Thanks Paulynpen for that advice!! Actually you are right!! Johnson just know that God is faithful. God will never be too late to rescue a soul that cries out to him. If I judged you wrong I would be judging my own self. The first step to deliverance is positioning yourself heavily and nightly in the love of God. God's love for you is far beyond your expectations. I understand how you feel , but God is so real to his people than you can ever imagine. We all know the story of Lazarus in the bible. I am talking about the brother of Mary and Martha. Remember Jesus , being sent a request by Mary to come and heal their brother( deliverance), Jesus heard it , but he still stayed in the same place he was for about three days. On the fourth day, Jesus tells his disciples that he was going to awake a man sleeping . Can you imagine the bible says Lazarus was dead by this time but Jesus calls him asleep. This shows us clearly that most of the times the lion of Judah sees some of our circstances , which we call rotten circumstances as fresh circumstances. He sees them just as a walk over. Things that will not threaten him. I understand you are endorsed to fear of hell. But that is just the grace of God upon your life to lead you to repentance so that you can enjoy the peace that is in our Lord Jesus Christ. Just hold on , don't take your eyes away from our Lord Jesus Christ. Even amidst hardship or any struggles, God still remains faithful and his Compassions fail not , he is more than able . Just hold on, even when things are not marching right. Just like Jacob, hold on, holding on doesn't mean you have to pray for 24hours a day , 7 days a week. I mean let the request of heart towards God stay whole. Of course I know that this is not possible on your own and I believe that your heart is ever crying before God, that is the first indication of Gods love and mercies upon your life. Just keep talking to God even the little mistakes you make. Tell him your story just as you have told it to us. He is a friend ever available. Just like Lazarus, God will call out your name from the grave. Let me give you a clue, when you are tempted and defeated, thank God for your life. At least you have things to thank God for your life. Thank him for the testimony about his angels guarding you. Isn't that powerful?? It really proves that God is with you as you are passing through that unclean hell. You are struggling with some addictions thank him for his mercies that are new every morning and whose compassions ye are not consumed.I will give you a story of an unworthy man like you and me who thought that he was unfit to invite Jesus into his home. That Officer with a sick servant in the bible I am talking about, he said to Jesus , " I am not worthy to receive you into my house but i understand a command......"". That is what I am talking about, to hold on, you have a powerful excuse to hold on , and that is non other than the love of God. By it we are never consumed. Just be blessed sister, I have many words about this topic but hold onto that to see a change in your life. That testimony is a blessing to me as well.you know that your situation is not meant unto death but to bring glory to God!!!