₦airaland Forum

In my opinion, motorists who use the lekki-Ajah express road should enjoy some form of concession on toll payment periodically. A toll free day once a week or at certain period of the day say weekdays between 5am to 9am when their is heavy vehicular movement as most people will be rushing off to work won't be a bad idea.

We really do not have to look up to the government at all times to cushion the effect of the current harsh economic situation in Nigeria on the masses. Buying fuel @ the present rate of 145 per litre is hard enough and well meaning Nigerians and organisations can do their bit to alleviate the suffering of the masses.

By now, it is likely LCC would have recouped a considerable large percentage of the amount used in constructing that road considering the volume of traffic that goes through the toll gate everyday.

Without having to go into the dirty details of how this project was conceived in the first place, it is only reasonable that we don't allow individual selfishness and greed take over our lives.

He that has ears, let them hear.............

Onegai:
A joint account depends on what you and your spouse decide. Either you pay whole or part of salaries and payments into it. It's a way of holding both parties accountable and not keeping secrets. I know a lady who insisted on a Joint account with her husband, because he was a spendthrift. He splits his salary into the Joint and his personal savings. He runs through his money quicker (he pays for house things from his from time to time) but they also have that backup savings in the Joint (for emergencies). She has never mentioned it to his face that he's a spendthrift (she did once, but the fight that followed nearly ended their marriage).

Banjolek's wife is not evil and she's not a spendthrift. She saves half of her salary and is planning a second business. That doesn't sound like a spendthrift. What she's suffering from is hearing or seeing a lot of bad stories about husbands and money (she may even had read them here from #TeamHousewivesAreSuffering ). So she's making some fundamental mistakes. People give newlyweds a lot of shockingly bad advice that makes them adversaries rather than partners.

The best way to solve this issue is to show her, don't tell her.

Thats why the Joint account will show her clearly how much of her husband's salary is going where and it will make it clear that he is all for providing for his and her family first and is not going to keep financial secrets from her. Rather than telling her continuously. He should also just casually mention how he had to do stuff like eat bole or some cheap snack at work because he had no money. He should stop starching his native to church or taking them to the drycleaners and go "mehn i can't afford it but you please go ahead and get your hair done". Feel free to follow her to church looking slightly shabby. Which sensible spouse (who is looking to get compliments like "oh your hubby is shining, well done o!" won't start noticing the correlation between his spending, his poverty and her demands?

If in 2 months' time, Banjolek doesn't see her subtly adjusting her mindset and offering to pay for things, then he can go loco. That is why most women end up being in charge of the Joint account and most are prudent with it.

Words don't sway people, actions do.

This is what I originally wanted to type at first, OP. But Baby E was doing head stands (i don't understand why a 1 year old acts like she does) so I had to attend to her and write a short summary. You decide what you wanna do.

Your sense of reasoning is exemplary will definitely use some of your ideas.

@ baby E, that's a sign of a healthy one, kudos.

Laclasse:
sit down and talk with your wife. map out plans for the future. Look at how strangers are insulting your wife.calling her greedy . shameless thing.

Mr laclasse, the idea of bringing issues like this to this forum is to have varied perspectives on the subject matter as no man is an island on is own and multiple* good heads they say are better than one, you cannot possibly make do with eveyone's opinion here. Its now left for whoever the OP is to filter the responses herein and make do with what he/she feels will benefit him/her.

Thanks for dropping a line though.

Kimoni:
TV01 - I don't think joint account is for every family. In my opinion, families must be on the same page when it comes to financial goals and responsibilities before they can make a success of joint account. If not, one parties suffers and frustration sets in on the long run.
In OP's case, I do not think his family is ready for it, there is no harmony yet in that aspect of their life. From the look of things, he will be on the receiving side of things if they go for joint account. #mythots

On point, infact i was going to propose this when i noticed some behaviours like that one in question right now. I had have a rethink and hang on with my thoughts.

Dyt:

You don take am personal




Nooo
Leaf him
I dey here dey wait for another thread
He wee take it "a gba*

Let him do it hot hot

Lol, hot hot?! naaaaa, if i was going to do that i wouldnt come here seeking for people's opinion.

mylove4him:
We women are worst enemies. Support your husband and here you are thinking it is right to take care of you all round, Kai some women sha.
Banjolek, just don't anymore to.the twenty thousand. If j am to advise I will say reduce to 10k. If I may ask this money she is saving, have you guys talked about it and how it will be used? Na wao some women are lucky.

Don't stop doing what you need to do for your family. Also intermittently sends money to her family when you have.

Let her bring her 75k and help to pay the bills in the house. In fact contributing for food also.

Women should learn to help their man and also plan together. In this harsh economy, someone will seat down somewhere and say me n my money Kai.

Thanks,

well said.

PresVA:
Op, like how much do you earn? You keep insisting that she demands more because she knows your salary, which means your salary will actually be very reasonable. .. She must have seen how you spend on family/outside hence her demands; she knows your capability. ..

Really can't say anything till I hear from your wife because I won't be surprised if you give your family/outsiders like 100k monthly then proposing 20k to her...

Then, most importantly. .. You guys should look at valuable projects/investments to embark on...including your wife..

Just discuss with your wife, ONLY both of you can make the decision... all d best..

Thanks for this

I really dont think how much i give her should be a function of my monthly income or how much i give my family. The bottom line is you are comfortable at home with everything is provided and you earn well enough to survive in a month. of course we are looking to invest in to viable project(s) that will enable another stream of income which i already stated i am saving towards. And may i say i dont lavish money on my family, i understand the fact i need to manage my own immediate family and plan for a better future.

TV01:
bro' Leke is that you

Those - particularly Fem29 - who have pointed you to the future have done well here. As have those who have touched on, in so many words, your wifes need to "mature into, and feel more confident" in the union.

So I won't repeat any of that. I would suggest something more radical - and not necessarily something to be rushed. I'm at a loss to see why your wife has sole control of half of her 150K salary?

What is that money intended for? What is the "family" accountability around that? Annually - and if you include any "stipend" you give her - she could be stashing away over a million naira

And this on top of your newly increased expenditure per moving, your on-going spend to maintain the family, assist relatives, and your commitment to saving for a business for her!

Oga, take firm control. I believe it's in your best long-term interest - and will facilitate meeting your goals - for you to overhaul your joint finances.

Firstly, when you say she uses 75k for upkeep, what exactly does that mean? Is it solely for her personal upkeep, or does that include the wider family?

Anyway, some suggestions;

1. Out of her salary, she gets a reasonable upkeep amount - whatever upkeep entails
2. In addition to this, some extra on top - loving 'jara
3. Any surplus goes into a joint savings account account - all short, medium and LT expenditure from here is discussed and agreed by you both
4. Likewise, and as she already knows your income (kudos by the way), you parse your own earnings and contribute to the joint account
5. You discuss how you financially bless your relatives (both your), agreeing based on conduct, availability and need.

Again, suggestions, I am not being prescriptive. Right now you are fuelling a huge entitlement mentality in your wife. I would totally eschew the notion of a "stipend". All you have is hers anyway, and it sounds like you already live it that way.

What if the situation changes - only slightly sef - and you can't keep up? Does that mean you are failing? Or that she has a charge against you?
Bro', don't set yourself up for a fall.

Encourage her and help her understand that there is no difference, even if it's with baby steps. I sense you don't like where she is, and I agree, only I think you are pandering, instead of planning.

And, a regular, joint review of your finances, without fail.

All the best

TV

Thanks for the effort you put into writing this.

Sincerely my initial thought when this came up was like should there really be anything like monthly pocket money when you can comfortably survive off what you earn in a month after saving.

I already feel like i made a mistake allowing her have an idea of how much my salary is.

My intention was to try and be as transparent as possible but apparenty women's logic is quite different.

Arsenate:
Where are the feminists when you need them
So, basically, you both earn salaries but she still needs monthly stipends from you. Wow.
Women logic 101:
My money is mine alone
My man's money is for all of us.
Yeah, women are that selfish

Absolutely on point, apart from saving half of her salary,she doesn't even have to spend a lot of money on transportation as her office is very close to our house. Really baffling.

Azinganga:
Endure this crazy demand of hers and pray to have children first.When children comes, she will start to see herself then as a stakeholder and must contribute financially even for your domestic needs.Women are supposed to be helpmeets and not extortionists.A helper should really help.

I agree with you on this.

I appreciate your clear understanding of what's going on, i have had accusations like "but you give your family money and stuffs like that" I have been really opened to her, she actually knows how much i earn(not a wives are privy to that sort of information) i just feel she shuould understand the situation we are in and all the efforts i'm making to better our lives. it really can be annoying when she accuses me of been stingy with all i'm trying to do. Its not like i spend so much on myself and i don't spend on her at all. i really feel she should be able to see things herself and not have to explain to her always.

Thanks a lot for your advice, you've been helpful.

Onegai:
Once you make it clear that you are okay with sharing financial information with her and taking care of your responsibilities, she should calm down. A lot of times, women act in fear when it comes to money: due to what they have seen it heard. Encourage her to buy small things to decorate the house, make it clear it's "our Family, our money, our home, our decisions together". Not "our money, my decisions alone and if you take out of the money to give your brother a soft loan I will act like you stole from me". That last part, is what I was told by a lady who was shocked to hear I had a joint with hubby. She hides her salary from her husband and demands money too. Because he acts "funny" when he knows she has money or she gave a loan and he found out.

If I were you, i'd turn the giving of the allowance into a fun performance.

thanks @onegai

Hello guys,

I need your honest opinion on this, how much is really ideal to give one's wife as monthly pocket money?.

Here's my story, i recently got married and also moved to a new 3 bedroom apartment around gbagada. I earn a pretty decent income while my wife also works in the bank with a salary of like 150k. She saves a half of this salary and uses the remaining for upkeep.

Now the issue is my wife insists that i must give her monthly pocket money and i have proposed 20k, an amount i feel is more than adequate for her if added to about 75k which she already has to herself from her salary. Also note that this 20k does not mean i dont get to buy her random stuff during the month or provide anything she asks for if i feel its a reasonable demand.

A1so bear in mind that i am still 100% responsible for providing food and other bills in the house. In addition we just moved to a new apartment like i mentioned earlier and still in the process of furnishing it so a chunk of my monthly salary goes into furnishing the house.

We also have a plan to set up a business for her, so i'm also currently saving part of my salary to fulfill that dream.

Now my wife has rejected the proposed amount of 20k saying its too small.

I need your take on this people, considering all i have mentioned above, is 20k really too small to be giving her monthly?

i wrote this in a hurry, please bear with any typo observed.

Hello guys,

I need your honest opinion on this, how much is really ideal to give one's wife as monthly pocket money?.

Here's my story, i recently got married and also moved to a new 3 edroom apartment around gbagada. I earn a pretty decent income while my wife also works in the bank with a salary of like 150k. She saves a half of this salary and uses the remaining for upkeep.

Now the issue is my wife insists that i must give her monthly pocket money and i have proposed 20k, an amount i feel is more than adequate for her if added to about 75k which she already has to herself from her salary. Also note that this 20k does not mean i dont get to buy her random stuff during the month or provide anything she asks for if i feel its a reasonable demand.

A1so bear in mind that i am still 100% responsible for providing food and other bills in the house. In addition we just moved to a new apartment like i mentioned earlier and still in the process of furnishing it so a chunk of my monthly salary goes into furnishing the house.

We also have a plan to set up a business for her, so i'm also currently saving part of my salary to fulfill that dream.

Now my wife has rejected the proposed amount of 20k saying its too small.

I need your take on this people, considering all i have mentioned above, is 20k really too small to be giving her monthly?

i wrote this in a hurry, please bear with any typo observed.