₦airaland Forum

Chai....I don't beg him for money...my ex used to believe I had other guys by the side who gave me stuffs cos I never asked him for a dime all through the duration of the relationship...saying he gives excuses in money matters isn't that I tell him to give me money, rather its when I drop hints that I'm in a tight situation. Naturally he is supposed to help. Its not like I just started dating this guy and began making demands for money...Dont husbands help their wives?

It only became a thing of concern because marriage is in the picture. I don't want to marry wrong. Especially in the case of my mum's disapproval, cos if there should be any problem I can't seek advice from my mum cos she will remind me that I was warned.

I was previously hoping that there would be changes but experienced family here has really opened my eyes

I've got good pieces of advice from here and I've put it to use.

xross:
your mum has a point
so do your friends

love is funny
but lifes lessons should be our guiding light when loves and emotions direct us


the world has changed
if he doesnt do as you think your man should now, he wont later. if you have faith let the faith work now else youd regret later.

dont take time because there is no time.

think act but make sure you are set to back up your actions

True...Iove is really funny

Yes boss...I'm really thinking, and thanks to the many words of advice, I'm thinking with direction now.

Thanks a lot ma @Efemena XY

You really touched it all

My parents still play like newlyweds, so I kind of hope to have a marriage as cool as that. And I've always believed we have that kind of chemistry. I don't know if it was inexperience on my part,but, for the fact that I feel at home around him, I had the feeling he was gonna be a dream come true. Our quarrels hardly exceed a day.

About the men in his family. His dad is late and the way he talks about him,he looks up to him. He hardly talks about his mum. Sometime in the past, he talked about his dad taking him along to visit his girlfriend, when the mum shouts(according to him,the dad never had sexual attachment with the 'girlfriend'). I honestly never thought of this. Its probably what he is doing, posting other girls' pic or showing another girl attention when we have a serious quarrel. He actually did so when the relationship was just budding and we broke up once cos of it.

About career,he has been the only guy that completely backed my love for sports. Other guys,ex and 'just friends' alike, have always joked or talked about how I'm gonna quit sports if I marry. And he normally says he got my back in any career I choose while married. Though it's gonna be after the kids.

We are from the same denomination though his family attends a separate church.

About finance, honestly, I still have my grudges against him and if I bring up the issue of finance, I'll do so with words laced with anger, plus I don vex decide say no more money talks between us. If he talks about money sef it pisses me off.

He is always like, his kids gonna get the best of everything.

ZeeAfrica:
Pipi pipi shi*t alert, shi*t alert.end dat relationship nw.everything u said is very scary and yo future is doomed if u continue wit dat guy

spelpassword:
all I see is a lady getting glued to what she might term "first love" uploading pics of other girls after a little quarel states clearly he is a "boy" marriage is for men
u don't know how to dump him without hurting him right? meaning u date him our of pity? I haven't said leave or stay with him, but my opinions are so clear here

Thanks so much for your advice

But I don't date him out of pity o...there are just many things involved and we play the same game...its all about the awkwardness and Lil fear of Ill feelings...Thankfully you all helped me make up my mind and I'm working towards a break up that won't be messy

Mindfulness:
I am glad you found what you were looking for.

Thanks a lot ma.

truthsayer007:
After blasting & fighting with every body on the forum, you now Open a new account to protect your identity.

Yeye dey smell I know who you are !

You don't know me o

Wow....words can't explain how grateful I am. I feel very much better. And I can see clearly now...


Yieldings,Ishilove,MrPresident,byvan03,PaperLace,AzeD1,Ginaz,Mindfulness, Loisemm,Richy,placeofallure,dingbang,uniquewise,Exponential,Inemani

You have been great sources of help...I feel lighter

So so so grateful

Richy4:
I just want you to forget about him...Yes you have sold your heart to him and it will be painful... But I wouldn't want you to open a thread again in future claiming you did not see any sign....The hand writing is all over the wall...They do not need Daniel to interpret this one...even those in the king's palace can read this one...

That's really the hard part....Been hoping he will change before marriage.


cc: Onegai
Sisioge
Efemena XY
Cococandy
Yieldings
Byvan
Ishilove

He expects me to always understand.. I blame myself most times cos I've always made excuses for every misbehavior of his.

noblekel:
Op! Here is my candid opinion! Not an expert though!
A guy dat's truly hv feelings for his partner will happily share with u irrespective dat is little, but @ least he showed dat care; but in ur case he didn't or doesn't. Which might be one of d reasons ur mum is telling u they don't treat their woman well!
Telling u about other gals or uploading a gal's pix on his dp after a misunderstanding, might show he is doing u a favor by being with, which might indicate maybe when he gets tired, he might call it quite rather than working it out to save d relationship!
So with this point, u hv ur choice to me: to stay or leave!

AZeD1:
This here is a big red flag, shows immaturity and ..................................

inemani:
Mums are 90% always right especially when it has to do with life relationships. Dump him whilst it's early now to avoid "Had I Known". The Red Flags should tell you a lot, wish you all the best

Thanks a lot... But in all honesty, dumping him is what I don't know how to go about , he will be so hurt.

DarkRebel101:
Using the photos of other girls while you two are nursing the bruise of a skirmish is just stark immaturity on his part. Are you dating a child or an adult?

Are you also certain he's deliberately withholding money from you, or could it be that he genuinely lacks the wherewithal to cater for your needs?

In the end, you should follow your mind as no one [here] can give you a 100% fail-proof advise.

Besides, you are only 22. One would think at this age you should be exploring the world and living your life to the fullest.

Why are ladies so enthralled by the possibility of getting a ring on their digit? Is that all there is to life?

Umm....I'm not desperate to get married, he is the one pushing for it. According to him,he doesn't want to waste anymore time and maybe watch another man take me.

As to whether he has the wherewithal, the answer is a big yes. He is very comfortable. Somebody who is ready to settle down next year. I just don't know whether he feels that I'm not seriously in need when I seek his help

Richy4:
[b]I do not care about the stereotype making around town about his home town... But based on individual levels, your mum is correct this time....


<<<You said when you had a misunderstanding, He upload other people's pic...This singular act might pose a huge danger when you get married to him..Because married people argue alot ...what is he gonna do when you guys got the major argument that the slamming of the door and rejecting food does solve easily.. ... what will he do in that situation, grab the next available girl just to get back at you?...I do not know but this could be a sign...You have to think about it..

<<<Oh!! before I forget, This is for future reference...the fact that you had a boyfriend does not mean he will see to all your responsibilities financially...He is a B-o-y-f-r-i-e-n-d not your father.....Friendship is about companionship..How you feel about each other. If he gives when he has it, it's because he wants to.... . it is not compulsory he must give..... It is only in Africa that ladies attach boyfriend to monetary gains... If you doubt me check Google on the meaning of Boyfriend....Besides, relationship goes two ways. giving should be pari-passu.. except if you were mistaken boyfriend to sugar daddy..[/b].

Thanks a lot

Trying to get back to me with another girl is something he has become quite used to, after we've settled and I draw his attention to it,he would apologize but do it when such happens again. Or he would start feeling bad that I don't trust him anymore.

I'm sorry to say that you got me wrong, I don't depend on him to cater for my needs. Like you rightly said, he isn't my father. But I haven't been with my family for sometime, and I hate always asking for money for petty things. Wouldn't have had cause to seek for his assistance if they don't owe us at the place I'm on IT. In my post, I said I used to help him out when he was down. Why can't he do same for me? It makes me feel like I'm the stupid one who brings out her money without thinking of it's importance to me first.

Dreal11247:
A man that can never bombard you with gifts during courtship can't carter for you after marriage. Your mum's point of view seems to be working. The people who see women as property just to achieve their own goals neglecting the fact that they should be loved and cared for don't worth it. To worsen the case, you assisted him when you were in position but he couldn't even reciprocate even when you are not yet married. If you are willing to regret all the days of your life, then the choice is yours.

Thanks a lot bro

dayleke:
Follow your heart

My heart is telling me a lot of things, don't know which to follow

Hello Nairaland family,

This has been a major source of worry to me. Like, I've been so so confused. I'm a young woman of twenty two. Have this guy I've been dating for close to three years now. I really do love him, but things haven't been so good recently. My mum said she would never watch me marry him. Her reasons being that his hometown has many traditions that doesn't favour wives. Also, that they individually don't treat their wives well. My mum's rejection got me really depressed cos I've always seen him in my future.
Two of my friends that I confided in said I should accept it as fate,that I wouldn't know what tomorrow will bring and I will be doomed if anything should happen to the marriage that my parents will say they told me so. I've been kind of making a mental picture of how it's gonna be, dating another guy.It just doesn't work out in my mind. Naturally I'm introverted, and he has been the best partner cos he is okay with staying indoors.
Recently, I've had cause to start having doubts about the relationship. Things I used to put up with,these days they really get to me. When we started dating, he didn't have much, but I believed in him. He has a job but to help out is always a problem. And asking for money is one thing that is very difficult for me. Even when I'm in dire need and muster enough courage to ask him, he will come up with excuses. Most times its really embarrassing when I try borrowing money from people they will be like, 'I thought you have a boyfriend'. It really hurts me cos when things weren't cool for him, I used to share my pocket money with him.
Whenever we have an argument he would upload another girl's picture as his dp . Or sometimes when making up, he will be like, he sees other pretty girls just like I see other handsome dudes but he wants just me. I so hate that.
Right now there is another guy. We've been friends, though he accepted friendship cos I told him I have a boyfriend and can't double date. He brought it up again last three months. And has been persistent. Right now I'm confused. This minute, I will feel like following my friend's advice to cut off from my bf since we can't marry, the other I feel I should stay and hope my mum changes her mind. Breaking up sef is gonna be difficult.
So, I've come to you experienced Familylanders, to help slap me back to reality, if I'm losing touch with reality. Please help steer me in the right direction...I'm really in a big dilemma I can't seem to reach a decision.




Please forgive the lengthy post and any typographical error




Opened another account to protect my identity