fix the closet because it had some loose hinges on the inside," he proclaims.

Bart just sighs it off again and says, "Okay, here's $20, now get the hell out of my sight!"

While all this is going on, the man outside on the balcony is looking through the window and all he sees is Ivana's husband giving these guys some money.

So wanting his share as well, he barges through the balcony door blurting, "I was sleeping with her too! I was sleeping with her too!"

Keep posting, someday you'll post something meaningful.

D 2nd 1 is really kool. But d ist 1. . . . I think its wack, but i'll give u d benefit of a doubt, maybe i dont understand it.

Yeh, mig, u didnt.

If Laura = Waura; and
Lousy    = Wousy, then
Laid (leighed) = . . . . . . . .

Nice one man.

Now i'm lol. Thanks freezy

Hey guys, both jokes rock. Showboy where art thy humour cap?

Rules of Bedroom golf


1. Each player shall furnish his own equipment for play - normally one club and two balls.


2. Play on a course must be approved by the owner of the hole.


3. Unlike outdoor golf, the object is to get the club in the hole and keep the balls out.


4. For most effective play, the club should have a firm shaft. Course owners are permitted to check shaft stiffness before play begins.


5. Course owners reserve the right to restrict club length to avoid damage to the hole.


6. The object of the game is to take as many strokes as necessary until the course owner is satisfied that play is complete. Failure to do so may result in being denied permission to play the course again.


7. It is considered bad form to begin playing the hole immediately upon arrival at the course. The experienced player will normally take time to admire the entire course with special attention to well formed bunkers.


8. Players are cautioned not to mention other courses they have played , or are currently playing, to the owner of the course being played. Upset course owners have been known to damage players equipment for this reason.


9. Players are encouraged to bring proper rain gear for their own protection.


10. Players should ensure themselves that their match has been properly scheduled, particularly when a new course is being played for the first time. Previous players have been known to become irate if they discover someone else playing on what they considered to be a private course.


11. Players should not assume a course is in shape for play at all times. Some players may be embarrassed if they find the course to be temporarily under repair. Players are advised to be extremely tactful in this situation. More advanced players will find alternative means of play when this is the case.


12. The course owner is responsible for manicuring and pruning any bush around the hole to allow for improved viewing of, alignment with, and approach to the hole.


13. Players are advised to obtain the course owners permission before attempting to play the back nine.


14. Slow play is encouraged. However, players should be prepared to proceed at a quicker pace, at least temporarily, at the course owners request.


15. It is considered outstanding performance, time permitting, to play the same hole several times in one match.

@iwaj
he musta forgotten it at Unilag.

You stole it the last time you came to visit me.BARAWO

Femi u too much but i'm not thinking wat u're thinking o.

thanks guys.

LOL femi this joke are just too hilarious got me chuckling all day

chuckling or sucking

Ituen's finally got competition.

DO i really have a competitor?

No dear u don't
and how are u dis morning?

I fellin popular this morning dear. How has ur day been.

I worte you a love letter. Would you like to read it?

of course yes
am waiting

check for Ituen's love letter to TessBaby

A doctor had the reputation of helping couples increase the joy in their sex life, but alw ays promised not to take a case if he felt he couldn’t help. The Browns came into see the successful doctor and he gave them thorough physical exams, psychological exams, and various tests. Finally, he concluded, “Yes, I am happy to say that I can help you.”

“On your way home from my office stop at the grocery store and buy some grapes and doughnuts. Go home, take off your clothes, and you, sir, roll the grapes across the floor until you make a bulls eye in your wife’s love canal. Then on hands and knees you must crawl to her like a leopard and retrieve the grape using only your tongue.

“Then next, ma’am, you must take the doughnuts and from across the room, toss them at your husband until you make a ringer around his love pole. Then like a lioness, you must crawl to him and consume the doughnut.” The couple went home and their sex life became more and more wonderful.

They told their friends, Mr. & Mrs. Green that they should see the good doctor. The doctor greeted the Greens and said he would not take the case unless he felt that he could help them; so he conducted the physical exams and the same battery of tests.

Then he told the Greens the bad news. “I cannot help you, so I will not take your money. I believe your sex life is as good as it will ever be, I cannot help.”

The Greens pleaded with him, and said, “You helped our friends the Browns, now please, please, help us.”

“Well, all right”, the doctor said. “On your way home from the office, stop at the grocery store and buy some apples and a box of cheerios…

Technical and not funny at all. Couldnt catch the joke. can someone pls explain

It’s the Spring of 1957 and Lewis goes to pick up his date. He’s a pretty hip guy with his own car. When he goes to the front door, the girl’s father answers and invites him in. “Mary Jane’s not ready yet, so why don’t you have a seat?,” he says. “That’s cool” says Lewis.

Mary Jane’s father asks Lewis what they’re planning to do. Lewis replies politely that they will probably just go to the soda shop or a movie.

Mary Jane’s father responds “why don’t you two go out and screw? I hear all the cool kids are doing it.”

Naturally, this comes as a quite a surprise to Lewis - so he asks Mary Jane’s Dad to repeat it. “Yeah,” says Mary Jane’s father, “Mary Jane really likes to screw; she’ll screw all night if we let her!”

Well, this just made Lewis’ eyes light up, and his plan for the evening was beginning to look pretty good. A few minutes later, Mary Jane comes downstairs in her little poodle skirt and announces that she’s ready to go. Almost breathless with anticipation, Lewis escorts his date out the front door.

About 20 minutes later, Mary Jane rushes back into the house, slams the door behind her, and screams at her father:

“Dammit Daddy! It’s called the TWIST!”

Now this joke is really stale.

A young husband comes home one night, and his wife throws her arms around his neck: "Darling, I have great news: I'm a month overdue. I think we're going to have a baby! The doctor gave me a test today, but until we find out for sure, we can't tell anybody."

The next day, a guy from the electric company rings the doorbell because the young couple hadn't paid their last bill: "Are you Mrs. Smith?"

"Yes," she says.

You're a month overdue, you know!"

"How do YOU know?" stammers the young woman.

"Well, ma'am, it's in our files!" says the man from the electric company.

"What are you saying? It's in your files??"

"Absolutely."

"Well, let me talk to my husband about this tonight." That night, she tells her husband about the visit, and he, mad as a bull, rushes to the electric company offices the first thing the next morning.

"What's going on here? You have it on file, that my wife is a month overdue? What business is that of yours?"

"Just calm down," says the clerk, "it's nothing serious. All you have to do is pay us."

"PAY you? And if I refuse?"

"Well, in that case, sir, we'd have no option but to cut you off."

"And what would my wife do then?"

"I don't know. I guess she'd have to use a candle."


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@Poster,

Now ur talking. This is one in a kind. Well done