NOTE - DOC File attached below for download

CUT IN:

TITLE OVER – FRIDAY

EXT. STREET – DAY

In an executive street, a saloon car turns up, stops before a gate, we see a mover-van driving off the premises, a beautiful lady who is driving steps out of the saloon car, she is MARY (30’s), she marches to the gate and opens it.

A 10 years old male child in school uniform who’s putting on a back-pack steps out of the saloon car, clutching a football in his arm as he enters the compound, he is JUNIOR, Mary’s son.

In the compound – we see an old car packed inside, clinched wheelchair, caged rabbit, and a MAN (30’s) who is gripping a pale looking WOMAN (30’s) as they amble to their flat – they are backing us.

Mary drives in her car into the compound while Junior is still standing by the side.

Mary steps out of the car, clinging her hand-bag, saunters to the car’s trunk and opens it, junior joins her. As they start unloading beverages and food stuffs.

Junior wants to carry a carton as his football falls off his arms and ricochets; Junior wants to get his ball...

MARY
Junior?!

JUNIOR
I want to get my ball.

MARY
The food stuffs first, your ball will be the last thing you’ll take inside.

JUNIOR
(dejected)
Mom?

MARY
You heard me.

Mary gives Junior their flat’s key as Junior takes the carton he is clutching inside their flat, Mary continues unloading from her car trunk.

The man who was ambling with a woman inside their flat steps out to take in the clinched wheelchair and caged rabbit, putting on priest’s collar as he caught eyes with Mary, who is carrying a bag of food stuffs with both hands.

MARY (CONT’D)
(wears a fake smile)
Hi.

MAN
(returns smile)
Hi.

MARY
New tenant?

MAN
Yes. Packed in few hours ago.

MARY
Adorable creature.

MAN
What?

MARY
The rabbit, it’s an adorable creature.

MAN
Ya, my wife’s.

MARY
The woman...

MAN
Yes, she’s... not well.

The man extends his hand for a hand shake and observes that Mary’s both hands are in use, he then withdraws his hand.

MARY
Sorry.

MAN
It’s alright. I’m Pastor Emeka by the way.

MARY
Mary.

Junior steps out to take in food stuffs as he catches Pastor Emeka’s eyes, Mary notices it.

MARY (CONT’D)
Junior.

PASTOR EMEKA
What?

MARY
My son, Junior.

PASTOR EMEKA
Ohw, cute kid.

MARY
He’s all I got in this whole wide world.

PASTOR EMEKA
I see.

Junior takes food stuff inside.

MARY
It’s a pleasure meeting you Pastor...

PASTOR EMEKA
Emeka.

MARY
Pastor Emeka.

PASTOR EMEKA
My pleasure meeting you too Mary, the friendly neighbour.

MARY
Ehm, if you can excuse me pastor, I need to take this inside.


PASTOR EMEKA
Okay, no problem.

Pastor Emeka and Mary leave the scene.

FADE TO:

TITLE OVER – SATURDAY

INT. PASTOR EMEKA’S FLAT – DINING – DAY

Pastor Emeka is putting the dining table for six in place with tea beverages, while his pale looking wife keeps her eyes on him while sitting in the dinning seat.

Knock on the door.

EXT. PASTOR EMEKA’S FLAT – DOOR

Mary is standing before the door clutching a key as Pastor Emeka opens the door.

PASTOR EMEKA
(chuckles, shakes head)
The friendly neighbour.

MARY
Ya, good morning.

PASTOR EMEKA
Morning.

MARY
I have something to give you, a spare of the gate padlock’s key for you.

Mary hands over the key to Pastor Emeka.

PASTOR EMEKA
Thanks.

EMEKA’s WIFE (O.S)
(weak tone)
Is that Mary darling?

PASTOR EMEKA
Yes.
MARY
(whispers)
Your wife knows me?

PASTOR EMEKA
I told her about you, sorry.

EMEKA’s WIFE (O.S)
Tell her to please join us for breakfast.

PASTOR EMEKA
(to Mary)
You heard her.

TIME CUT:

INT. PASTOR EMEKA’S FLAT – DINING – DAY

Mary, Pastor Emeka and Emeka’s wife are drinking tea with bread seated on the table for six sitting close to each other.

PASTOR EMEKA
(to Mary)
It’s like your boy has gone to school?

MARY
Yes, he’s the class monitor, that’s why he leaves before seven o’clock.

PASTOR EMEKA
I see.

EMEKA’s WIFE
(to Mary)
What do you do?

MARY
I’m running a provision store, Majestic Supermarket.

EMEKA’s WIFE
Are you married?

MARY
Was.


PASTOR EMEKA
Divorced?

MARY
Not exactly.

EMEKA’s WIFE
What happened?

MARY
Long story.

PASTOR EMEKA
You can share with us; you know I’m a pastor, I’ve heard worst.

MARY
(sighs deeply)
Okay, it was five years ago when my son survived a terrible illness, the illness that writhed the poor boy for eight long months; I lost it during those months my boy was suffering.

PASTOR EMEKA
What did you mean by – you lost it?

MARY
I was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease.

PASTOR EMEKA
(confusingly)
What’s that?

MARY
A degenerative disorder that affects the brain.

PASTOR EMEKA
God... was it at that time that your husband left you?

MARY
No, I got well, but I started seeing thing that weren’t there.

PASTOR EMEKA
Delusion?

MARY
Yes.

PASTOR EMEKA
That was the reason why he left?

MARY
Yes, no man would want to live with an insane woman, he couldn’t bear it anymore.

PASTOR EMEKA
He left, leaving your boy with you?

MARY
Yes, he knows that taking him away from me will destroy me. All is well now ‘cause it’s been three years that I’ve been liberated from being delusional.

PASTOR EMEKA
We thank God.

Mary sips her tea.

EMEKA’s WIFE
All men are not the same, my husband have been there for me for six good years, without even talking or planning to leave me.

PASTOR EMEKA
Stop Ada.

Ada coughs, cleans her mouth slowly with her handkerchief, grabs her cup of tea with both hands as she sips it.

MARY
Six years?

PASTOR EMEKA
Yes, six good years, just four months after I married her, we’ve been to five hospitals in India, the tests were all similar. We’ve been spending for the past six years for her to get well, spending our lives savings. We were once landlords but now we’re tenants.


MARY
What kind of an illness is it?

ADA
Pernicious Anaemia.

PASTOR EMEKA
That’s what they call it.

MARY
(surprisingly)
As in... blood disease?

PASTOR EMEKA
Yes. My wife can’t do anything because she’s always feeling weak, and there is this drug that is depriving us of our fortunes, ehm...

ADA
Methylprednisolone.

PASTOR EMEKA
Yes... she takes 40mg shots of that daily. Her haematologist gives her B12 shots when the methyl-something isn’t available.

MARY
(sighs, shakes head in empathy)
Pastor Emeka you’re a good man, you’ve been there with your wife for all these years she felt ill, you’re a good man, it’s only God that’ll bless you for her.

PASTOR EMEKA & ADA
Amen.

PASTOR EMEKA
I’m doing it for the woman I love and for God.

MARY
How about your church members, are they being helpful?

PASTOR EMEKA
Yes, o yes, my church brothers and sisters are great people they’ve been there for us so far.

MARY
Thank God for them.
(to Ada)
My sister you got to be strong, God is watching.

ADA
Thank you very much my sister.

PASTOR EMEKA
All is well.

Pastor Emeka, Mary and Ada take their tea and bread continually.

FADE TO:

TITLE OVER – SUNDAY

EXT. PASTOR EMEKA’S FLAT - DAY

Mary comes close to the flat’s door, she’s on cooperate attire, clutching a hand bag and bible, she then uses the door’s key to open it as she steps in.

INT. PASTOR EMEKA’S FLAT – SITTING ROOM

Mary is inside as she glances around, sees Ada’s rabbit in its cage before the dining, she opens the cage and leaves the rabbit’s food which she brought out from her hand bag. Mary is about to leave as she catches a glimpse of pictures on the centre table, she grabs the pictures as she starts viewing one picture to another.

Viewing from one picture to another (which are male and female child’s pictures between the ages of 8 to 12 years old), as Mary is viewing the pictures, she then gets to a particular picture we can’t see yet, she pauses and becomes troubled.

MARY
(startled)
What a hell?

Mary drops the rest of the pictures on the centre table, she’s clutching and viewing Junior’s picture with a reddish ‘X’ mark painted on it.

MARY (CONT’D)
This is not... the kids pictures. No.
Mary runs off with junior’s picture, her hand bag and bible.

EXT. PASTOR EMEKA’S FLAT – DAY – LATER

Mary and TWO POLICEMEN (30,35) one on mufti the other on uniform, one is holding junior’s marked picture as they argue inaudibly.

EXT. GATE

Pastor Emeka’s old car turns up with Ada in it, he packs before a police’s car, Pastor Emeka steps out leaving Ada in the car.

EXT. PASTOR EMEKA’S FLAT

Pastor Emeka comes close to where Mary and the policemen are standing.

PASTOR EMEKA
(to Mary)
What’s the problem?

Mary ignores Pastor Emeka.

MARY
(to policeman #1, re: pst. Emeka)
He’s the one.

PASTOR EMEKA
What is she talking about?

POLICEMAN #1
(to Mary)
Madam there was no strong evidence to use in arresting him.

PASTOR EMEKA
(confuse)
Arrest who? What is happening here?

POLICEMAN #2
(to pst. Emeka)
Relax mister.

PASTOR EMEKA
Relax? You people are in front of my house, so I have the right to ask what the problem is!
MARY
(to pst. Emeka)
You child abductor.

PASTOR EMEKA
What?! Mary?

MARY
Don’t “Mary” me.

POLICEMAN #1
(to Mary)
Hey miss what are you doing?

PASTOR EMEKA
Can somebody please tell me what is going on here! Why is my neighbour calling me names?!

TWO FEMALE NEIGHBOURS (30’s) join pastor Emeka, the policemen and Mary.

MARY
(to Pst. Emeka)
I’m going to make sure those children you...

POLICEMAN #2
(interrupts)
Will you shut up lady?!
(to pst. Emeka)
Sorry mister, I believe you’re Pastor Emeka?

PASTOR EMEKA
Yes.

Ada comes into the compound and comes close to them.

PASTOR EMEKA
(to Ada)
Darling?

ADA
I need to know what is happening here.

POLICEMAN #2
(to pst. Emeka)
So pastor Emeka, your neighbour...

POLICEMAN #2 (CONT’D)
(re: Mary)
here called our department telling them that you people ask her to feed your pet rabbit.

PASTOR EMEKA
Yes.

POLICEMAN #2
On doing that she saw kids’ pictures, believing that you’re trying to abduct them or something.

NEIGHBOUR #1
Haaa!

NEIGHBOUR #2
(snaps finger)
God forbid.

POLICEMAN #2
The children are between the ages of 8 to 12 years old, and that she also saw the picture of her son, marked, believing her son is your next target. She showed us the marked picture of her son.

Policeman #1 hands over junior’s marked picture to Pastor Emeka.

POLICEMAN #2 (CONT’D)
I must apologise mister for entering and searching your house without your present. We searched your house, checked every possible places but we couldn’t find any kids’ pictures or anything related to it. We apologise.

MARY
I know what I saw! I saw pictures on his centre table.

POLICEMAN #1
Easy woman, you got to thank us for not arresting and putting a bail on your head, such hoax call is worth 50K bail charges.

Mary ignores policeman #1 and angrily comes close to Pastor Emeka and forcefully takes junior’s picture from him.

ADA
Mary?

MARY
(to Pst.Emeka)
If anything happens to my son!

PASTOR EMEKA
I forgive you Mary, I understand your delusion.

NEIGHBOUR #1
Delusion?

MARY
(sniggers angrily)
You think I’m now seeing things that aren’t there? How about my boy’s picture?

PASTOR EMEKA
Alzheimer’s disease can make one to do unnatural things.

MARY
(angrily)
Thunder will fire you exactly where you’re standing right now for saying such!

ADA
Shame on you Mary.
(coughs)
Shame on you. So you believe that my husband is a child abductor, mmmh? You presented yourself as a good neighbour before us, we welcomed you into our lives, and you’re paying us back by allegedly lying to the public that my husband is a child abductor, I don’t blame your husband for leaving you.

NEIGHBOUR #1
Hey!

Neighbour #2 fold hands and shrug shoulders, Mary pushes Ada angrily, Ada falls to the ground, starts seizing and spewing blood...

Beat...

MARY
(to oneself in low tone)
Somebody should call somebody.
(to pst. Emeka)
Let’s take her to the hospital!

Pastor Emeka is standing immobile, Mary shakes him as he becomes mobile.

PASTOR EMEKA
Let me start the car.

Pastor Emeka runs off to start the car.

MARY
(to policemen)
Oga police, help o!

The neighbours and the policemen help Mary to carry Ada.

FADE TO:

TITLE OVER – FRIDAY

EXT. MARY’S FLAT – DAY

Pastor Emeka is wearing priest’s collar, comes close to Mary’s door and knocks. Moments later, Mary opens the door, putting on night’s wear.

MARY
(soothingly)
Pastor?

PASTOR EMEKA
Good morning.

MARY
Come in.

PASTOR EMEKA
I’m in haste; I just want to be quick with my message.

MARY
I’m really really sorry for what I’ve cost you.

PASTOR EMEKA
I really appreciate your condolences, it is said that death is inevitable; we can’t change nature, my wife’s death won’t be different.

MARY
(whimpers)
I’m really sorry.

PASTOR EMEKA
(scoffs)
Apologies accepted. I didn’t actually come here for you to apologise to me for killing my wife, I came here to thank you for helping me out by killing my wife.

MARY
(puzzled)
What?

PASTOR EMEKA
Yes.
(chuckles)
So you now believe that you were delusional that day the incident occurred? All you saw that day was real. The pictures are all real because I kept them there for you to see, but I'm not what you think I am. I hired a professional photographer to help me out with that, including taking your son’s picture as well.
(smiles)
I was inside my room awaiting your leave.

Mary becomes bemused.

PASTOR EMEKA (CONT’D)
I left my church earlier claiming that I have an urgent appointment with one of the top ministers in town, my assistant then took charge. I left my church to my flat unnoticed.

MARY
(disgustedly)
You’re a madman.



PASTOR EMEKA
Yes, madness is like gravity, what it needs is just a little push.

MARY
I’m calling the police...

PASTOR EMEKA
And tell them what? That I confessed to you.
(chuckles)
Don’t be naïve, I know you’re smarter, they’ll believe you only if you’re recording this conversation of ours, which you’re not, or are you recording it?

MARY
Why?

PASTOR EMEKA
Why what?

MARY
Why did you use me?

PASTOR EMEKA
Because I can’t do it.

MARY
You can’t do what?

PASTOR EMEKA
I can’t kill my own wife myself. Being a pastor is like a profession to me, business, not that I’m doing it for some God, but I do have conscience. I lie, I cheat, I fornicate, yes, but killing, is not my kind of thing. I’ve been planning this for six good years, we’ve moved from two neighbourhoods before we arrived to this place, I tried tricking some neighbours to help me out with the killing but to no avail, I came here, heard your story, and you were the perfect being, but I didn’t know you’ll carry it out this soon. I packed in here on Friday and I’m leaving in a week’s time, thanks to you.

MARY
You are a devil!
PASTOR EMEKA
I might be, you don’t know, you don’t know what it means to marry a wife for six years with no child all because you can’t have sex with her, a wife you baths sometimes, do everything she’s suppose to be doing, you don’t know. I’ve been locked in this dilemma for so long, thanks to you, I’m a free man now.

Pastor Emeka cackles.

MARY
(sobbing tone)
Get out, you devil!

PASTOR EMEKA
(grins sinisterly)
I’m leaving already, and... I don’t mind to be the devil because the Master of all devils was once God’s cherished angel.

MARY
Get out!

Pastor Emeka departs, Mary slams the door.

EXT – STREET

Pastor Emeka goes into his car while a mover-van is packing in its front, he drives his car pass the mover-van as the mover-van follows his car and they drive away continually.

INT. MARY’S SITTING ROOM

Mary is now seated on her sofa, feeling guilty, bemused and terrified, gripping her legs which are on the sofa, sobbing as something suddenly hits her thoughts, stands boldly, wipe eyes, picks phone, dials a number, it rings, the receiver answers...

MALE (V.O)
Hello, who is this?

MARY
It’s me Mary... your wife.

CUT TO BLACK:
THE END

?

tony yayo...how are you?
----
downloading now..

I actually like the premise of this story. I do think the way the Pastor set her up is too 'somehow' - How did he know for sure it would lead to the fight outside the house? - he could never have predicted that.
A few of the regular niggles here and there but since we've now figured out your style and the mistakes you make we can ignore them and concentrate on the 'general' story/plot... So yeah, I did like this one in general.

A very good thing about is you keep on trying and you will get better and better.

Oh one thing pls don't do the

Mary
(Re: dog)

rather write it as -

Mary
Blah, blah, blah
(to Pastor)
Blah, blah, blah

VillageBoi:
I actually like the premise of this story. I do think the way the Pastor set her up is too 'somehow' - How did he know for sure it would lead to the fight outside the house? - he could never have predicted that.
A few of the regular niggles here and there but since we've now figured out your style and the mistakes you make we can ignore them and concentrate on the 'general' story/plot... So yeah, I did like this one in general.

A very good thing about is you keep on trying and you will get better and better.

Oh one thing pls don't do the

Mary
(Re: dog)

rather write it as -

Mary
Blah, blah, blah
(to Pastor)
Blah, blah, blah

Thanks villageboi, but i don't really buy this ur 'kind' comments. I need my mistakes to be shown to me, i need to know the mistakes u pointed out that i NORMALLY make in my writing, shun the plot thing 4 now abeg.

VillageBoi:
I do think the way the Pastor set her up is too 'somehow' - How did he know for sure it would lead to the fight outside the house? - he could never have predicted that.

The pst didn't actually know that it'll pan out like that, but what he knows for sure is that the set up will upset mary, like he was telling mary at the ending side that he didn't know that she'll carry out the job this soon.

tony ayo:
Thanks villageboi, but i don't really buy this ur 'kind' comments. I need my mistakes to be shown to me, i need to know the mistakes u pointed out that i NORMALLY make in my writing, shun the plot thing 4 now abeg.

Ok, heading out... will do so when I get back.

Nice! I love this! I was bored at the beginning...but that was over in a short while.

Observations:
You need to work on your grammar! They are just too obvious and I couldn't get past them. You wrote things like 'leave' instead of 'live', 'they drives out' instead of 'they drive out' etc...like that!

The dialogue was engaging at the part where they were having breakfast....the rest sounds cheesy! Especially at that part where the pastor confessed to her (which could've been the climax of the film).....I was just like 'o my God...o my God...this is just not it!' That turned out to be my worst part of the script (which could've been my best, if not for the cheesy lines. Too cheesy).

Your parentheses are too much and unnecessary for most part (if not all)

I need to commend your description. Though you didn't use the best of words, but they were okay. just one thing I noticed; your descriptions are too specific jare ! Not that it is wrong, I just think it can cause trouble and probably limit your chances! Writing specific model of cars? Writing the specific diagram on the wall? The specific colour of the house painting? I find all these unnecessary! It doesn't add anything to the story/movie. If anything, it will only give the set designers and the props headache and nothing more!



Villageboi will come and analyze properly
*grabs a bottle of bear while waiting for villageboi, my brother *

^^^^^ He has said it all. Note those things he pointed out. The sky is your beginning.

@Action line tense flaws. Am i blind not to see that! The same f**king flaws all the time, there's really something wrong with me or my eyes or i'm having a f**king problem with scriptwriting present time format. DAMN!
Thanks speedy for seeing something i couldn't see.

You are welcome Bro . I'm glad I could be of help.

Hi Tony,

I really don’t have anything to add as SpeedyBoi has said it so well. He’s covered what the issues with the script are.
We all know there are a few problems with the grammar and using wrong words as he pointed out but I personally no longer have a problem with that in your scripts simply because we already know that when the time comes you’ll get better at it and may just get someone to make those small corrections before posting. What I’ll add here is simple nitpicking for the sake of an excercise.

One of the things you should do is start your scenes as late as possible and end them as early as possible. That will cut out a lot of dead weight.

There are a lot of ‘Hi’, ‘Hi’ in your first scene - they wan greet themselves die lol. Even the dog sef wan greet persin die... just kidding.

In this first scene you are letting us know who is who but as Speedy pointed out it was quite a bit slow. Start thinking of pacing it up with something and I mean with some ACTION. A lot of our writing does read as TALKING HEADS. I will explain that to you a bit later. So how do we make it a bit more exciting for the readers and visually?

First let me link us all to the other recent thread where we have been talking about TIME in scenes. (some of you will know exactly what I am talking about).
So let’s work on this first scene. What is the TIME? – Mary has just brought her 10 yr old son home from school – Where I live that generally points me to about 3-3.30 PMish. Why have said this? Because there is a line of dialogue that made me go “Huh?” when I first read it – The Pastor says “You’re actually the first occupant in this estate to say hi to us.”. At 3pm I would expect most people are still at work be it an office or shop and the school kids are just trickling back. Secondly he has only just arrived and is getting unpacked so the question is - how many people does he expect would have said hi to him in the few minutes he has been there? Let’s not forget that the hardest thing to write is good-to-great dialogue.

Remember what I’m doing here is just an exercise we’re having to get writers to think harder about every single word they write down on paper.
So what happens in your first scene? You introduce us to the main characters. How can we grab the audience and make them want to stay for the rest of it? – Visually.
Tell the general gist of this scene to 100 different writers; ask them to write it and you will get 100 different versions of it.

A more visual version could be (not in script format but mainly just ideas)

EXT. ESTATE STREET - DAY
A Toyota car turns into the street. Further along the street there is a movers van parked; the back is open with men moving furniture into a house. In front of the van is a Mercedes; a man wearing a clerical collar helps a woman into a wheel chair; the frail woman holds lightly onto a leash with an Alsatian puppy.
The Toyota rolls up to and parks behind the van. Mary & her son step out. The boy picks up his backpack and swings it across his shoulder and bends to pick something from the passenger floor of the car.

MARY
(harshly)
Junior, hurry up!

The boy quickly gets up and a basketball slips out of his hands and into the road… bouncing.
The puppy dog pricking up his ears, runs up to and clumsily plays with the ball yapping in delight. Junior smiles.

PASTOR (O.S.)
Delia! Delia!!

Junior rushes to play with the dog as the pastor shaking his head wheels his wife to the pavement.

MARY
Juinor! Leave that dog alone. Come and take the keys and go and wash you hands now!!

Pastor briskly walks towards them

PASTOR
Madam, I am so, so sorry about that…
(Picking the leash)
I’m Pastor Emeka

MARY
Hmmm, new neighbour?

He smiles at Mary as his eyes follow Junior walking into their flat

PASTOR
Yes.
(notioning)
This is my wife Ada.

MARY
(waving to Ada)
Hiya, I’m Mary…

Two schoolboys on bicycles ride past, on spotting Ada in the wheelchair they speed up chanting

BOYS
Cripple, cripple!

The pastor and Ada have shocked looks on their faces

MARY
(jokingly sarcastic)
So sorry about that… welcome to our fabulously ‘friendly’ neighbourhood.

As this post is quite long I purposely left normal script information such as introducing Mary & her son when we first see them in the car and so on.
I would not write it like this but I just want you to see what is possible if you think about your writing in images and 'actions'. Of course there is far too much ‘action’ in what I just wrote but you get the point? Cause & effect! Using the puppy and the ball as a catalyst to give these characters a reason to interact with each other. We can also analyse the reason behind certain choices and actions. The biggest hint being as Mary was talking to the pastor he was 'lustfully' watching her son walk inside. So without ‘telling’ we have just ‘shown’ a lot of what your script is actually about - or better still... set a tone.
Please do not use as many parethenticals in the script as I did... that was purposely to explain stuff due to my rushed writing of this.

I hope this small exercise is a little bit useful to you and others, just as it was to me.

Anyway as said before I do really like this work of yours. When you do your rewrite you'll have good enough pointers from this and other threads.

Thank u very much villageboy, and thanks also for clearing me up on the other thread concerning scriptwriting and screenwriting.

tony ayo: Thank u very much villageboy, and thanks also for clearing me up on the other thread concerning scriptwriting and screenwriting.

You're very welcome.

tony ayo: @Action line tense flaws. Am i blind not to see that! The same f**king flaws all the time, there's really something wrong with me or my eyes or i'm having a f**king problem with scriptwriting present time format. DAMN!
Thanks speedy for seeing something i couldn't see.

Don't beat yourself up over not seeing some flaws. What we all post here are 1st Drafts - Trust me not Speilberg, Sorkin, Cameron or any mega huge name can write a 1st draft without it having flaws - it just does not happen... and yes I'm saying that as a fact.

Some of the most well known authors, writers and thinkers CANNOT spell - no one cares. They all have editors. Shebi I hear say Jeffrey Archer can't spell? Earnest Hemingway sef - you no go fit read wetin him write. Some of them sef wan die on top sh*tty grammar. Me sef can't spell.

So yes I will ignore all your spelling and grammar mistakes, albeit, annoying and focus on your stories from now. I f**king loved this one you wrote so relax and smile because you did well.

PS - Have fun reading this, I did - http://www.onlinecollegecourses.com/2012/01/24/15-famous-thinkers-who-couldnt-spell/

@tony yayo
VillageBoi and speedyboi have said it all.
----
welldone.

VillageBoi:

Don't beat yourself up over not seeing some flaws. What we all post here are 1st Drafts - Trust me not Speilberg, Sorkin, Cameron or any mega huge name can write a 1st draft without it having flaws - it just does not happen... and yes I'm saying that as a fact.

Some of the most well known authors, writers and thinkers CANNOT spell - no one cares. They all have editors. Shebi I hear say Jeffrey Archer can't spell? Earnest Hemingway sef - you no go fit read wetin him write. Some of them sef wan die on top sh*tty grammar. Me sef can't spell.

So yes I will ignore all your spelling and grammar mistakes, albeit, annoying and focus on your stories from now. I f**king loved this one you wrote so relax and smile because you did well.

PS - Have fun reading this, I did - http://www.onlinecollegecourses.com/2012/01/24/15-famous-thinkers-who-couldnt-spell/

That's all i wanted to hear. Thanx

prof800: @tony yayo
VillageBoi and speedyboi have said it all.
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welldone.

Noted sir!!!

prof800: @tony yayo
VillageBoi and speedyboi have said it all.
----
welldone.

Oga Prof, thank you.

Nice, well written and interesting short..

Speedyboi and villageboi said it all.. and about the grammar errors; Oh my, i cant help kicking myself in the head after i read my script over and over again and not see those errors until someone point it out for me

I like what villageboi said, that if you ask 100 writers to write a version of the first scene, they will come up with different things.. infact i actually prefer villageboi's version of the first scene to the original version, no disrespect to tony ayo... apparently ths is what most Hollywood screenwriter does, they send their script to colleagues to help improve the script thats why we see ''almost perfect'' stories on screen.

If we continue like this, together we can change the image of Nigeria film industry.

alkaline.ak:
Nice, well written and interesting short..

Speedyboi and villageboi said it all.. and about the grammar errors; Oh my, i cant help kicking myself in the head after i read my script over and over again and not see those errors until someone point it out for me

I like what villageboi said, that if you ask 100 writers to write a version of the first scene, they will come up with different things.. infact i actually prefer villageboi's version of the first scene to the original version, no disrespect to tony ayo... apparently ths is what most Hollywood screenwriter does, they send their script to colleagues to help improve the script thats why we see ''almost perfect'' stories on screen.

If we continue like this, together we can change the image of Nigeria film industry.

Well said alkaline, i'm really glad u liked the script.