₦airaland Forum

Deiok: Finaly, i am the last man standing....

*i sit on his head...now he's the last man sitting*

i need at least 50% of votes to CONTINUE the COPRAL story...
1) Ammanda
2)Beync
3)Chycoroxie
4)Deiok
5)Emmyk
6)Feraz
7)Fynestboi
8.)Harlos
9)Jbluv55
9b)Jhydebaba
10)Lalaboi
11)Luxanne
12)Ms_Pee
13)Nitlad
14)Obinoscopy
15)Princesa
16)Reineviolette
16b) sweet-tease
17)Talina
18)Texanomaly
@bolded : those tht must vote before i continue
*i hate listing, as i wont be able to remember every1 and list dem. I hope those tht i'v missed will 4give me and stil vote, indicating if i omitted dem, so tht i can edit de list and include their names*

*STORY CONTINUES*

Nwanneamakah: Someone's looking for trouble

**i look around....where did trouble go na... i hope he has not gone missing o and den taken to de police station o...how will i be able to bale him now... picture de police station scenerio...

ME: morning sir

COPRAL: yes!!! wot it is??!!! (speaking their rotten english with blod shot eyes, red from igbo smoking)

ME: (starting to stammer and already afraid) ple....ple...plee...

COPRAL: r u a camara??!!! (good lawd!!! sir its called stammera o, not camara...ha! i almost said dt out, but trust me, i only said it in my tots)

ME: no, sir, i am not a CAMARA (but the film [for my mind o! cant dare say tht out!!]) but a...

COPRAL: sharap!!! (he actually saved me from saying "film", cos if he didnt shout, who knws, probably i wud have erronously said "film" and den all hell will let loose)

ME: yes sir!!! (i even stand at attrention plus...)

COPRAL: so, wot r u do, who is u does, and where r u done??

ME: err... sir, u meant who r u and wot do u want??

COPRAL: Yes na!!! dont u understand english??!!! (chineke? was tht english[for my mind o! dare try to ask d question out...])

ME: oh! sorry sir, i does (i guess we shud use his version of english here... )

COPRAL: so, wu is u does? (i guess he's asking a combination of who r u and wot do u want...with dis man, il av 2do a lotta guessing)

ME: sir, i am 9ice...(he didnt even allow me complete 'GEE')

COPRAL : WAT!!! 9ice!!! (the next tin, he calls on other policemen, including two policewomen)...u ppl shud come ooooo!!!

ME: *and am like*... (wot on earth is going on...?)

SERGENT : yes copral, wot it is? (do they all speak this way? i begin to think if thts hw its inscribed in police training school manual)

COPRAL : 9ice is here!!! (countless pair of eyes all turn and look at me, each exclaiming in all kinda languages, both those tht can b written and those tht cant)

POLICEWOMAN1 : WOT!!!

POLICEWOMAN2 : chineke!!!

SERGENT : eh??!!!

*now i start to try and understand wot is happening here...i guess these foolish policemen/women r mistakenly taking me to be 9ice, the naija singer...ok na, i decide to play along with their foolishness...sorry 9ice, am about to steal ur identity here...*
(i adjust my colar, put up a smile on my face, winks at one of the policewomen, like all these silly stars tht love women to a fault will do)

ME : YES, I AM 9ICE

COPRAL : very gudt!!!

(i cross my legs, stand in style, and lean on the counter )

ME : yeah men, so very good!! (i try at Americana English, hoping it dazzles dem)

SERGENT : KAI!!! god don butter my bread today ooooo!!

ME : ye men! he sure has!!!

POLICEWOMAN1 : mammi, tht promotion i ws looking for siiiiiiiiiince, god, thank u for finally bringing it to me today!

ME : ye baby!!! u're right on point!

(i so much enjoy de 5 mins of stardom!! so this is hw 9ice used to feel wen...)

POLICEWOMAN2 : U don enter one chance today!!!

(eh did i hear 'one chance'?? )

ME : (trying to put a smile on my face...) lol ma, actually i ws looking for...

COPRAL : dont broda (did he mean 'bother'?), atauli, we was looking 4u (looking for me if am 9ice, dont they watch television?? they can find him der...)

ME : sir, looking for me..?? u're not the first to look for me. every1 looks for me. in fact once i leave here, i have 7 places to go and they r all looking for me. u knw its christmas and shows are everywhere and i have...

COPRAL : sharaaappp!!!

( chineke!!! wot is going on na...??...i uncross one leg)

COPRAL : so u tot we we nefa cash u ba??!! dnt u hear tht one day is for the thief and nine days for d owner ( mugu!! he turned d whole saying up side down!!!)

ME : (did i hear catch... i uncross d other leg...looks like there's fire on the mountain o!!! jst in case its time for run run run) sir actually...

POLICEWOMAN2 : shuruuppp!!! (i lean off the counter...was i not a star just few mins ago so wots d meaning of all this abi ws i d one tht was mistaken here tot i ws taken to b 9ice so which one come b all these)

SERGENT : *clears his throat*...so 9ice, after running for so so so long, u c how god does his thing? he brought u straight to us! for the past years, u go around selling igbo ( my oh my!!! *hands on my head*) and escaping police custody eh!!! today u don enter ONE CHANCE!!!

ME : *tears start rolling down my eyes * pls sir lemme explain. i am not...

POLICEWOMAN2 : sharaaapppp!!!! (wot is it with me and this policewoman na..?? is it my fault tht she no see husband marry??)

ME : madam, pls it is nt wot u think. it is...

SERGENT : shattaaappp!!! (my!!! i never knew there r so many ways of saying 'shut up', shattaap, shuruuupp, sharraaaappp...and d police happens to use all of it)

COPRAL : (by nw, i didnt even notice tht the corpral had left. he now returns with police files...) does u knw hw long we bin searching for u?! look wot it in this file (i look! i almost scream! 9ice has actually been selling igbo all his life and d police had been looking for him siiiiince adam!!! now i knw hw 'kolomental' came about...my own don finish!!!)

ME : but sir...

POLICEWOMAN2 : sharaaaapppp!!! *saliver, lots of it, and very smelly, follows out, flying straight into my face!* (oh gawd this woman!!!! i sruggle to keep my face straight, so she wont notice...how on earth will i defend myself if the only thing this baga lizard says is 'shut up' they dont even allow me speak. they keep saying shut up. or is shut up d standard reply in a d police station to everything another person says??...inside me, i felt like saying d policemen shud allow only me and this policewoman somewhere in another place, let her alone interogate me... i wud so kill this chick, bring her up again, and kill her a second time!!! )

COPRAL : you dey selling igbo, bt pretend to ppl tht u b musician, tht wot u do is song a sang to make money.

POLICEWOMAN2 : wot is tht sing tht he song wen he use to sang sef....?? eh he! kolomental! today by d time we finis wit u, u go turn mental case and start to d craze. is not it wot tht ur sang says? (illitracy is indeed a disease!!!)

ME : madam, sir, abeg make una no vex, i won confess ...(iv changed to pigin o, no need to still dey play actor again o! now yawa don gas! i no b star again o! no more 'americana' english o! na naija pigin now and forever, hoping it will save me from this wahala)...the 9ice wey una tink say be me, no be me...(so this is wot 9ice has been going about doing, selling igbo for lagos! and wen e come village e go come dey lie give us! who ws to knw tht police dey find am?? and i come dey steal im identity!!! of all d ppl one can use stolen identity, na igbo seller own na it i come steal, now c wot it has gotten me into ... oh 9ice beht why?? ...no wonder d guy no dey fine body, upon all wey im dey chop, im still dey look like person wey go die now now! c wot igbo can do!...y didnt i say i was '2' den perharps the foolish police wud have said 'face' and dey wud all assume am '2face' and maybe tings wud have turned out so differently [or wud it have?? who knws weda 2face don put goodluck jonathan pikin belle run and police they find am? den i come assume his identity for station?? no b die for b that??])

SERGENT :*snapping me outta my miserable tots...* wot do u mean by 'the 9ice u think say na me, no b me?!'...so u sabi speak pigin? we tink say u drop for plane from america! now wey we don cash u pigin don dey commot for ur mouth!

COPRAL : no mind d mumu!! (see who is calling who mumu ) e tink say im fit lie give us! e tink say tht promotion wey we go get on top im head, im fit deprive us (oh oh oh! now i get it wot they were refering to wen they spoke earlier about promotion and god butter their bread!! truly i don enter ONE CHANCE today!!!)

POLICEWOMAN1 : come, make i find out something sef, (i suddenly noticed she had not spoken all these time while others were busy shouting down on me) wetin carry u come station sef? wetin u bin dey find?

ME : (at this point, immediately she asked tht question, i wish she hadnt spoken at all!! how do i start to tell dem tht i was looking for trouble they will really think tht am kolomental for real)...err...wot..sorry...wetin..sorry..na....oh...i...

COPRAL : u won turn camara again abi?? (so this fool is still refering to stammarer as camara)

ME : no sir...

COPRAL : den talk!!!!

ME: yes sir...wetin carry me come station b say i was...

*just before a word drops outta my mouth, there's serious commotion outside de police station...all de police personnel rush out to see wots going on...from the noise, i think four women are dragging a guy into the station premises...i cant figure out exactly wots going on but from d look of things i think...wait!!! y am i so silly this shud be an opportunity to escape!!! now tht another matter has taken thier attention, i start to head to the door...slowly...slowly...slowly...i step outside...and behold!!! my!!! who am i seeing..!!! HARLOS!!!! so he was de guy in the middle of the commotion, the guy tht four women are dragging...i pretend not to knw him, try to side step him and bolt, and the idiot suddenly calls out my...*

HARLOS : hey 9ice...
*before he could even say GEE, all the police men and women turn around, and once more, all eyes r on me for the second time again*

(gawd!!! how could he be so chaff!!! )

COPRAL : ah! so u was tryin to lie to us ba?? u say u r not 9ice, now someone ess as know u!...does u knew ish oda??!!!

ME : no sir

HARLOS : yes sir (grrhhhh!!!! does he think this is nairaland??!!! boy this is a police station!!!!)

COPRAL : oh! yes and no abi?? i axe against, does u knew ya sef??

*harlos throws me a blink, i take it tht he means we shud both say yes, so...*

ME : yes sir

HARLOS : no sir

* wot is wrong with this guy!!!*

SERGENT : oh, so una tink say we dey joke abi...ok...

*he walks away inside...returns shortly...we were just about to turn around.....suddenly...BAM! BAM!! BAM!!!...four shots ring out in the air*

SERGENT : *with the gun pointing at us, his blood shot eyes red and enlarging, neck muscles strained, he balks* DOES U AND U KNOW U AND U??!!!

ME HARLOS : *we answer at the same time without knowing* yes sir, yes sir, we r brothers sir!!!

*only then did i realize tht we both had dropped our knees to the ground...see wot the power of a gun can do...i was heeding the advice from my dad, tht u shud never argure with the barrell of a gun, unless u r the one pointing it*

SERGENT : very gudt!

(oh harlos! harlos!! harlos!!! how on earth did i get my life mixed up with him??!!!)

POLICEWOMAN2 : *addressing me* hey u, wot is ur frend name?

ME : harlot ma'm, his name is harlot

*every body burst out laughing!!!!!!!! ...i didnt knw wot i had done until i saw de look on harlos's face before i realize my mistake... i had mistakenly called him harlot instead of harlos...na my fault?? wots de difference between both names!!!*

POLICEWOMAN2 : no wonda!! he looks it!! (and u look wot?? *am sure thts wot's running thru harlos's mind now. i hope he'l behave himself and just shut up o!*)

POLICEWOMAN1 : *turning her attention to the women tht were dragging harlos to the station (i had completely 4gotten about them)* hey una, wetin happen with him?

*about this time, i also turn my attention to them...good lord!!! ... i didnt even know!!! nairaland crew!!!...SWEET-TEASE...LUXXANE...Ms ...the fourth girl seems to be...*

COPRAL : *addressing the girls and asking about harlos* y una drag dis man to police?

*they all start shouting at the same time*

SWEET-TEASE...LUXXANE...Ms : sir it is wen we....and he...den we....and he...so we.....because he...and running...we pursuing....

COPRAL : SHURUUUP!!! SHATAAAAAP!!! SHARAAAAAPPP!!! (good! una never see something yet ) one person at a time.....(just then, i noticed tht the fourth girl was not talking. the policeman seemed to read my mind and pointed at her and said...) oya, you, tell us, wetin bin happen

FOURTH GIRL : ma ma ma ma ma mi mimi mi mi mim ra ra ar ar ar wu wu wu wu (chineke!!! )

LUXXANE : *always stepping in to help people in trouble* sir, she's deaf and dumb and we met her on the road while dragging harlos down here. so she also joined and said tht harlos also had...had...had...errr...eemmm...(i turn around and look at harlos...harlos beht why why even deaf and dumb )

COPRAL : eh he?? talk na, he had also does wot...?? (policemen!!! badt ppl!!!)

LUXXANE : he had also.....




TO BE CONTINUED



(ITS VOTING TIME GUYS....SHUD DE STORY CONTINUE, SHUD I STOP?? THE VOTING BEGINS...VOTE BY REPLYING "CONTINUE" OR "STOP" TO THE STORY)

*good. i made my point...i always knw how to make her laugh uncontrollably...i guess am still succeeding in doing tht*

luxanne: I can't read this, can you make it readable?

*i scope her up into my arms...wow!! didnt knw she's so heavy...but she looked slim and light to me...now iv gotten myself into a mess tht i must see to the end...i wanted to impress a girl, now see wot iv gotten myself into...with the muscles on my neck bulging, and trying all i can in order not to squint my face, i put up a smile...it takes all the strenght i can muster, considering the load in my arms...i look into her blues eyes...hmmmm never knew she's this pretty on a closer shot...she shyingly closes dem...i wisper into her face...common babe dont be shy...open ur eyes and look at me pls...after awhile she opens dem, with a smile on her curvy lips...my!!! wen last did i see a lips this curly, cool, and stunning!!!...with a voice as smooth as fine linen she pleads, "pls put me down 9icegee, ppl are staring"...if only she knew tht i dont care how many r drooling...let dem gawk all they want...well, i have to ask her this first before i comply with her request, "can u see me now luxxxy? did i make myself more visible...??"*

luxanne: Can't still see you, make yourself more visible.

*ok, lets play de luku-luku act till one of us bates an eye*

luxanne: Lol @ kiss me back.

Love you too dearie and AMEN to your prayers

*the ppl complaining tht this post is too long, am sure they're reading it from their phones. they fail to c reason with the fact tht a post thts too long wen read from a phone turns out to be shorter wen viewed from a pc or laptop screen. tht aside...i guess the OP is very good on point. i wont go around to bisect his write up point for point on ones i agree and ones i dnt. generally il side him almost 100% on wot he said. immediately i went thru the list and didnt c osaze's name on it (a guy tht cant even make bench on an avarage club like cardiff, yet some ppl clamour he is the best thing tht cud happen to nigeria at brazil) i knew the OP is on point. but il just like to add, BRIGHT DIKE shud b fixed in somewhere in tht list. i like his power and drive and hunger and fighting spirit for goals! with him and emenike, we can bully our way around opponents tht need to be bulllied*

**this post, coming from a woman, am not surprised. they know nothing about football (tho am not trying to belittle women, as some nowadays give pretty nice comments on soccer and follow it well...i guess there's one here, safarigirl if am correct, tht really post pretty nice stuffs on soccer topics [tho sometimes she can be so annoying how she expresses her tots lol], stuffs i used to read and nod my head, tht with this girl, she's well aware of soccer tactics) so i wonder y she evn bothered to say something, nt to talk of saying all the crap she did**

hollandis: infact we need omotola and genevieve for left full back and captain respectively.
Who the hell is oshinaike abi na oshinaiwo u call am? Mtchewwwww.
Its not only open letter,its open rubbish

*i guess i,v just made another buddy here den...he's hihgly welcomed to my world....i hope i can fit into his too*

Jbluv55: Well trust me when I say all my actions to you and any other anywhere ard here are in concurrence wt the prefix in my nick . Its just that ur personality is kinda queer and which is why you are the only member who feels lyk the bolded. That notwithstanding, am sorry that you feel that way . Now if am forgiven, then you won't mind changing that hate Thingy you feel I have towards you to Love

@bolded ...*lol queer??!!!! i wonder how*

Beync: Whao! Happy to see u all this year.

Many blessings ahead for u all.

*just looking at her, up, down, up, down, Bates my eye, sighs, and walks by*

Jbluv55: I now have the POWER to read ur thots, now you read mine

*.....................................................*

*lol funny guy...he really made me laugh...i guess its de 1st time he's being friendly with me, away from his usual hate-inclined comments to me,..i guess i'l have to package him alongside my buddies, depends on him anyway...lemme wait and see how he'l react to this 1st...*

ms_pee: My e-family...
Vixen
Fabulousdame
Sweet-tease
Shugamania
Luxanne
Nwanneamaka (my new friend)
Chycoroxie (where are you?) Jump out
Tovot
Benyc
Brenda
Fellis
Jbluv
Harlos
Obinoscopy
Lalaboi
Feraz
Deiok
Emmyk
Princeparix
Danhumprey
ITbomb
Fynestboi
Nitlad

I wish you all ^^ a new year filled with great joy and celebrations, a successful and fruitful one...may your days in 2014 and beyond be bright.

I love you all so much, and I thank you for being there for me in 2013. You are wonderful friends...

Kiss me back!!

*i go thru de list, one by one...ok, my name's not on it. Good! (how else will she show tht am special to her, other than omitting my name from a general list)...lol thts my girl!*

Emmyk: English senorita: speak english.

*i wonder o!*

ms_pee: Iwe ne we'm!

*i'l wait 4 de english version wen its out*

Emmyk: Some days ago... One location like that on Nairaland...



The person he was referring to gave him (9icegee) his phone no...

**********************

Few minutes after...


**********************
Someone that's yet to send 5 naira airtime would buy bb for some one

BUSTED!!!

revenge is sweet when doubled...if you catch my drift.

Dont mess with me.

*lol i completely 4got this! He'l think i was kidding, but i wasnt. I was serious. It just escaped my memory. But if he gives me his mtn number once more, il sure surprise him this time around*

Emmyk: I'm dead mhen. Why wont this guy stop calling me Emmky?

*lmao!!!*

9icegee: * NOW ITS GONNA BE THREAD CLOSED I GUESS*

9icegee: * NOW ITS GONNA BE THREAD CLOSED I GUESS*

*TOT I HAD POSTED ALL D SMILEYS AVAILABLE...SO Y R THEY ALL POSTING AGAIN...??*

* NOW ITS GONNA BE THREAD CLOSED I GUESS*

*i expected to see justin bieber on tht pic, but it turn out to be emmky...he's so handsom... *

Emmyk: LMAO. Me too is not badddd. *adjusting collar* What do you expect?

*lmao!!! i tot he didnt knw, now i knw he does*

Emmyk: Why wont I know her? Is she not the President of America?

fellis: I tried logging into that account some minutes ago but I created the account so long ago that I have forgotten my password and email.
Do u use bbm?

Emmyk: No, I'm not.

*how will he, wen iv not yet bought it for him... *

*I HOPE IL HAVE THE CHANCE TO CONTINUE IT TODAY*

Nwanneamakah: Someone's looking for trouble

**i look around....where did trouble go na... i hope he has not gone missing o and den taken to de police station o...how will i be able to bale him now... picture de police station scenerio...

ME: morning sir

COPRAL: yes!!! wot it is??!!! (speaking their rotten english with blod shot eyes, red from igbo smoking)

ME: (starting to stammer and already afraid) ple....ple...plee...

COPRAL: r u a camara??!!! (good lawd!!! sir its called stammera o, not camara...ha! i almost said dt out, but trust me, i only said it in my tots)

ME: no, sir, i am not a CAMARA (but the film [for my mind o! cant dare say tht out!!]) but a...

COPRAL: sharap!!! (he actually saved me from saying "film", cos if he didnt shout, who knws, probably i wud have erronously said "film" and den all hell will let loose)

ME: yes sir!!! (i even stand at attrention plus...)

COPRAL: so, wot r u do, who is u does, and where r u done??

ME: err... sir, u meant who r u and wot do u want??

COPRAL: Yes na!!! dont u understand english??!!! (chineke? was tht english[for my mind o! dare try to ask d question out...])

ME: oh! sorry sir, i does (i guess we shud use his version of english here... )

COPRAL: so, wu is u does? (i guess he's asking a combination of who r u and wot do u want...with dis man, il av 2do a lotta guessing)

ME: sir, i am 9ice...(he didnt even allow me complete 'GEE')

COPRAL : WAT!!! 9ice!!! (the next tin, he calls on other policemen, including two policewomen)...u ppl shud come ooooo!!!

ME: *and am like*... (wot on earth is going on...?)

SERGENT : yes copral, wot it is? (do they all speak this way? i begin to think if thts hw its inscribed in police training school manual)

COPRAL : 9ice is here!!! (countless pair of eyes all turn and look at me, each exclaiming in all kinda languages, both those tht can b written and those tht cant)

POLICEWOMAN1 : WOT!!!

POLICEWOMAN2 : chineke!!!

SERGENT : eh??!!!

*now i start to try and understand wot is happening here...i guess these foolish policemen/women r mistakenly taking me to be 9ice, the naija singer...ok na, i decide to play along with their foolishness...sorry 9ice, am about to steal ur identity here...*
(i adjust my colar, put up a smile on my face, winks at one of the policewomen, like all these silly stars tht love women to a fault will do)

ME : YES, I AM 9ICE

COPRAL : very gudt!!!

(i cross my legs, stand in style, and lean on the counter )

ME : yeah men, so very good!! (i try at Americana English, hoping it dazzles dem)

SERGENT : KAI!!! god don butter my bread today ooooo!!

ME : ye men! he sure has!!!

POLICEWOMAN1 : mammi, tht promotion i ws looking for siiiiiiiiiince, god, thank u for finally bringing it to me today!

ME : ye baby!!! u're right on point!

(i so much enjoy de 5 mins of stardom!! so this is hw 9ice used to feel wen...)

POLICEWOMAN2 : U don enter one chance today!!!

(eh did i hear 'one chance'?? )

ME : (trying to put a smile on my face...) lol ma, actually i ws looking for...

COPRAL : dont broda (did he mean 'bother'?), atauli, we was looking 4u (looking for me if am 9ice, dont they watch television?? they can find him der...)

ME : sir, looking for me..?? u're not the first to look for me. every1 looks for me. in fact once i leave here, i have 7 places to go and they r all looking for me. u knw its christmas and shows are everywhere and i have...

COPRAL : sharaaappp!!!

( chineke!!! wot is going on na...??...i uncross one leg)

COPRAL : so u tot we we nefa cash u ba??!! dnt u hear tht one day is for the thief and nine days for d owner ( mugu!! he turned d whole saying up side down!!!)

ME : (did i hear catch... i uncross d other leg...looks like there's fire on the mountain o!!! jst in case its time for run run run) sir actually...

POLICEWOMAN2 : shuruuppp!!! (i lean off the counter...was i not a star just few mins ago so wots d meaning of all this abi ws i d one tht was mistaken here tot i ws taken to b 9ice so which one come b all these)

SERGENT : *clears his throat*...so 9ice, after running for so so so long, u c how god does his thing? he brought u straight to us! for the past years, u go around selling igbo ( my oh my!!! *hands on my head*) and escaping police custody eh!!! today u don enter ONE CHANCE!!!

ME : *tears start rolling down my eyes * pls sir lemme explain. i am not...

POLICEWOMAN2 : sharaaapppp!!!! (wot is it with me and this policewoman na..?? is it my fault tht she no see husband marry??)

ME : madam, pls it is nt wot u think. it is...

SERGENT : shattaaappp!!! (my!!! i never knew there r so many ways of saying 'shut up', shattaap, shuruuupp, sharraaaappp...and d police happens to use all of it)

COPRAL : (by nw, i didnt even notice tht the corpral had left. he now returns with police files...) does u knw hw long we bin searching for u?! look wot it in this file (i look! i almost scream! 9ice has actually been selling igbo all his life and d police had been looking for him siiiiince adam!!! now i knw hw 'kolomental' came about...my own don finish!!!)

ME : but sir...

POLICEWOMAN2 : sharaaaapppp!!! *saliver, lots of it, and very smelly, follows out, flying straight into my face!* (oh gawd this woman!!!! i sruggle to keep my face straight, so she wont notice...how on earth will i defend myself if the only thing this baga lizard says is 'shut up' they dont even allow me speak. they keep saying shut up. or is shut up d standard reply in a d police station to everything another person says??...inside me, i felt like saying d policemen shud allow only me and this policewoman somewhere in another place, let her alone interogate me... i wud so kill this chick, bring her up again, and kill her a second time!!! )

COPRAL : you dey selling igbo, bt pretend to ppl tht u b musician, tht wot u do is song a sang to make money.

POLICEWOMAN2 : wot is tht sing tht he song wen he use to sang sef....?? eh he! kolomental! today by d time we finis wit u, u go turn mental case and start to d craze. is not it wot tht ur sang says? (illitracy is indeed a disease!!!)

ME : madam, sir, abeg make una no vex, i won confess ...(iv changed to pigin o, no need to still dey play actor again o! now yawa don gas! i no b star again o! no more 'americana' english o! na naija pigin now and forever, hoping it will save me from this wahala)...the 9ice wey una tink say be me, no be me...(so this is wot 9ice has been going about doing, selling igbo for lagos! and wen e come village e go come dey lie give us! who ws to knw tht police dey find am?? and i come dey steal im identity!!! of all d ppl one can use stolen identity, na igbo seller own na it i come steal, now c wot it has gotten me into ... oh 9ice beht why?? ...no wonder d guy no dey fine body, upon all wey im dey chop, im still dey look like person wey go die now now! c wot igbo can do!...y didnt i say i was '2' den perharps the foolish police wud have said 'face' and dey wud all assume am '2face' and maybe tings wud have turned out so differently [or wud it have?? who knws weda 2face don put goodluck jonathan pikin belle run and police they find am? den i come assume his identity for station?? no b die for b that??])

SERGENT :*snapping me outta my miserable tots...* wot do u mean by 'the 9ice u think say na me, no b me?!'...so u sabi speak pigin? we tink say u drop for plane from america! now wey we don cash u pigin don dey commot for ur mouth!

COPRAL : no mind d mumu!! (see who is calling who mumu ) e tink say im fit lie give us! e tink say tht promotion wey we go get on top im head, im fit deprive us (oh oh oh! now i get it wot they were refering to wen they spoke earlier about promotion and god butter their bread!! truly i don enter ONE CHANCE today!!!)

POLICEWOMAN1 : come, make i find out something sef, (i suddenly noticed she had not spoken all these time while others were busy shouting down on me) wetin carry u come station sef? wetin u bin dey find?

ME : (at this point, immediately she asked tht question, i wish she hadnt spoken at all!! how do i start to tell dem tht i was looking for trouble they will really think tht am kolomental for real)...err...wot..sorry...wetin..sorry..na....oh...i...

COPRAL : u won turn camara again abi?? (so this fool is still refering to stammarer as camara)

ME : no sir...

COPRAL : den talk!!!!

ME: yes sir...wetin carry me come station b say i was...

*just before a word drops outta my mouth, there's serious commotion outside de police station...all de police personnel rush out to see wots going on...from the noise, i think four women are dragging a guy into the station premises...i cant figure out exactly wots going on but from d look of things i think...wait!!! y am i so silly this shud be an opportunity to escape!!! now tht another matter has taken thier attention, i start to head to the door...slowly...slowly...slowly...i step outside...and behold!!! my!!! who am i seeing..!!! HARLOS!!!! so he was de guy in the middle of the commotion, the guy tht four women are dragging...i pretend not to knw him, try to side step him and bolt, and the idiot suddenly calls out my...*

HARLOS : hey 9ice...
*before he could even say GEE, all the police men and women turn around, and once more, all eyes r on me for the second time again*

(gawd!!! how could he be so chaff!!! )

COPRAL : ah! so u was tryin to lie to us ba?? u say u r not 9ice, now someone ess as know u!...does u knew ish oda??!!!

ME : no sir

HARLOS : yes sir (grrhhhh!!!! does he think this is nairaland??!!! boy this is a police station!!!!)

COPRAL : oh! yes and no abi?? i axe against, does u knew ya sef??

*harlos throws me a blink, i take it tht he means we shud both say yes, so...*

ME : yes sir

HARLOS : no sir

* wot is wrong with this guy!!!*

SERGENT : oh, so una tink say we dey joke abi...ok...

*he walks away inside...returns shortly...we were just about to turn around.....suddenly...BAM! BAM!! BAM!!!...four shots ring out in the air*

SERGENT : *with the gun pointing at us, his blood shot eyes red and enlarging, neck muscles strained, he balks* DOES U AND U KNOW U AND U??!!!

ME HARLOS : *we answer at the same time without knowing* yes sir, yes sir, we r brothers sir!!!

*only then did i realize tht we both had dropped our knees to the ground...see wot the power of a gun can do...i was heeding the advice from my dad, tht u shud never argure with the barrell of a gun, unless u r the one pointing it*

SERGENT : very gudt!

(oh harlos! harlos!! harlos!!! how on earth did i get my life mixed up with him??!!!)

POLICEWOMAN2 : *addressing me* hey u, wot is ur frend name?

ME : harlot ma'm, his name is harlot

*every body burst out laughing!!!!!!!! ...i didnt knw wot i had done until i saw de look on harlos's face before i realize my mistake... i had mistakenly called him harlot instead of harlos...na my fault?? wots de difference between both names!!!*

POLICEWOMAN2 : no wonda!! he looks it!! (and u look wot?? *am sure thts wot's running thru harlos's mind now. i hope he'l behave himself and just shut up o!*)

POLICEWOMAN1 : *turning her attention to the women tht were dragging harlos to the station (i had completely 4gotten about them)* hey una, wetin happen with him?

*about this time, i also turn my attention to them...good lord!!! ... i didnt even know!!! nairaland crew!!!...SWEET-TEASE...LUXXANE...Ms ...the fourth girl seems to be...*

COPRAL : *addressing the girls and asking about harlos* y una drag dis man to police?

*they all start shouting at the same time*

SWEET-TEASE...LUXXANE...Ms : sir it is wen we....and he...den we....and he...so we.....because he...and running...we pursuing....

COPRAL : SHURUUUP!!! SHATAAAAAP!!! SHARAAAAAPPP!!! (good! una never see something yet ) one person at a time.....(just then, i noticed tht the fourth girl was not talking. the policeman seemed to read my mind and pointed at her and said...) oya, you, tell us, wetin bin happen

FOURTH GIRL : ma ma ma ma ma mi mimi mi mi mim ra ra ar ar ar wu wu wu wu (chineke!!! )

LUXXANE : *always stepping in to help people in trouble* sir, she's deaf and dumb and we met her on the road while dragging harlos down here. so she also joined and said tht harlos also had...had...had...errr...eemmm...(i turn around and look at harlos...harlos beht why why even deaf and dumb )

COPRAL : eh he?? talk na, he had also does wot...?? (policemen!!! badt ppl!!!)

LUXXANE : he had also.....




TO BE CONTINUED

*even if evrybody does, at least am sure emmyk doesnt...am sure he cant spot the difference between rihanna, beyonce, and woopy goldsberg...(lol if say now tht i had to go back and look at tht picture a second time, after she mentioned its rihanna, as i couldnt make out it ws she wen i saw d pic initially, wont i be falling my hand hence il just keep quiet and shift the talk to emmyk)... HE DOESNT KNOW RIHANNA *

fellis: Haba, everybody knows Rihanna now....

Tovot: lips sealed.

*so far the sealed lip is smilling, all is well*

*lol this my guy with his unending pursuit of fine fine things...hope he's nt decieved into thinking tht 'fellis' is tht chick displayed on her profile o lol..anyway i also checked her up...true confession *

Emmyk: _{Fellis, I have sent you a Skype request ooooo}

*il wait till he releases the english version...*

Jbluv55: Ma da bobo yen lohun jare

*i guess we're fine now*

Tovot: @9icegee ,did you have to quote that?

Tovot: @9icegee ,did you have to quote that?

*do i understand her...? Mayb i wud if she says more...wot does she mean...? And, where has she been all de while..? Wud like to know if she missed me or not*

luxanne: If you've seen lord of the rings, it's like that.

LMAO! Pay him no mind

Now, that's cool

*i hope he has now seen de confirmation tht he lost de bet, she never wil answer questions surrounding her statues...now he's owing me. She herself has directed tht he shud pay me, tht he lost...he shud be snappy about it. I have other collectors to knock on before de night is over*

Emmyk: Definately NOT *adjusting my agbada*

FIXED (am sure he must'v 4gotten to add it wen quoting me. I'v done tht 4him...meanwhile, i put a knife thru his over-sized cloth he's calling agbada and shred de crap to pieces!)