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uanda:
Apologies accepted. Hope u will update today

sure sis

Happy new month to my people on these thread sorry i couldnt update yesterday, rukkydelta it's been long o

Bella, Bella, Kwame shouted, He ran to the parlour, but everywhere around him was dark, where did everyone go to he thougt in his mind, he started weeping not knowing what too do, Then a hand tapped him and he woke up from the terrible nightmare..

Why are you sweating Bella asked, so it was a nightmare, "Thank God" kwame said.. Don't worry everything is alright, I know what the dream was all about I can read your mind, nothing will happen Bella said patting him on his back, what is the time, kwame asked, it's close to 3:am Bella replied, okay let's go back to bed, They cuddled theirselves till the next morning, but Bela knew something was wrong.

Good morning you two wake up now, Bella go and join yvvone in the kitchen and kwame go and join David in the garden and trim the flowers, mrs Johnson spoke, okay ma they both replied. Kwame went to the garden and saw David already trimming the flowers, he joined him, hey David did you sleep here yesterday night kwam asked, yes I slept in yvvone's room David replied smiling, why are you smiling hope it's not what am thinking kwame asked, probably David replied..

How dare you!! kwame shouted he rushed at David and threw a punch in his face, I told you I won't accept anything like that with my sister, the noise brought everybody to the garden, David moved close to him and punched him on the mouth, What the Bleep!! kwame shouted and they wrestled on the ground, Mr johnson just stood there laughing, yvvone ran upto kwame and pushed him away from david...

yvvone, you dare push me away because of these gay, How dare you call me gay david said and was about launching another blow when bella suddenly appeared holding his hand's("where did she appear from" Her eye's getting red, David now!! step aside Bella said helping kwame up, now will you guy's explain what happened, Bella am sorry I didn't mean to, he started it first I was joking with him I slept in yvvone's room which I didn't and he took it serious thinking something happened between us..

So you we're joking, kwame asked, bleep you man David shouted and hugged kwame am sorry bro didn't mean to, Mr & Mrs Johnson and Bella's mom stood there laughing, am sorry big brother, yvvon said, Better leave me o, but come let me tell you something, yvvine walked to him and kwame pushed her but held her back, never will I let my sister fall, everyone laughed as the two hugged themselves.

("what a happy family" I hope it lasts
source:Bellovers

sorry won't be able to update tonight, my laptop is dead and due to the phcn and fuel scarcity issue, but if they manage to bring the light will update, have a blessed night you all..

OloriAbefe:
lolsss....naso yu hate my bella reach

lool e go better broda take heart

Aipete2:
ehya ehya ehya, kolorun forun ke

Amin

wow!! these food looks and smells good hope the food will taste as it seems Mr Johnson said, you can try it sir am sure you will like it, ''though am not a very good cook'' learning from my mom Bella replied.

Everyone sat on the dining table including Bella's mom, they waited while Bella and yvvone served the food, immediately it got to Bella's mom turn she immediately gave the meat a bite, you say the grace madam, it is abrule here whoever eats the foods first says grace, Bella bursted into laughter knowing her mom isn't the praying type..
Dear God, thank you for the precious food you gave unto us, we are grateful amen, Bella's mom prayed. Not too bad,Mrs Johnson replied, they all sat to eat and shared jokes among themselves..

After eating everyone sat in the parlour to watch a movie, Hey Bella we better get going it's already past 11, No you guys can sleep here tomorrow is Saturday , we have about two extra rooms, so you can use anyone you find comfortable, Mr Johnson said, Mom let's stay here for the night, have to watch over my baby you know, he's still not feeling okay, Bella said holding her mom's hand, okay let's do that, Bella mom replied, thanks ma you the best mom ever, Bella said.
Everyone laughed to AY's 30 days in Atlanta showing on the tv screen, I need to watch these guy live, okay lets do it these way, I heard he's having an event tommorow at the eko hotel &suites and table for 10 Is sold for #1million, will you guys like to hangout tomorrow, Mr Johnson said to everyone, yes everybody replied, have been wanting to see him live, yvvone said, he's my best comedian, Bella said..

Bella walked to kwame's room and met him talking on the phone, The only thing she heard was ''am sorry I didn't call you, I never forgot about you have moved on I have a girlfriend I love so much so I think you should move on'' those were the words she heard when kwame was on the phone with Jennifer , she opened the door,eyed him and went to the bathroom.

Kwame knew she had heard all that he said , he waited for her to come out of the bathroom so he could explain to her, 15minutes later Bella came out of the bathroom still not talking to kwame nor made eye-contact with him, she moved to yvvone room, Hey yvvone can I borrow a night gown from you, sure sis it's in my wardrobe, yvvone replied....

She got back to the room and saw kwame playing game, she took the other pad, Bella am sorry I didn't mean to, "shush" Bella said using her hands to cover his lips, I know it all I read peoples mind in case you don't know, I know she's your ex-girlfriend but you should have told me, ''am sorry dear'' kwame said, just get ready to lose Bella said smiling, wanna bet kwame replied, hmmm okay I bet if you win will give you a long kiss for 5minutes non stop..

They got started with kwame scoring an early goal and Bella equalized in the 70th minutes 3minutes to the end of the game kwame netted, now have won, wheres the bet stake, cool down Bella said and dragged him on the bed, I told you these is going to be a romantic kiss, with that she locked her mouth in his, she broke the kiss exact 5 minutes, then the unexpected happened, Bella fainted immediately after she broke the kiss...

arinze3131:
pls cum and update name.

sorry for the inconvenience bro will update today been very busy

Bella got happy when she heard the voice of Kwame, Kwame: Bella am sorry I got you afraid, I won’t leave you, ‘you know I promised you that’’, Everyone tears became tears of joy as Kwame stood up, they all feared he is no more just some minutes ago. Kwame: how long have I been unconscious, Bella: close to 6 hours, Kwame: wow I can’t believe that, mum, dad I hope I did not get you guy’s worried so much, Yvvone: yes you did big brother, but we thank God for bringing you back.
Kwame left the parlour with Bella to his room, Kwame: how come you didn’t take me to the hospital, and how did I even get home, Bella: I brought you back home, Kwame: how did you, hope it’s not what am thinking, Bella:yes it is what you are thinking…
Come here you, Kwame said dragging her into his arms, am very hungry, Kwame said, okay let me get you something to eat from the kitchen, thank you dear Kwame said, he was about standing up to follow her into the kitchen, ‘’No dear’’ Bella said pushing him back to the bed you have to rest and allow the wife do the cooking, moreover your dad is calling you downstairs..
He got to the parlour to see the angry face of his father, Now will you tell me how you got involved in an accident, His Dad said angrily while his mom stood beside him trying to calm him down, leave me alone woman, mr Johnson said, Let me handle this with him, so tell me how you got involved in an accident, because for all I know there is no way a vehicle can knock you down along the route to your school only if you go on the road preparing to kill yourself.
Dad have forgotten I can’t remember Kwame said, will you shut up loverboy bella told me everything mr Johnson said smiling, come here son, ‘’I know you are in love with her but not to the extent of killing yourself’’ am sorry dad I won’t try such again Kwame said, okay son now go and eat, your wife and yvvone prepared dinner for everyone, let’s see if your wife is really a good cook, mr Johnson said smiling…

Jiteshell:
1. Stop using abbreviations or whatever, stop with the 'dere', the 'myt' and whatever, it discourages readers, I just kept scrolling, hoping I would get to the point where it turns into a novel, it didn't.

2. Use quotations to indicate conversationslilike "how are you" . Stop packing different conversations from different individuals together like where are you going I don't know. Separate them, indicate who said what


3. You cannot tell me Bella looks like mocheddah or whatever, what if I do not know mocheddah, give a decriptive analysis of what we are to expect of the character and its not just all about the ass or boobs, this is not sexuality section

4. Stop narrating every action of the characters, what on earth is, he woke up and brushed his teeth and had his bath then went to the kitchen to greet his mother then...(this is nt what is in it but I cannot remember what exactly you used but this should work as an example).

5. Add emotions to your writeup. With the way you are writing, I cannot feel what the character is feeling, I cannot understand what the character is trying to portray. As a writer you are supposed to connect with your characters, when writing, try to write as if you are Bella, kwame and the rest. Let us feel the emotions.

6. If you do not understand my fifth point, read books, novels from renowned authors like J.D. Robb or from writers in nairaland like Repogirl, Safarigirl and Larrysun.

7. Try to write out what you want to post first down in a book, read through it to correct any errors before typing.

Thank you for reading my little advice

thank you

safarigirl:
you can't write a story tat as no conversations in it. No offense, but this is worse than reading Onitsha literature.


First off, the flashback (not throwback) scene with Jennifer should have been written in italics so people are aware it isn't in the present.


Secondly, you need the quotations ("" to write conversations (don't use quotations with brackets, get rid of the brackets)


Thirdly, writing a novel isn't same as writing a play. With a novel, you'll require much more elaborate descriptions than what you're posting here eg, this scene could have gone:


[I]"Jennifer, I want to tell you something"

She noticed how gloomy his voice sounded, her wars perked up o hear this news, while the erratic beating of her heart told her it probably wouldn't be a pleasant one[/i]

I would suggest you paragraph your work, but your phone might be unable to do that.

I'm a big fan of the non-human genre, so hopefully, you can wok on the faults here and make this good.

PS: It's 'there' not 'dere'

thanks dear, it's the phone am using to update, will work on the errors thank u

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check it out guys. I guarantee you you will enjoy this story https://www.nairaland.com/2695510/love-non-human

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Oh no!!! Bella screamed out loud, the driver came down from the car and rushed down to where kwame lying down with blood gushing out from his head, please let's lift him into the car the driver begged, but before he could run down to open the backseat door, Bella had disappeared with kwame, The confused driver stood like a mad man he began checking everywhere for them,he checked under his car sill he didn't see anyone, he walked to his car and drove off..

At the house of the Johnson's David and yvvone got loved up caressing themselves happily, Bella disappeared right in front of them with kwame in her hands, What the Bleep happened yvvone shouted bursting into tears immediately she called and updated their parents between 15minutes they came..

everyone gathered, around kwame body, Bella explained all to them in tears in her eyes, But why didn't you take him to the hospital, Mr Johnson asked, He won't be able to make it in the hospital, My mum saw the vision....

she screamed out loud, will you be able to save him, yvvone asked, my mum told me I can't save the one I love with my vision, But, But what Mr Johnson replied, she said something I didn't hear I have to call her..
Hello mom, she said in tears it has happened, your vision, please come over now am in kwame's house.
she arrived 10minutes later, Bella I warned you about it and I told you the only way you can save him is if you are ready to die, Mom you didn't say all this he can't die like these please help mom Bella said..

I was telling you and you didn't answer me now see what your sturbonness has caused, anyway you can save him without dying Bella mom said, How everyone asked, she bursted into laughter, really wanted to see if you truly love him, now I have Seen that, mom are you joking right now please tell me what I have to do, don't tell me you don't know how to use your powers too heal someone she said smiling, Mr Johnson don't worry he won't die, Bella mom said..

Bella immediately put her hands on kwame chest and started sweating like she did during David's time, everyone began praying, for over 15minutes, all hope was getting to be lost, as Bella got dizzy and began staggering, kwame noo don't do this am here she removed her hand and placed it on his, everyone started crying, because all hope was lost his body was already healed from the injury he sustained from the accident but he didn't wake up, Bella stood up, went outside in an angry mood, no Bella her mom screamed you can't do these to the whole Nigerians.

Just because we lost one lives doesn't mean you take thousands, you know your power you must not get angry or lives will be lost, she pushed her mother aside and was about making for the door when she heard the most important voice in her life....

Ibukunholuwa:
love wanti ti ti.Na wa 4 kwame o.Nice update

thanks bro

hubbulamin:
Nice story bruv.. Kip it up... Really following... But this kwame is Foolish ooi... oh! I just Remembered.. He is in Love...

thanks bro

Monday morning, kwame woke up to hear his phone ringing, oh God who can this be by the middle of the night, bella's name appeared in the screen,quickly he picked it, hey dear why you calling in the middle of the night,hope no problem, cowhead it's after 7 Bella said, oh God not again Bella will meet you in your house in 30minutes, he quickly ran to take his bath..

He got to Bella's house and knocked , come in the gateman replied, he sat on one of the bench outside and called Bella, kwame:hey dear am in your compound, Bella:I know come inside and let's eat..
kwame got inside and greeted Bella's mom, hey love hope you are good, yes ma am fine kwame replied...
on their way to school, kwame: I even forgot to tell you I need your English note I didn't do my assignment, Bella: am not giving it to you, you better let me teach you or you get penelised in school...

They entered the class and as usual all eyes on them, shola walked to kwame sit, shola:hey bro wats up won't you introduce your girlfriend to me, kwame: why not after class bro, got a lot to do now...

During lunch break Bella walked up to kwame sit, Bella: husband what should I get for you, kwame: any snacks wifey, she was about leaving and kwame called her back, kwame: hey Bella, he walked to meet her and said slowly into her ear, we are going together not letting you disappear again, Bella: you are not serious and gave him a playful slap on his cheek.

They got to the cafeteria and ordered for donought and ice cream, where too now Bella asked, let's go to the football field kwame replied. They got to the football field watched some people training, kwame sighted shola and waved at him, Bella: why did you do that you know I don't talk to anybody, kwame: he is just my friend, he wanted to say hi to you...

shola walked upto them, shola: hi Bella, Bella: am fine, shola:hope you taking care of my friend, Bella: can't you see his face it looks like my handiwork, she said and they all laughed, kwame:shola howfa na are we seeing today after school, shola: I don't know bro but will call you to let you know, he said and left them.
closing time, they left school together, on the road, kwame: hey Bella look at me I can kneel on the road and tell you I Iove you, Bella: I know so don't do it, before Bella could look back kwame got on the road and knelt down I love you Bella, kwame stand up I know, it's too risky, before Bella could complete her words a car was coming with high speed, kwame, noooooooooo Bella shouted....

[quote author=Mattkent post=40330813]Hey bellovers..I have actually been following ur story e even b4 u mentioned me. it kind of intrigued me when I saw it was abt a non human. Keep it up bro.[/quote
boss na your story I look upto o na u give me inspiration to write ooi

donkross1:
I be national Bartender for Literature section na

looool

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started my own story too guys and I need you Guys too also follow it#donkross,heemah,mattkent,sageez,dandypearl,calmdove,hubbulamin https://www.nairaland.com/2695510/love-non-human