Old Testament:
God creates the universe and He sees it and it's serious business, but the Satan pretends to be a snake and trolls eve, telling her "Apple or GTFO" (cuz she was already showing tittz). She chooses the apple and then she and her play pal Adam get b& from Eden for being trollbait. Then a lot of serios phucking incest occurs and we get the human race(which pretty much explains a lot really).

Then later God gets uber pished about Pharoah Hitler pawning the Jews, so he gives Moses some cheat codes for the universe. Moses stages a massive slave runnaway and opens up the red sea so the Jews can run through closing it behind him and drowning the ancient Nazis. God lol'd.

Some other less important shiit happens, mostly composed of a bunch of f@ggots writing emo poetry about God for him to fap to.

New Testament:
God finds Mary sleeping and just sticks the tip in and drops His load. Nine months later, Jesus is born. For his 13th Birthday, God gave Jesus more cheat codes than He gave Moses, plus the rcon password for life and some CP as well.

Later, Jesus became a hardcore ska punk and trolled the old school Jews hard. They got super pished and permabanned him with a cross and some nine inch nails. They forgot He had god-mode turned on though, so he waited 3 days and hit vid_restart on the rcon panel, came back into life's server and lol'd at the Jews.

After that, 3 more guys tell the same story, then this dude Paul wrote an assload of sh1t about s3x being evil and a bunch of other stuff that Jesus never said but everybody listened to Paul anyway because they are stoopid.

The End.