lastmessenger:
Sorry for being harsh in my previous post,that was only meant to awaken your sense of awareness that life is far beyond what you are crying about.

I do not know when or why your husband suddenly changed his disposition toward you but whatever the reason maybe I do not care to know.


My concern is that you deserve to be happy and that can be found whether your husband is there or not.


OK let tell me share a line of thought that you know already and that is the fact that energy is life and is an external delight. Anything you can feel and touch in this life is as a result of energy being expended by a source. That means that every expended energy seeks to achieve a result.

Your emotion is energy.your love is for your husband is emotional energy. Hence hence your frustration is coming because your energy toward him is not yielding result.

Here is my advice to you,channel that emotional energy into something else. Have a passion for something else. You are a graduate, you can decide to enrole in a postgraduate course and learn something new and you can even go ahead and get a PhD while he there sleeping alone on a couch. I mean do something that will make him feel you have a plan that is far beyond him. Occupy your time and emotion into something more meaningful. Do you know why chimamanda adichie is a world renowned novelist? The reason is because she is passionate about what she does.Every success you is because of energy channeled properly and yielding result.

The simple advice am given you is use that energy you have for loving your husband into something else and do it like your life depends on it.forget about cheating him with a random guy out there as that will not bring the ultimate solution. Because in the end you will still feel being used.

Thanks and thanks a million times. I'll keep this to heart but it's not just going to be easy. I'm naturally a very emotional person. I love just too much and that's my weak point.

lastmessenger:
All this long story just because you are not getting bleeped all night. And you are even thinking of stabbing someone.
Common get your fatt ass out of the house and set a goal for your life. Live a life of purpose and see your husband run coming back to you.
The bottom line is that you lack purpose and for that reason life is about sex and intimacy.

I can with the no sex part...but living with a "complete stranger" without even the most basic of communication will send me to an early grave. Talking about purpose, of course I do have one. I have a job and other things to look up to in life.. . But none will take the place of the man I vowed to love for the rest of my life. Life isn't about sex and intimacy, I concur. So life is about frustrating your fellow human being who has done nothing but good to you? So life is about getting a girl out of her parents house with the promise of being a lifetime companion but turn around to humiliate her? Define life for me bro. Somethings are not for jokes my brother. Think about that.

FortuneTeller:


My dear I do not care if you believe or disbelieve what I write on this website. This is where I vent. If you don't like it, you can read elsewhere.

As for the op, most of these people have never been married and many of them are still kids. They have no idea what it's like to be in a real marriage. However I understand your pain, because I'm going through something similar. People will say at least your husband wants to have sex with you and he's able to. However what's the use of sex if it's no good? As I said, please don't kill anyone. There are other options. As for me, I'm definitely going to find someone that I can enjoy quality sex with.

My dear, marriage is really serious in real life. If he's giving me companion and affection without good sex or no sex at all.. . I won't be here complaining. How do you deal with a lover turned to a complete stranger right before your eyes? I can't even cheat... the thought makes me puke already. I'm just tired.

Xcelinteriors:
I read everything from the first page. Hnmmmmmm my sister, some comment here are from people that knows nothing about marriage. Your story is similar to mine but I have handed everything to God and am waiting for his next action. For how long will you pray for a man's love and affection when it is obvious that he only see you as acquired property. Life is too short jare, forget him and focus on your children and career. Don't even give him attention again, erase him totally from your life and make yourself happy. I treat him now like he doesn't exist and that's how it will be till christ come, I won't ever let any man frustrate me to death. I have prayed and prayed and nothing has changed. Most night, I cry myself to sleep but enough of that. I won't cry because of any man again never. Please make yourself happy for the sake of your adorable kids

Thanks for stopping by. It's not easy my sister, when you're looking forward to a blissful marriage only to realize your partner isn't thinking alongside. You do everything humanly possible to make it work but he is bent on wrecking everything without remorse.

njele:
what happen the very first day he started sleeping in the sitting room? Most women create problems unconsciously and will never tell themselves the truth instead they will go around gathering support and sympathy from family members and the society. The solution to your problem lies just within. Some women think after 3 years and above in marriage, they can start insulting and disrespecting the man any how and nothing will happen. Some men will beat and forget while others will be quiet but make sure you pay for your actions for the the rest of the marriage. Ask him to forgive you if you have wrong him in any way. A man can not just get up one day and start behaving funny without a reason

You've really not experienced life. A lot of things which you think are impossible to happen.. . Happen daily. Believe me

AngelicBeing:
Hmmmm, Nairaland is full of such stories, they are referring to themselves but they will say, I am asking on behalf of a friend, next story jare, fake people online

My story is not fake and the person you quoted wasn't referring to me. Read the previous comments other people made, you'll find out. It hurts to imagine people think my story is fake. It just hurts so much.

YabaLeftist:


I tell you, fake people everywhere.

Were you referring to my story as fake or the story or the story of the other lady? Thanks anyway

Vutseck:
if you use any possible tricks to lure a man into marriage you will surly regret it when he realizes he made a mistake marrying you


you either walk out of the marriage or kill him and go to jail

.

No sir, I didn't lure him into marriage. He came with an outright intention of marrying me, after investigations and prayers from my family I agreed to marry him. If you had said we didn't really go into courtship before marriage, I'll agree with you but luring him... there wasn't room for that. It NEVER happened.

ebonflexy:


Hmm...it is possible he is suffering from ED, yet instead of working it out with him, the OP probably said something stupid with her mouth that cut him deeply to the point that his very soul just refuses to have anything to do with her.

Women can damage men like that with their mouths when they run it foolishly, and very few subjects make a man switch off than insulting his manhood. Women should just NEVER EVER do this. It is akin to verbal RAPE.

Chances are she won't even know when she did it. I sense she is the proud type herself given how she spent several paragraphs talking about herself in the opening post.

do you have any idea that the post the person you quoted was referring to was not mine? Try and go through previous comments before quoting people. As for talking about myself in "several paragraphs"... I was only trying to make clear that I have the qualities most men desire in a woman. Do I damage my husband with my tongue? The answer is in one of my previous comments... my parents prepared me for marriage. I'm among the few who knows what a Godly marriage entails. Thanks for your contribution.

I appreciate all your advice, suggestions and prayers. God knows I'm just weak. I'm weak even in the spirit now. This is not me. God please help me. Life has dealt me a deadly blow. What a life!!!

Do I make our home uncomfortable for him? No!!! How do I know? He kept telling me of how lucky he was to have a wife like me. He says I give him peace that most married men don't have. He sometimes tell me how his friends are amazed when they complain about their wives but he only has positive things to say about me. Can't you people just see? I don't know if there's anything I've done. I don't know where I've gone wrong!!! I'm dying!!! He is all I have. I made him believe he is all to me. Is he taking advantage of my fragile nature? Is he taking advantage of my kind nature? I don't know but God knows

I married a man who hates men that keep late nights. I married a man who hates men that don't care for their families. Years back he started hanging out with a bunch of night crawlers, I begged, cried and prayed. It stopped at a point but started again. I don't know if this whole thing has to do with the friends he keeps.

A lot of people still don't understand what I meant when I said I've tried everything to make him open up. About making meals... I have a job which gets me back home on time to get food ready. How did he start sleeping in the sitting room? I can't explain it, from watching movies late into the night to "I had a stressful day, just allow me to chill a little here". I can't count how many times I came to wake him to join me inside. He comes in sometimes, other times he gets angry and ask me to leave him. He placed a password on his phone years back, I did all I could to make him see reasons why it's not necessary yet he refused and will rather pick a fight. Initially he calls to inform me he'll be home late if something comes up. Now he doesn't even tell me his whereabouts. I should get back in shape? I'm in shape already.. . I wasn't joking when I said most single ladies have nothing on me. I begged him to join all these social platforms but a lot has changed since he eventually did. I've lost count of waking him up even at night to talk but he won't let that happen, he'll rather humiliate me. Stop asking me to look back and retrace this whole thing. I've done that a gazillion times, yet I can't pinpoint anything. I'm not a saint but the truth is that my parents prepared me for marriage. I came into it with a mindset of making it perfect. I came into it with the knowledge of how to make a man happy for the rest of his life.. . But it's heartbreaking to say I married a man who doesn't need any of that. How else am I supposed to know what the problem is? This is killing me

KingEbukasBlog:


I think there's more to this story you posted here. But you've failed to tell us what led to the present situation in your marriage . A man cannot just grow to neglect his wife sexually or affectionately. I think the solution would be found if thou knoweth the cause or possible causes .

Kvetching yields no solution
Crying yields no solution
Action does

Faith is simply work . Start doing something and watch how faith expedites the transformation .

Be ready to accept the blame if need be . Most people still face difficult problems because they have bluntly refused to accept the blame and work towards a solution. It's natural to play the victim to obtain sympathy or support from the public , but that's all you gona get .

Be ready to try new things to save your marriage . Don't think you've done it all , accept failure in the face of possibilities and youve lost and lost forever. Please ignore anyone who tries to force you into a false dilemma : walk away or commit adultery .

How do you know if there's anything you did, when he insist you've done nothing? Pity from public? Public that don't even know me in real life? No I don't seek that. I just felt like lifting the pains off my chest a little. For the records, what I wrote here is a tip of the iceberg. I'm not saying I'm an angel.. . But if God decides to judge I and him, he'll die before the end of today because he has done abominable things to me.

I just came back to see if anyone took out time to drop a word or two for me. I really appreciate your inputs. Prayers? I'm ashamed to say I'm tired of praying. We don't even have our morning devotions again. I'm even afraid that this atmosphere is unhealthy for my kids. I don't even feel like going to church today, though my beautiful new dress was ironed yesterday. I'm just tired of smiling outside when I'm actually dying inside. I wish this is a dream or novel. That's my life ooo, last night I felt like ending it all, this morning I feel like holding on whether he shows me affection or not. Loneliness is my best friend. You know what? I'll appreciate it if you all share this story on every social platform you know, especially Facebook. He's active there, he will read it somehow. He will know I wrote this, he just knows how I can pen down my feelings. God bless you all.

It's almost 12 midnight and I heard the door to the sitting room open. He walked in and of course slumps into one of the sofa where he'll sleep till tomorrow. It's either the sitting room or the children's room. This life... .. .. I was barely 23yrs old when we got married and he's few years older. I actually thought he was all over me, now I look back and believe all that was pretence. Where have I gone wrong? I love this guy in a manner that makes me doubt my own sanity. Yes.. . I doubt if all is well with my brain. It amazes me why I still put up with a man who doesn't deserve even a prostitute. A man who has no regard for me, not even an iota of it. A man who thinks he is alpha and omega. I literally adores him, even after two kids in our marriage I break necks when I walk the streets. I am neater and sexier than most single ladies out there. I respect him, I'm a good cook, educated, brilliant, smart and beautiful. Nobody who knows me will believe I'm passing through hell in the hands of a man I love with all my heart. This life... It's damn funny how even my female friends jokingly ask me if my hubby let's me sleep at night. Who will believe me that we've been intimate just twice thrice this year. Those were even in the early months. This is not the first time he is depriving me of intimacy for months. It's just that for the first time... I'm seeing possibilities of me having an affair. Did I just say that? *sobs* Me of all women? The one who prides in her fidelity as a married woman? The same woman who brags that even at gunpoint, no other man will have his way? The same woman who says even for a trillion pounds? Hahaha this life is really unfair. The once virtuous woman now stays up late into the night watching pornographic films while masturbating. How I feel like stabbing myself to death each time. The guilt on my face when I look at my innocent kids sleeping peacefully on my matrimonial bed which I now share with them. My husband is now my flatmate. Now that God has taken us to a height of relaxation, he chose to spite me. I've tried all I can to breach the gap between us but to no avail. I've been the one begging for affection and even sex. To hell with sex, I can do without it for years but God knows lack of affection will be my death. I keep telling him that he'll look back one day and regret all of this, it's one thing I'm sure of. I didn't force myself on him to marry me. I didn't tie him with any pregnancy. Why me of all people? I love my kids more than life itself, a thousand times I've made up my mind to walk out. I'm not scared of facing life without him, he knows I'm a legit hustler who can place food on the table for myself and the kids. I'm more scared of becoming everything I swore never to be. I'm more scared of even killing him, myself or the kids out of depression one day. I'm so confused, I'm a shadow of myself. I'm breaking each passing day. I'm loosing hope each passing day. The worst of it is that he doesn't believe in communication. He just won't let that happen. How do I let him know he is slowly rewriting all the plans we had for ourselves and the kids? How do I let him know these kids we both adore will suffer most anyday I lose grip and decide to let go? How do I let him know that I wake up some nights, walk over to where he is sleeping, stare at him with so much anguish, pain and tears... While fighting back the urge to just stab him to death. How do I let him know that the true love I have for him is gradually turning into pure hatred? How do I let him know that I'm not sure of the next thing I might do? How do I open his eyes to see what those strange women have succeeded in doing to us? No ooooo I refuse to join you in the madness, adultery is one sin I've sworn NEVER to commit. I'll take a walk. I don't even know if I'm making sense at all but my chest is sooooooo heavy tonight.