A young lady in the maternity ward just prior to labour is asked by the midwife if she would like her husband to be present at the birth.
"I'm afraid I don't have a husband" she replies
"O.K. do you have a boyfriend?" asks the Midwife "No, no boyfriend either."
"Do you have a partner then?"
"No, I'm unattached, I'll be having my baby on my own."
After the birth the midwife again speaks to the young woman. "You have a healthy bouncing baby girl, but I must warn you before you see her that the baby is black"
"Well," replies the girl. "I was very down on my luck, with no money and nowhere to live, and so I accepted a job in a Indecency movie. The lead man was black."
"Oh, I'm very sorry," says the midwife, "that's really none of my business and I'm sorry that I have to ask you these awkward questions but I must also tell you that the baby has blonde hair."
"Well yes," the girl again replies, "you see I desperately needed the money and there was this Swedish guy also involved in the movie, what else could I do?"
"Oh, I'm sorry," the midwife repeats, "that's really none of my business and I hate to pry further but your baby has slanted eyes."
"Well yes," continues the girl, "I was incredibly hard up and there was a little Chinese man also in the movie, I really had no choice."
At this the midwife again apologises collects the baby and presents her to the girl, who immediately proceeds to give baby a slap on the bum. The baby starts crying and the mother exclaims,
"Well thank mess for that !"
"What do you mean?" says the midwife, shocked.
"Well," says the girl extremely relieved, "I had this horrible feeling that the little bastard was going to bark!"

e ku ibadun o eyi temi,ejo mo fe ko awon owe(proverbs) yoruba die ejo eni to ba mo eni 1 ko so ko si fi meaning e si legbe.e se o

a man works into a church and meets the secretary and
said i would like to join this Damn church.I beg your
pardon replied the astonised secretary,sir wat did u
say? Man replied i wanna join this damn church.am very
sorry but that language is not tolerated replied the
sec.She informs the head pastor who agreedshe wasn't
suppose to listen to foul language.The pastor wanted
to see the man himself to find out wat the problem
was.
They Both went to the man.Man says;theres no damn
problem i just won $200 million bucks in a damn
lottery and i want to join this damn church to get rid
of some of this cash.Pastor Replied i see;and this
DAMN BITCH is givin you a hard time ?

emi mako moso be bobo ajileko kan lo sobe mon bere pe bawo ni oko re se to bi to temi ma ni ejo oh

@ajileko

Eka le o. Emi ajileko ni mo n soro. Ejo se emo obinrin kan ni nairaland to feran Oko nla. Nitoripe oko mi ati epon mi tobi gigigi ati pe ti oko yen
ba ti le tan yi o wa dabi irin (iron rod). Ejo eba mi wa arabinrin kan ni nairaland ti o ma fi oko mi sere lalale. Ko si ma gbe ha nu bi ase n gbe ese adiye hanu ni jo keresimesi.

Boni Oko re yan se tobi to se ole fi picture re ranse to ri mo ni sister kan to feran oko nla

Three Nigerians and three Scots are traveling by train
to a soccer game. At the station, the three Scots each
bought tickets and watch as the three Nigerians buys only a single ticket.

"How are the three people going to travel on only one ticket?"
asks a Scot.

"Watch and you'll see," answers a Nigerian.

They all boarded the train. The Scots take their respective
seats but all three Nigerians crammed into a bathroom and
closed the door behind them.

Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor comes around
collecting tickets. He knocks on the bathroom door and says,
"Ticket please." The door opens just a crack and a single
arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and
moves on.

The Scots see this and agree it was quite a clever idea. So
after the game, they decide to copy the Nigerians on the return trip
and save some money (being clever with money, and all that).
When they get to the station, they bought a single ticket for the return
trip.

To their astonishment, the Nigerians don't buy a ticket at all.

"How are you going to travel without a ticket?" says one
perplexed Scot.

"Watch and you'll see," answers a Nigerian.

When they boarded the train the three Scots crammed into a
bathroom and the three Nigerians crammed into another bathroom nearby.


Once the train leaves the station, one of the Nigerians leaves and
walks over to the bathroom where the Scots are hiding,knocks on
the door and says, "Ticket please."

a professor went to a neighbors house to pay a visit.it then started raining and its was getting late.the neighbor then suggests he should sleep over in their house since it was raininin heavily.the Prof agreed to sleep over.after a few minute they heard a knock on their door when they opened the door the Prof was standing @ d door heavily shocked,they asked, Prof how come, why did u enter d rain i thot we agreed u were sleeping here?the Prof said yes but i went home to get my Pyjamas



After 9 yrs of Sex in the dark a wife discovered her husband had been using a vibrator on her and she asked him for an explanation,the husband answered yes i will but first explain the Kids.

husband wrote the following letter for his wife and left it on the dining room table:

'To My Dear Wife, You will surely understand that I have certain needs that you, being
54 years old, can no longer satisfy. I am very happy with you and I value you as a good wife. Therefore, after reading this letter, I hope that you will not wrongly interpret the fact that I will be spending the evening with my 18 year old secretary at the Comfort Inn Hotel. Please don't be upset - I shall be home before midnight.'

When the man came home late that night, he found the following letter on the dining room table:

'My Dear Husband, I received your letter and thank you for your honesty about my being
54 years old. I would like to take this opportunity to remind you that you are also 54 years old. As you know, I am a math teacher at our local college. I would like to inform you that while you read this, I will be at the Hotel Fiesta with Michael, one of my students, who is also the assistant tennis coach. He is young, virile and like your secretary, is
18 years old. As a successful businessman who has an excellent knowledge of math, you will understand that we are in the same situation, although with one small difference - 18 goes into 54 a lot more times than 54 goes into 18. Therefore, I will not be home until sometime tomorrow

By all Means, MARRY!

I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry.
That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste.
David Bissonette

When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
Sacha Guitry

After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together.
Hemant Joshi

By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
Socrates

Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them. Dumas

The great question, which I have not been able to answer, is, "What does a woman want?
Sigmund Freud

I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.
Anonymous

"Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays."
Henny Youngman

"I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years."
Sam Kinison

"There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage."
James Holt McGavran

"I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me, and the second one didn't."
Patrick Murray

Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming
1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it,
2. Whenever you're right, shut up.
Nash

The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once,
Anonymous

You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
Henny Youngman

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
Rodney Dangerfield

A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.
Milton Berle

Marriage is the only war where one sleeps with the enemy.
Anonymous

A son asked his Dad how much it costs to get married. His Dad replied: I don't know son, I'm still paying.

A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Wife wanted". Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."
Anonymous

First Guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!"
Second Guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."

By all Means, MARRY!

I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry.
That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste.
David Bissonette

When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
Sacha Guitry

After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together.
Hemant Joshi

By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
Socrates

Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them. Dumas

The great question, which I have not been able to answer, is, "What does a woman want?
Sigmund Freud

I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.
Anonymous

"Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays."
Henny Youngman

"I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years."
Sam Kinison

"There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage."
James Holt McGavran

"I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me, and the second one didn't."
Patrick Murray

Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming
1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it,
2. Whenever you're right, shut up.
Nash

The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once,
Anonymous

You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
Henny Youngman

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
Rodney Dangerfield

A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.
Milton Berle

Marriage is the only war where one sleeps with the enemy.
Anonymous

A son asked his Dad how much it costs to get married. His Dad replied: I don't know son, I'm still paying.

A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Wife wanted". Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."
Anonymous

First Guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!"
Second Guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."

A newly married couple during thier 1st day during honey moon
Wife:darlin wt woul u like to av 4 breakfast this morning
man:as long as i av u i dont need any food
so the couple made love.
lunch hour
wife:darlin wt would u like to av 4 lunch
man:so far i av u i dont need any food for lunch
the couple made love again
dinner time
the wife started jogging and doin all sorts of exercise.
man:why are you exercising do u wish to slim down or wat?
wife answerd:i am warming your dinner

eyin temi eku irole oh!mo ki gbogbo omo karo ojire abi boni wo ti ma so
esi ku oro ilu
efi eleyi daraya
Ilu kan wa laiye atijo won ki je Asaro(poriage) ni ilu yen
sugbon oba ati omo eyin re kan ma dogban se asaro je.
ni ojo kan ni omo eyin oba se asaro loba fe so fun oba wipe asaro ti jina
boti de odo oba lo ba awon ijoye lodo oba,so, ko le so fun kabiyesi loba da bi ogbon
Lowipe Ah Ka-bi-ye-si! Asaro ma lo hun ju yin lo!
Oba ti tete Decode Loba Dawun wipe
Emi?emi ti wan ti bi lati 19 sokale(put it down), Fepo si Fepo si (Put Palm oil),Fata si Fata si
(Put Pepper)bu tie bu tie(Take Ur share),ko si gbe iyoku sa be bed( put the rest under Bed).

eyi temi e ku igaladun oh! se omo muati awon iyawo
mo fe contribute lori oro Madam speaker ema binu pe mo fe pa owe ni english
"what a man can do a woman can do better"
etteh no je kin proverbu ye correct abi bo leti ri si
ejo mo gbadun gbogbo yin lori naira land gan o continue.ese

goscolo

there was a certain guy smuggling goods across the border btw Nigeria and Benin.
he normally carry two bags of sand on a bicycle to pass.the customs would check the sand and wouldnt find a thing. One of the customs said i know u are carrying somthing and we will gt you some day,they never succeeded.so on a fateful day he met one of those customs on his way home,the customed then called him and pleaded to know wat he usually smuggles that it was goin to be a secret btw the two of them;the Guy then smiled and answered
BICYCLES.

MEN-opause,
MEN-strual pain,
Men-tal illness,
GUY-necologist,
HIS-terectomy.Have u ever noticed
how women's problems starts wit Men.

Federal Government's renewed drive to encourage exports:
In line with the Federal Government's renewed drive to encourage exports, a group of experts have come up with suggestions on how to  improve the image of our local products by making their names attractive and in line with  International Standards on exports. Feel free to offer suggestions.

    Kuli kuli - Peanut bars
    Donkuwa/ Robo Alata - Hot Charcolit nuts (what the hell is charcolit)
    Kilichi - Beef Crackers
    Dundun - Yamarita
    Fried Potato - Potarita
    Pako/Atu (Chewing stick) - Dental Stickos
    Boli - Barbecue Plant os
    Roasted corn - Corn Aflame
    Eko/Agidi - Corn Jellos
    Moin moin - Bean pie
    Isi ewu - Goat-hedo lickins' (remember ur fingers)
    Garri - Grain o' fibres
    Bokoto/ Nkwobi - Hoof salad
    Ogi/Akamu - Corn Caramel
    Kpof kpof - Energy Buns
     Chin chin - Dough Rocks 
     Zobo - Juice Rosa Afrik
     Kunnu - Grain Alive
     Burundi - Coconut Jaw-Breakers
     Bread and Akara - Bean cake Burger
     Ofada rice - Unpolished Rice for Vegetarian
     Adalu - Lentils & Grain Salad

Federal Government's renewed drive to encourage exports:
In line with the Federal Government's renewed drive to encourage exports, a group of experts have come up with suggestions on how to improve the image of our local products by making their names attractive and in line with International Standards on exports. Feel free to offer suggestions.

Kuli kuli - Peanut bars
Donkuwa/ Robo Alata - Hot Charcolit nuts (what the hell is charcolit)
Kilichi - Beef Crackers
Dundun - Yamarita
Fried Potato - Potarita
Pako/Atu (Chewing stick) - Dental Stickos
Boli - Barbecue Plant os
Roasted corn - Corn Aflame
Eko/Agidi - Corn Jellos
Moin moin - Bean pie
Isi ewu - Goat-hedo lickins' (remember ur fingers)
Garri - Grain o' fibres
Bokoto/ Nkwobi - Hoof salad
Ogi/Akamu - Corn Caramel
Kpof kpof - Energy Buns
Chin chin - Dough Rocks
Zobo - Juice Rosa Afrik
Kunnu - Grain Alive
Burundi - Coconut Jaw-Breakers
Bread and Akara - Bean cake Burger
Ofada rice - Unpolished Rice for Vegetarian
Adalu - Lentils & Grain Salad

A businessman met a beautiful girl and agreed to spend the afternoon with
her for $500.
They did their thing, and, before he left,
he told her that he did not have any cash with him,
but he would have his secretary write
a cheque and mail it to her,
calling the payment "RENT FOR APARTMENT."

On the way to the office, he regretted what he had done,
realizing that the whole event had not been worth the price.
So he had his secretary send a cheque for $250 and enclose the following
typed note:

"Dear Madam:
Enclosed find a cheque for $250 for rent of your apartment.
I am not sending the amount agreed upon,
because when I rented the place,
I was under the impression that:

1 - it had never been occupied;

2 - there was plenty of heat; and

3 - it was small enough to make me feel cosy and at home.

However, I found out that it had been previously occupied, that there
wasn't any heat, and that it was entirely too large."

Upon receipt of the note, the girl immediately returned the cheque
for $250 with the following note:

"Dear Sir:
First, I cannot understand how you could expect a beautiful apartment
to remain unoccupied indefinitely.
As for the heat, there is plenty of it, if you know how to turn it on.
Regarding the space, the apartment is indeed of regular size,
but if you don't have enough furniture
to fill it, please do not blame the management.

Please send the rent in full or we will be forced to contact your present
landlady.