₦airaland Forum

"So I did not have a change to see him" I ment to say[b] Chance![/b]

Ok there is that guy. And my reaction is strange really. We are friends ONLY. I feel however like I am in love with him. Just I don't understand how I could be in love with him because I feel completely platonic and neutral about him (non s** attraction). We are both married and he is not into me either! Just friends "for life". There is no s**ual attraction going on between us I am sure.

I however want his company often and feel desperate, when I can not find him at this place X where he usually is. I can only see him when I go there where he works. He chats with the customers (others and me) and he has some time for a chat for a few minutes (mostly) always. It is a long story and a weired one too. I can only say this much:
He is very kind and a christian too. The thing is, I know he is kind and pleasant and likes to talk and gives free hugs. So we became hug buddies. Which felt strange to me first because I had never ever had anyone hug me with love and neutral without wanting something in return in a s**ual way. I never had a safe hug in my whole life before he offered me a hug. (I had had a lousy day and he offered me a hug then and so we became friends.)

I feel towards him like he is my brother and I told him so. Only better. He is special. I know that. It does not conform to stupid (how one must behave) rules of society - and neither did I ever. He also sets me straight and wont allow the friendship to go beyond neutral! I feel safe with him as never before and would like this to have every day. Now I know it is not realistic (so much) but I still want it! And so I go to "meet him" every 7 days or so. And when he is not at his place X I freak out! I know he has to fix stuff at times somewhere. When this is I often don't see him for ages! This, that we are friends, only goes on this spring since April. We know each other however for 5 or so years. He was always nice to me and always brightens my day. He brightens MANY peoples day and he is great! But since this HUG we became friends and I can't wait to get hugged by him. He feels soft and he feels SAFE. If you don't know what "free hugs" is go and check YouTube under search Juan Mann free hug campaign.

I often ask me if I like him different - and end up with "no, I don't want to have an affair, I want him to be friends with me for sure". I feel really really confused. Because when I did not meet him, when he is not there where I know he usually is to find, when this time in between is so long, I freak out!

How can one feel about a friend (neutral and nothing going on otherwise) feel so strong? All I know is I love him, but in a very special way. Like some kid that wants love in a safe form.

Here is how he is: Kind and loving and takes people for their real person. He is sincere and honest! Does not make a difference between the genders and treats them all as normal beings. He takes me/people for full and gives love to everybody. Kinda a Saint or modern Jesus guy. I know he is no saint. But he is giving me so much what I want and this is - he reflects back to me - my real self. Not having this is hurtful so I seek his company.
I have trouble at home with my mate and trouble with the wild animals at our property. I enjoy talking to people much and going out. I just came from the place X where he may be today, but he seems to have off and not working today. So I did not have a change to see him. When this is I get grumpy and dunno even wanna see anybody of other people at the Mall or else.