₦airaland Forum

Elantracey: uncertain...maybe till wen u re sure

*if i wasnt sure, i wudnt have typed anytin. I hope she understands tht*

harlos: What goody sef? *only if he can tell me or just hint me, maybe I'll consider *

*in sultan's voice *
I no be cassanova but I like woman

*he can 4get it den...i wonder who looses*

*is she refering to me..? Cos i see her quote no one...*

Elantracey: she's a gal,,wanna know more

*maybe...*

*lmao!!! does he not knw tht there wud'v been something in it for him if he identified d person 4me..? lol now i dnt trust his judgement anymore [before he'l come and say tht its sweet-tease, cos am very sure its not her]...so maybe il move to the next cassanova {lover/play boy} of the house in the person of....................................the oga at the top himself............................. OBI-BOY!!!!!! *

harlos: See me see gobe.
I told you to give me something and you wanted to dash it out to someone of another gender like say I no be person. You still want me to choose for you who to give

Ok. Wait I'm coming
*sits and fold harms with strong face*

*i need at least 50% of votes to CONTINUE the COPRAL story...and so far i see tht they r all reading but refusing to vote...well, i guess this is where the story will end den, since i cant muster enough votes to continue it, il take it its not wanted here...hence, unless more votes r recieved, i guess this is where il draw the curtain on this one...now they'l never knw hw this wonderful story wud'v ended...*
1) Ammanda
2)Beync
3)Chycoroxie
4)Deiok
5)Emmyk
6)Feraz
7)Fynestboi
8.)Harlos
9)Jbluv55
9b)Jhydebaba
10)Lalaboi
11)Luxanne
12)Ms_Pee
13)Nitlad
14)Obinoscopy
15)Princesa
16)Reineviolette
16b) sweet-tease
17)Talina
18)Texanomaly
@bolded : those tht must vote before i continue
*i hate listing, as i wont be able to remember every1 and list dem. I hope those tht i'v missed will 4give me and stil vote, indicating if i omitted dem, so tht i can edit de list and include their names*

*STORY CONTINUES*

Nwanneamakah: Someone's looking for trouble

**i look around....where did trouble go na... i hope he has not gone missing o and den taken to de police station o...how will i be able to bale him now... picture de police station scenerio...

ME: morning sir

COPRAL: yes!!! wot it is??!!! (speaking their rotten english with blod shot eyes, red from igbo smoking)

ME: (starting to stammer and already afraid) ple....ple...plee...

COPRAL: r u a camara??!!! (good lawd!!! sir its called stammera o, not camara...ha! i almost said dt out, but trust me, i only said it in my tots)

ME: no, sir, i am not a CAMARA (but the film [for my mind o! cant dare say tht out!!]) but a...

COPRAL: sharap!!! (he actually saved me from saying "film", cos if he didnt shout, who knws, probably i wud have erronously said "film" and den all hell will let loose)

ME: yes sir!!! (i even stand at attrention plus...)

COPRAL: so, wot r u do, who is u does, and where r u done??

ME: err... sir, u meant who r u and wot do u want??

COPRAL: Yes na!!! dont u understand english??!!! (chineke? was tht english[for my mind o! dare try to ask d question out...])

ME: oh! sorry sir, i does (i guess we shud use his version of english here... )

COPRAL: so, wu is u does? (i guess he's asking a combination of who r u and wot do u want...with dis man, il av 2do a lotta guessing)

ME: sir, i am 9ice...(he didnt even allow me complete 'GEE')

COPRAL : WAT!!! 9ice!!! (the next tin, he calls on other policemen, including two policewomen)...u ppl shud come ooooo!!!

ME: *and am like*... (wot on earth is going on...?)

SERGENT : yes copral, wot it is? (do they all speak this way? i begin to think if thts hw its inscribed in police training school manual)

COPRAL : 9ice is here!!! (countless pair of eyes all turn and look at me, each exclaiming in all kinda languages, both those tht can b written and those tht cant)

POLICEWOMAN1 : WOT!!!

POLICEWOMAN2 : chineke!!!

SERGENT : eh??!!!

*now i start to try and understand wot is happening here...i guess these foolish policemen/women r mistakenly taking me to be 9ice, the naija singer...ok na, i decide to play along with their foolishness...sorry 9ice, am about to steal ur identity here...*
(i adjust my colar, put up a smile on my face, winks at one of the policewomen, like all these silly stars tht love women to a fault will do)

ME : YES, I AM 9ICE

COPRAL : very gudt!!!

(i cross my legs, stand in style, and lean on the counter )

ME : yeah men, so very good!! (i try at Americana English, hoping it dazzles dem)

SERGENT : KAI!!! god don butter my bread today ooooo!!

ME : ye men! he sure has!!!

POLICEWOMAN1 : mammi, tht promotion i ws looking for siiiiiiiiiince, god, thank u for finally bringing it to me today!

ME : ye baby!!! u're right on point!

(i so much enjoy de 5 mins of stardom!! so this is hw 9ice used to feel wen...)

POLICEWOMAN2 : U don enter one chance today!!!

(eh did i hear 'one chance'?? )

ME : (trying to put a smile on my face...) lol ma, actually i ws looking for...

COPRAL : dont broda (did he mean 'bother'?), atauli, we was looking 4u (looking for me if am 9ice, dont they watch television?? they can find him der...)

ME : sir, looking for me..?? u're not the first to look for me. every1 looks for me. in fact once i leave here, i have 7 places to go and they r all looking for me. u knw its christmas and shows are everywhere and i have...

COPRAL : sharaaappp!!!

( chineke!!! wot is going on na...??...i uncross one leg)

COPRAL : so u tot we we nefa cash u ba??!! dnt u hear tht one day is for the thief and nine days for d owner ( mugu!! he turned d whole saying up side down!!!)

ME : (did i hear catch... i uncross d other leg...looks like there's fire on the mountain o!!! jst in case its time for run run run) sir actually...

POLICEWOMAN2 : shuruuppp!!! (i lean off the counter...was i not a star just few mins ago so wots d meaning of all this abi ws i d one tht was mistaken here tot i ws taken to b 9ice so which one come b all these)

SERGENT : *clears his throat*...so 9ice, after running for so so so long, u c how god does his thing? he brought u straight to us! for the past years, u go around selling igbo ( my oh my!!! *hands on my head*) and escaping police custody eh!!! today u don enter ONE CHANCE!!!

ME : *tears start rolling down my eyes * pls sir lemme explain. i am not...

POLICEWOMAN2 : sharaaapppp!!!! (wot is it with me and this policewoman na..?? is it my fault tht she no see husband marry??)

ME : madam, pls it is nt wot u think. it is...

SERGENT : shattaaappp!!! (my!!! i never knew there r so many ways of saying 'shut up', shattaap, shuruuupp, sharraaaappp...and d police happens to use all of it)

COPRAL : (by nw, i didnt even notice tht the corpral had left. he now returns with police files...) does u knw hw long we bin searching for u?! look wot it in this file (i look! i almost scream! 9ice has actually been selling igbo all his life and d police had been looking for him siiiiince adam!!! now i knw hw 'kolomental' came about...my own don finish!!!)

ME : but sir...

POLICEWOMAN2 : sharaaaapppp!!! *saliver, lots of it, and very smelly, follows out, flying straight into my face!* (oh gawd this woman!!!! i sruggle to keep my face straight, so she wont notice...how on earth will i defend myself if the only thing this baga lizard says is 'shut up' they dont even allow me speak. they keep saying shut up. or is shut up d standard reply in a d police station to everything another person says??...inside me, i felt like saying d policemen shud allow only me and this policewoman somewhere in another place, let her alone interogate me... i wud so kill this chick, bring her up again, and kill her a second time!!! )

COPRAL : you dey selling igbo, bt pretend to ppl tht u b musician, tht wot u do is song a sang to make money.

POLICEWOMAN2 : wot is tht sing tht he song wen he use to sang sef....?? eh he! kolomental! today by d time we finis wit u, u go turn mental case and start to d craze. is not it wot tht ur sang says? (illitracy is indeed a disease!!!)

ME : madam, sir, abeg make una no vex, i won confess ...(iv changed to pigin o, no need to still dey play actor again o! now yawa don gas! i no b star again o! no more 'americana' english o! na naija pigin now and forever, hoping it will save me from this wahala)...the 9ice wey una tink say be me, no be me...(so this is wot 9ice has been going about doing, selling igbo for lagos! and wen e come village e go come dey lie give us! who ws to knw tht police dey find am?? and i come dey steal im identity!!! of all d ppl one can use stolen identity, na igbo seller own na it i come steal, now c wot it has gotten me into ... oh 9ice beht why?? ...no wonder d guy no dey fine body, upon all wey im dey chop, im still dey look like person wey go die now now! c wot igbo can do!...y didnt i say i was '2' den perharps the foolish police wud have said 'face' and dey wud all assume am '2face' and maybe tings wud have turned out so differently [or wud it have?? who knws weda 2face don put goodluck jonathan pikin belle run and police they find am? den i come assume his identity for station?? no b die for b that??])

SERGENT :*snapping me outta my miserable tots...* wot do u mean by 'the 9ice u think say na me, no b me?!'...so u sabi speak pigin? we tink say u drop for plane from america! now wey we don cash u pigin don dey commot for ur mouth!

COPRAL : no mind d mumu!! (see who is calling who mumu ) e tink say im fit lie give us! e tink say tht promotion wey we go get on top im head, im fit deprive us (oh oh oh! now i get it wot they were refering to wen they spoke earlier about promotion and god butter their bread!! truly i don enter ONE CHANCE today!!!)

POLICEWOMAN1 : come, make i find out something sef, (i suddenly noticed she had not spoken all these time while others were busy shouting down on me) wetin carry u come station sef? wetin u bin dey find?

ME : (at this point, immediately she asked tht question, i wish she hadnt spoken at all!! how do i start to tell dem tht i was looking for trouble they will really think tht am kolomental for real)...err...wot..sorry...wetin..sorry..na....oh...i...

COPRAL : u won turn camara again abi?? (so this fool is still refering to stammarer as camara)

ME : no sir...

COPRAL : den talk!!!!

ME: yes sir...wetin carry me come station b say i was...

*just before a word drops outta my mouth, there's serious commotion outside de police station...all de police personnel rush out to see wots going on...from the noise, i think four women are dragging a guy into the station premises...i cant figure out exactly wots going on but from d look of things i think...wait!!! y am i so silly this shud be an opportunity to escape!!! now tht another matter has taken thier attention, i start to head to the door...slowly...slowly...slowly...i step outside...and behold!!! my!!! who am i seeing..!!! HARLOS!!!! so he was de guy in the middle of the commotion, the guy tht four women are dragging...i pretend not to knw him, try to side step him and bolt, and the idiot suddenly calls out my...*

HARLOS : hey 9ice...
*before he could even say GEE, all the police men and women turn around, and once more, all eyes r on me for the second time again*

(gawd!!! how could he be so chaff!!! )

COPRAL : ah! so u was tryin to lie to us ba?? u say u r not 9ice, now someone ess as know u!...does u knew ish oda??!!!

ME : no sir

HARLOS : yes sir (grrhhhh!!!! does he think this is nairaland??!!! boy this is a police station!!!!)

COPRAL : oh! yes and no abi?? i axe against, does u knew ya sef??

*harlos throws me a blink, i take it tht he means we shud both say yes, so...*

ME : yes sir

HARLOS : no sir

* wot is wrong with this guy!!!*

SERGENT : oh, so una tink say we dey joke abi...ok...

*he walks away inside...returns shortly...we were just about to turn around.....suddenly...BAM! BAM!! BAM!!!...four shots ring out in the air*

SERGENT : *with the gun pointing at us, his blood shot eyes red and enlarging, neck muscles strained, he balks* DOES U AND U KNOW U AND U??!!!

ME HARLOS : *we answer at the same time without knowing* yes sir, yes sir, we r brothers sir!!!

*only then did i realize tht we both had dropped our knees to the ground...see wot the power of a gun can do...i was heeding the advice from my dad, tht u shud never argure with the barrell of a gun, unless u r the one pointing it*

SERGENT : very gudt!

(oh harlos! harlos!! harlos!!! how on earth did i get my life mixed up with him??!!!)

POLICEWOMAN2 : *addressing me* hey u, wot is ur frend name?

ME : harlot ma'm, his name is harlot

*every body burst out laughing!!!!!!!! ...i didnt knw wot i had done until i saw de look on harlos's face before i realize my mistake... i had mistakenly called him harlot instead of harlos...na my fault?? wots de difference between both names!!!*

POLICEWOMAN2 : no wonda!! he looks it!! (and u look wot?? *am sure thts wot's running thru harlos's mind now. i hope he'l behave himself and just shut up o!*)

POLICEWOMAN1 : *turning her attention to the women tht were dragging harlos to the station (i had completely 4gotten about them)* hey una, wetin happen with him?

*about this time, i also turn my attention to them...good lord!!! ... i didnt even know!!! nairaland crew!!!...SWEET-TEASE...LUXXANE...Ms ...the fourth girl seems to be...*

COPRAL : *addressing the girls and asking about harlos* y una drag dis man to police?

*they all start shouting at the same time*

SWEET-TEASE...LUXXANE...Ms : sir it is wen we....and he...den we....and he...so we.....because he...and running...we pursuing....

COPRAL : SHURUUUP!!! SHATAAAAAP!!! SHARAAAAAPPP!!! (good! una never see something yet ) one person at a time.....(just then, i noticed tht the fourth girl was not talking. the policeman seemed to read my mind and pointed at her and said...) oya, you, tell us, wetin bin happen

FOURTH GIRL : ma ma ma ma ma mi mimi mi mi mim ra ra ar ar ar wu wu wu wu (chineke!!! )

LUXXANE : *always stepping in to help people in trouble* sir, she's deaf and dumb and we met her on the road while dragging harlos down here. so she also joined and said tht harlos also had...had...had...errr...eemmm...(i turn around and look at harlos...harlos beht why why even deaf and dumb )

COPRAL : eh he?? talk na, he had also does wot...?? (policemen!!! badt ppl!!!)

LUXXANE : he had also.....




TO BE CONTINUED



(ITS VOTING TIME GUYS....SHUD DE STORY CONTINUE, SHUD I STOP?? THE VOTING BEGINS...VOTE BY REPLYING "CONTINUE" OR "STOP" TO THE STORY)

*who is this girl...*

Elantracey:

*lol i wont be able to fight her husband o pls...so, a married person is completely ruled out *

Beync: . Am I not a babe? Abeg no partia

Ammanda :
Where's my fineboi?
*Earnestly waiting for his arrival*
Me me me

Beync: . Am I not a babe? Abeg no partia

*lol these girls should beta say d truth, i dont wanna give out d gift to de wrong person...maybe i shud get a verifier to confirm the voice note and find out who d original owner is...and who else would d cap fit other dan HARLOS!!!! he has a way with girls lol....he knws all of dem here*

*lol my AMMA(co)NDA...i wonder where she had been all these while...i miss talking about her*

Ammanda :
Where's my fineboi?
*Earnestly waiting for his arrival*




Me me me

*of all de VN i'v heard from here, this one i love de most...funny how she kept saying 'thinker talk, just talk wen wil u ever stop thinking' lol isnt she wishing me dead by hoping i stop thinking, as only de dead tht stop thinking...anyway, the VN keeps making me laugh even until now...i seriously wud like to give who so ever has this voice note a gift...but de problem is, i dont know which of de girls it is,..so if she comes out and lemme know, and its confirmed she's de one, she can expect to get sometin from me. At least one person here has already gotten a gift, so they shud know i aint kidding...its left 4her anyway...she ID herself, she gets a gift, just 2let her know her VN made me laugh*

*oh dear oh dear!!!! am gonna miss him...now am gonna cry ...i move few steps away, wipe off the pretentious tears, and go along my business...i hope i acted well enough in front of him *

Emmyk: Back to school. Wont be much active around here again. Bear with me.

*of all de VN i'v heard from here, this one i love de most...funny how she kept saying 'thinker talk, just talk wen wil u ever stop thinking' lol isnt she wishing me dead by hoping i stop thinking, as only de dead tht stop thinking...anyway, the VN keeps making me laugh even until now...i seriously wud like to give who so ever has this voice note a gift...but de problem is, i dont know which of de girls it is,..so if she comes out and lemme know, and its confirmed she's de one, she can expect to get sometin from me. At least one person here has already gotten a gift, so they shud know i aint kidding...its left 4her anyway...she ID herself, she gets a gift, just 2let her know her VN made me laugh*

Beync: me of course.*types *555* awaiting the digits*

*lmao!! Am sure she's kidding*

Fynestboi: now this guy is playing robocop game with me and am wondering who is gonna get game over first would that be me no i doubt it wnt be me. Btwn keep your gift away from amanda and elantracey .

*lol i wonder y*

Fynestboi: do the needful or i do that now

harlos: Thats non of my own business, just do what you're suppose to do kaikai.

Fynestboi: do the needful or i do that now

*lol these two guys...they shud wait...i think de next gift shud go to a babe...but de question is which one?*

Tovot: HellO everybody...

*wow! Is my eye lying to me...!*

harlos: She has the biggest eyes I've ever seen
Baby sorry abt ur phone sweet, I'll get another one for you immediately.

I missed you so plentyful

*...another nokia touchlight tht'l spoil again wen it falls into water again. Or wudnt she do her pure water business again (isnt tht y the phone keeps falling into water?? she must be into some [pure]water business)?...see? Am here, waiting with a sonyericsson xperia Z series, just waiting for her to come collect, a phone she can even take swimming underwater with and it'l still come out of de water, along with her, wet, but unscared, absolutely nothing doing it! And she's der, hooking up with him, waiting for another nokia touchlight...her choice anyway*

*lol i hope he doesnt break my jaws o!*

Fynestboi: do i understand what he meant? Hell no! Must i be his buddy before i get richard card from him? Hmmm sound as if he is one hell stingy dude and perhap i was only pulling his jaw smh.....

harlos: *let me just take his hand because i dey hear say e dey do bonanza, make i no take wetin dey ground do myself by myself... *

so nw u already knw what i'm waitin 4

*lol these guys will not kill me with laughter!!! who's spreading this story?? (il break EMMKY's legs wen ever i c him!!!! this was supposed to be a quiet tin between me and him, now c wot he is causing)*

*do i knw him? 1st time he has talked to me i guess...and he wants awof lol...sory bud, i give to only my buddies...and i checked de list and didnt find his name...no offence, maby with time, as we progress we could become friends den we'l see wot happens from der*

Fynestboi: where my own?

*chelsea and man u made my wkend a graet one (chelsea for winning and man u for losing he he he he )*

*chelsea and man u made my wkend a great one!!!! (chelsea for winning and man u for losing he he he he )*

Emmyk: LoL. I thought it was bonanza from mtn o.

I was about coming to nairaland to create a thread like, DID YOU RECEIVE YOUR ₦*** AIRTIME FROM MTN TODAY?

But I decided to check the link, to get more awof airtime. Sharp guy . Then my mind told me twas you.

Thank you oo. Your company will not run down oo. \/


Have a great week.

*lol awof k...i wonder wen mtn started giving out awof to ppl..anyway, thts tht on tht. Enjoy urself buddy. Thts wot it means to be my friend, i keep to wot i say i'l do. One love. Peace out*

harlos: u dnt knw when u called me silly uhm?

*and wen did silly = goat? Or maybe in indian language? Is he indian? Chineke! C me c wahala o! Lol make im no vex o! Silly here is just being silly, nothing else...hope this settles it now...i put my hands out...will he shake or hug...?*

Emmyk: Cant remember really. I sometimes have short-term memory (na play oo ), *could he be talking of the airtime I got, while watching movie with my friend yesterday?, he could be lying * *Why should he lie on a Sunday oo? * *okay, I'm thanking him in my mind now sha. *

*lol this guy, this guy, this guy!!! So this is wot it means to give out gifts to some nigerians? Wen they receive it, they start tinkin it fell from de sky...now he's saying am lying. But i wonder how i know tht he must have received it approximately by 1:16pm and the amount was...well lemme shut up. I wanted to give out to more ppl here. But this one has taught me a lesson. No more gifts to any1 again. I dont wanna be called a liar more dan once*

harlos: Sweet tease of

Every beat of my heart is missing you

*so he doesnt even have her number...i sigh and walk away*

harlos: Now you're pretending like you don't know uhm?

*wait! Wots wrong na? I never called him goat. So wots this meant for And am sure not pretending! Where'd i wrong him...?*

harlos:

Wait did he just call me a goat

*lol i 4got he cant read and write very well in english. Shud'v made tht vanacula*

(chelsea and man u so made me happy today!! *chelsea for winning and man u for losing he he he*)

chelsea and man united so much made my day today!!! (chelsea for winning and man u for losing.)