The Nigerian god is one. It may have many different manifestations, but it is essentially different sides of the same coin. Sometimes, adherents of the different sides may fight and kill each other. But Nigerians essentially follow the Nigerian god.

This article is for all those who want to become better worshippers. If you are a new or prospective convert, God will bless you for choosing the Nigerian god. This is just how you must worship him.

First, you must understand that being a worshipper has nothing to do with character, good works or righteousness. So the fact that you choose to open every meeting with multiple prayers does not mean that you intend to do what is right. The opening prayer is important. Nothing can work without it. If you are gathered to discuss how to inflate contracts, begin with an opening prayer or two. If you are gathered to discuss how to rig elections, begin with a prayer. The Nigerian god appreciates communication.

When you sneak away from your wife to call your girlfriend in the bathroom, and she asks if you will come this weekend, you must say—in addition to “Yes”—“By God’s grace” or “God willing”. It doesn’t matter the language you use. Just add it. The Nigerian god likes to be consulted before you do anything, including a trip to Obudu to see your lover.

When worshipping the Nigerian god, be loud. No, the Nigerian god is not hard of hearing. It is just that he appreciates your loud fervour, like he appreciates loud raucous music. The Nigerian god doesn’t care if you have neighbours and neither should you. When you are worshipping in your house, make sure the neighbours can’t sleep. Use loud speakers even if you are only two in the building. Anyone who complains must be evil. God will judge such a person.

Attribute everything to the Nigerian god. So, if you diverted funds from public projects and are able to afford that Phantom, when people say you have a nice car, say, “Na God”. If someone asks what the secret of all your wealth is, say, “God has been good to me”. By this you mean the Nigerian god who gave you the uncommon wisdom to re-appropriate public funds.

Consult the Nigerian god when you don’t feel like working. The Nigerian god understands that we live in a harsh climate where it is hard to do any real work. So, if you have no clue how to be in charge and things start collapsing, ask people to pray to God and ask for his intervention.

The Nigerian god loves elections and politics. When you have bribed people to get the Party nomination, used thugs to steal and stuff ballot boxes, intimidated people into either sitting at home or voting for you, lied about everything from your assets to your age, and you eventually, (through God’s grace), win the elections, you must begin by declaring that your success is the wish of God and that the other candidate should accept this will of God. It is not your fault whom the Nigerian god chooses to reward with political success. How can mere mortals complain?

The Nigerian god does not tolerate disrespect. If someone insults your religion, you must look for anyone like them and kill them. Doesn’t matter what you use—sticks, machetes, grenade launchers, IED’s, AK47’s.

The Nigerian god performs signs and wonders. He does everything from cure HIV to High BP. And the Nigerian god is creative: he can teach a person who was born blind the difference between blue and green when the man of god asks, and he can teach a person born deaf instant English. As a worshipper you must let him deliver you because every case of sickness is caused by evil demons and not infections. Every case of barrenness is caused by witches and has no scientific explanation. So instead of hospital, visit agents of the Nigerian god. But the Nigerian god does not cure corruption. Do not attempt to mock him.

If you worship the Nigerian god, you are under no obligation to be nice or kind to people who are not worshippers. They deserve no courtesy.

The Nigerian god is also online. As a worshipper, you are not obliged to be good or decent on Facebook or twitter all week except on Friday and Sunday, both of which the Nigerian god marks as holy. So you may forward obscene photos, insult people, forward lewd jokes on all days except the holy days. On those holy days, whichever applies to you, put up statuses saying how much you are crazy about God.

These days, the Nigerian god also permits tweets and Facebook updates like: "Now in Church" or "This guy in front of me needs to stop dozing" when performing acts of worship.

In all, the Nigerian god is very kind and accommodating. He gives glory and riches and private jets. And if you worship him well, he will immensely bless your hustle.

I got no time to waste, my beliefs are based on the holy bible. if any of those contradicts the holy bible, then it is false.

There is nothing contradictory here, he was just explaining the bible the way it should be explained.

And before you keep digressing from the topic, my main aim of replying to this topic is to say that you can't mix Christianity with any other religion. If he says he is a muslim, let him be but  trying to combine both is what made him a confused guy.

The guy never said he is mixing christianity with judaism and Islam, what he said was that he is not leaving these religions but only advancing on them by accepting islam which is the complete religion. and please, do not leave this thread because i have the conviction that if you are objective enough you will actually see sense in what Lagosshia is passing accross.
Good day

Obama has just said it in white house that us troops are not going anywhere anytime soon. Israel should go ahead and attack iran alone then. We should also note that israel did not heed the us when us told them to stop building on some lands in gaza. Israel wants to take us like a small boy who will heed its call but will not answer when called. obama does not want to lose 2012 to mitt romney

That is what they always do. Convict a person because of his ethnicity. Very bad of them. The man was in a very bad state when he was released then.

When Russia and China join hands with Iran (since they have a defence pact) and nuclear bombs start flying all over the place, do you think you and your family will be safely exempt from the fallout?? OLODO!!!

I was surprised where he heard that from o. really surprised!

[quote][/quote]I have never heard that before that Iran wants to wipe Israel out
But do you also know that Israel also has such weapon? shouldn't Iran be afraid too? furthermore you talk of attack as if it is something Israel can single-handedly carry out without foreign support but US is not in full support of the attack as it prefers more diplomacy instead of attack, US is tried of war! Moreover, China and Russia are also against that attack. Iran and Israel are not alone in the world now!

Isreal is particularly concerned over Iran's nuclear program but considering the fact that Iran has always reiterated that its nuclear program is for medical research and not for military purposes. Israel has mainly relied on the US in order to attack Iran but events unfolding in the past days shows that US is not ready for such attack on Iran particularly considering the fact that this is an election year for US where Obama is also a contender. Is Israel's fear reasonable or justifiable? We should also note that China and Russia are solidly behind Iran and these countries are not to be joked with on the international scene. Are we heading for another WW3?

All of us have different believe. While some of us believe we will either go to paradise or hell, others believe that we will just be gone. What if you expected to be just gone and you unfortunately find yourself in a very large gathering that looks like a court? What are you going to do? Are you going to just accept your fate or what, Let me know what you will do

A lot of people on earth have several belief systems and each belief have something to say about life or no live after death. Islam and christianity for instance preach judgement after death while others like evolutionism preacher after we die, we just turn to duct nothing more. What do you expect? Will there be any judgement after death or after this life, are we just going to turn to dust? Intellectuals are needed.

Nice point there Gadaffe. In your own view, is the government and nigerians doing enough? Cos all we see everyday are just messages of hate from our christian brothers

WHAT ABOUT GOODLUCK'S CLAIM THAT THEY HAVE INFILTERATED HIS GOVERNMENT, THAT SHOULD TELL YOU SOMETHING. AND ALSO THE FACT THAT NONE OF THOSE ARRESTED SO FAR HAS SHOWN TO BE A TYPICAL EXAMPLE OF A MUSLIM SHOULD ALSO SPEAK MORE TO YOU