₦airaland Forum

For the first time in 27years, I am about to accept who I dont want to be. Even the call of the name shreds my heart. Its past 2am; I am still awake, lost in thoughts, soaked my pillow with tears. I had to create a new moniker to relay my fears and pains.

Can I ever be who I want to be?
Am I normal?
Why am I odd from what the society wants?

I need a shrink!!!

I am a Nigerian. I live and work in Western part of Nigeria. I do not want to be this person my inner spirit wants. I have fought this spirit but the more I fight it, the more it comes hunting me really bad. I have all it takes to have a girlfriend yet, I dont find the vibes interesting. I tend to loose interest in girls easily especially when they want an intimate relationship. Till my age, the highest intimacy I have had is Kissing.

I don't want to be a homosexual, yet I find myself surfing to read news about them. I find myself having lust feelings for the same sex - reading blogs about them. Stalking on Queer blogs and checking profiles of active followers.

I fantasize on having a relationship with the same sex as against opposite sex.

How I wish I can type further, but words have deserted me. I am broken.

I need help, advice on how to be who I want to and not what my inner spirit wants.

Insults are allowed, but make it constructive.

Thank you!!!