Hi everyone,

I'm so glad to have found a forum that seems to offer a realistic idea of what it means to date a Nigerian man. I initially began searching for more information on the culture and background of Nigerians when I began communication with a Nigerian man several weeks ago. I am an educated woman, and am very much aware of scammers, but have never had any reasons to doubt his character. I can't remember what my first google search was for, but the first website that popped up was a newsfeed full of American women in loveless marriages with Nigerian men. This raised a larger flag for me than anything else, as I believe I could easily smell a green card seeker from a mile away. I began to research more, as my interactions with Nigerians have always been positive, and so I am grateful to have found this site. I'm hoping to share a bit of my story, in hopes of learning more.

Here is some background on me and my situation. I am a white female in my late 20's. I have a full time job and am working on my Masters degree on the side. I tried online dating for the first time this summer and began corresponding with an interesting, educated Nigerian man several weeks ago on a very successful (paid) dating site. (I do feel like this adds some substance to the situation. This wasn't a man I met in a chat room or on a free dating site). He came to the states several years ago for his masters degree and has remained here to work. He has a good job, is very conversational and intelligent, and has given me great detail about his life in Nigeria, his dating history, and what he is looking for in a partner. I have every reason in the world to believe him.

We've only been communicating for a few weeks, and I've enjoyed getting to know him. He enjoys writing (and has mentioned a hope of making a career of it someday) and we've been exchanging approximately two long emails a week. He asks excellent questions and has compounded on the importance of building a a strong foundation of friendship with his partner. These are ideals that I also find to be important. We're still very early in the communication stage, but he has never said anything that has raised a red flag for me. He hasn't yet requested for communication outside of the dating site (although I believe this could be the next step some point soon) and has made no mention of quickly committing to me or adoring me (as so many of these women on this board have claimed). He seems to finally be wanting to settle down and start a family, stating that his past relationship broke off because he wasn't quite ready to do so.

My question is this: I feel very much that he is the real deal. I enjoy the stimulating conversations, and am not one to rush into a relationship, so I like that I don't at all feel pressured to rush into this. But what are some questions I should ask him about his home, culture, family, and tribal background? We have lightly touched on most of these topics at some point in our conversations, but how do I continue to learn about who he is as a man, without him feeling interrogated? I'd like to ask about his tribal background (we haven't touched on that yet) but would it be a strange question for me to ask? I only know that he is from Lagos. There are a few bad apples in every nation (and Caucasian Americans have LOTS of them), so I don't ever want him to feel judged based on stereotype. Everything he's told me so far has checked out, so I have no reason to doubt his sincerity.

A lot of these horror stories (especially those involving women who were deeply loved by their spouse prior to marriage, and "neglected" so to speak, afterwards) have rocked my boat a little bit, and I just want to make sure that things are progressing well in my communications with him.

Any insight at all would be appreciated!

Thank you very much!