₦airaland Forum

A man got an information that his wife is in a hotel with another man. He called one of his friends and the rushed down to the hotel.

On reaching the door to the room where his wife was with the man, he broke the door and saw his wife, still thinking of what to do, his friend picked up a stool from a corner and hit the man on the waist as he was on top of the woman.

Immediately, the woman's husband rushed him and said you see that this man is on top of my wife, "are you trying to hit the thing inside the more or should you have looked for a way to bring it out.

A man's wedding was three days away when he suddenly developed a headache. He was taken to a hospital and was given a drug prescription of one tablet three times daily for three days.

The man came back and decided that since his wedding is three days away, that he would not have the time to be planning for the wedding and also taking the drugs, all he did was to multiply the 3 tablets daily by three days and took all at once.

Guess what happened,

Sir Alex Ferguson believes Manchester City will pose little threat to Manchester United's Premier League crown this season.

City manager Mark Hughes has spent millions building a squad he hopes is capable of breaking into the top four.
But United manager Ferguson said: "It won't be easy for them to win anything, even with the players they have bought.
"I can't look at them as our main competitors. Liverpool and Chelsea are our main competitors."
Emmanuel Adebayor is the latest addition to City's squad, which has already been boosted by the arrival of Gareth Barry, Roque Santa Cruz and former United favourite Carlos Tevez.

Striker Adebayor was signed from Arsenal for about £25m, midfielder Barry came from Aston Villa for £12m, Paraguayan frontman Santa Cruz cost £18m from Blackburn, while City paid £25m for Tevez.
Many United fans are unhappy at Tevez's departure but Ferguson feels the Argentine was not worth the money his advisers wanted to turn his "lease" period into a permanent deal.

"I didn't think he was worth £25m - that's just my judgement, maybe I am wrong," stated Ferguson.
"The fans quite rightly have their heroes and I respect them, so I was happy to go along with a deal as long as it was the right one - but he was simply not worth £25m."
Hughes, who already has Brazilian forward Robinho in his squad, also wants to strengthen City's defence.
He has had an approach for Everton's Joleon Lescott rejected and is keen to land Chelsea captain John Terry.


Sir Alex Ferguson  says Terry would be a good addition.

"If I was in City's shoes, with all that kind of money, then I would have a go at that," he revealed. "I think it's sensible. He has experience and is the England captain.
"For some reason they must have known that he was interested. I am sure there have been plenty of phone calls going on."
While City continue to splash the cash, United have kept transfer dealings to a minimum.
They have sold winger Cristiano Ronaldo to Real Madrid for a world record £80m and have so far acquired Michael Owen, Antonio Valencia and Gabriel Obertan.
But Ferguson still believes the only place City can challenge his side is in the battle for newspaper headlines and believes Hughes will have a hard time trying to make his team gel.

Hughes is still looking to strengthen his squad
"They have bought a lot of high-profile players but they have 10 strikers," said the Scot.
"That is a hell of a lot. I have not spoken to all the managers but the one or two I have are saying 'Who are they going to leave out?'
"How does he pick a team? We are all interested."
Ferguson also thinks Arsenal manager Arsene Wenger faces a huge challenge following the loss of star striker Adebayor to City.
"Arsenal have the biggest job to do because they have sold Adebayor and don't seem to have the money the rest have," said Ferguson.
"How Arsene develops his team will be his biggest test.
"The one thing we know about Arsenal is that they will play some of the best football you will see and create chances. They could easily re-establish themselves and challenge for the league again."

[url]It's time we call a spade a spade.
Kennis music came like a storm a washed away the real essence of Naija music. Now that there is a paradigm shift, it is left for them to re-define there acts or be out of business.

Music is a movement not a monument, so let them leave behind the old ways they have used to mess up the music industry and embrace the true ethics of Naija music. Else,

The Times claims that Chelsea and England captain John Terry is demanding a meeting with the Blues' owner, Roman Abramovich, to obtain assurances about the club’s future - the implication being that he has been unsettled by Manchester City's determined pursuit of his services.

Despite having been knocked back twice already by Chelsea after tabling bids for the central defender, City are still encouraged to believe that a deal could be reached with a £35 million offer for Terry. And they would love to seal that deal before Mark Hughes' squad fly out to South Africa on Wednesday as part of their pre-season preparations.

The Times suggests that Terry is worried Chelsea might be unable to attract a big-name signing to Stamford Bridge this summer, following several pursuits that ended with targets staying put or moving to other clubs instead.

No less pertinently, while Terry is rumoured to be seeking a weekly pay rise of around £20,000 to £150,000 a week, that is still well below what City are prepared to offer him.

Chelsea will be anxious to reassure the centre-back and secure his commitment to the club before their own pre-season tour to the United States kicks off on Thursday.

Although the 28-year-old negotiated the richest five-year contract in English football history two years ago, he has since seen team-mate Frank Lampard overtake him in the earnings league table.

Terry reportedly met new Chelsea manager Carlo Ancelotti on Thursday for talks about the upcoming season, and also spoke to club director Eugene Tenenbaum, but no new contract offer has been made, and now the defender wants to see Abramovich.

Meanwhile the Daily Telegraph suggests that Terry is understandably interested in a potential move to Eastlands for what would be mind-boggling money, despite his iconic status at Stamford Bridge.

For their part, City are deadly serious in their pursuit of Terry, who will turn 29 later this year. His current deal with Chelsea has three years to run, but City are prepared to push his earnings up to around £200,000 a week - plus bonuses if the Citizens meet their competitive targets.

http://naijastudentsforum.com/index.php?topic=3.0

O boy,
How the girl go say dat kind thing, she dey mad abi . Is she in love with my father or my father's money.

why won't it end the same way when your character has not changed but sill remains the same stinking way,

Correct breeze don blow fowl yansh don open.

Correct blind man's sense of smell don work Mary's  crooked moves don show,

Kai Mary na so u dey?

Wait for me, I wan to see what the third floor has,

Land of corruption, every form of corruption every second minute and hour.

Corrupt citizens, politicians and children.

God help us,


AMEN,

Some women are gathered and the subject of conversation
turns to sex and then birth control. The first woman says
"We're Catholic so we can't use it."

The next woman says "I am too but we use the rhythm
method."

The third woman says "We use the bucket and saucer
method."

"What the heck is the bucket and saucer method?", the others
ask.

"Well, I'm five foot eleven, and my husband is five foot two. We
make love standing up with him standing on a bucket, and
when his eyes get big as saucers I kick the bucket out from
under him."

A young lady had just visited her doctor and he informed her
that she was pregnant. The young lady had been married for
ten years and had wanted a baby very badly. As she sat on
the bus, on her way home, she felt that she had to share the
good news with someone. The gentleman sitting next to her
seemed as good as anyone to share the good news with.

Sir, she said, I just received the best news you could ever
imagine. I have to share it with someone or I'll bust. She told
him the news that the doctor had told her about being pregnant.

The man shared her enthusiasm as he shared his experience.
He said he was a farmer and he had trouble with his hens
laying eggs. He stated that he went out to the hen house one
morning and all of his hens had laid eggs. He was so happy.
he added, "but confidentially, I changed cocks."

The newly pregnant woman responded, "Confidentially, me
too."

A fellow was reading the paper one day lamenting the fact that his
doctor has ordered him to lose 75 pounds. Next thing he sees is an
advertisement for a guaranteed weight loss program. Guaranteed like
heck, he thinks to himself. But lets see what they think they can do.
He calls them on the phone and subscribes to the 3 day, 10 LB weight
loss program.
The next day there comes a knock at his door, and when he answers,
there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic 19 year old babe
dressed in nothing but a pair of Nikes and a sign hanging around her
neck. She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss
company. The sign reads, If you can catch me, you can have me. Well,
without a second thought he takes off after her (like who wouldn't).
A few miles later, huffing and puffing, he finally catches her and has
his way with her. After they are through he kisses the girl one last
time and thinks to himself with a nod, I like the way this company
does business.
For the next two days, the same girl shows up and the same thing
happens each time. On the fourth day, he weighs himself and, sure
enough, he has lost 10 pounds. Deciding that he likes his somewhat
more slender physique, not to mention the method of treatment, he
calls the company back and subscribes to their 5 day, 20 LB weight
loss program. He thinks that losing 20 pounds in only 5 days seems
like a lot, but he is intrigued by what their workout schedule might
be like this time.
As expected, the next day there comes a knock at his door. When he
answers it there stands a 22 year old knockout dressed in nothing but
a pair of Reeboks and a sign hanging around her neck. She is simply
stunning, the most beautiful woman he has ever seen. She introduces
herself as a representative of the weight loss company. The sign
reads, If you can catch me, you can have me. He's out the door like a
shot. This gal is in excellent shape and it takes a while to catch
her. But when he does, it is worth every cramp and wheeze. She is
wonderful, the best he has ever had. He is really looking forward to
the next four days, For the next four days, the same girl shows up
and the same thing happens each time, much to his delight. On the
sixth day, he weighs himself and, unbelievably, he has lost another 20
pounds. I love this company, he thinks to himself, I never knew
losing weight could be so easy and so much fun.
Feeling much better about himself, he decides to go for broke and
subscribe to the companies 7 day, 50 pound weight loss program. Are
you sure, sir? asks the representative on the phone. This is our most
rigorous program. Absolutely, says he, I love your program. haven't
felt this good in years! The next day there comes a knock at his
door and he enthusiastically answers it. There stands before him a 200
pound perfect specimen of a man dressed in nothing but racing spikes
and a sign around his neck. He introduces himself as a representative
of the weight loss company.
The sign reads, If I can catch you, I can have you.

Jerry Falwell was seated next to President Clinton on a recent flight.
After the plane was airborne, the flight attendant came around for drink
orders.


The President asked for a whisky & soda, which was brought and placed
before him. The attendant then asked the minister if he would also like
drink.
The minister replied in disgust, "Ma'am, I'd rather be savagely raped by
a brazen LovePeddler than let liquor touch these lips!"


The President then handed his drink back to the attendant and said,
"I'm sorry, I didn't know there was a choice,

Q. What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?
A. Slow down and use a lubricant.
Q. What's six inches long, two inches wide, and drives women wild?
A. Money.
Q. What's the difference between your wife and your job?
A. After five years your job will still suck.
Q. How can you spot the blind guy at the nudist colony?
A. It's not hard.
Q. Who is the most popular guy at the nudist colony?
A. The guy who can carry a cup of coffee in each hand and a dozen
donuts.
Q: Who is the most popular girl at the nudist colony?
A. She is the one who can eat the last donut!
Q: What's the difference between a blimp and 365 blow jobs?
A: One is a Goodyear, and the other is a great year!
Q: Why do the men in Scotland wear kilts?
A: Because the sheep can hear a zipper a mile away.

Barely 4-7 days after Jamb exams were written, the results came out just like that.

The next thing we heard was the re-marking and possible release of another Physics result. how sure are we that the re-marking is over,

All of these just aimed at making more money because by the time the re-marked result would be out, some would have made away with their scratch cards,

What kind of country is this,

just a year ago poly jamb was sold for #3,300 and today it is #4,300,

where are we going with all these hike in prices in Jamb exams, school fees etc , None has been used to better the system from where it is been sourced from.

Who ever knows any of these men/women at the helm of affairs doing this great s*** should tell them to stop it else, next time I would go the extra mile of direct attack on them with vulgar languages and disrespectful words,

Ingredients:

2 Laughing Eyes
2 Loving Arms
2 Well Shaped Legs
2 Firm Milk Containers
1 Fur Lined Mixing Bowl
2 Large Nuts
1 Large Banana

Method:

1. Look into Loving Eyes.
2. Fold in Loving Arms.
3. Spread Well Shaped Legs.
4. Squeeze and massage Milk Containers gently until Fur Lined Mixing
Bowl is well greased. Check frequently with middle finger.
5. Add Banana - work in and out until well creamed.
6. Cover with Nuts and sigh with relief.

Cake done when Banana becomes soft. Be sure to wash mixing utensils
and don't lick the bowl.

N.B. If cake begins to rise leave town immediately.

same thing make you laugh make you cry
they claiming that they love you but they hate you at the same time,

Master P