mrblessed:
You have finally shown your hands after failing to separate him from his family and create a wedge, now it is your imaginary savings that is your next weapon. When are you really going to get tired and peace a chance? See where your futile battle of nine years has taken you to. If you are a women who means well for your husband and his family, there is no way he would have ignored you all these years. I don't want to believe that your husband is a fool, who doesn't know what he is doing, why overwhelm yourself with anger. I surmise you are the type of woman that goes into marriage with screw driver, to loose/separate anyone whom you think is too close, or benefits from your husband. As it turns out now, there are some nuts that are very difficult to loose.

Awon family leeches.

EVILFOREST:

WHY DO MARRIED LADIES always complain about their HUSBAND'S FAMILY all the time.
Meanwhile, when the LADY'S SIBLINGS visit, it's always bed of roses.
LADIES are always fond of this.
There is this HIDDEN WICKEDNESS towards the man's family immediately they get married. Why...?
U don't ever hear HUSBANDS talking about their WIFE'S siblings....
Many children trained by Nigerian Men are always
kids from the Lady's side.

The MAN dares not bring someone from his side.
What manner of BEHAVIOR is this.
Take your TIME and visit every Nigerian HOME.., you will see that most occupants of apartments are usually from the WOMAN'S SIDE....
yet you won't allow these MEN have peace of mind.
Some visit the man's house with the intention of staying for a week, but end up becoming permanent Residents. Some end up chasing husbands out of their houses. Yet no complain
RUBBISH.

God bless u sir!
The bold is very true!
Check all the ladies that commented on this thread, they already buttressed your point!

The problem with Nigerian women is that you guys talk too much. At the end, your men don’t listen to you.

They only call you nags, petty, accuse you of trying to separate their family...etc

Talk less and act more! I don’t have time to be talking nonsense with you every time. I calculate my moves and proceed. After that, I activate my sit-down-dey-look-mode. If you wanna perish, you will perish alone.

Like you met him poor. You women don't know how annoying or irritating you sound at times.

You cme.into someones.life midway and you always want to take charge of everything.

You were not there when his family was supporting him yet you judge. You don't know.if his.mother sold her wrapper to get him through school.

bluemansion:
Women an d their wahala. They always don't want to see a man spending even a kobo on his family members.

No be women again? I am married so I can tell u this is how most of them reason. I am very sure the story isn't as bad as d op painted it but as usual wants to gather sympathy and justify her actions for buying that land without her husband knowing. Am sure she won't have come up with this plenty story had it been her own family.
..women, make una dey fear God!

STARGREEN:
"I have saved enough to buy a land and I am not planning to include his name in the property."

This is obviously the reason for your lamentations.

And she will suffer at the end

akanbiaa:
After acquiring skills for your siblings and they are faced with some financial setbacks due to low patronage or other issues will you give your siblings cash or abandon them justifying it with the fact that you already empowered them with a skill?

I would use my small connection to get the a job, no matter how small, at least, that would make them independent to an extent. I called my friend one of my numerous roommates in unijos, I said, how far, my brother sabi python Wella, e fit show Lasgidi? e say, nothing dey for now but make e show. Na so e land 50k job o, today na 250k, e dey even send me money sometimes

The problem cannot be solved permanently without issues, I support her not including her husband name in the property, either they settle or not, it may boomerang in the future.
Her husband siblings, who are sucking the man now will contest the property with her, whether the man change his way or not.

bukatyne:


Ok.

Do you want to solve the problem permanently and live in love, harmony and planning together

OR

Do you want to solve the problem with a temporary equally damaging measure and live with bitterness in your heart like a 'Nigerian wife?'

Does buying the land change the fact that his family is capitalizing on his sense of 'duty' to suck him dry and leaving you to pick up the bills you are currently complaining about?

The choice is yours ma'am.

Am very sure you would not have complained if your husband was spending on your parents and siblings.

Fragility6:

Two wrongs don't make a right o.Brute force is not d best to solve problems. Y not listen to wat dat lady is telling you. Learn to solve issues with love its for ur own good.Later ur husband might see reasons wit u and change his ways.You both know urselves sha.Do wat suits you

I am buying the land and investing on myself and kids. Since he does whatever he wants with his money, I will also use my money however I want.

Anni3e:
I am not buying behind his back, I would tell him but I am not including his name. Do you know how many times I have told him to buy a land and start a project. He won't, he prefers spending all the money on his siblings.

u had better buy it behind his back. Don’t listen to all this ones that have not seen life. Save money and do watever u wanna do without him knowing.

TheKingIsHere:


Let him know about the project and encourage him to support.

If he doesnt, dont include his name or else, his family will come for that property in the near future.

You have been warned o, think about your children's future.

My cousin tried it, the husband told her to sell the land which she bought at Ajah Lagos. The man lavished the proceeds, 8 years after they have not bought any land

Except for the Treasury Bills which she has been investing in that has grown to N10 millon, which the husband doesn't know about

Bola146:
Marriage it's well ooo hummmm

I can see you're scared of marriage already, yours might be different positively.

@OPS, PLEASE PRAY FOR HIM AND CAST OUT ALL THAT STUPIDITY FROM HIS MINDSET.

He is suffering from mindset problem, But he's lucky to have you as his wife.
Go ahead and buy a land in your son's name and start the building and don't stop until you finished it, if telling him will caused delayed- no need telling him till the job is fully complete.
IF HE GET ANNOYED LATER, TELL HIM YOU DID IT CAUSE YOU LOVED HIM.

you go lay eggs for vulture nest, abort mission - toga

goshen26:




It is not natural...


Pray for your hubby...


I had personal experience...


My dad was very rich in the 80s


His brothers would always come to lagos from the village to money, they won't allow him rest for once. I was young then, they didn't allow him buy a single plot of land in lagos.


As at 80s daddy would fly to work for Shagari cos he deals with internal deco (rug laying)


There is this particular brother of his that would come to lag at least once a month to collect money. The same man was building his house in the village.


My dad later died without achieving any tangible thing, except the land he bought in the village which his sisters later said he's not the owner, that their mum own it. Well, I don't even reckon with the land.



When he died in 2011, I was doing IT then. This particular brother of his, who was like pest promised to help me finish my HND when I return. Thank God I didn't believe him, cos I saved some cash during IT. When I went to him 2011 that I have been given admission for HND , and that I would need 45k for all, that I have gotten 30k, he narrated all stories that his son too just gained admission bla bla bla.... He only gave me 1100 ( 11 pieces of #100 notes)


I struggled with the help of my mum who was doing menial jobs, and I was help ladies and guys to fix electrical appliances then



Fast forward to now, one of my mum customers(those she plait hair for) helped me get state govt job.

This same man started calling that he remain my dad, that I should send money for drugs, that his sons has tried, that do I remember that he's like a twin to my dad bla bla bla.... I vowed that my koro will not get to him.



So ma, pray for your hubby. If it will take dry fasting, pls do


Shalom

No na. Just send 11 pieces of #100 to him to balance the equation

ProfAmaben:

Some men don't love their immediate family, they naturally prefer the one they grew up with, stop paying some of these bills let's see how he would send free cash. Also, have your solid savings because this kind man fit die anytime from pressure.

True! This is a Reasonable ADVICE SO FAR!

Affamefuna:

No be women again? I am married so I can tell u this is how most of them reason. I am very sure the story isn't as bad as d op painted it but as usual wants to gather sympathy and justify her actions for buying that land without her husband knowing. Am sure she won't have come up with this plenty story had it been her own family.
..women, make una dey fear God!

Shut up. I have two very rich brothers, I have never demanded from them, my family knows their boundary and don't interfere in each other's business.

My dear, the challenges in marriage are much. Only a few men own up to their expectation. Thank God you have a means. Pls, save for urself and invest wisely cos families like that will almost eat u up should anything happen to the man.
Be wise, seek God for help too on the decisions u make.
I'm writing out of experience.
My mum too has a near experience but my dad was the last son, my mum knows God and showed her mercy. My dad had been the only surviving son of 3 men and 4women.
See how God saved her

Anni3e:
Hi, I have been married for 9 years now, the problem I have with my husband is that his family members keep sucking him dry and the way he neglects us his immediate family.

He is the first child of 7 children, his siblings even the married ladies keep asking him for money. He keeps spending money on them and their husbands. His brothers keep crying they are broke, they keep leeching off him.

His two junior brothers that always ask him for money, one of them built a house in Port Harcourt and the other one built a big house in the village. Still they won't let him rest.

His married sisters are the worst. If they cough they would call him to send money, every minor thing they would expect money. Just this evening his sister called him to ask for money. We don't have a house of our own, I keep telling my husband to stop giving in to all their demands and invest the money on something, he would say I am turning him against his family.

We have 2 kids and I have told him we need to start saving for their future, I pay the electricity bill, foodstuffs, and most times the children school fees, he pays the house rent and rarely keeps money for home upkeep, he sometimes drops two thousand and that's it for the whole week. He always complains he has no more, but once his family calls him he sends money immediately.

I have saved enough to buy a land and I am not planning to include his name in the property. I don't know what to deal with, his family entitlement mentality or the way he neglects the kids and I and treat us like outsiders.

I am really pissed off and tired.

Sorry for the long post.

This man will regret this probably in d grave. U as a woman should be wise. I am speaking from experience. There is nothing U can do this type of men . They will learn on their own. Nobody can talk to dem.

Anni3e:
Hi, I have been married for 9 years now, the problem I have with my husband is that his family members keep sucking him dry and the way he neglects us his immediate family.

He is the first child of 7 children, his siblings even the married ladies keep asking him for money. He keeps spending money on them and their husbands. His brothers keep crying they are broke, they keep leeching off him.

His two junior brothers that always ask him for money, one of them built a house in Port Harcourt and the other one built a big house in the village. Still they won't let him rest.

His married sisters are the worst. If they cough they would call him to send money, every minor thing they would expect money. Just this evening his sister called him to ask for money. We don't have a house of our own, I keep telling my husband to stop giving in to all their demands and invest the money on something, he would say I am turning him against his family.

We have 2 kids and I have told him we need to start saving for their future, I pay the electricity bill, foodstuffs, and most times the children school fees, he pays the house rent and rarely keeps money for home upkeep, he sometimes drops two thousand and that's it for the whole week. He always complains he has no more, but once his family calls him he sends money immediately.

I have saved enough to buy a land and I am not planning to include his name in the property. I don't know what to deal with, his family entitlement mentality or the way he neglects the kids and I and treat us like outsiders.

I am really pissed off and tired.

Sorry for the long post.

If your story is accurate then you have done the right thing by buying a landed property in your own name. By the time he realises this and wants to fume, you remind him what you acquired was same as what his brothers did for themselves and that they didn't include his name too. That should reset his thinking if you are speaking the truth.

emmanuelewumi:



My cousin tried it, the husband told her to sell the land which she bought at Ajah Lagos. The man lavished the proceeds, 8 years after they have not bought any land

Except for the Treasury Bills which she has been investing in that has grown to N10 millon, which the husband doesn't know about

Na wa o

Anni3e:
Hi, I have been married for 9 years now, the problem I have with my husband is that his family members keep sucking him dry and the way he neglects us his immediate family.

He is the first child of 7 children, his siblings even the married ladies keep asking him for money. He keeps spending money on them and their husbands. His brothers keep crying they are broke, they keep leeching off him.

His two junior brothers that always ask him for money, one of them built a house in Port Harcourt and the other one built a big house in the village. Still they won't let him rest.

His married sisters are the worst. If they cough they would call him to send money, every minor thing they would expect money. Just this evening his sister called him to ask for money. We don't have a house of our own, I keep telling my husband to stop giving in to all their demands and invest the money on something, he would say I am turning him against his family.

We have 2 kids and I have told him we need to start saving for their future, I pay the electricity bill, foodstuffs, and most times the children school fees, he pays the house rent and rarely keeps money for home upkeep, he sometimes drops two thousand and that's it for the whole week. He always complains he has no more, but once his family calls him he sends money immediately.

I have saved enough to buy a land and I am not planning to include his name in the property. I don't know what to deal with, his family entitlement mentality or the way he neglects the kids and I and treat us like outsiders.

I am really pissed off and tired.

Sorry for the long post.

Stop confronting him, or complain about his family members device subtle means of getting money from him without any row and start a secret project pay attention to it till you are done. Otherwise you will loose at both ends eventually.

[size=8pt][/size][font=Lucida Sans Unicode][/font][quote author=Omobada post=89725851]May God bless you and increase your wisdom. In fact, for the first time I see very mature and objective woman here.
[q1uote author=bukatyne post=89699757]Instead of telling your husband to stop 'spending on his family', point him to projects he can spend money on.

E.g. 'My friend said there is one cheap land at Igbo Tutu' or 'how I wish we had our house, we wouldn't be bothered about Baba Mulika asking for rent every year' or 'there is one mutual funds that the entry is N200k and you get 15% returns per year. We can be paying Junior's fees from the interest'. You can also bring up investment for your kids etc.

You know what works with your husband so explore that. Also appreciate him for what he does so far.

@buying your land: I am not a fan of spouses buying stuffs behind each other so I will say deposit the money in mutual benefit/Chapel Hill/Piggybank for now while you try to make him see reason. I particularly don't like the fact you want only your name on the land; recipe for disaster as your husband is not hiding his own funds; he is just not spending it wisely.

You should also understand where your husband is coming from: in some cultures, the 'worth' of the first son/husband of the first daughter is their ability to fund everyone's lifestyle without complaint while their own immediate family suffers.

It is a recurring theme so you re-orientate him in love and harmony to see that his family can and will survive without his handouts.

Also note that if he goes 360 and stops funding his siblings, it can cause problems for you'all.[/quote



This can only work if the man in question listens but from her write-up, he obviously doesn't

Anni3e:
Hi, I have been married for 9 years now, the problem I have with my husband is that his family members keep sucking him dry and the way he neglects us his immediate family.

He is the first child of 7 children, his siblings even the married ladies keep asking him for money. He keeps spending money on them and their husbands. His brothers keep crying they are broke, they keep leeching off him.

His two junior brothers that always ask him for money, one of them built a house in Port Harcourt and the other one built a big house in the village. Still they won't let him rest.

His married sisters are the worst. If they cough they would call him to send money, every minor thing they would expect money. Just this evening his sister called him to ask for money. We don't have a house of our own, I keep telling my husband to stop giving in to all their demands and invest the money on something, he would say I am turning him against his family.

We have 2 kids and I have told him we need to start saving for their future, I pay the electricity bill, foodstuffs, and most times the children school fees, he pays the house rent and rarely keeps money for home upkeep, he sometimes drops two thousand and that's it for the whole week. He always complains he has no more, but once his family calls him he sends money immediately.

I have saved enough to buy a land and I am not planning to include his name in the property. I don't know what to deal with, his family entitlement mentality or the way he neglects the kids and I and treat us like outsiders.

I am really pissed off and tired.

Sorry for the long post.

You're still waiting for your husband to start saving or investing. Wake up oh. The only people who are likely to lose out most here are you and your children.

Anni3e:
Hi, I have been married for 9 years now, the problem I have with my husband is that his family members keep sucking him dry and the way he neglects us his immediate family.

He is the first child of 7 children, his siblings even the married ladies keep asking him for money. He keeps spending money on them and their husbands. His brothers keep crying they are broke, they keep leeching off him.

His two junior brothers that always ask him for money, one of them built a house in Port Harcourt and the other one built a big house in the village. Still they won't let him rest.

His married sisters are the worst. If they cough they would call him to send money, every minor thing they would expect money. Just this evening his sister called him to ask for money. We don't have a house of our own, I keep telling my husband to stop giving in to all their demands and invest the money on something, he would say I am turning him against his family.

We have 2 kids and I have told him we need to start saving for their future, I pay the electricity bill, foodstuffs, and most times the children school fees, he pays the house rent and rarely keeps money for home upkeep, he sometimes drops two thousand and that's it for the whole week. He always complains he has no more, but once his family calls him he sends money immediately.

I have saved enough to buy a land and I am not planning to include his name in the property. I don't know what to deal with, his family entitlement mentality or the way he neglects the kids and I and treat us like outsiders.

I am really pissed off and tired.

Sorry for the long post.

you have done well to secure a land and I acknowledge you to stick with your guns on not including his name. make sure of this to the last letter.
his kind of family will come for anything with their brothers name on it when the time comes because you see this kind husband you get, hand go meet am las las.
I don't wish you or your hubby death but act now and act wisely

ihutuluv:
This is the exact same issue I am currently facing. I really regret this marriage. Mine is so bad that they even share his clothes. How can you a married man, you youngest brother every little thing one excuse or the other can I use this cloth?
I feel more terrible because this young man has laboured for over ten years earning well with nothing attached to his name but training children that his parents gave birth to and can not raise. I am always scared because anything happens to him I also don't have savings because I have used everything to take care of the house while he is busy taking care of siblings.

I don't support men that don't plan for their immediate family and build for the future of the immediate family, just as the holy book says, any man that can not provide for his family is worst than an infidel....

But haven't said all of that, I want to ask u, if the reverse was the case and he was spending all his earnings for ur immediate direct siblings would u have also be seeing it tjust he way u do right now? Bcus we human we quickly hate and complain when things does not go our way or favours our personal interest...

You can't change a grown man, it's either you live with it or leave him. I don't understand why women keep lamenting in marriages and over what they cant change.

You obviously saw he has many siblings before agreeing to marry him.

abeg leave or live with it.

You must be a fool

First of all, don’t tell your husband you have money to buy land. That’s a recipe for disaster.

2. Make your research with full details of the kind of projects you want your husband to invest in.

3. Do something you know will put your husband in a happy mood and while you two are alone bring up the projects you would like him to get involved in. Don’t mention his family. Just discuss about yourselves. I mean your immediate family. Say your mind without bitterness or blames.

4. If you do the above and there’s no change or any conscious effort to change, then invest your money in a mutual fund like someone suggested or some other safe investment. Or an savings scheme for your kids. please don’t buy land and build behind your husband and don’t let him know you have funds. Also tighten up this is not the best of times to have more kids.

Why did you register your account yesterday?

Anni3e:
Hi, I have been married for 9 years now, the problem I have with my husband is that his family members keep sucking him dry and the way he neglects us his immediate family.

He is the first child of 7 children, his siblings even the married ladies keep asking him for money. He keeps spending money on them and their husbands. His brothers keep crying they are broke, they keep leeching off him.

His two junior brothers that always ask him for money, one of them built a house in Port Harcourt and the other one built a big house in the village. Still they won't let him rest.

His married sisters are the worst. If they cough they would call him to send money, every minor thing they would expect money. Just this evening his sister called him to ask for money. We don't have a house of our own, I keep telling my husband to stop giving in to all their demands and invest the money on something, he would say I am turning him against his family.

We have 2 kids and I have told him we need to start saving for their future, I pay the electricity bill, foodstuffs, and most times the children school fees, he pays the house rent and rarely keeps money for home upkeep, he sometimes drops two thousand and that's it for the whole week. He always complains he has no more, but once his family calls him he sends money immediately.

I have saved enough to buy a land and I am not planning to include his name in the property. I don't know what to deal with, his family entitlement mentality or the way he neglects the kids and I and treat us like outsiders.

I am really pissed off and tired.

Sorry for the long post.

You are on the right track, buy the land, build your own house, after that start ur own business. Ur husband will learn his lesson sooner or later, just try to guide him, but don't force him.
When things gets bad na you & ur kids go surfer the most, therefore get that land, build the house. Trust me, it will be ur saving grace in d future