₦airaland Forum

Nice post

Nice, well written and interesting short..

Speedyboi and villageboi said it all.. and about the grammar errors; Oh my, i cant help kicking myself in the head after i read my script over and over again and not see those errors until someone point it out for me

I like what villageboi said, that if you ask 100 writers to write a version of the first scene, they will come up with different things.. infact i actually prefer villageboi's version of the first scene to the original version, no disrespect to tony ayo... apparently ths is what most Hollywood screenwriter does, they send their script to colleagues to help improve the script thats why we see ''almost perfect'' stories on screen.

If we continue like this, together we can change the image of Nigeria film industry.

@Op As a screenwriter you must learn how to stomach criticism, thats pretty important even films that win oscar award, some people still find them boring (that means people see things differently) You have to learn from every critics coz they have some iota of truth

The script would have make more sense if it is well written, tbh the story is actually better than some stories have seen on here but it is badly written. You need to learn how to write a proper script, things like scene description, introduction of characters and dialogue arrangement. you can simply do this by reading some hollywood scripts and learn from it.

Nobody is perfect at writing scripts, even the tutors are not perfect coz if they are they should be writing for universal pictures.

Once again, Pls learn how to stomach criticism and learn from it, it will make you better

WOW this is amazing... his passion for filmmaking is out of this world, the execution and editing of the fight @6.30 is incredible. I'M INSPIRED

Comedy! wow thats nice.. apparently comedy is the hardest script to write, i'll love to see your work whenever you write one

Interesting short and nicely written

Am afraid i kinda agree with speedyboi, its more of a fantasy than horror. Maybe if you show us in the script how Mary was killed, like madam Q walks to her and rip her heart out and eat it bla bla bla and how Madam Q destroyed the pregnancy by just looking at Mary's tummy, it might look scary lol.

And also that Madam Q character, do you intend to make her Jaye's mother or just a neighbour as she introduced herself to Mary? i think you need to make that clear in the script if thats what you intend to do, coz i thought she's a neighbour that helped Jaye acquire his wealth, both Jaye and Madam Q now lie to sade by calling Madam Q his mom to make things easy whenever they plan to kill sade. hope you catch my drift?

Overall its a very interesting short script, looks like you are more into horror/fantasy stories. nice one

sholay2011: Have you checked out my short film script- 'Nigerian Horror Story'? You shud go through it. I wud appreciate it.

Yea am just reading it now, am sorry i dont come on here often i should have read it long time ago. Am going to comment on it now.

sholay2011: Yes bro. But I must say you're talented. Just try to find that suitable plot that wud 'waoh' ppl. Our best is yet to come.

Absolutely, our best is yet to come. Thank you bro

sholay2011: But I think the plot would be more suitable for a feature script. I felt there was 'too much going on' for a short film.

Alot of poeple that read the script said the same thing. I think i might write the feature script and see how it looks.

Nice work bro.. I like the way you ''show'' but its abit too much in couple of places, have read alot of hollywood scripts and they didnot show as much as do. I guess everyone have its own style of writing.

I like the plot but ''whats at stake'' is not really high, i heard what makes a good short is ''a plot that has something big at stake'' Overall well written script.

VillageBoi: Yes you said that in your post before this one. I was waiting for you to spot your 'contradiction'... a 'crew he put together'... it is not a 'solo' undertaking and is NEVER taught as such.

Oh, hmmm bro i guess you dont get the point i tried to make in the script or maybe i didnt make it clear, Its a film school, they have students who are screenwriters,directors,producers and so on. So they purposely put them together in a group to work with each other, so its all their project not someone (solo) project.

What i mean by he put his crew together is that it was his project (Like he was told to write and direct a shot film) so he had to get a crew to help him but its still a solo project. But in the script, it is their project. A writer,director,producer,editor are all put together to make a short film. I thought that was clear in the script if you read past the first dialogue.

Yea I heard about ''dont spoonfeed the audience'' too. But i dont think thats much of spoonfeeding. either way i get your point, i was just thinking about people that doesnt know anything about filmmaking.

About the solo filmmaking, i wish i can post my friend's project for you to see. He write and directed the short film with the crew he put together. and my other friend was asked to make a solo documentary in film school. So yea there are

About the capital letter of some words, tbh i dont know why i write it that way

@Villageboi, i actually did some course in filmmaking but am still a newbie.
i intentionally made the course leader states the roles because of people that doesn't know anything about filmmaking that would be reading the script. You are into filmmaking thats why it seems obvious to you. Think about other people that doesn't know shyt about filmmaking, One thing i heard is that ''you need to make the plot clear to the audience''

You said something about research, well am pretty sure there are alot of courses where you shoot a solo film with your own crew, so i know exactly what am talking about.

About the knuckleheads, Seems like you live in abroad so i think you should know the word doesnt really mean anything to these white people. Have heard a tutor used it before and we all laugh about it.

I agree with all other things you said, am still learning. Thanks for reading.

@ sholay2011, thank you bro

sholay2011: Why don't you to paste your script here directly? I think it helps you to easily get a significant number to read your work instead of going thru the stress of downloading. #My opinion#

*Starts to download script on my phone*

I tried it but it messed up the arrangement of the script and made it look really amateur ish

Hi guys, can i hear you guys opinion on this short, if there is any way i can spice it up.

Whats the total package?

Can we see some pictures pls

Thanks.. am going to re-write some things

TITLE: Vengeance
LOGLINE: Revenge; does it really worth it?

This is a short film am planing on shooting. Please read and criticise. Thanks

Its good to have you guys on here. Looks like we have some experience screenwriter here. More to learn.

Yea i understand where his coming from. Thanks guys

mufex: The story is decent...having in mind that it is just a short movie. The scene description is very good....And As Sholay said, 'you were kind of showing rather telling.." but the script is okay. I will love to read more of your works...I also have a feature film script i will love to know ur opinion on the script.

I appreciate you guys criticism. but i'm kind of confuse about what you mean by I'm showing rather than telling. I think theres a phrase in screenwriting that says ''Show, Dont tell'' I personally think i didn't ''show'' enough in the script. But anywayz i'll like you guys to elaborate more on what you mean so to help improve my writing skills. Thanks guys

real-teflon:
@alkaline.ak; Good scene description. May I sample some other script you have written. Email me ojiscute@yahoo.ca. I have a romance comedy story fully written out, I don't know if you can write a feature script on it?

Thank you very much. I'm writing one at the moment, i'll send it to you when i finish. About your story, You can send it to alkalinefilms001@gmail.com. i love working on other peoples work.

sholay2011: Apart from some things like tenses and 'showing more rather telling'....this is a good script.

I also admire your vivid description of each scene...something I am not good at. Though, the story itself is not that engaging. The sky is your beginning.

Btw, what software did you use for this? Nice work.

Thank you very much. I used Final Draft 8. i think thats what most hollywood screenwriter use.

I was asked to write a 3mins screenplay about 1-2 actor, 1-2 location and this is what i could come up with. Please Read and criticise. Thanks

Please post synopsis for us to see. Thanks

cheleku: Football has since changed...the ultra defensive midfield role is dying a natural death. Unfortunately, Mikel is yet to realise this. Modern defensive midfielders like Busquet, Yaya, Javi Martinez, Alonso, Carrick are more dynamic, faster and can make fairly accurate foward passes. Same cannot be said of Mikel. The question is if Mikel can modernize his play, and the answer to that question is yes. When he dones the Nigerian jersey, the lad is something else. He makes more foward runs and passes and even dribbles more, yet retaining his defensive ability. He clearly lacks this attacking part when he plays for Chelsea. I think at Chelsea, he plays with aprehension. He is always trying to avoid making mistakes, which inadevertently dulls his game.

Mikel is playing to the instruction of the manager. I read one article where Mikel said during the time of Mourinho, he always told him not to attempt any long pass that is job is to get the ball from the defender and pass it to lampard. As you stated in your post that whenever Mikel is playing for Nigeria he express himself and drive forward, that is because the manager allows him to drive forward.

gloryhouse: What is ur budget and how many years are you looking for please.

budget is N500k preferably V.I or lekki phase 1. for more than one year

Hi, I'm looking for 2 bedroom apartment in the area you mention above, Pls let me know if you have any and their prices.thanks