Hello guys,

I need your honest opinion on this, how much is really ideal to give one's wife as monthly pocket money?.

Here's my story, i recently got married and also moved to a new 3 bedroom apartment around gbagada. I earn a pretty decent income while my wife also works in the bank with a salary of like 150k. She saves a half of this salary and uses the remaining for upkeep.

Now the issue is my wife insists that i must give her monthly pocket money and i have proposed 20k, an amount i feel is more than adequate for her if added to about 75k which she already has to herself from her salary. Also note that this 20k does not mean i dont get to buy her random stuff during the month or provide anything she asks for if i feel its a reasonable demand.

A1so bear in mind that i am still 100% responsible for providing food and other bills in the house. In addition we just moved to a new apartment like i mentioned earlier and still in the process of furnishing it so a chunk of my monthly salary goes into furnishing the house.

We also have a plan to set up a business for her, so i'm also currently saving part of my salary to fulfill that dream.

Now my wife has rejected the proposed amount of 20k saying its too small.

I need your take on this people, considering all i have mentioned above, is 20k really too small to be giving her monthly?

i wrote this in a hurry, please bear with any typo observed.

It's okay.

Sit her down and tell her the money she's getting is a token of love, meant to be spent on frivolous things for herself. And that the amount will increase as things get better. Also get a joint account in which both of you will be paying savings into and make her a co-signatory. It will cure her of her fears about you.

Ok. Thank you for telling us. Next person please

thanks @onegai

banjolek:
thanks

Once you make it clear that you are okay with sharing financial information with her and taking care of your responsibilities, she should calm down. A lot of times, women act in fear when it comes to money: due to what they have seen or heard. Encourage her to buy small things to decorate the house, make it clear it's "our Family, our money, our home, our decisions together". Not "our money, my decisions alone and if you take out of the money to give your brother a soft loan I will act like you stole from me". That last part, is what I was told by a lady who was shocked to hear I had a joint with hubby. She hides her salary from her husband and demands money too. Because he acts "funny" when he knows she has money or she gave a loan and he found out.

If I were you, i'd turn the giving of the allowance into a fun performance.

Endure this crazy demand of hers and pray to have children first.When children comes, she will start to see herself then as a stakeholder and must contribute financially even for your domestic needs.Women are supposed to be helpmeets and not extortionists.A helper should really help.

I appreciate your clear understanding of what's going on, i have had accusations like "but you give your family money and stuffs like that" I have been really opened to her, she actually knows how much i earn(not a wives are privy to that sort of information) i just feel she shuould understand the situation we are in and all the efforts i'm making to better our lives. it really can be annoying when she accuses me of been stingy with all i'm trying to do. Its not like i spend so much on myself and i don't spend on her at all. i really feel she should be able to see things herself and not have to explain to her always.

Thanks a lot for your advice, you've been helpful.

Onegai:


Once you make it clear that you are okay with sharing financial information with her and taking care of your responsibilities, she should calm down. A lot of times, women act in fear when it comes to money: due to what they have seen it heard. Encourage her to buy small things to decorate the house, make it clear it's "our Family, our money, our home, our decisions together". Not "our money, my decisions alone and if you take out of the money to give your brother a soft loan I will act like you stole from me". That last part, is what I was told by a lady who was shocked to hear I had a joint with hubby. She hides her salary from her husband and demands money too. Because he acts "funny" when he knows she has money or she gave a loan and he found out.

If I were you, i'd turn the giving of the allowance into a fun performance.

Azinganga:
Endure this crazy demand of hers and pray to have children first.When children comes, she will start to see herself then as a stakeholder and must contribute financially even for your domestic needs.Women are supposed to be helpmeets and not extortionists.A helper should really help.

I agree with you on this.

Where are the feminists when you need them
So, basically, you both earn salaries but she still needs monthly stipends from you. Wow.
Women logic 101:
My money is mine alone
My man's money is for all of us.
Yeah, women are that selfish

Arsenate:
Where are the feminists when you need them
So, basically, you both earn salaries but she still needs monthly stipends from you. Wow.
Women logic 101:
My money is mine alone
My man's money is for all of us.
Yeah, women are that selfish

Absolutely on point, apart from saving half of her salary,she doesn't even have to spend a lot of money on transportation as her office is very close to our house. Really baffling.

Onegai

banjolek:
I appreciate your clear understanding of what's going on, i have had accusations like "but you give your family money and stuffs like that" I have been really opened to her, she actually knows how much i earn(not a wives are privy to that sort of information) i just feel she shuould understand the situation we are in and all the efforts i'm making to better our lives. it really can be annoying when she accuses me of been stingy with all i'm trying to do. Its not like i spend so much on myself and i don't spend on her at all. i really feel she should be able to see things herself and not have to explain to her always.

Thanks a lot for your advice, you've been helpful.

When i read the initial post and the fact that she works and earns a reasonable amount and she was still rejecting the amount you offered, i suspected that it will come to the bold.

banjolek:
I appreciate your clear understanding of what's going on, i have had accusations like "but you give your family money and stuffs like that" I have been really opened to her, she actually knows how much i earn(not a wives are privy to that sort of information) i just feel she shuould understand the situation we are in and all the efforts i'm making to better our lives. it really can be annoying when she accuses me of been stingy with all i'm trying to do. Its not like i spend so much on myself and i don't spend on her at all. i really feel she should be able to see things herself and not have to explain to her always.

Thanks a lot for your advice, you've been helpful.

That joint account will solve your issues without you having to talk. Pay what you normally contribute to care for the home in it and tell her to add something to it (let her decide). Only remove your personal savings. If she's a careful woman, in 2 months' time she will see precisely how much of your earnings is going towards you guys and will feel so bad for you her natural Nigerian "ijebu"-ness will kick in and she will start urging you to save more and become more prudent with money. She will also appreciate the allowance you give her more.

banjolek:
Hello guys,

I need your honest opinion on this, how much is really ideal to give one's wife as monthly pocket money?.

Here's my story, i recently got married and also moved to a new 3 edroom apartment around gbagada. I earn a pretty decent income while my wife also works in the bank with a salary of like 150k. She saves a half of this salary and uses the remaining for upkeep.

Now the issue is my wife insists that i must give her monthly pocket money and i have proposed 20k, an amount i feel is more than adequate for her if added to about 75k which she already has to herself from her salary. Also note that this 20k does not mean i dont get to buy her random stuff during the month or provide anything she asks for if i feel its a reasonable demand.

A1so bear in mind that i am still 100% responsible for providing food and other bills in the house. In addition we just moved to a new apartment like i mentioned earlier and still in the process of furnishing it so a chunk of my monthly salary goes into furnishing the house.

We also have a plan to set up a business for her, so i'm also currently saving part of my salary to fulfill that dream.

Now my wife has rejected the proposed amount of 20k saying its too small.

I need your take on this people, considering all i have mentioned above, is 20k really too small to be giving her monthly?

i wrote this in a hurry, please bear with any typo observed.

I'm sorry if I were you i would not give her any money if you pay for EVERYTHING. 75k is enough for her. Please use any extra monies to build a house shikena!

banjolek:
I appreciate your clear understanding of what's going on, i have had accusations like "but you give your family money and stuffs like that" I have been really opened to her, she actually knows how much i earn(not a wives are privy to that sort of information) i just feel she shuould understand the situation we are in and all the efforts i'm making to better our lives. it really can be annoying when she accuses me of been stingy with all i'm trying to do. Its not like i spend so much on myself and i don't spend on her at all. i really feel she should be able to see things herself and not have to explain to her always.

Thanks a lot for your advice, you've been helpful.

I'm sorry but I think you guys are being unwise . Are you in the process of building a house?.Do you have land?. Do you want to be a tenant forever?. In this harsh economy you are just talking about spend spend spend. Look it is better for you to use your early years to work and build so that you do not struggle when you are old.

Tell ya wifey:- honey any extra monies I have, I am using to build OUR house. If you are already saving towards
That, add the 20k that you were contemplating giving your wife to the funds. Also please cut right down on giving family money and let her know that. Thank God you have a good job but as far as I am concerned you are not yet established till you stop paying rent.

. Whaooo, this is really shocking to hear, how can a wife be behaving like that , when she is not a girlfriend that is ready to help lavish a man's money without considering the future with you. She is your wife for crying out, she should even be the one to encourag you to save money and even be part of the great move to save towards the future. , just like now that you are paying huge amount for rent, you both should be thinking towrds contributing together to get your land and start building, instead of helping to spend your husband's money to the last. Like you said, you both are newly married, so the earlier you both start pulling your resources together , now that the money is flowing in , the better, cos money get wings oo, and can decide to fly to another direction the next moment, so I would plead with you to sit your wife down and see how you both can so something meaningful with the much money by tying the money into great project, Am a lady, and would not help waste my husby's money for no reason, God help me, or maybe she intends helping you to save the money she would be collecting from you, who knows?, cos we women could be funny atimes,

It is well bro, but if after much tlk and pleading with her to see reasons with you, but she still refuses, then you should sit and look for how you can save money for the family without her knowing...#jst my opinion

She is working, I don't know why she is so interested in a stipend when you foot all the bills. She strikes me as greedy, she should be grateful. If she is not accepting the 20k, keep as part of your savings. Don't go trying to convince her to accept it anymore, you give your people money and it's a problem to her? When she isn't lacking? Some women sha.

Don't start what you cannot keep up. She's working, and earns reasonably.
You need to drop money for the maintainance of the house such as feeding money, utility bills. You can always buy random nice things for her, go to nice places together. All that will cost money too.
When the children start coming, you expenses will magically triple, and rent money gets due before you open and close your eyes.
If you feel you can afford 20K per month for her personal upkeep, that's alright, but if you can't afford that, then let her know.
Don't do more than your power o, because once you start, and can't keep up again there'll be wahala.

fem29:


I'm sorry if I were you i would not give her any money if you pay for EVERYTHING. 75k is enough for her. Please use any extra monies to build a house shikena!

Thank you!

fem29:


I'm sorry but I think you guys are being silly. Are you in the process of building a house?.Do you have land?. Do you want to be a tenant forever?. In this harsh economy you are just talking about spend spend spend. Look it is better for you to use your early years to work and build so that you do not struggle when you are old.

Tell ya wifey:- honey any extra monies I have, I am using to build OUR house. If you are already saving towards
That, add the 20k that you were contemplating giving your wife to the funds. Also please cut right down on giving family money and let her know that. Thank God you have a good job but as far as I am concerned you are not yet established till you stop paying rent.

very very very good advice here..op, come and take food here.eat this one till you belle full.

byvan03:
She is working, I don't know why she is so interested in a stipend when you foot all the bills. She strikes me as greedy, she should be grateful. If she is not accepting the 20k, keep as part of your savings. Don't go trying to convince her to accept it anymore, you give your people money and it's a problem to her? When she isn't lacking? Some women sha.

I quite agree with you, but didn't want to call the wife names in my post.

Arsenate:
Where are the feminists when you need them
So, basically, you both earn salaries but she still needs monthly stipends from you. Wow.
Women logic 101:
My money is mine alone
My man's money is for all of us.
Yeah, women are that selfish

The OPs wife is selfish, but do not generalize that women are selfish. A lot of women are the financial pillars of their homes, and nobody knows. A lot are also co contributors.
While you're screaming for the feminists, may I remind you that the thread had less then ten posts before you started calling for people. They will get here when they're not busy so wait patiently.

eyinjuege:


I quite agree with you, but didn't want to call the wife names in my post.

Sometimes a name that fits is needed for maximum impact, she is a very greedy woman. I can't even trust her type with money matters. I hope OP realises this and put his foot down now the marriage is early. The man pay all bills yet hers still isn't enough ? Should there be any stipend apart from being nice to ones wife every now and then? The thing annoy me pass her husband sef .

As per how much is ideal? I do not think there is any ideal amt for stipend, give what you can afford as a good husband and leave the rest to be augmented. Give the amount that would not affect you financially.

Be wise about this decision, cos as woman, money no dey do us oo, even when you decide to give 1m per month, e no go still reach us , and if you give us small amount, we go still fit manage am, no matter what, though talking abt good women here, no be all woman fit help you manage oo

God why did you not give me this kind of 'head' na?


The other day it was money for hair chai.


Oga I think the N20k is more than enough if she truly does not pay any bills in the home.

I am always surprised and baffled when women earn, don't pay any bills and then still want their husband to give them an allowance? Note I am not saying your hubby cant give you gifts etal but to demand it as a right and even get angry on top

If she was not married would she not pay her own bills? When will grown adults start taking responsibility for themselves?

Na wa o I guess its different strokes.

fem29:


I'm sorry if I were you i would not give her any money if you pay for EVERYTHING. 75k is enough for her. Please use any extra monies to build a house shikena!

byvan03:
She is working, I don't know why she is so interested in a stipend when you foot all the bills. She strikes me as greedy, she should be grateful. If she is not accepting the 20k, keep as part of your savings. Don't go trying to convince her to accept it anymore, you give your people money and it's a problem to her? When she isn't lacking? Some women sha.

What else is there to say?
1000 likes!

Enilori o ni fila, eni ni fila o ni ori to ma de si

You are making what some families earn as their combined income

You are not contributing to the bills

20k is too small as pocket money
In this present economy?
Diaris God.

Oga I think you guys should sit and talk about a good financial plan, Children fees, your own house etc.This is naija where anything can happen.
Plan ooo

banjolek:
Hello guys,

I need your honest opinion on this, how much is really ideal to give one's wife as monthly pocket money?

bro' Leke is that you

Those - particularly Fem29 - who have pointed you to the future have done well here. As have those who have touched on, in so many words, your wifes need to "mature into, and feel more confident" in the union.

So I won't repeat any of that. I would suggest something more radical - and not necessarily something to be rushed. I'm at a loss to see why your wife has sole control of half of her 150K salary?

What is that money intended for? What is the "family" accountability around that? Annually - and if you include any "stipend" you give her - she could be stashing away over a million naira

And this on top of your newly increased expenditure per moving, your on-going spend to maintain the family, assist relatives, and your commitment to saving for a business for her!

Oga, take firm control. I believe it's in your best long-term interest - and will facilitate meeting your goals - for you to overhaul your joint finances.

Firstly, when you say she uses 75k for upkeep, what exactly does that mean? Is it solely for her personal upkeep, or does that include the wider family?

Anyway, some suggestions;

1. Out of her salary, she gets a reasonable upkeep amount - whatever upkeep entails
2. In addition to this, some extra on top - loving 'jara
3. Any surplus goes into a joint savings account account - all short, medium and LT expenditure from here is discussed and agreed by you both
4. Likewise, and as she already knows your income (kudos by the way), you parse your own earnings and contribute to the joint account
5. You discuss how you financially bless your relatives (both your), agreeing based on conduct, availability and need.

Again, suggestions, I am not being prescriptive. Right now you are fuelling a huge entitlement mentality in your wife. I would totally eschew the notion of a "stipend". All you have is hers anyway, and it sounds like you already live it that way.

What if the situation changes - only slightly sef - and you can't keep up? Does that mean you are failing? Or that she has a charge against you?
Bro', don't set yourself up for a fall.

Encourage her and help her understand that there is no difference, even if it's with baby steps. I sense you don't like where she is, and I agree, only I think you are pandering, instead of planning.

And, a regular, joint review of your finances, without fail.

All the best

TV

Op, uv tried in yur home
Some people have head but no cap , some have cap but no head.
Wish i have such husband as u....
I wont be hustling too much... I guess thats why God keeps me ,the way He does.. Thank you Lord.

Sorry , but yur wife is very greedy.. Chai...

Ehn ehn
Op e haf read what he wants to read
Now its time to go home and act aggressive
No money woman
You earn so so so
That's OK for you and I am not giving you nothing again
The op looking for a push
Now he has gotten
Muchechechecheche
I laughing here

Even when the posters mean well
Its left for you to use your discretion in handling your home
In as much as I agree with other posters
I still go with onegai
Do it with love