coolcatty:




Easy man....I mean no harm and I'm talking from experience.....there is something called the law of see finish...its prevalent in women.

The poster is suffering from the sickness of see finish both from his wife and inlaws.....why will his inlaw ignore his messages if not for the see finish factor.

Prognose:


Hello bro,
So I read through your threads, Wheeew, long story short, you married a tough woman. The summary of it all is that her behaviour and yours are not at par, you married a woman you cannot control unless you change your ways and from what you have said you are not a harsh husband. So there are two options for you. I'm not mentioning the phone saga as she would not have reacted in that way if you were A HARSH kind of man. From all indications she don see you finish. A strange man calls your wife and she couldn't proffer any decent excuse, rather just waved you off like a fly? Not wanting to annoy you any further but like I said, you have two options.

1. Quietly seek a divorce. This is the easy way out. Tell her firmly that you and her are not compatible and you have decided to give her the freedom she has worked so hard for. there is a way a woman respects a man and I'm sorry to say bro, she hasn't been exhibiting it. She doesn't even want to kiss you talk less of have sex with you? Men need love too. Set her free and settle how to take care of your kids. They didn't raise her up well on how to take care of a man.

2. Change your ways. Take your marriage as a do-or-die affair. Realise your honour is at stake. Withdraw all comforts from her when she misbehaves and tell her she will not get those comforts back unless she complies. All men desire sex, sex is important and shouldn't be begged for, especially in marriage. Even if she is not in the mood she can give it to you out of the love she has for you, there is a reason the bible tells the wife not to withhold herself from her husband. She should give you the sex it is not as if you are asking for her kidney. Also when she does not do what you want like preparing your breakfast, refuse to eat until she does so, Don't let her out of the kitchen and you yourself don't leave the house.Put your foot down and see whether heaven will fall. both of you will starve there and not go out until something gives. Authority has to be shown. If she hates you so much why hasn't she sought for a divorce herself? Someone on the other thread said you are just a giver to her and it seems to be true. One baby being taken care of by a sister, a brother (and a nanny) at one time? And she still doesn't have time for you? Reporting to her parents and they don't at least reply your message? You are the one doing them a favour bro, open your eyes and see it. If you want your marriage to work then become harsh and mould her until she decides to run or she changes to suit you.

ColonelDrake:


I endorse this message!

@topic,

I hate reading posts from sissies. adviserseeker, you simply do not have balls. Jeez! No woman, I repeat no lady on earth can fck with me. How da hell would she refuse to kiss you, touch you and even have sex with you. And yet, you are crying and whining like a cry baby. Baba, ignore her totally.. Don't ask for it again.Find a side chick, spend on her and bang her with reckless abandon. Is it that hard to find a side chick? Stop, romancing her ago. You are fueling it by behaving like a sissy.

I have never asked for sex more than once from my wife. You say no with no cogent reason, I will just keep mum and go sort myself out. I nor get time at all. If you say no, I expect you will make up for it some other time, but if you don't, I won't bother at all. Me no get chill oo..I won't even hit or slap you..Nah, it's not in my nature to beat a woman. There are so many ways I discipline my wife without touching her.

Op, you are well-to-do, go and find a side-chick. In fact, rub it in her face and don't ask her for anything again....If she wants to form tough, op, tell her to bring it on and be your guest! What nonsense!

baby124:

Sorry about all that, but you must learn to forgive and let things go. She is young o, she will continue to aggravate you so inu e o Lati jin gan ni. You guys are different people with different upbringing coming together. So you both have to find how to make it work. You also have to be willing to forgive a lot and so does she. She is not mature yet, but she will get there. Don't let anyone deceive you that their marriage is perfect, neither should you take advise to cheat on your wife. Work through your problems and it may take time but you will be proud you did. You have to act like the mature one since she is immature still. Sorry about your experience but it will pass. There is no woman or man that you will come across that won't have their own wahala and that is the honest truth. Get an older and responsible man to mentor you and you will see that marriage comes with its challenges.

NoToPile:
Cuties1 and adviserseeker you guys should go and sort this your matter.

Bros you really want to go rent an apartment and move out on top this matter? to be honest this is just a very minute challenge and you guys want your marriage to crack because of this. So what will happen when real challenges show

Both of you need to drop your ego and do what needs to be done and sort this out.

How difficult is it for a married couple to talk and sort things out without interference from outsiders.

And I also think theres too much crowd in your home your sisters, her siblings let everybody go to their own houses, get a help that lives outside your home.

I will also say bros and wife. should be patient ooo.


Divorce le ngbe sere yi. It is that easy?

baby124:

I don't see it that way. But if you feel that is the best action for you, then it's your choice. But have patience. That is my advice. Also try to reduce the people that live with you. You have kids now, be careful.

Cuties1:
I see how bad of a wife I have been to my husband all this while. My perfect husband, weldonsir!!

NoToPile:


You do sound very familiar though, from a different moniker a sports blogger or something close to that.

baby124:

I won't allow my girlchild sleep outside my house without me being there either. Not saying both of your parents are bad. But these days parents have to be cautious and careful. Strangers can come in and abuse kids while th grand parents are not watching. We see it here often. Why are you housing her brother and his girlfriend? That's not a responsible example you are setting for the young man is it? Let his girlfriend go back to her parents house. How come you like so much crowd in your house? You better wake up before you open your kids to abuse. Na wa o

baby124:

Show her this page and how you feel. Hopefully it will reset her brain. To be honest if I had married at 24, it would not have worked out either. My mind was not prepared for marriage and I had people pestering and almost forcing marriage on me to the point of fights sef. You have to have a lot of patience with a younger bride o. I know it hurts to be deceived but she must have wanted to marry you so bad for a reason, so what changed? Maybe for now you have to be the adult in the marriage till her maturity catches up. Don't worry in about 2yrs when most of her friends are married it will start to kick in. She probably thinks she is missing something out there. Freedom. Also, most first time mums don't have it easy especially when a child comes. It's not a joke at all. The reality of how much life has changed can be so daunting. Children demand so much attention that a woman can just fall into depression at the loss of her life. You have to communicate with her and help at home as much as you can. Also try to trust her more, and try to do things together as a couple. Maybe you can tell grandma to come and watch the baby and you guys can go out. Don't leave your baby girl in anyone's house, let her grandma come and watch her in your house. It is well. Sorry for misunderstanding you.

baby124:

So you were two-timing? Your real fiancée died 3days before you engaged your wife. Quite a fast engagement and you moving on? Did she know about this other woman? How old is your wife? Can you stand criticism if she is asked to come and give an account here of your marriage? Do you listen or you only tell her how you want things to be? Her getting a job will give her purpose. It won't make her worse. Make sure you get close to a respectable person or someone she respects so the person can talk to her.

Sometimes we are ready for a future step but the people in our lives are not. But we push and force them to be on the same page. If she is very young then you will need to exercise a lot of patience.

baby124:

So you were two-timing? Your real fiancée died 3days before you engaged your wife. Quite a fast engagement and you moving on? Did she know about this other woman? How old is your wife? Can you stand criticism if she is asked to come and give an account here of your marriage? Do you listen or you only tell her how you want things to be? Her getting a job will give her purpose. It won't make her worse. Make sure you get close to a respectable person or someone she respects so the person can talk to her.

Sometimes we are ready for a future step but the people in our lives are not. But we push and force them to be on the same page. If she is very young then you will need to exercise a lot of patience.

dingbang:
lol wen hungry dey wire me here person want make I advise am.. Ha

adorablepepple:
You are too proud and selfish,You kept on saying you want her to apologize, why? What is wrong if you apologize and talk things out. She is not cheating but with all this behaviour of yours you will push her away... Don't make a mistake you will regret your entire life. You talk about the sex issue like you have all the right to do it every time and anytime you like. She is protesting that's why she is acting up,why not come down from your high horse and speak to her from the dept of your heart.....
Also, I can see you are very proud and rude to your in-laws, because the world has gone global doesn't give you the effontery to talk to your in Law on whatsapp. Check your manners it's gone

377:


U wount understand i love kids so Much and i pray mine comes. Oh am Just tired

keepingmum:
Oga you are the problem. You have an ego and you believe only you can be right.

Pls divorce her you hear? Rather than communicating with her to diagnose why she doesn't find you srxually attractive and resolving it you choose to rape and then divorce your wife.

Mr prince charming, sir lancelot , knight in shining armour!! You spent time sexting and chatting girls and even hooking up with them yet you want to divorce ur wife cos another man gives her attention...mtsheewww. please put her out of the misery so that another man who will understand and appreciate her will wife her

Hi all. Sorry to bother you all with this but I am sincerely confused and beginning to think maybe something is wrong with me.

The issue is, I am in my second year of marriage and have a one year old kid ( was 1 yesterday). I love my wife and my child but things are getting messy with my wife over sex issues.

I want to make love with my wife at least 3 times a week. But most times I will be lucky if I have it 4 times a month. For instance, this month, I have only had sex once.

Is it not normal for one to want to have sex with his legal wife 3 times a week? Note she is not working. The only work is the child and she has me and two others ( her relatives) helping with carrying the child and caring for the child). What scares me is that in 5 months time she will start working as soon as the child enters school. I am worried once she starts working sex will no longer be on the agenda.

Aside the fact that we don't have sex as often as I would want, she prefers backing me while sleeping and when my complaints was much, she decided to stay put our kid in the middle rather than in her cot. We had to gift out the baby cot months back when the baby started refusing the her bed as she prefers for obvious reasons.

Yesterday we kissed for the first time in over a month, it was getting hot then she came up with an excuse that there is heat ( our generator was at the time being serviced and there was no light). I let her go in the night when there was light, immediately I came in, she moved to the parlour to watch TV.

She also point blankly told me to seek pleasure elsewhere when I told her if she continues this way I will have to get sex elsewhere.

Now my question is, is 3 times a week normal? Or am I the problem?

keepingmum:
Oga you are the problem. You have an ego and you believe only you can be right.

Pls divorce her you hear? Rather than communicating with her to diagnose why she doesn't find you srxually attractive and resolving it you choose to rape and then divorce your wife.

Mr prince charming, sir lancelot , knight in shining armour!! You spent time sexting and chatting girls and even hooking up with them yet you want to divorce ur wife cos another man gives her attention...mtsheewww. please put her out of the misery so that another man who will understand and appreciate her will wife her

Good morning and happy Monday to you all. I am here to seek the matured advise of nairalanders. I want matured advise from people who are married please.

I recently got married and we have a little baby who is 5 months old. I love my wife and my baby, you only need to spend few hours with us before you know this fact. Unfortunately I am dying inside.

Before I got married, myself and my then girlfriend and now wife have no issues with sex. We had sex at will and it is usually fun. But ever since we got married, I have been denied sex. At first I thought I am the one who has a problem but I have asked many people ever since then and I have found out I am normal. I initially expect us to have sex every day - I am my own boss and work from home most times, but had to adjust to 3 days a week for her sake.

But even the 3 times is never existent. Sometimes once a week. And the annoying thing is not the lack of sex but the way the NO is said. Almost like "I own my body and decide when I want sex". I have only ever denied her sex 2 times since we knew each other. Both times after we got married. The first time cos I was not feeling too fine due to stress of work the second time because I wanted her to see how it feels when you get no as answer in a very disrespectful way.

I have not worked since August, because I decided to take a two months break thinking we will have time for ourselves, unfortunately the reverse is the case. Always an excuse not to have sex.

Secondly, I am the type who likes early breakfast. I ideally want break fast before 8am but cos of her, I shifted it to 9am but as I type this, it is 10:48am and my break fast is not ready. And this is not a one off, but almost an every day thing. And each time I bring it up, it leads to fight and keeping malice. What do I do? I hate malice, I prefer to die than to keep malice with someone but my wife seems to use this tool against me. Keeping malice is my greatest weak point. I just hate it.

Note - she is not working. I have a building project costing us over 20 million naira which has made us decide she should not work till we finish early next year. Aside the baby, no other work and even with the baby, she has as many as 3 people helping her - her sister, her little brother and a family friend of hers.

keepingmum:
Oga you are the problem. You have an ego and you believe only you can be right.

Pls divorce her you hear? Rather than communicating with her to diagnose why she doesn't find you srxually attractive and resolving it you choose to rape and then divorce your wife.

Mr prince charming, sir lancelot , knight in shining armour!! You spent time sexting and chatting girls and even hooking up with them yet you want to divorce ur wife cos another man gives her attention...mtsheewww. please put her out of the misery so that another man who will understand and appreciate her will wife her

What was your sex-life like, prior to marriage ?

How often did you normally have sex, prior to the arrival of baby ?

Do you think your sex-drive is higher than your wives ?

Do you guys discuss issues relating to sex ?

Did you marry your wife with a view or passport to having regular free sex ?

psucc:
Too difficult to have a straight cut answer. The solution lies on her telling you why she won't allow you access. Thus you can work towards it. But please keep your calm and don't mind those vendors outside.

Try to persuade her first. Don't allow neighbors or friends to know of this or some may seize the opportunity to worsen the situation.

Mummyjoy:
Your wife probably lost interest in sex for reasons she could not disclose to you. Talk to her calmly and make her see reasons if she didn't change, try hard not to mention the topic again and relate as though nothing is wrong pretending to be too busy on social media, she'll become jealous and begin to wonder... Hope it works

alexialin:
She is either resenting u over a past issue and she no longer feel you sexually.
You need to think back on a mistake u made with your actions, and find a way to open up that chapter again and sincerely apologise and make it up to her.
If not like u said when she starts work, no more sexx.
Be sincere with yourself and settle a past grudge.

izzou:


Maybe you should just let her be. Don't bring it up anymore.

With time, she might adjust to your will. Don't cheat on her abeg

izzou:
Maybe she's scared of having another baby. She still has memories of how painful childbirth can be

You guys should have more talk time.