₦airaland Forum

Kobojunkie: It is not someone's life situation that you have there but MOST EVERY COUPLES life situation. Most every couple in America, for instance has that same story to deal with, yet maid services are attributed to mostly the rich in America. Look at the current election campaign to understand what I mean. Mrs Romney is today being lambasted for having maids, and everyone wants to know how many she even had growing up. and we already have evidence that not everyone in that situation hires maids. Nigerian women here in the States who find themselves in that situation either make changes in their lives to accommodate the new entry or they find ways to bribe their mother to fly all the way from Nigeria to come help them.

So please think these things through before you post em next time.

Think through what? The wife should bride her dead mother in the grave to help them ? Or tell her mother in law to resign from her job to help stay with the baby? Or the wife should also bribe her sisters to leave their husbands' house just to help her or perhaps bribe her nieces to leave school and relocate just to help with her baby? The fact that you suggest flying the mother over means you agreed that there is need for HELP. Now, where there is no family member around to render that help - What option do you have?

You said the couple should make changes in their lives to accomodate the new entry. And please, tell me what changes are you talking about here, this is Nigeria and there are no part-time jobs (though I wish there are anyway).

Kobojunkie: First, those who NEED maid services NEED them. The reason why maid services are still not the norm in the west is because many people are able to do without them, even with their busy schedules and lives(again I stress that many in the west have busier lives and schedules than those in Nigeria can boast of).

Now to the part that confuses me in your post. Were you trying to present a non-TYPICAL picture of why people need maids or where you just trying to be facetious. https://png-5.findicons.com/files/icons/1039/manto/128/despise.png I mean what you have there is your typical story -- most 85% of married couples experience something similar yet you do not find people hiring maids at equivalent rates as those in Nigeria. Even Nigerian couples in America are not hiring maids at the same rate as their counterparts in Nigeria, who again, I stress, do not have lives as hectic as they do.

Kobojunkie- It is not a story but someone's life situation. Agreed, it is not a typical picture but the wife in question doesn't seem to have an option, hence, the question if there are other options available to her. The need for a nanny is because of her baby- What else can she do?

@Kobojunkie

Since you strongly feel there is no need for maid services at all, I am just wondering if there is a way out of this situation I am going to describe.

Husband and wife leave home around 7:00am to be back usually 8:00pm. Before the arrival of a baby there was no need for any maid but then wife got pregnant and and will be due for delivery soon. In her place of work, she is only entitled to 6weeks maternity leave. The couple live very far from other family members and now the question is how will they cope without a maid. The wife is considering additional 6weeks off work without pay so that d baby will be 3months before her resumption. The option of resigning to look after the baby is no go area as the wife is the major financier of the home.

Now, what are the other options she has apart from a maid(nanny) considering the fact that Daycare centres close hours before her closing time. Infact, leaving the office for daycare runs is not feasible?
(Note: wife's mum is late and mother in-law will only be available few weeks after delivery)

Will appreciate other peoples' responses as well.

Responses plsssss

I am currently undergoing a 3year programme which I started a couple of months back. The next course starts in a few months’ time and really I am interested in registering for it as I look forward to completing the programme as early as possible without much delay in between. But my fear is that I am currently pregnant and will by God’s grace give birth at about 2 months before the exam date, I am not sure how I will cope with reading, advanced pregnancy and afterwards nursing a baby.

I need responses/advice especially from those that have similar experience. How were you able to cope? Left to me I want to take the risk of registering because even if I skip this module, my baby will still be about 2months for yet another registration to begin. So it’s like the inevitable happening... Mind you, the course is quite engaging and I need to do about 16hours reading per week and I work 8am-6pm from Monday to Friday.

Responses plsss.....

@tanimola
Tanks alot for your contribution. I work for a development organisation (NGO) and we are basically donor driven/funded. Though I dont have a medical background but I'm looking at MPH or Development Management.

I dont stay in Lagos, I'm in Abuja. Uni Abj doesnt offer MPH. Closest in Zaria and its full time.

Online masters is acceptable in my org, infact one or two people have started something similar.


@violet
My org only sponsor short term training (Max 3weeks) or conferences and not an MSc. Salaries/training cost is mainly donor funded and there is no justification for sponsoring a staff whose entry requirement should be MSc in the first place.

I’m kind of confused on the step to take.

I work for an organisation whose entry qualification for any position is MSc. Although very few are just BSc holders and I fall into this category although I have professional certificates here and there. I joined this org 2yrs plus and at the last appraisal, I was asked for my plans for MSc and at any given opportunity, my Director reminds me to pursue my MSc in order to take up more responsibilities. I have also scanned this particular sector and what obtains is second degree. Another appraisal is due in the next few weeks and I will need to give concrete steps I have taken.

Currently, my husband is not buoyant financially and he is seriously searching for work which makes the financial responsibilities fall on me. He's been trying to secure a job to no avail. My income is quite attractive and we’ve been copying just fine.

But now, I need to further and the only option is an online program and you will agree that this is quite expensive, the bulk of my income will go into it and the home front may suffer financially. But I have to secure my job; we can’t afford to lose it since it is our major source of income. Nigerian Universities run my course option as full time, more so they are quite far from my place of residence; hence the reason for settling for online.

My husband has been supportive and agreed that I start the program but I keep thinking -How are we going to survive? Am I been selfish for wanting to take this step? Should I put it on hold till later?

If you were in this position, what will u do?

I’m kind of confused on the step to take.

I work for an organisation whose entry qualification for any position is MSc. Although very few are just BSc holders and I fall into this category although I have professional certificates here and there. I joined this org 2yrs plus and at the last appraisal, I was asked for my plans for MSc and at any given opportunity, my Director reminds me to pursue my MSc in order to take up more responsibilities. I have also scanned this particular sector and what obtains is second degree. Another appraisal is due in the next few weeks and I will need to give concrete steps I have taken.

Currently, my husband is not buoyant financially and he is seriously searching for work which makes the financial responsibilities fall on me. He’s been trying to secure a job to no avail. My income is quite attractive and we’ve been copying just fine.

But now, I need to further and the only option is an online program and you will agree that this is quite expensive, the bulk of my income will go into it and the home front may suffer financially. But I have to secure my job; we can’t afford to lose it since it is our major source of income. Nigerian Universities run my course option as full time, more so they are quite far from my place of residence;hence the reason for settling for online.

My husband has been supportive and agreed that I start the program but I keep thinking -How are we going to survive? Am I been selfish for wanting to take this step? Should I put it on hold till later?

If you were in this position, what will u do?

Thanks everyone for your comforting words. Yes, I am trying to be strong and be positive despite the incident.
@babydol, tanks for sharing your experience. I believe God knows best. Tank u all.

I was very happy when I realized that I was pregnant, though I didn’t initially go for Doctor’s confirmation, I was quite sure even though I was just 3 weeks gone then.  I shared the news with my hubby and he also was excited about the news of our very first baby. As the weeks progressed, we decided to go to the clinic for confirmation and it was no longer a surprise when I was confirmed pregnant.

At about 7th/8th (2months) weeks, a very observant person could see the changes in me, I was adding a little wait, eating more, bust getting bigger and all that. Well, as for morning sickness, I was quite lucky as I didn’t undergo any stressful pregnancy symptoms.  Even throughout , I was quite strong and my colleagues kept guessing whether I was pregnant or not.

By week 10, some of my fitted cloths/shirts were getting a bit tight on me. I recall the first shopping towards my pregnancy, myself and my husband went looking for more comfortable clothing and even bought some I expected to wear in 4/5/6th month of pregnancy. At this time, my Doctor told me to start Antenatal at 12th week (3months) and I eagerly waited for this time.

Then came the 12th week, I was happy to have gone through the first trimester without stress.  On that Saturday, I prepared to attend the first antenatal (in the company of my husband sha). After much question and answer preamble, the time came for me to be scanned. The scan result indicated that the baby was smaller than what it ought to be. I was referred to another test centre recognised for their expertise on scans, there it was also confirmed that the baby is too small for 12 weeks, looks more like 7wks and moreso her heartbeat could not be felt. I was advised to watch the development by coming for scan at regular intervals.

On Monday morning at work, I started seeing traces of blood and later in the evening it was coming just like a menstrual flow. On my way from work, my hubby and I visited my Doctor who advised us to abort the baby as it seems it is not growing well from all indications. We refused to buy his suggestion and decided to nurse the pregnancy. The flow continued and by Tuesday night it became very heavy and that night the flow came with serious cramp. I saw hell, the stomach pain was killing and I could not sleep all through. At day break on Wednesday; the flow became very heavy, rushing out as if a tap was let loose. I was rushed to the hospital.

After another scan, I was told the baby has been partially aborted and the remains had to be evacuated otherwise I would continue bleeding. That was how I lost the baby at 13th week. Our hope and expection just slipped away like that.

I could not go to work for a couple of days and when I resumed, my colleagues started congratulating me. They thought my absence was due to pregnancy/morning sickness thus confirming their suspicion. But then, how could I explain it was a miscarriage?
It’s been a week now,