₦airaland Forum

luminouz:
Lmao! Wish u all d best dear......

Thanks!!!

sleeknick:
8

Thanks!!

sleeknick:
Yes he was wrong... He has no right to slap the conductor no matter what. Its just #50

I agree!!! Thank you dear.

luminouz:
Well....what can I say? Only time will tell if u did d right thing!
All d same! Best of luck!
Have to say this dou......must d guy be Igbo? Other tribes nko? Y not consider them too dear!

Igbo & Living in the states! Let me have peace of mind all around next time

sleeknick:
Honestly i didn't read this.... But he shouldn't have slapped the conductor

What??

Thanks to everyone for their commentary on my fiancé who is lives in ph and me who lives in US.

Here is my analysis and decisions after thinking and PRAYING.

My fiancé was motivated into a relationship with me due to my "position". He knew I was from states before he became in love.

His love is not all that genuine because he said he loved me after a meeting that was all that romaantic.

My fiancé wants the benefits of marrying me although he is not ready. Financially in particular.

It is clear he is not all that trustworthy although we all lie sometimes in relationships he hasnt proven himself. I would have passed on this but...

His wanting to stay away after marriage shows he has a decietful plan. That is the #1 nail in the coffin. No man who wants a genuine marriage according to biblical or cultural standards would ever suggest to stay back in Nigeria or away from his wife... particularly when u dont have a well earning job!

It is clear he is hiding something. And since he is not straight forward I wont know what it is. One friend told me he showed him a pic of a baby a year ago and said he was going to marry the mother? But everyone is saying he has no child. He later askes the friend why he told me all that. I recall him knowing about pregnancy very well despite he has no sisters.

I agree with the commenter who said he is immature: suggesting pipedreams and wanting to get married with no real income.

With no plans for me, no straightforward character, sketchy comments and actions its clear marriage is not an option.

He told me he prayed several times to know if I am his wife... said he knew I was his because of my age since all his friends are older... said he was in church one day and realized I am his soulmate.... He said he prayed and fasted for my temper... with this I wonder if he loved me at all.

But I have decided that even if he did, it was based on the wrong thing.

I told him him I wanted to end the engagement after so many fights and a temperamental relationship of ten months. And trying to end it. And two days later he has now sent a text to my families telling dem he wants to end it as well, as he is tired of trying to convince me!

Thanks to all!

coolestofall:
@ Blessed11. I don help u spot ur guy, na him dey use dis moniker. Him dey try convince u 2 stay.


On a serious note, if u love d guy n u want 2 go ahead with marrying him, do this:
Don't work his papers 2 America. Leave him in Nigeria in d mean time.
Secondly, tell him u want a prenup.
If e can live with those terms, then u can go ahead with previous plans.

Anything I mention he goes with it! Told him I want a pre-nup he said fine.

He only had reservations with me getting a lasyer. He said I was wasting money.

Had reservations about 5 kids. But he said I had the final say.

naijareferee:
the dude is acting smart... using reverse psychology on you. like telling you he does not want something in order to make you beg him to want it. who ever prefers naija to any where outside Africa will probably be in the elite league. and how do you know those he introduced you to are his relations. how do you ascertain you are talking to his mother. don't be desperate my dear... have an open mind ... and beautiful things will happen to you not the scam you are presently in. and I guess... he has not asked you for cash... nor presented any problems to you...Lol... he needs to put up that appearance to complete the scam... good luck

He asked me for cash once, wen I came to Lagos for our second in person visit. He said he needed it for his uncle. When i got upset he said I failed the test. That he was just testing me.

naijareferee:
the dude is acting smart... using reverse psychology on you. like telling you he does not want something in order to make you beg him to want it. who ever prefers naija to any where outside Africa will probably be in the elite league. and how do you know those he introduced you to are his relations. how do you ascertain you are talking to his mother. don't be desperate my dear... have an open mind ... and beautiful things will happen to you not the scam you are presently in. and I guess... he has not asked you for cash... nor presented any problems to you...Lol... he needs to put up that appearance to complete the scam... good luck

Lol you didnt read the story well. He told me i should file for him and we will live here in US. But behing my back he told his friend he wants to stay back in nigeria n be visiting me instead!!

Lol thats his mother. He is always with her on sundays she was at d brother wedding and he ive seen her pics on d brother fb... im sure its his mom.

sunshyne20:
It's ok dear. It's well, just think through your actions.
Lets assume, you said to your younger sibling, "when I get married I would bring you to stay with me" does it mean you are a sycophant? Nope..
MA, buddies are buddies.
But all the best, just do your thing.

Please do ensure you tell us how it ended, so we could be inspired by you

I am not your finance as someone quoted me and said, I don't even know you from Adam, just a concerned friend-to-be.

Lol! U dont even write like him! His writing insnt clear. I updated the situation with my decision!!

Thanks to everyone for their commentary on my fiancé who is lives in ph and me who lives in US.

Here is my analysis and decisions after thinking and PRAYING.

My fiancé was motivated into a relationship with me due to my "position". He knew I was from states before he became in love.

His love is not all that genuine because he said he loved me after a meeting that was all that romaantic.

My fiancé wants the benefits of marrying me although he is not ready. Financially in particular.

It is clear he is not all that trustworthy although we all lie sometimes in relationships he hasnt proven himself. I would have passed on this but...

His wanting to stay away after marriage shows he has a decietful plan. That is the #1 nail in the coffin. No man who wants a genuine marriage according to biblical or cultural standards would ever suggest to stay back in Nigeria or away from his wife... particularly when u dont have a well earning job!

It is clear he is hiding something. And since he is not straight forward I wont know what it is. One friend told me he showed him a pic of a baby a year ago and said he was going to marry the mother? But everyone is saying he has no child. He later askes the friend why he told me all that. I recall him knowing about pregnancy very well despite he has no sisters.

I agree with the commenter who said he is immature: suggesting pipedreams and wanting to get married with no real income.

With no plans for me, no straightforward character, sketchy comments and actions its clear marriage is not an option.

He told me he prayed several times to know if I am his wife... said he knew I was his because of my age since all his friends are older... said he was in church one day and realized I am his soulmate.... He said he prayed and fasted for my temper... with this I wonder if he loved me at all.

But I have decided that even if he did, it was based on the wrong thing.

I told him him I wanted to end the engagement after so many fights and a temperamental relationship of ten months. And trying to end it. And two days later he has now sent a text to my families telling dem he wants to end it as well, as he is tired of trying to convince me!

Thanks to all!

sunshyne20:
Thanks for your compliment in the first sentence.
I am not saying I know all, (but I am sure you can relate to jargons, slangs and colloquial used by different people of different class, and diverse relationships).
When I speak with my friends (military in nature), we could talk for about 3hours and no body there would understand/comprehend what we are saying. They may hear us talk in English, but those words we said were coined by us at a particular time of our life and experience, not even other military guys would understand.
So I think, just picking that statement might not tell you the exact meaning of what he said, you may just be out of context. Because I am not understanding how "making road for men" & "not moving abroad" relates. If he wants to make road(in YOUR CONTEXT) then going abroad would be a perfect option.
Please you may just have a comprehension issue and it's already causing you trouble where there is none.
Like I said, take your time and think this true, take out all the possible options and be left with the truth(which I think he loves you).

Also, life has taught me to face my challenges eyeballs to eyeballs and fight to win. You can't continue running, sometimes you fight.

Like a saying "you cannot, connect the dot looking FORWARD, you can only connect the dot looking BACKWARD, but you just need to have faith, that somehow the dots would be connect as you go"

Take care, I am praying for you.
#greatlove

Thank you dear for your encouragement...

I have to be honest and say that the friend he texted: im making a road for men ... I axtually found the friend on fb and asked him about that text! The friend said he will tell me d meaning.... he said that it simply means that when my fiancé goes to america he will come back and help them.

rex444:
Tell him to take u to his home town next time you are around, meet with his age mates since he is igbo,he must be in one age grade.. source about what he really does,his real parents and all. Just be very careful cos u sound a bit desperate for a husband

Hes a transport supervisor for one company in ph of which he is not permanent staff. Then he is a builder on the side. I met his mum and talk to her by phone. He dad is late. I talk to his eldest brother. And all his friends know me and our engagement pictures wine ceremony are all posted on facebook.

Artistree:
That guy is still very much with his babe,there is a conspiracy somewhere that's why their stores are the same. I know a lady who poses as a sister to her husband's white wife so the white wife can be sending her gifts, she of course was acting on her husband's instruction.
I'd be blunt, forget this guy!

Hmmmmm. Shes the one that alerted me to his age saying why am I marrying my junior. Shes the one said I should be careful of him that he isnt using me for money because thats why she broke up with him. So she doesnt sound like a conspirator who wants me to secretly marry him.

Benz4pimp:
You mean holding a position in church makes him sane?.....he took up a job in church so as to look good and put food on his table...church business is good business

Do they get paid?? Didnt know. He is a "pw" in Anglican church

sunshyne20:
@blessed11 sometimes NL can be confusing, as so many people give advice based on their perspective, ideology, experiences & characters.
He may have lied, yes!!! But have thought of the fact that he is being intimidated by your success, and doing all he can to measure up?
Am sure he didn't know you were US based when you guys met.

I think, make him feel comfortable, make him know you love him for who he is and believe in his future.

Not all men are savages..
About his ex pic, I think you even have yours, but if you don't, it's Because you decided to let it go.
About living in Nigeria, I feel he said that so you wouldn't think he is in for the visa.
About the age, I have a friend 27 marrying a girl 32 and he is so proud of it, that we(his friends) have not say.

Dont just conclude, weigh your choices. It may be true love.

This commentary is the most neutral. But ur leaving out the text about him "making a road for men" also you may not understand the living in nigeria bit. In beginning of relationship he said he wanted to just travel back n forth to see me n kids. When I got mad he never mention it. Than I thought like you, & figured he was just pulling my legs. Fast forward to now & we are making plans to find a place for us to live meanshile behind my back he told his friend hes not comfortable being away from nigeria for long that he wants to be visiting me instead. Which I confirmed is what he wants when I tricked him. So, why would he want such a long distance marriage Why would he in front of my face go along with living with me here permanently when he had such desire Why doesnt he plan If he is scamming why does he consider me his soulmate Why do we talk every single day allllll day if Im just a fake wife Why do all his friends know me as his wife to be Even ones I have contacted thru fake pages disguising my identity! They know me as his wife to be

Benz4pimp:
Your replies irritate me.....so you feel because he did that small thing,he can't scam you?wake up,guys will even sacrifice his kidney for you and still scam you...

He holds a position in d church tot he had a conscience

Admin401:
believing the word of another human being

lol, you are soft.

Am I God? I have to at least ask him his intentions? Or I guess you are saying I have to do my own investigation or what? What if I never have access to his cellphone or friends. How else do i know but to ask the man himself...

ikp120:
The part where he asked his friend to save his ex's pics and whatever for him. That's a bridge that he has in place.

Also, the part where he was flirting with another babe.

But they said they arent together. And his break up story matches hers. Altho I saw her text him while I was in Lagos. He said she was only congratulating him for his bro wedding. Also in his phone I saw him sending his friends my pictures calling me his soulmate! Im sooooo confused!!!

obadizena:
Is it in ur best interest to wait later until the critical age of 40, before having babies?

He is the one that suggested this! Not me. I was only going along with it pretending so I can gage where his heart/desires are. I was kind of psyching him... like pretending to want a seperate household like i found out he wants thru a feiend. The whole thing is weird cause he was going along like we would live together... but i think it is wen i told him he cant return to naija in 25 years he knew i was trying to prevent any kind of scam i dont know!

obyrich:
After reading this, I knew you are an easy prey for him and his 'men'. Don't go crying about how Igbo men are wicked or dubious after all the warnings here. I am an Ignoman so are many others who have warned you. Better shine your eyes.

So you mean he can step foot in my fathers house, introduce me to his whole family mumsci included they all call me, even keep my dp on hid watsapp for months at a time, post my pics on facebook, do introduction with important people and still scam me?

Benz4pimp:
Babe,if your story is true,it's very easy.dont file for him yet.Do that after your first child.This is a game I love to play.....Open your eyes,stop acting desperate all bcus u r getting older.....Your happiness dey ur hands oooooo,I know u r in lust and can't think clearly for now but shine dose eyes of urs oooo,cus when it happens,u will b the only one to cross your cross

If I have to play the game of having a child first before filing it means something dey very very wrong, abi? Children dont keep a scam artist anyway.....

obadizena:
It's not clear to me, from ur posts, whether u're the bossy lady type. But right now u're the one doing all the planning & u enjoy doing so. What u doing now is actually laying the foundation upon which ur future lifestyle would be built.

U know ur expectations.
The question is would this guy meet up to ur expectations?
In the event that he doesn't meet up to ur expectations after marriage & divorce becomes inevitable, & u have to start all over again, (considering the fact that u don't want to marry in ur late thirties) who would be prejudiced the most? U or him.

All these are questions u have to take into consideration in getting ur priorities right when making a lifetime decision.

Sorry. I dont get your point here...? R u saying I should not make plans? Its been several months & since he mentioned marriage and hasnt made mention of any serious financial, family, or spiritual plans. The most he does he push me to go to church. But he has not pressed hard on how we will be as a married couple. Esp since he has to start over here in America. He hasnt looked ingo job markets, or schools... if he has I dont know because he doesnt ask me questions. His response is always, Im moving faster than my shadow. Which I started to believe... but the final blow was when I found about his secret desire to live away which he told a friend. And of course he suggested this playfully when we first met...

ikp120:
It's like the guy na hustler too o. He wanna acquire green card and come back for the other babe.

Be careful with guys like that. I will advise you to steer clear because all I see is a smart guy playing all the smart cards. That thing in your second to last paragraph is a major card in the game used to make it virtually impossible for you to detect the plan.

Don't marry this guy except you really love him and you are ready to face the likely consequences, which includes getting to hear stories that touch.

Why do u think there is another babe

Skullomania:
What happens when after marriage, he gets his papers complete to live in America and then divorce u. Would u run to his elders and scream blue murder after he has sealed their mouth with dollars?
And also for the fact u both are igbos, u are in a better position to know how far an igbo man will go for the sake of greener pasture.
My dear, no young man in this country will prefer to live here rather than travel out. If any guy tell u that, then u just been seen as a potential mumu

He told his friend but told me we were living together

refiner:
This one pass me mbog...let's wait for the elders...

Wat do u think please!

ikp120:
It's like the guy na hustler too o. He wanna acquire green card and come back for the other babe.

Be careful with guys like that. I will advise you to steer clear because all I see is a smart guy playing all the smart cards. That thing in your second to last paragraph is a major card in the game used to make it virtually impossible for you to detect the plan.

Don't marry this guy except you really love him and you are ready to face the likely consequences, which includes getting to hear stories that touch.

What thing did I say is a major card??

Daree88:
Dnt let him make u his Nigerian wife while he cools off upstairs.The signs are good alerts 4 u 2 thnk wel nw.

Sorry... I dont know what do u mean? I live in the states. He lives in ph. Thank u....

Hi Naira Land!

So I need to guys to help me out here. I'm confused about my relationship, so maybe you guys can help see clearly?

I met my fiancé at a wedding in Nigeria. He was the best man I was the maid of honor. We are both igbo but I am American born & raised.

After we met, we exchanged numbers. And he chatted me as I flew back to the States up until today 10 months later. We have talked everyday, 3x a day.

Two weeks after the wedding he started saying he loves me. And I was abit thrown off by it. Soon within the first month he mentioned marriage. This threw me off, but enticed me as I want to marry being in my 30s.

In one of our earliest convos, he mentioned buying us a house since Im now his responsibility but he will leave it for me and come to visit. Since hes not sure he likes yankee. This unfuriated me & I ignored him for 2 days. What kind of marriage would that be? He said he was just joking n I forgave him.

So fast forward 7 months later... he has stated his intention to marry me to my uncle after coming to see me in Lagos on a visit I made.

We did the engagement ceremony in my uncle house. I met his whole family: Mom, Sister, Brother, his Boss... everyone knows about me. And chats me everyday. My picture has been on his dp the whole 9 months. He sent texts showing me off... and posted my pics on fb. He contacted my uncle to do the introduction and spoke to my Dad & Mom. He calls me his soulmate... and says he will have a broken heart if I leave him.

So here are the problems: He lied about his age. Told me he is 32 (I am 32) but I found out thru his ex he is 29. I confronted him and took 5 months and silly made up stories before he came clean that he is indeed 29. I even called his Mom to verify. He told me his Mom was lying! But today he confesses he is 29.

Next issue: when I went to Lagos to see him, I searched his phone. Wrong I know! But I saw three texts that confused me: one was him asking his friend to save his ex gf pics of him and her and one of her awards. Two was him asking his friend to send him money to complete d mission in lagos as he is making road for men. The third was him flirting with one girl.

Next issue: he keeps mentioning marriage but doesnt ask where we will live, wat he will do for living here.. or any real plans. Im the one making all d plans.

The last issue: we got into an argument about some of the texts I saw on my lagos visit. One of his friends called him to ask him why we are fighting. He told him a very different story! That we are fighting because I want him to live in America, but he cant live there since he has his job in ph. Mind you all he does is work as errand boy and does construction gigs. He told his friend that he wants to just be visiting me instead.

I was so confused because all we talked about was getting ready to file for him, choosing a place for us to live, and looking into job sectors and schools for him!

So I called him to pretend thats what I want. And he agreed! Saying that I can live in America and him in Nigeria for awhile and I can have babies later like 40 he said.

I'm just confused! Why does something feel off? Everyone knows me and was ready to marry traditional there according to igbo culture. His friends say he only talks about me! All d time!

Skullomania:
This is how to get the fastest visa out of this recession. Another format for yahoo guys.

But he mentioned me to his elders n everyone lnew about me i wasnt hidden

Boboforthegirls:
U didn't do summary in school? Ur Bobo is a lier

Why do you say?

Igbos:
Hmmm.. I smell a scam.

IN MY OPINION.
You are the Golden Goose
But not the only Goose.

But I asked him severally and he said theres no way he would scam me because we are both igbo and hes doing a traditional marriage with me.