₦airaland Forum

Affamefuna:
No be women again? I am married so I can tell u this is how most of them reason. I am very sure the story isn't as bad as d op painted it but as usual wants to gather sympathy and justify her actions for buying that land without her husband knowing. Am sure she won't have come up with this plenty story had it been her own family.
..women, make una dey fear God!

Shut up. I have two very rich brothers, I have never demanded from them, my family knows their boundary and don't interfere in each other's business.

Fragility6:
Two wrongs don't make a right o.Brute force is not d best to solve problems. Y not listen to wat dat lady is telling you. Learn to solve issues with love its for ur own good.Later ur husband might see reasons wit u and change his ways.You both know urselves sha.Do wat suits you

I am buying the land and investing on myself and kids. Since he does whatever he wants with his money, I will also use my money however I want.

crackland:
In 2020, Nigerian women still don't want to share bills equally...they'd rather behave like their primitive fore-mothers.
They ought to take a cue and learn from women who are civilized.

Times have changed but they'd rather remain cave women.

Nigerian women are cave women, how many men provide entirely for the home ?
Have you gone to any all Nigerian family to ascertain it is only men that provide for the family?
I see all you live for, is fighting gender wars on Nairaland and having arguments, don't try to bring that into this thread.

poshestmina:
Madam, please plan for yourself and kids.
Very important!!!!

It is what I plan on doing, I am setting aside funds for my kids

jesmond3945:
don't tell him please I beg you. Keep it to yourself. Fence it, gate it and keep the papers. It is your investment. He will regret what he is doing by the time is broke.

I would tell him, I hate keeping secrets. At least he won't say I did not inform him.

Acidosis:
Lol. You people don't want to share the bill again?

How much do you spend on school fees and food? Like you said, he pays the rent and drop housekeep money sometimes. Rents are on the high lately.

I'm sure he helps out with chores and babysitting. Most firstborns are hardworking after all.

School fees + foodstuff + chores = Rent + foodstuff + chores.

The only issue you have is that he spends on his siblings (so start spending on your siblings too to balance the equation).

Now that you want to buy a land and build in your name, can he stops paying rent? He needs to buy a land and start buying.

I see you trying to bring feminism into this thread.
If you don't have anything better to say, kindly shut up.

mrblessed:
You have finally shown your hands after failing to separate him from his family and create a wedge, now it is your imaginary savings that is your next weapon. When are you really going to get tired and peace a chance? See where your futile battle of nine years has taken you to. If you are a women who means well for your husband and his family, there is no way he would have ignored you all these years. I don't want to believe that your husband is a fool, who doesn't know what he is doing, why overwhelm yourself with anger. I surmise you are the type of woman that goes into marriage with screw driver, to loose/separate anyone whom you think is too close, or benefits from your husband. As it turns out now, there are some nuts that are very difficult to loose.

LMAO, so because I told him to give less to his siblings and build up himself that's means I have been trying to create wedge between him and his family ?
As for my saving whether it is imaginary or not, it is none of your business.
You are no different from his siblings, it is your type that would suck his rich family member dry and see his wife as an enemy that has come to drive wedge between you.

bukatyne:
Ok.

Do you want to solve the problem permanently and live in love, harmony and planning together

OR

Do you want to solve the problem with a temporary equally damaging measure and live with bitterness in your heart like a 'Nigerian wife?'

Does buying the land change the fact that his family is capitalizing on his sense of 'duty' to suck him dry and leaving you to pick up the bills you are currently complaining about?

The choice is yours ma'am.

I have made up my mind, just if anything happens I want to have something to fall back on. When he nearly went broke in 2014, none of his brothers helped him, they all claimed broke still he doesn't want to learn . He won't listen to any advice, if I leave things to him, one day we might end up on the streets.

bukatyne:
Instead of telling your husband to stop 'spending on his family', point him to projects he can spend money on.

E.g. 'My friend said there is one cheap land at Igbo Tutu' or 'how I wish we had our house, we wouldn't be bothered about Baba Mulika asking for rent every year' or 'there is one mutual funds that the entry is N200k and you get 15% returns per year. We can be paying Junior's fees from the interest'. You can also bring up investment for your kids etc.

You know what works with your husband so explore that. Also appreciate him for what he does so far.

@buying your land: I am not a fan of spouses buying stuffs behind each other so I will say deposit the money in mutual benefit/Chapel Hill/Piggybank for now while you try to make him see reason. I particularly don't like the fact you want only your name on the land; recipe for disaster as your husband is not hiding his own funds; he is just not spending it wisely.

You should also understand where your husband is coming from: in some cultures, the 'worth' of the first son/husband of the first daughter is their ability to fund everyone's lifestyle without complaint while their own immediate family suffers.

It is a recurring theme so you re-orientate him in love and harmony to see that his family can and will survive without his handouts.

Also note that if he goes 360 and stops funding his siblings, it can cause problems for you'all.

I am not buying behind his back, I would tell him but I am not including his name. Do you know how many times I have told him to buy a land and start a project. He won't, he prefers spending all the money on his siblings.

Hi, I have been married for 9 years now, the problem I have with my husband is that his family members keep sucking him dry and the way he neglects us his immediate family.

He is the first child of 7 children, his siblings even the married ladies keep asking him for money. He keeps spending money on them and their husbands. His brothers keep crying they are broke, they keep leeching off him.

His two junior brothers that always ask him for money, one of them built a house in Port Harcourt and the other one built a big house in the village. Still they won't let him rest.

His married sisters are the worst. If they cough they would call him to send money, every minor thing they would expect money. Just this evening his sister called him to ask for money. We don't have a house of our own, I keep telling my husband to stop giving in to all their demands and invest the money on something, he would say I am turning him against his family.

We have 2 kids and I have told him we need to start saving for their future, I pay the electricity bill, foodstuffs, and most times the children school fees, he pays the house rent and rarely keeps money for home upkeep, he sometimes drops two thousand and that's it for the whole week. He always complains he has no more, but once his family calls him he sends money immediately.

I have saved enough to buy a land and I am not planning to include his name in the property. I don't know what to deal with, his family entitlement mentality or the way he neglects the kids and I and treat us like outsiders.

I am really pissed off and tired.

Sorry for the long post.