₦airaland Forum

harlos: Not very good, but this night is looking good...about to enter a jolly mood .
You?

*i trust him. He has brought a girl home. Jolly mood ke jolly mood ni*

CONTINUED

Nwanneamakah: Someone's looking for trouble

**i look around....where did trouble go na... i hope he has not gone missing o and den taken to de police station o...how will i be able to bale him now... picture de police station scenerio...
ME: morning sir
COPRAL: yes!!! wot it is??!!! (speaking their rotten english with blod shot eyes, red from igbo smoking)
ME: (starting to stammer and already afraid) ple....ple...plee...
COPRAL: r u a camara??!!! (good lawd!!! sir its called stammera o, not camara...ha! i almost said dt out, but trust me, i only said it in my tots)
ME: no, sir, i am not a CAMARA (but the film [for my mind o! cant dare say tht out!!]) but a...
COPRAL: sharap!!! (he actually saved me from saying "film", cos if he didnt shout, who knws, probably i wud have erronously said "film" and den all hell will let loose)
ME: yes sir!!! (i even stand at attrention plus...)
COPRAL: so, wot r u do, who is u does, and where r u done??
ME: err... sir, u meant who r u and wot do u want??
COPRAL: Yes na!!! dont u understand english??!!! (chineke? was tht english[for my mind o! dare try to ask d question out...])
ME: oh! sorry sir, i does (i guess we shud use his version of english here... )
COPRAL: so, wu is u does? (i guess he's asking a combination of who r u and wot do u want...with dis man, il av 2do a lotta guessing)
ME: sir, i am 9ice...(he didnt even allow me complete 'GEE')
COPRAL : WAT!!! 9ice!!! (the next tin, he calls on other policemen, including two policewomen)...u ppl shud come ooooo!!!
ME: *and am like*... (wot on earth is going on...?)
SERGENT : yes copral, wot it is? (do they all speak this way? i begin to think if thts hw its inscribed in police training school manual)
COPRAL : 9ice is here!!! (countless pair of eyes all turn and look at me, each exclaiming in all kinda languages, both those tht can b written and those tht cant)
POLICEWOMAN1 : WOT!!!
POLICEWOMAN2 : chineke!!!
SERGENT : eh??!!!
*now i start to try and understand wot is happening here...i guess these foolish policemen/women r mistakenly taking me to be 9ice, the naija singer...ok na, i decide to play along with their foolishness...sorry 9ice, am about to steal ur identity here...*
(i adjust my colar, put up a smile on my face, winks at one of the policewomen, like all these silly stars tht love women to a fault will do)
ME : YES, I AM 9ICE
COPRAL : very gudt!!!
(i cross my legs, stand in style, and lean on the counter )
ME : yeah men, so very good!! (i try at Americana English, hoping it dazzles dem)
SERGENT : KAI!!! god don butter my bread today ooooo!!
ME : ye men! he sure has!!!
POLICEWOMAN1 : mammi, tht promotion i ws looking for siiiiiiiiiince, god, thank u for finally bringing it to me today!
ME : ye baby!!! u're right on point!
(i so much enjoy de 5 mins of stardom!! so this is hw 9ice used to feel wen...)
POLICEWOMAN2 : U don enter one chance today!!!
(eh did i hear 'one chance'?? )
ME : (trying to put a smile on my face...) lol ma, actually i ws looking for...
COPRAL : dont broda (did he mean 'bother'?), atauli, we was looking 4u (looking for me if am 9ice, dont they watch television?? they can find him der...)
ME : sir, looking for me..?? u're not the first to look for me. every1 looks for me. in fact once i leave here, i have 7 places to go and they r all looking for me. u knw its christmas and shows are everywhere and i have...
COPRAL : sharaaappp!!!
( chineke!!! wot is going on na...??...i uncross one leg)
COPRAL : so u tot we we nefa cash u ba??!! dnt u hear tht one day is for the thief and nine days for d owner ( mugu!! he turned d whole saying up side down!!!)
ME : (did i hear catch... i uncross d other leg...looks like there's fire on the mountain o!!! jst in case its time for run run run) sir actually...
POLICEWOMAN2 : shuruuppp!!! (i lean off the counter...was i not a star just few mins ago so wots d meaning of all this abi ws i d one tht was mistaken here tot i ws taken to b 9ice so which one come b all these)
SERGENT : *clears his throat*...so 9ice, after running for so so so long, u c how god does his thing? he brought u straight to us! for the past years, u go around selling igbo ( my oh my!!! *hands on my head*) and escaping police custody eh!!! today u don enter ONE CHANCE!!!
ME : *tears start rolling down my eyes * pls sir lemme explain. i am not...
POLICEWOMAN2 : sharaaapppp!!!! (wot is it with me and this policewoman na..?? is it my fault tht she no see husband marry??)
ME : madam, pls it is nt wot u think. it is...
SERGENT : shattaaappp!!! (my!!! i never knew there r so many ways of saying 'shut up', shattaap, shuruuupp, sharraaaappp...and d police happens to use all of it)
COPRAL : (by nw, i didnt even notice tht the corpral had left. he now returns with police files...) does u knw hw long we bin searching for u?! look wot it in this file (i look! i almost scream! 9ice has actually been selling igbo all his life and d police had been looking for him siiiiince adam!!! now i knw hw 'kolomental' came about...my own don finish!!!)
ME : but sir...
POLICEWOMAN2 : sharaaaapppp!!! *saliver, lots of it, and very smelly, follows out, flying straight into my face!* (oh gawd this woman!!!! i sruggle to keep my face straight, so she wont notice...how on earth will i defend myself if the only thing this baga lizard says is 'shut up' they dont even allow me speak. they keep saying shut up. or is shut up d standard reply in a d police station to everything another person says??...inside me, i felt like saying d policemen shud allow only me and this policewoman somewhere in another place, let her alone interogate me... i wud so kill this chick, bring her up again, and kill her a second time!!! )
COPRAL : you dey selling igbo, bt pretend to ppl tht u b musician, tht wot u do is song a sang to make money.
POLICEWOMAN2 : wot is tht sing tht he song wen he use to sang sef....?? eh he! kolomental! today by d time we finis wit u, u go turn mental case and start to d craze. is not it wot tht ur sang says? (illitracy is indeed a disease!!!)
ME : madam, sir, abeg make una no vex, i won confess ...(iv changed to pigin o, no need to still dey play actor again o! now yawa don gas! i no b star again o! no more 'americana' english o! na naija pigin now and forever, hoping it will save me from this wahala)...the 9ice wey una tink say be me, no be me...(so this is wot 9ice has been going about doing, selling igbo for lagos! and wen e come village e go come dey lie give us! who ws to knw tht police dey find am?? and i come dey steal im identity!!! of all d ppl one can use stolen identity, na igbo seller own na it i come steal, now c wot it has gotten me into ... oh 9ice beht why?? ...no wonder d guy no dey fine body, upon all wey im dey chop, im still dey look like person wey go die now now! c wot igbo can do!...y didnt i say i was '2' den perharps the foolish police wud have said 'face' and dey wud all assume am '2face' and maybe tings wud have turned out so differently [or wud it have?? who knws weda 2face don put goodluck jonathan pikin belle run and police they find am? den i come assume his identity for station?? no b die for b that??])
SERGENT :*snapping me outta my miserable tots...* wot do u mean by 'the 9ice u think say na me, no b me?!'...so u sabi speak pigin? we tink say u drop for plane from america! now wey we don cash u pigin don dey commot for ur mouth!
COPRAL : no mind d mumu!! (see who is calling who mumu ) e tink say im fit lie give us! e tink say tht promotion wey we go get on top im head, im fit deprive us (oh oh oh! now i get it wot they were refering to wen they spoke earlier about promotion and god butter their bread!! truly i don enter ONE CHANCE today!!!)
POLICEWOMAN1 : come, make i find out something sef, (i suddenly noticed she had not spoken all these time while others were busy shouting down on me) wetin carry u come station sef? wetin u bin dey find?
ME : (at this point, immediately she asked tht question, i wish she hadnt spoken at all!! how do i start to tell dem tht i was looking for trouble they will really think tht am kolomental for real)...err...wot..sorry...wetin..sorry..na....oh...i...
COPRAL : u won turn camara again abi?? (so this fool is still refering to stammarer as camara)
ME : no sir...
COPRAL : den talk!!!!
ME: yes sir...wetin carry me come station b say i was...

TO BE CONTINUED

*who's vexing her? me or harlos...?? from d look on her face i guess it shud be harlos *

sweet-tease:

*lol funny boy*

Emmyk: Whatever.

Emmyk: Just to say hi. What else?

*hmmmm never knew am missed. Used to think am not*

Emmyk: Guys, where is 9icegee?

harlos: viewing right now

**wot do they want me for**

harlos: Don't make me call you three tyms before u answer me o, just continue like that.

*lol*

harlos: Naice jii, oya cotinew o

*lol wot is he calling me...if only he knew wots in store 4him in this story, he wud'v wished i stop here...*

Nwanneamakah: Someone's looking for trouble

[quote author=Nwanneamakah]**i look around....where did trouble go na... i hope he has not gone missing o and den taken to de police station o...how will i be able to bale him now... picture de police station scenerio...
ME: morning sir
COPRAL: yes!!! wot it is??!!! (speaking their rotten english with blod shot eyes, red from igbo smoking)
ME: (starting to stammer and already afraid) ple....ple...plee...
COPRAL: r u a camara??!!! (good lawd!!! sir its called stammera o, not camara...ha! i almost said dt out, but trust me, i only said it in my tots)
ME: no, sir, i am not a CAMARA (but the film [for my mind o! cant dare say tht out!!]) but a...
COPRAL: sharap!!! (he actually saved me from saying "film", cos if he didnt shout, who knws, probably i wud have erronously said "film" and den all hell will let loose)
ME: yes sir!!! (i even stand at attrention plus...)
COPRAL: so, wot r u do, who is u does, and where r u done??
ME: err... sir, u meant who r u and wot do u want??
COPRAL: Yes na!!! dont u understand english??!!! (chineke? was tht english[for my mind o! dare try to ask d question out...])
ME: oh! sorry sir, i does (i guess we shud use his version of english here... )
COPRAL: so, wu is u does? (i guess he's asking a combination of who r u and wot do u want...with dis man, il av 2do a lotta guessing)
ME: sir, i am 9ice...(he didnt even allow me complete 'GEE')
COPRAL : WAT!!! 9ice!!! (the next tin, he calls on other policemen, including two policewomen)...u ppl shud come ooooo!!!
ME: *and am like*... (wot on earth is going on...?)
SERGENT : yes copral, wot it is? (do they all speak this way? i begin to think if thts hw its inscribed in police training school manual)
COPRAL : 9ice is here!!! (countless pair of eyes all turn and look at me, each exclaiming in all kinda languages, both those tht can b written and those tht cant)
POLICEWOMAN1 : WOT!!!
POLICEWOMAN2 : chineke!!!
SERGENT : eh??!!!
*now i start to try and understand wot is happening here...i guess these foolish policemen/women r mistakenly taking me to be 9ice, the naija singer...ok na, i decide to play along with their foolishness...sorry 9ice, am about to steal ur identity here...*
(i adjust my colar, put up a smile on my face, winks at one of the policewomen, like all these silly stars tht love women to a fault will do)
ME : YES, I AM 9ICE
COPRAL : very gudt!!!
(i cross my legs, stand in style, and lean on the counter )
ME : yeah men, so very good!! (i try at Americana English, hoping it dazzles dem)
SERGENT : KAI!!! god don butter my bread today ooooo!!
ME : ye men! he sure has!!!
POLICEWOMAN1 : mammi, tht promotion i ws looking for siiiiiiiiiince, god, thank u for finally bringing it to me today!
ME : ye baby!!! u're right on point!
(i so much enjoy de 5 mins of stardom!! so this is hw 9ice used to feel wen...)
POLICEWOMAN2 : U don enter one chance today!!!
(eh did i hear 'one chance'?? )
ME : (trying to put a smile on my face...) lol ma, actually i ws looking for...
COPRAL : dont broda (did he mean 'bother'?), atauli, we was looking 4u (looking for me if am 9ice, dont they watch television?? they can find him der...)
ME : sir, looking for me..?? u're not the first to look for me. every1 looks for me. in fact once i leave here, i have 7 places to go and they r all looking for me. u knw its christmas and shows are everywhere and i have...
COPRAL : sharaaappp!!!
( chineke!!! wot is going on na...??...i uncross one leg)
COPRAL : so u tot we we nefa cash u ba??!! dnt u hear tht one day is for the thief and nine days for d owner ( mugu!! he turned d whole saying up side down!!!)
ME : (did i hear catch... i uncross d other leg...looks like there's fire on the mountain o!!! jst in case its time for run run run) sir actually...
POLICEWOMAN2 : shuruuppp!!! (i un-lean off the counter...was i not a star just few mins ago so wots d meaning of all this abi ws i d one tht was mistaken here tot i ws taken to b 9ice so which one come b all these)
SERGENT : *clears his throat*...so 9ice, after running for so so so long, u c how god does his thing? he brought u straight to us! for the past years, u go around selling igbo ( my oh my!!! *hands on my head*) and escaping police custody eh!!! today u don enter ONE CHANCE!!!
ME : *teras start rolling down my eyes * pls sir lemme explain. i am not...
POLICEWOMAN2 : sharaaapppp!!!! (wot is it with me and this policewoman na..?? is it my fault tht she no see husband marry??)
ME : *madam, pls it is nt wot u think. it is...*
SERGENT : shattaaappp!!! (my!!! i never knew there r so many ways of saying 'shut up', shattaap, shuruuupp, sharraaaappp...and d police happens to use all of it)
COPRAL : (by nw, i didnt even notice tht the corpral had left. he now returns with police files...) does u knw hw long we bin searching for u?! look wot it in this file (i look! i almost scream! 9ice has actually been selling igbo all his life and d police had been looking for him siiiiince adam!!! now i knw hw 'kolomental' came about...my own don finish!!!)
ME : but sir...
POLICEWOMAN2 : sharaaaapppp!!! *saliver, lots of it, and very smelly, follows out, flying straight into my face!* (oh gawd this woman!!!! i sruggle to keep my face straight, so she wont notice...how on earth will i defend myself if all this idiot says is 'shut up'...inside me, i felt like saying d policemen shud allow only me and her somewhere in another place, let her alone interogate me... i wud so kill this chick, bring her up again, and kill her a second time!!! )
COPRAL : you dey selling igbo, bt pretend to ppl tht u b musician, tht wot u do is song a sang to make money.
POLICEWOMAN2 : wot is tht sing tht he song wen he use to sang sef....?? eh he! kolomental! today by d time we finis wit u, u go turn mental case and start to d craze. is not it wot tht ur sang says? (illitracy is indeed a disease!!!)
ME : madam, sir, abeg make una no vex, i won confess ...(iv changed to pigin o, no need to still dey play actor again o! now yawa don gas! i no b star again o! no more 'americana' english o! na naija pigin now and forever, hoping it will save me from this wahala)...the 9ice wey una tink say be me, no be me...(so this is wot 9ice has been going about doing, selling igbo for lagos! and wen e come village e go come dey lie give us! who ws to knw tht police dey find am?? and i come dey steal im identity!!! of all d ppl one can use stolen identity, na 9ice own i come steal, now c wot it has gotten me into ... oh 9ice beht why?? ...no wonder d guy no dey fine body, upon all wey im dey chop, im still dey look like H.I.V. person wey go die now now! c wot igbo can do!...y didnt i say i was '2' den perharps the foolish police wud have said 'face' and dey wud all assume am '2face' and maybe tings wud have turned out so differently [or wud it have?? who knws weda 2face don put goodluck jonathan pikin belle run and police they find am? den i come assume his identity for station?? no b die for b that??])
SERGENT : wot do u mean by 'the 9ice u think say na me, no b me?!'...so u sabi speak pigin? we tink say u drop for plane from america! now wey we don cash u pigin don dey commot for ur mouth!
COPRAL : no mind d idiot!! e tink say im fit lie give us! e tink say tht promotion wey we go get on top im head, im fit deprive us (oh oh oh! now i get it wot they were refering to wen they spoke earlier about promotion and god butter their bread!! truly i don enter ONE CHANCE today!!!)
POLICEWOMAN1 : come, make i find out something sef, (i suddenly noticed she had not spoken all these time while others were busy shouting down on me) wetin carry u come station sef? wetin u bin dey find?
ME : (at this point, immediately she asked tht question, i wish she hadnt spoken at all!! how do i start to tell dem tht i was looking for trouble they will really think tht am kolomental for real)...err...wot..sorry...wetin..sorry..na....oh...i...
COPRAL : u won turn camara again abi?? (so this fool is still refering to stammarer as camara)
ME : no sir...
COPRAL : den talk!!!!
ME: yes sir...wetin carry me come station b say i was...

**(on d right cheek)... (on d left cheek)... (i whisper d last spot into her ear...she burst out laughing!!! )**

luxanne: Lol...hello 9icegee, compliments.

*see tif!!! if it wsnt me tht bought d nokia touchlight he just threw away for him, i almost believ this lie he is spinning *

lalaboi: It was an S3. . I want an S4 now. I trust you will be kind and lovely enough to get me it

i need at least 50% of votes to CONTINUE the COPRAL story...
1) Ammanda
2)Beync
3)Chycoroxie
4)Deiok
5)Emmyk
6)Feraz
7)Fynestboi
[Harlos
9)Jbluv55
9b)Jhydebaba
10)Lalaboi
11)Luxanne
12)Ms_Pee
13)Nitlad
14)Obinoscopy
15)Princesa
16)Reineviolette
17)Talina
18)Texanomaly
@bolded : those tht must vote before i continue

*liar!!! and she's such a bad liar... her prob tho....she thinks dis is naija film tht u knw d whole story just from looking at d poster...i knw wots on her mind, how she thinks dis story will pane out...but wen d twist and turns of this story starts kicking in, she'l need to apologise to me for being too fast to talk this way...anyway sha, now she has voted!!! d last jig in d puzzl has been slotted in!!! WATCH OUT FOR D CONTINUATION GUYS!!!*

luxanne: Didn't enjoy the story, too typical, but for the sake of others, you can continue

*i wonder if he had voted on d other thread weda d story shud continue or not *

lalaboi: morning fabsweets. .

i've been around the world o. . searching for fine girls like you o

*so we're waiting for who to talkl to who 1st...hmmmm ok o, lets just sit der and keep staring at each other...at least she's pretty enough to b stared at*

luxanne: Can you imagine, Lol

We dey fine 0, just been missing you around...good to see you again and I hope you won't have to wait for that page to come holla @ us every now and then, compliments dear

Jbluv55: I still insist that you are one person that I so Cherish . You take ur time to be patient where some of us are not so like dat.

You try to be there for ppl even when its almost generally obvious that others wud choose otherwise.

ONE LOVE to you broda.

Now check out this new thread www.nairaland.com/1565242/christmas-new-year-shout-outs#20390990

Everyone including the newest members inductees of forum games(finestboi - how about that our thread , and 9icegee - you have Luxanne to thank for that even thoh I had bin thinking of actually suggesting you but it was just a thot )

*lol @underlined*

jhydebaba: as if the story na super story, mtsheeeeew.

pissss on his story

*lol ...y is his piss so yellow its like this guy is deibetic o*

Emmyk: Tell him! He didnt even know that too much suspense can hinder one's prayers from getting answers. I'm sure dude's in church today, praying aggressive like OLUWAOOOOOOOOO

*lol . . . I guess de suspense wudnt have taken this long if i had de complete vote long ago. I just wanna be sure tht majority agrees tht i continue, tht they're enjoying it, so tht i dont end up doing wot no one wants or likes. Hence de power bestowd on de room to vote for or against it. Hence once 50% vote is achieved, zoom! and the story wil continue. We're almost der anyway, just so so almost, just one or two more votes for majority to win it*

jhydebaba: ^ too much suspense is not good for ur health.


U better drop the story now that ur children still refer to u as uncle before they start calling u 9icegee .

*oh! I guess he's in a way trying to let me knw tht i omitted his name on de voting list. I'v added it now. So all he needs to do is vote, if he wants de story completed....i hope he knws de voting pattern. He can ask others tht have already voted (for example deiok) if he doesnt knw*

Obinoscopy: Abeg Continue

*ah! So de landlord has endorsed de story!! It so much spurr me up to continue! And i sure will! As oga of de house, he has two votes...but i guess we stil need one or two more votes to make it de majority tht wants de story continued...*

Emmyk: Or Nextyear February. Lie lie.

*lol so he also rushed to de link...was it him tht the link was given to? Amebo!!*

texanomaly: https://www.nairaland.com/1342944/tex-talk#16555817

*ok i'v started reading it. But i guess its so long. Hence il finish de reading at de office on monday

texanomaly: Hi

hi

texanomaly: Hi

hi*i dont know if she has read de COPRAL story in de other thread and weda she has voted for its continuation or not...*

texanomaly: Who is this Omale? No I'm not Nigerian.

*she's not nigerian...? How den did she end up in nairaland..? Y de interest? She's got a naija boyfriend...? And, does she like nigerians Guess i'l like to know*

Emmyk: He doesnt like *Thinker* again? Well, I'm not yet sure, I'll call him few more times, to see his reaction.*

*i wonder wen i liked it in de 1st place...dare him try calling again!!*

texanomaly: I am what?

*just guessing if we have ever exchanged a single word befor, even a 'hi'...*

grrr!!!

Emmyk: *thinker doesnt know how to start tonight's conversation, lemme help him*



Hi, 9icegee

FIXED!

Emmyk: That's what's up.

Which part of Canada are you?
England? ?

*lmao!! Chineke! This bros don fall my hand!*

Emmyk: Good evening guys.



*remember's 9icegee's saga with the Corporal, scrolling through thread to catch up.*



Obviously this Thinker ran out of thinking!

*lol this guy doesnt know tht this story is already figured out...if only he knew how de story ended he wud'v been laughing his brains out by now...instead of trying to push me to write, i guess he shud rather put de pressure on those tht r yet to vote to do so, den he (2geta with de rest) can have their story for their reading pleasure*

EDITED
**meanwhile, lemme c how many votes i have already and hw many is needed so tht the story can continue...i need at least 50% of votes to finish the COPRAL story...
1) Ammanda
2)Beync
3)Chycoroxie
4)Deiok
5)Emmyk
6)Feraz
7)Fynestboi
8 )Harlos
9)Jbluv55
9b)Jhydebaba
10)Lalaboi
11)Luxanne
12)Ms_Pee (she voted secretly, hence i cant exposed her vote)
13)Nitlad
14)Obinoscopy
15)Princesa
16)Reineviolette
17)Talina
18)Texanomaly
@bolded: those tht have already voted
@**: those tht must vote else no show
[just wondering....is sweet-tease not part of this CULT...oh sorry, CLUB??...WOT IS HARLOS DOING SEF??!!! So he cant push his chick(?) to get initiated. Na to just dey lie to de small girl na it im sabi]...VOTING ENDS!!! STORY CONTINUES...WATCH OUT!!