₦airaland Forum

When you attend your Governor's Birthday Dinner, you dress suited up like Abraham Lincoln.
When you attend an evening service in Church, you dress like you missed your way from a refuse dump. Okay, well done.

When you have a flight to catch by 11 AM, you start moving to the airport by 9 AM. When you have Church service by 9 AM you leave the house by 9:30 AM, full 30 minutes after service has begun. Okay, well done.

When you have an appointment at Government House by 11 AM, you go there by 10 AM and sit over at the reception and wait till 1.00 PM unattended to. Yet, you wouldn't complain at all. When you have a Departmental Meeting at Church by 4.00 PM, you arrive late at 4:30 PM and realize the meeting hasn't started and you complain heaven and earth and threaten never to give attention to any such Departmental Meeting again. Okay, well done.

When you go to the American Embassy to get a visa, and you're ordered around and given specific instructions on where to sit and where not to, by people far younger and maybe, even less qualified than you are, you obey them with STRICT ADHERENCE. When you attend Church and ushers direct you on where to sit, you act as if they were talking to a cadaver. Okay, well done.

When you meet with your State Governor, you address him as "Your Excellency," even when you know you're far older than he is. When you meet with your Pastor, you're very comfortable to call him by name because, after all, he's a SMALL BOY OF YESTERDAY. Okay, well done.

From all indications, you place the GREATEST VALUE on every "Human Status" and "Institution" except what is God's. God appears to be the only person that suffers from your numerous excuses. You believe neither God nor His House is an EMERGENCY that requires your URGENCY, REVERENCE and ATTENTION. Okay, well done.

Problem is, tomorrow you run into trouble and you think your case is such an EMERGENCY that God should stand up from His throne and begin to run around for you. You tell everyone that you need URGENT DIVINE INTERVENTION. You put your Pastor under severe pressure as if he has become a 4th Member of the TRINITY. You roll on the floor and cry, "My FATHER, My FATHER, MY CASE IS URGENT!!!" You think God is a puppet without eyes and ears, that can be laid away and picked up when you want. If His presence is not URGENT to you, why should your CASE be URGENT to Him?
Who's in control here? You or Him?

Okay, well done.

Stepsse:
This joke is as dry and archaic as the change that Buhari promised....

then u are just as dry and foolish as your reply.....

yanabasee:
You |diots worship your pastors even more than the very Jesus the Bible asked us to follow his teachings!!!

you call giving a gift to a pastor worship, u are a disgrace to humanity

Holy Toasting...!
Boy: do you have a boyfriend?
Girl: No. I don’t want a boyfriend.
Boy: Genesis 2:18 “The Lord God said, ‘It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him’.”
Girl: But I don’t love you.
Boy: 1 John 4:8 "Whoever does not love, does not know God, because God is love.”
Girl: So how do I discern that your words are true?
Boy: Matthew 12:34b “For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of."
Girl: But how can I be sure that you are faithful and honest?
Boy: Mark 13:31 “Heaven and earth will pass away, but my words will never pass away."
Girl: But why me? There are so many girls out there.
Boy: Proverbs 31:29 “Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all!”
Girl: But what do you see in me, that makes you love me?
Boy: Song of Songs 4:7 " You are altogether beautiful, my darling; there is no flaw in you."
Girl: But really, I’m not that beautiful … you’re exaggerating.
Boy: Proverbs 31:30 “Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.”
Girl: What will happen if I say yes?
Boy: Genesis 2:24 “That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh."
Girl: How is it that you know so many Scriptures?
Boy: Joshua 1:8 “Keep this Book of the Law always on your lips; meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do everything written in it. Then you will be prosperous and successful. "
Girl: Wooow, I can see you really love God.
Boy: Psalm 34:8 “Taste and see that the Lord is good; blessed is the one who takes refuge in Him!”
Girl: Hmmm. Ok please just give me some time to think about this.
Boy: Philippians 4:8 "Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things."
Girl: owwww I love you already
Boy: Revelations 22:21b "Amen."
please share to make people laugh joor

yanabasee:
But he has been receiving cars and money from his members and that seems to be Goodwill gift and not a moving coffin....!!!

Does it mean that all the gifts he receive from his members are lawful?

why don't you use ur common sense or maybe use a dictionary

My opinion on paying of tithes.
Malachi 3:8-12 (KJV) :
8 Will a man rob God? Yet ye have robbed me. But ye say, Wherein have we robbed thee? In tithes and offerings.
9 Ye arecursed with a curse: for ye have robbed me,eventhis whole nation.
10 Bring ye all the tithes into the storehouse, that there may be meat in mine house, and prove me now herewith, saith the LORD of hosts, if I will not open you the windows of heaven, and pour you out a blessing, thatthere shallnotbe roomenoughto receive it.
11 And I will rebuke the devourer for your sakes, and he shall not destroy the fruits of your ground; neither shall your vine cast her fruit before the time in the field, saith the LORD of hosts.
12 And all nations shall call you blessed: for ye shall be a delightsome land, saith the LORD of hosts
that's what the BIBLE says @DaddyFRZ
# DoNotRobGOD
# NotOnMyWatch
# mazedgreat

watch out for the two-night crossover.

Best Of Akpos 2

3. One of the most popular Christian jokes about Akpos in Nigeria
Akpos was taking a walk in the wild places. Suddenly, a bush moved, and he saw a lion running toward him. Being a Christian, he decided to pray and ask God to save him.
After a short but passionate prayer, he opened his eyes only to notice a lion kneeling down and praying with its eyes closed. Puzzled Akpos asked the lion:
- So, are you also a Christian, right?
The lion opened its eyes and shushed at Akpos:
- Don't you know one has to say a prayer before having lunch?!
4. Computer genius
Akpos is typing his password on a computer. A friend sees it and asks him with genuine interest
Friend: Akpos, why does your password say “Samson”?
Akpos: I chose it after the system had said my previous password was rather weak.

like my page www.fb.com/amazingcommonsense

1. It is a very boring class. Students are taking notes, while a teacher himself falls asleep on his table. A few minutes later, students laughing and wondering how he could fall asleep during class send Akpos to him to wake him up.
Akpos comes up to a teacher and asks:
- Akpos: are you actually sleeping in the middle of a class?
- No, of course, I am not.
- Then how would you explain what you are doing?
- I am talking to God!
The next day. The same teacher is tutoring the same class. It is just as dull as on the previous day, so Akpos exhausted and not at all interested falls asleep. The teacher walks up to him and asks:
- Akpos, are you sleeping?
- No, teacher, I am not. I am talking to God as well.
- Oh, really?! And what is He telling you then?
- That He has no record of talking to you yesterday.
2. One of the funny naija jokes
“There is no love like mine.”
A man is talking to his woman. Suddenly, she interrupts him and asks:
Woman: Akpos, do you love me?
Akpos: Sure thing, I do/
Woman: How much do you love me then?
Akpos: Words cannot describe.How much!
Woman: Akpos, come on. Tell me!
Akpos (looking at his smartphone): Well, if I were a smartphone, my life without you would be pointless like a smartphone without its SIM card.
Woman: Oh, this is so sweet! (tears od happiness)
Akpos (in his mind): Yes, good thing I am a smartphone with room for two SIM cards.

like my page@ www.fb.com/amazingcommonsense

What's common between the sun and womens's underwear?
1) Both are hot.
2) Both look better while going down.
3) Both disappear by night...

" See, there were these two guys in a lunatic asylum... And one night, one night they decide they don't like living in an asylum any more. They decide they're going to escape! So, like, they get up onto the roof, and there, just across this narrow gap, they see the rooftops of the town, stretching away in the moon light... stretching away to freedom. Now, the first guy, he jumps right across with no problem. But his friend, his friend did not dare make the leap. Y'see... Y'see, he's afraid of falling. So then, the first guy has an idea... He says 'Hey! I have my flashlight with me! I'll shine it across the gap between the buildings. You can walk along the beam and join me!' B-but the second guy just shakes his head. He suh-says... He says 'Wh-what do you think I am? Crazy? You'd turn it off when I was half way across!' "

comment if you don't understand the joke