₦airaland Forum

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Now that they have declared the that the tanks are on their way I hope tht they won't be ambushed/hijacked by boko haram and that any military officer won't refute the claims of the federal government about the arrival of 30 armoured tanks

Call

Believers Love World aka Christ Embassy Church is my favorite clan of all the Nigerian Christian blocs.
If you are no stranger to these Christians, you'll definitely agree that there is no funeral spirit around these guys. They are just one hell of a sui generis in the sky-daddy bandwagon.
Attend one of their services, I assure you there is no house of bedlam like the Christ Embassy Church service. I call it a beautiful absurdity; an orgasmic show of religious fascism at its best.
Nobody, I say it again: Nobody does the mental fascism thing better than the Christ Embassy bunch. It is so enviable that I had to dedicate my biro to this.

First of all, a moment of silence for a Christ embassy brother somewhere, applying gel and hair relaxer on his head. Right now as you read this, an adult male somewhere is partaking in some form of fascist cosmetics in order to come close in appearance to his venerated Pastor Chris Onyakhilome; their idol of a general overseer. I heard if you are an adult male in the crew and you haven't applied some gel and hair relaxer, then you are a novice. The sisters, droll for the brother who speaks, looks and act Pastor Chris.

To the fellas: Is there any Christ Embassy female you are wooing and she is not giving in? Now, take my generous advice to the casino:

Go get your hair some laxative product, practice some Pastor Chris accent and then memorize his fuzzy lines. Get a clean white suit. Learn to technically use words like "Zoe", "Rhapsody", "Grace", "Different", etc. Most importantly, spew your garbage very beautifully; you know that soft-madness they call "speaking-in-tongues"? Get it right.

So you walk-up to your "embassy" sister target with your curly hair, a Pastor Chris smile on a white suit and of course amble graciously like the venerated idol, and then begin with the Pastor Chris accent:

"Hey sister, you are the "Zoe" of the year, the prophecy of the century; the one who Isaiah spoke about. You are the Rhapsody of our time, for the Grace of your beauty shall make nations fall at thy feet. Because of the supernatural auction of the word on you, you shall suck the breast of Kings and become the envy of nations. All things are mine in the holy ghost; I speak you into my bedroom lapasantrakado! Pepelepekendato! Meme suntafantakando!" And boom! It is done. Lest I forget, be sure to have Pastor Chris' posters in your apartment, use it for your mobile wallpaper. Play Pastor Chris sermons and some Sinach's music in your car stereo. Be 100% "Christic" and I swear she'll be in between the sheets performing the holy ghost show.

Ever attended a Christ Embassy service and listen to their sermon? If the preacher is to preach for 60 minutes; 40 minutes of sermons goes this way: "Pastor Chris says....", "Pastor Chris once said...", "I remember when Pastor Chris talked about...", "I learned from pastor Chris that...." Etc. The remaining 20 minutes will be dedicated to motivational lines and rhetorics like "You are different!" "You are the salt of the earth", "where men fail, you shall succeed", "Let the world see the excellence in you", etc. And most importantly the organizational soft-madness called "Speaking-in-tongues", is never missing in action. Christ embassy has remixed their with version spices like "holy-ghost laughter", "Holy-ghost worship", etc. If you're bored on a sunday morning, just visit a branch and see the beauty of organizational mental fascism.

One thing that seduces me about them is their holy secularism. In this christian sect, there is little discrimination on the appearance of a person. Wear dreadlocks, tattoos, mini-skirts, low-waist jeans, sagging pants or even walk into their auditorium with a bikini, nobody cares. "To the pure, all things are pure", they say. Their open-arms to all is unequal; Pastor Chris is not a limited minded pastorpreneur. I am so inspired!

Yes, business man I say. Don't kill me dear pastor "Christists". Isn't the gospel a business? The biblical Jesus once called it "my father's business." Do not crucify my garrulous ass please. I know you all can catch a grenade for Pastor Chris and throw same for him. I pledge allegiance!

The Christ Embassy clan are the most intelligent and creative of all the Christian sects in Nigeria. An average Christ embassy churchgoer is more tolerant, open-minded and creative than their other sky-band counterparts in Nigeria. Put a Christ embassy member side by side with a TB Joshua patronizer or a Lazarus Mouka crew member, the mentality of the Christ Embassy fellow surpasses the rest. 

They have a way of making their "shit" sound intelligent by applying some fancy verbiages and pseudo-philosophical rhetoric to sound nice. But shit is shit no matter how hard you try to package it in a beautiful bag. Once you open it up, it still greets your nose with it's reputable reception.

http://saharareporters.com/2014/09/02/nigerian-churches-and-their-individual-madness-part-1-christ-embassy-church-imoh-david

Lashone estates

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This is getting us nowhere. If the nigerian troops succeed in defeating boko haram in bama the terrorist will mobilize again by forcefully recruiting borno indigenes and getting financial aid from their sponsors in government and the CBN

ELEKO

LOCATION: THE ESTATE IS APPROXIMATELY 1 MINITUES DRIVE OR LESS TO ELEKO JUNCTION (TOTAL FILLING STATION/). THE ESTATE IS VISIBLE FROM THE ELEKO JUNCTION MAIN ROAD AND IS LOCATED BEHIND AMEN ESTATE, OPPOSITE THE NEW ERA YOUTH CAMP (NEYOCA). LASHONE ESTATE IS 15 MINUTES DRIVE TO AJAH. THE ESTATE IS ALSO A MINUTE DRIVE FROM THE LEKKI-EPE EXPRESSWAY AND ITS WALKING DISTANCE TO ELEKO IS 20 MINUTES
NEIGHBOURHOOD: ELEKO BEACH ROAD, AMEN ESTATE AND OPPOSITE JIN HUA GROUP, NEYOCA: ALONG FREE TRADE ZONE, CARGO PORT CONSTRUCTION, SEAPORT CONSTRUCTION, LA COMPAGNE GOVERNMENT TEACHERS ESTATE, ISLAND INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT, LAGOS STATE GOVERNMENT COURSE
LAND ACQUISITION PAYMENT PLAN
UTTER PLAN A (Half a Plot): N1, 500,000, Outright Payment (324m²)
UTTER PLAN B (Full Plot): N3m, Outright Payment (648m²)
SUPPLE PLAN: N3,500,000: OR 6 month monthly payment of N500,000 (648m²)
ECONOMY PLAN: N3, 500,000 OR 12 month Monthly payments of N250,000 (648m²)

AN ACRE: N15 MILLION

MISCELLANOUS PAYMENTS INCLUDE REGISTRATION FORM OF N2000 

SURVEY AND LEGAL FEE: N280,000
CERTIFICATE OF OCCUPANCY: N200,000
DEVELOPMENT FEE: ........


AGBARA
VIA LUSADA AGBARA BY NEW LAGOS BADAGRY EXPRESSWAY SURVEY PLAN NO: OG/1342/2011/008A
LOCATION
15 MINS FROM AGBARA ESTATE
15 MINS FROM MOWO (BADAGRY)
15 MINS FROM COVENANT UNIVERSITY
10 MINS FROM CRAWFORD UNIVERSITY
25 MINS FROM LAGOS STATE UNIVERSITY (LASU)

OFFER PRICE
PHASE 1
OUTRIGHT PAYMENT: N700,000
ACRE: N5M

PHASE 2
BOTH OUTRIGHT AND INSTALMENT PAYMENT PLANS ARE AVAILABLE
A PLOT OF LAND IN THE PHASE 2 COST N550,000 (OUTRIGHT)

WHILE AN ACRE GOES FOR N3M,

YOU CAN CHOSE INSTALMENT PAYMENT PLANS OUTLINED BELOW
N850,000 SPREAD AND PAYABLE IN 6 MONTH PERIOD
N1, 000,000 SPREAD AND PAYABLE FOR 12 MONTH PERIOD
N1,200,000 SPREAD AND PAYABLE FOR 2 YEAR PERIOD

PHASE 3
OUTRIGHT PAYMENT = N400,000
INSTALMENT (6 MONTHS)= N600,000 OR N150,000 down payment and N90,000 in 5 months
INSTALMENT (12 MONTHS)= N850,000 OR N190,000 down payment and N60,000 IN 11 months
INSTALMENT (24 months)= N1MILLION OR N80,0000 DOWN PAYMENT AND N40,000 IN 23 MONTHS
AN ACRE:N2.5M


MISCELLANOUS PAYMENT
Registration form: N1000
Survey fee: N150,000 per plot, OR N400,000 per acre
Legal Document fee: N40,000
Development levy: N300,000 payable within 2 years after allocation

SIMAWA (PHASE 1 AND 3) 
LOCATION: Behind RCCG Redemption Camp (Mowe) 15 minutes drive from Lagos- Ibadan expressway OR about 10 minutes walking distance from Treasure Park Glass House.
SURVEY PLAN NO: OG/1655/2012/059

BENEFITS
GLOBAL CERTIFICATE OF OCCUPANCY
APPROVED BUILDING PLAN
CENTRAL BOREHOLE/DRAINAGE SYSTEM
PERIMETER FENCING AND GATE HOUSE
HEALTH CENTRE 
SHOPPING CENTE
AFTER HOUR BANKING FACILITIES
POLICE AND FIRE POST

PHASE 1
OUTRIGHT PURCHASE: N800,000/plot
SUPPLE PLAN INSTALMENT PAYMENT (6 MONTH) : N1,000,000
ECONOMY PLAN INSTALMENT PAYMENT (12 MONTH) : N1.3 million OR (N200,000 down payment and 100,000 in 11 months)
ECONOMY PLAN INSTALMENT PAYMENT (2 YEARS): N1.5MILLION OR (N62,000 down payment in 24 months)

Acre: N5m

PHASE 2
OUTRIGHT: A PLOT COST N750,000
INSTALMENT :N1m ON 12 month instalment basis (N230,000 down payment (N70,000 x 11 months)
INSTALMENT (24 MONTHS)= N1.2MILLION OR (N50,000 IN 24 MONTHS)
WHILE AN ACRE GOES FOR N3.5m

STATUTORY PAYMENT
LEGAL AND SURVEY FEE: N150,000 PER PLOT, AND ALSO N400,000 PER ACRE
DEVELOPMENT FEE: N300,000 PAYABLE WITHIN 2 YEARS AFTER ALLOCATION

MAGBORO

MAKOGI MAPARA VILLAGE. VIA IBAFO OBAFEMI OWODE, LOCAL GOVT AREA.
NEIGHBOURHOOD: BEHIND MFM, VICTORY ESTATE, MAGBORO BUS/STOP, KARA BUS/STOP
OFFER PRICE
OUTRIGHT PURCHASE; N3M/Plot
OTHER FEES INCLUDE
SURVEY: N150, 000
LEGAL & DOCUMENTATION: N50, 000
DEVELOPMENT LEVY: N300, 000

ABUJA

Fwd: Cp89 kurudu layout
Land Size: 225sqm= N1.2million
6 months payment= N1.4m (N235,000 x 6 months)
12 months payment= N1.7m (142,000 x 12 months)

450 sqm:N2million
6 month payment= N2.4million (N400,000 x 6 months
12 month payment = N2.7 million (225,000 x 12 months)

IBESHE
LASHONE ESTATE Ibeshe located along Ilaro expressway, Abeokuta close to dangote cement Factory.
Outright Payment: N250,000
Supple Plan (6 months): N360,000
Economy plan (12 months): N420,000
An acre: N1m
Plot size: 50ftx100ft

Port Harcourt
Eneke Off Eneke - Igwuruta Road, Port Harcourt
Outright Payment: N1million
6 Months Payment: N1.4M (235,000 X 6 Month)
12 Months Payment: N1.7M (142,000 x 12 months)
For enquiries and inspection call 08111547580 or 08038558899 or 08093743240

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