₦airaland Forum

freecocoahubby:
@A772, did you tell your fiance the full story of your family dynamic before you decided to get married? I suspect the reason he backed out is far beyond your father's reluctance. No man would willingly marry a secretive woman with serious family issues (which he indirectly finds out about because she didn't tell him from the get go).

Nigerian ladies please stop being secretive.. the purpose of courtship is to get to know each other (including your backgrounds) .. Always be honest about any dysfunction in your home.. trust me, it will save you a world of heartache in the future.

Pavore9:
You know many in Nigeria believe that traditional wedding is the sign of acceptance of both families. Most families feel that when bride price has not been paid nor received, the couple are just merely cohabiting. For the father, the family has enabled him too far with his delusion of grandeur which is explained as thus: A delusion of grandeur is the false belief in one's own superiority, greatness, or intelligence. People experiencing delusions of grandeur do not just have high self-esteem; instead, they believe in their own greatness and importance even in the face of overwhelming evidence to the contrary.

You understand my ordeal dear

He can't be holding his daughters to ransom with his wickedness and selfishness, that he will not traditionally marry them out until he becomes rich, I hope you did not skip where she wrote "He said he doesn't want any bride price, and that when we look for how his life will be better, he will even buy two houses for our husbands and will be pleased to call us for an introduction and wedding proper"...what a failure of a father!

The best in the present situation is for the OP and her sisters to get involved with men who alongside the men's families will be comfortable with just a court and church wedding without the traditional and cut off from their father for he has nothing positive to contribute to their lives as he has proven to be toxic.

ZIMDRILL:
sister your story is very simple to solve

let me break it down

1 the break up of your father and mum filled you with the anger torwards your father and whatever good he does it doesnt wipe off what you went through with your mother

2 your father is indirectly protecting you but you dont see it, because of the anger and also you dont how powerful a court wedding aka registry wedding versus a traditional wedding, in simple terms if you have a court wedding and divorce one day you are protected by law to share what you both aquired during the period of marriage and not even divorce but death

3 A traditional marriage, leaves you vulnerable to due to most african tradition were the family of the late husband would grab everything you built with your late husband

4 Am not saying traditional shouldnt be done, but both you, your ex and you didnt understand the role these type of marriages play in our lifes, let me explain for most african tradition no white/registry wedding happens before the traditional wedding, what do we mean by traditional wedding we mean the whole process of introduction to the actual paying of dowry and the celebration party, all those process bring the two families together and witness and acknowledge that your marriage, then from that point you can go ahead to do a white wedding because the traditions have been done,

Usually those who do a white before a traditions wedding means there is something not right

5 Your ex he believed more into a traditional wedding nothing wrong with that, its his beliefs or how he was taught to say if there is no traditional marriage then its not marriage, but one main thing from your father, he ok for you to marry he only values the registry marriage because its protects you

GrabHisBalls:
The guy you broke up with tends to be more traditional. I don't think it's his fault if he places more emphasis on not offending in-lams. You just don't need a man with such ideologies finding yourself in this situation.

The question is, since your dad only wants to be present for court marriage, who then will take your bride price? I think that should be the most important thing.

Considering that he's 62 and uneducated, what does he still want to go and do in America that he couldn't do when he was younger?

bukatyne:
First, count yourself lucky the first guy is gone.

Next, your father is ready to go to the court with you, fine.

When next you have someone, ask your dad for traditional requirements for marriage. If he does not bulge, go to the elders in your father's family.

Whatever they ask you to bring, fix a date, dress up, take your mother&siblings, husband & family and deliver it. If you are intent on a parte, have your reception somewhere close by.

As to the white, talk to your mum's church. They can do a church service at the reception venue (earlier that day) and you do your reception in a grand style or you enter house after the service.

Alternatively, you can take your pastors to the court and after court wedding, do a small service and invite people.

You can also tell the males in your mother's family to represent your dad.

There are many ways to bell a cat.

These are all the cultures and traditions Nigerian men bank on to misbehave knowing that somehow especially for the girl child, they will be required later.