₦airaland Forum

new preacher

A new preacher told his wife he was going to preach on water skiing,
she said you can't preach on water skiing. if you do i am not going, so she stayed home in the house behind the church as the preacher listened to the singing and got ready to preach and thought I don't know anything about water skiing I will preach on sex,
after church a deacon walked by the house and told the preachers wife it sure was a good sermon.
and the preachers wife said am really surprised he only tried it twice and fell off both times.

One day a blonde was golfing. She hit the ball into the sand and went to retrieve it. She was just bending down to get it when she heard a small voice" If you pick me up I will grant you three wishes." "ok" she agreed. She picked him up and he said" Whatever you wish your husband will get 20 times more" "alright, for my first wish I want to be beautiful and flawless" "Ok that can be done but remember your husband will 20 times more beautiful!" "ok" She became beautiful."For my second wish I would like to have a trillion dollars" "Ok remember about your husband!" "I dont mind" The blonde felt a wad of money grow in her pocket. "ok for my last wish I would like to have a small, tiny very little heartattack" "Ok but your husband will get 20 times, "

@mp007
u james bond

hi, mine is B Sc mathematics from Ado Ekiti

Division


A 54 year old accountant leaves a letter for his wife one Friday evening that reads:

Dear Wife (that's what he called her): I am 54 and by the time you receive this letter I will be at the Grand Hotel with my beautiful and sexy 18 year old secretary. When he arrived at the hotel there was a letter waiting for him that read as follows:

Dear Husband (that's what she called him): I too am 54 and by the time you receive this letter I will be at the Breakwater Hotel with my handsome and virile 18 year old toy boy.

You being an accountant will therefore appreciate that 18 goes into 54 many more times than 54 goes into 18.

Three desperately ill men met with their doctor one day to discuss their options. One was an alcoholic, one was a chain smoker, and one was a homosexual. The doctor, addressing all three of them, said, "If any of you indulge in your vices one more time, you will surely die." The men left the doctor's office, each convinced that he would never again indulge himself in his vice.

While walking toward the subway for their return trip to the suburbs, they passed a bar. The alcoholic, hearing the loud music and seeing the lights, could not stop himself. His buddies accompanied him into the bar, where he had a shot of whiskey. No sooner had he replaced the shot glass on the bar, he fell off his stool, stone cold dead. His companions, somewhat shaken up, left the bar, realizing how seriously they must take the doctor's words. As they walked along, they came upon a cigarette butt lying on the ground, still smoking.

The homosexual looked at the chain smoker and said, "If you bend over to pick that up, we're both dead."

Firm Believer


One morning while making breakfast, a man walked up to his wife and pinched her on her butt and said, "You know if you firmed this up we could get rid of your girdle." While this was on the edge of intolerable, she thought, and replied with silence.

The next morning the man woke his wife with a pinch on the tit and said,"You know if you firmed these up we could ge rid of your bra."

This was beyond a silent response, so she rolled over and grabbed him by the dick. With a death grip in place she said, "You know if you firmed this up we up we could get rid of the postman, the gardener, the pool man and your brother.

A man walk into a supermarket and notices a beautiful woman staring at him.

She stares for quite some time, so finally the man asked "Do I know you?"

The woman answers "I think your the father of one of my kids".

The man thinks for a minute then realizes this kid she is talking about must be the result of the one and only time he ever cheated on his wife.

So he says to the woman "are you the stripper that was at my best friends bachelor party about 5 years ago?" "You know, the one I had sex with on the pool table while your friend spanked my bare ass with a whip?"

The woman looks at him horrified and says "No, I'm your son's teacher".

Black   

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Two friends meet in the office of one of them, a notorious techo-geek.

"Hey, bud, how are ya?"

"I'm good. Congratulations, that new secretary of yours is beautiful!"

"Well, I'm glad you like her. Believe it or not, she's a robot!

"No way, how could that be?"

"Way! She's the latest model from Japan. Lemme tell you how she works. If you squeeze her left tit, she takes dictation. If you squeeze her right tit, she types a letter. And that's not all, she can have sex, too!"

"Holy shit! You're kidding, right?"

"No, she's something, huh? Tell you what, you can even borrow her"

So, his friend takes her into the restroom and is in there with her for a while. Suddenly, he hears him screaming "Eeeeyaaaaa! Heeelp Ooooooh! Aaaaaaah! Eeeeeeeeeeeaaargghhhh!"

The guy says, "Shit! I forgot to tell him her ass is a pencil sharpener!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

q; are u sure u know what u are doing?
a; i dont sure!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

got some ps2 cheats?
i got 4 godfather, splintercell, hitman;silent assasins n blood money, spartan.
buzz me if interested!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

@ray4life i def ddn't 4get either but iice mentioned earlier just ddn't 1t 2 repeat it!
@iice, ow do u mean make it  believable?
antonio is actually d beast convicing guy around.
after the notoriety he displayed in the likes of assasins, zorro(1&2), desperado it was very contrasting to his roles in original sin &2 much, still different 4rm what he displayed in spy kids!!!!!!!!! now imagine the calm & charisma in take the lead (though not a blockbuster movie) or the confusion in ballistic and he was just natural in those diff roles and lot more.

@ray4life i def ddn't 4get either but iice mentioned earlier just ddn't 1t 2 repeat it!
@iice, ow do u mean make it believable?
antonio is actually d beast convicing guy around.
after the notoriety he displayed in the likes of assasins, zorro(1&2), desperado it was very contrasting to his roles in original sin 72 much, still different 4rm what he displayed in spy kids!!!!!!!!! now imagine the calm & charisma in take the lead (though not a blockbuster movie) or the confusion in ballistic and he was just natural in those diff roles and lot more.

u lose a lot of money chasing women but u neva lose women chasing money!!!!!!!!!!

One night, as a couple lies down for bed, the husband gently taps his wife on the shoulder and starts rubbing her arm.

The wife turns over and says, "I'm sorry, honey, I've got a gynecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to stay fresh."

The husband, rejected, turns over and tries to sleep. A few minutes later, he rolls back over and taps his wife again.

This time he whispers in her ear, "Do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow, too?"

iice, 2 cool movies but av u seen him original sin? he was a lover!
in toomuch? he was a player/hussler!
in 13th warrioa? he was a warrior
in play it 2 d bone? he was a boxer!
in shrek 2? he was a CAt!!!!!!!!!!!
2 mentin a few.
hes just 2 much

stephen chow is crazy,very funny guy and the future oof kung- fu. but the master of them all, the legend of all times, the snake fighter, the drunken master,
remains JACKIE CHAN
give it to him, he the best n GREATEST.

ranging 4rm his Mambo Kings days to his Shrek the third! i'm very crazy about this guy n i think he his the presnt best actor on God's green EARTH.
let me know if u there's any of his movies i'm MISSING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! [color=#000099][/color]

nice joke pally

There once was this deacon and this preacher, and they had been friends for a long time. One day the deacon got sick and was put in the hospital, so the preacher decided to go and see his old friend.
When he walked into the hospital room, the preacher noticed all the hoses and medical equipment attached to the deacon. The preacher walked over and kneeled by the bed and asked, ''How ya doing?''

The deacon motioned at a pad and pen on the nightstand. ''You want that?'' the preacher asked him, and the deacon nodded his head yes. So the preacher handed his friend the pad and pen and the deacon began to write. All of a sudden the deacon died.

At his funeral, the preacher was asked to deliver the service. ''He was a good man and I'll never forget him,'' the preacher said, ''I was with him when he died and as a matter of fact I have his last thought in my coat pocket here.''

The preacher reaches into his pocket and pulls out the paper. ''Please, get up! You're kneeling on my oxygen hose!''