durobraham: secondly@poster u asked if u should move out or stay for the sake of the kids?
do u really think that those are ur options?
ur husband is an abuser, u by all indications have been an enabler. U have both emotionally abused ur 3kids.
Do u really think that if u move out eight years of abuse would be wiped out& it would be eldorado for y'all?
u said u moved out earlier but u came back. why did u come back?
u said he begged u. did he promise he'll change&did u believe it?
Or did u go back because u realized dat moving out wasnt easy& then u gave up?
I said all dat to say this, ur goal should be how do i irrespective of all that has happened in my family grow into a healthy happy woman?
how do i raise healthy happy kids?

Madam there is no one size fits all for u in this situation. its not as simple as u moving out or getting a divorce?
all these things are steps but not the goal. What u need is peace&joy! Who u need to be is an emotionally healthy woman.
what u need to develop is strength courage& wisdom
d honest truth is that living with ur abusive husband would require wisdom&so will being a divorced seperated mother of 3.
if d physical abuse is severe or life threatening i would suggest u move out temporarily but if not i would suggest u follow d next few steps i would share with u toward healing irrespective of ur past hurts.

I have two kids not three.I believed he would change and that was why I moved back to the house.It is true that you can not change anybody unless they really want to change. If he wanted to change,he would have by now.

He is the type that would not address issues but would rather sweep it under the carpet.He believes once he says sorry than i should forget everything that has happened. I have suggested that he goes on anger management course but his not interested.

I am not scared of bringing up two kids on my own,because he really does not contribute much to their life. He is too busy looking for money instead of concentrating on them.

okosodo: Even though i believe you, ask him wether there is any thing that you do that irritates him

I have spoken with him several times and he said I am not respectful and submissive to me.How can any woman respect an in responsible man,that would not pay household bills until bailiffs come knocking on the door?

All the money I have saved all this years has been wasted bailing him out of debts and he still treats me like rubbish.

His abuse towards me now has a negative effect on my son,his teachers are really concerned about his behaviour.

I do regret marrying my husband,it has been eight years of hell.

I have been married for 8 years with two beautiful children. I have fallen out of love with my husband cos of the way he treats me,he has physical and mentally abused me so much that I now feel nothing for him.

whenever,we have arguments he would call me names and even spits on me.He would later apologise but does the same thing over and over again.
He is very controlling and hot tempered.

He has tried several businesses and has failed but still refuses to get a monthly paid job.He is the type that follows the crowd and does not really know what he wants from life.
He is very inresponsible and enjoys spending my money.He goes as far as taking cash and card from my purse without my consent,but sees nothing wrong.

I have moved out three times in the past but he always comes begging that he would change and that he still loves me.

I now cannot imagine sleeping with him and everything about him irritates me.Do I continue with this marriage for the sake of my kids or do I move out this time around for good?