₦airaland Forum

Hmmm... How are you so sure that it is actually the parents that are sending those children? Some children can be very naughty you know. My take is, if it happens again, refer to it when next you see your neighbor just to be sure.

@Ace ventura, it is well with because very soon you will rejoice again. I have been there so I know what it is like. Be strong and the Lord will perfect all that concerns you just like He did for me. I took in again after a couple of months and today I have an adorable baby girl. You could read my story here:

https://www.nairaland.com/862383/story-came-saw-how-it

Cheers!

Pata1: Thank you everybody for your contribution. I have done as you all advised, I have made sure to call my mom everyday of the week for close to two weeks now since you guys said I should call her. I wasnt able to call her yesterday though due to lack of power on my phone. The issue is she has not even called my number for once since I started calling her. I do not intend to discuss anything with her about the reasons for her hostility. i was prepared not to call her number for a year if it came to that initially but due to the advise that I got on this forum I decided to honour you guys. And about wether I betrayed her trust, I believe whatever is happening in my parents marriage is not my business. As long as each of them live up to their responsiblilities as father and mother, I feel it is left for them to sort out each other as far as spousal issues are concerned. They are both adults and whatever they have both made out of their marriage honestly is not my business. I am sorry if I sound harsh but I do not intend to intrude that was why I politely turned down my mothers request that I speak with my dad about his promiscuity.

[quote author=Pata1]@OP, u dont sound only harsh but also VERY SELFISH! Can't you just do what is right and forget whether she is reciprocating by calling you back? Her not calling you back is not an issue, you've been calling her for just 2 weeks for heaven's sake. You do the right thing and don't expect instant reward or change from your mum. In your own words, u called her becos you want to honour invisible people on nairaland and not because you've had a change of heart. Abeg, go and honour your father and mother o and not people you dont know.

Hmmm... so what is happening in your parent's marriage is none of your business? This is really sad. God I pray unto you this day, may my children never reason like this. May they never have any cause to utter such heartless words. May they always show interest in our marriage, our home and our peace. AMEN
You are only interested in their living up to their responsibilities as father and mother (not as husband and wife). Is this not selfishness? You want them to fulfill their responsibilities to you but you are not concerned about the state of their marriage- it is none of your business you said
Seriously, I don't know what to say to you but please you are rather insensitive especially to your mum.
It is well o!

@jidegirl and baby_123, d OP didn't say dis is her second marriage. I guess her not wanting to commit an error d second time meant going back to him only to continue with an abusive marriage all over again. The OP may wish to clarify incase I am wrong.

Do what u think works best for you. I don't really believe in hiding such news that was why few weeks into my first pregnancy, I told many people. Even though I live far away from my families and inlaws, I called and informed them. On d verge of going into 2nd trimester, I lost the pregnancy. I had to start telling everyone I had shared d news with abt d sad occurrence. Second pregnancy, I didn't disclose it until about 5 or 6mths except for those very very close to me. But I made sure I didn't keep anyone in d dark before delivery. A coincidence one may say sha, God knows.

It's a pity that pple dat come here for advice open themselves up to all manner. Pls let's watch wat we post, d advice and name calling. Imagine someone refering to d op's wife as a paid w.hore. Pls let's watch it.

Great advice u have there @GreatGod. Like said ur wife behavior doesn't automatically mean she's unfaithful. She may just be an overly money conscious person. Look at d rent issue for instance, does dat show any infidelity signal? No, but still speak with her and tell her she should set her priorities right.

TOLKEN: “My son starts school today. It is all going to be strange and new to him for a while and I wish you would treat him gently. It is an adventure that might take him across continents. All adventures that probably include wars, tragedy and sorrow. To live this life will require faith, love and courage.

So dear Teacher, will you please take him by his hand and teach him things he will have to know, teaching him - but gently, if you can. Teach him that for every enemy, there is a friend. He will have to know that all men are not just, that all men are not true. But teach him also that for every scoundrel there is a hero, that for every crooked politician, there is a dedicated leader.

Teach him if you can that 10 cents earned is of far more value than a dollar found. In school, teacher, it is far more honorable to fail than to cheat. Teach him to learn how to gracefully lose, and enjoy winning when he does win.

Teach him to be gentle with people, tough with tough people. Steer him away from envy if you can and teach him the secret of quiet laughter. Teach him if you can - how to laugh when he is sad, teach him there is no shame in tears. Teach him there can be glory in failure and despair in success. Teach him to scoff at cynics.

Teach him if you can the wonders of books, but also give time to ponder the extreme mystery of birds in the sky, bees in the sun and flowers on a green hill. Teach him to have faith in his own ideas, even if every one tell him they are wrong.

Try to give my son the strength not to follow the crowd when everyone else is doing it. Teach him to listen to every one, but teach him also to filters all that he hears on a screen of truth and take only the good that comes through.

Teach him to sell his talents and brains to the highest bidder but never to put a price tag on his heart and soul. Let him have the courage to be impatient, let him have the patient to be brave. Teach him to have sublime faith in himself, because then he will always have sublime faith in mankind, in God.

This is the order, teacher but see what best you can do. He is such a nice little boy and he is my son.

I like your post but d truth is no teacher can teach your child all those values. You and ur wife are the best teachers your child has, so it's up to you. All the best to all parents as we nurture and train our children in the right way.

When I saw the topic, I thought the daughters in question would be teenagers. But going through the content, wow, beating a 3 and a 4year old like that, she really deserves to be jailed. Why did she adopt them in the first place? To abuse, maltreat and transfer aggression to them? If she gave birth to them herself, is that how she would treat them? I doubt it. Some people are better off without children cos they don't have any motherly love running in their blood.

@OP, Infact, the topic needs to be changed cos this scenario is more than flogging o. And in your opening sentence you said one of OUR sisters.... Abeg, she is not my sister o ,

Over flogged issue.

Office manager position is a combination of general administration, logistics, basic IT skills and finance (for managing petty cash depending on how big the company is).

The salary varies depending on how big and buoyant the org is. But since it is an int'l org, they should be willing to pay anything from 200k.

Silly man. It shows he has a bad sense of judgement cos if d wife is a prostitute then he is prostitute's husband/partner. He is indirectly abusing himself in public. Oko ashewo.

Haba, this trick is as old as my grandma. I experienced it twice. It's only a JJC that will fall for it.

fubbyy: I'm in kumasi for some time now,can't just believe that its true that ghanian girls are better than naija girls in all angle

1...A ghanian girl no send your pocket o as long as she likes you

2...she makes the first move if she likes you

3... she calls more than you call

4.... she's takes you out more often like naija guys do to their girls

5.... You don't have to cajole or play any stunt to convince her to have sex with you( like naija guys do to their girls) rather she does that

6.... This girls are decent with 2much exposure

7..... It seems all they teach them in school is english, dem dey flow o, with some kind funny accent, pronounce work as"wek" her as "hair"

Meeehn this girls are fun ,These girls are down to earth, wife materials indeed, anyway let me see how this will end, I still have 4 days to spend here

So all what you listed above equals a good wife material! I just wonder.... Take a deep breath and read through what you posted and if that is all you expect from your future wife, then, all the best.

No 2,4 5 and 6 sounds like a girlfriend material to me. Infact no 6 is contradictory, decent with too much exposure. More like the girls are incharge of d relationship.

I don't tink it is all babies dat enjoy being backed. my baby is going to 2mths now and on 2 occasions dat I tried backing her, she was fidgeting and whimpering and I had to put her down after sometime when I realised dat she was not just comfortable with it. Some pple said she reacted like dat because she is not used to it and dat I started rather late. Whereas I'm tinking she's even too young to be backed. Well, anyhow sha.

dayokanu: You no be omo oko jor, you wey dey do An@l you sef don jasi well well. Shey you like am? Some ppl prefer it to the front sef.

Do you allow oga sef to go down and chop igbin?

Jeez, dis is becoming too graphic. I'm outta here.

Why am I having misgivings about dis ur guy self? He didn't believe u r a virgin until he disvirgined u. U bled for 12hours and yet after just 3days you think he is impatient to do it again. D first lady a vigin and now u too. I am sure he didn't marry her before she was due for delivery. Now u too are not yet married and both of u r planning to have a child. Must u av a child out of wedlock? Must u allow yourself to be tested and tasted before your vgnity status is accepted? Must u run your life based on the past experience of your man? And wat if you don't get pregnant quickly, how long will u continue sleeping with him? Wen did u start planning for a child before he slept with u or after? Pls live ur life d way you have always wanted it and not by other pple's dictates.

Sorry, I know u didn't ask for this advice but I really feel bad reading ur write up. For you to have waited this long, I know u value urself as a woman. Pls do what is right. Anyway, if wedding plan is already in progress then u can go ahead with d child planning thing.

Oh, I forgot to mention dat it has nothing to do with trust and love. Trust and oral s.x are different kettle of fish altogether.

coogar: the mission is to train this aunty to become a headmistress.

This coogar don sign o.

@op , dis topic is highly controversial. I remember at a general marriage counselling prior to our wedding in my church, dis topic came up and all d pple that contributed said it is bad and not to be done in a christian marriage. Even one man went as far as calling it demonic. I was quite surprised cos I thought the topic will be a debate instead of one sided argument. Later I just concluded that those that were in support of oral s.x were silent because of the church environment as nobody wanted to be looked at as judas. But all d same, I knew dat outside d church setting, even dos that said it is bad will change their stand.

I guess each couple should do what best suits them. But for dis couple sha, I pity d woman o. If she is forced to do it just to please d husband, she may think she is committing sin each time she does it.

@peggykorol and chioma124
Do u have a good and well managed cooperative society in ur orgs? If yes, giv a specific amount, say 50k to be deducted from ur salary monthly. Dis may be helpfl since d money wil be removed from ur salary b4 paymt and u'll av to adjust ur expenses to the net balance.

Anoda thing is organise say abt 5 reliable and trustworthy people in ur place of work and start monthly contribution and collection to be rotated. I tell u, if u can be bold to start 100k in 5mths wit just 5pple, dat is 500k. Anyway be sure of d oda pple in ur group . I did this because I trusted my group members- no defaulters and I tell u it has been really helpful. Plan ahead for what u want to do wit d money. I live in abuja and wit dis contribution thing, we got a land at d outskirt of abuja wit first collection and bought a car wit d second.

it is well. U can try d same

My parent did not buy any luxury phone for me. When in higher institution, I was using Nokia phone with torch light- a phone with the basic functions I.e call out, receive call, receive and send text msg, use torch light in d dark, well maybe d snake game on d phone was d only luxury sha.

What I am trying to say is that some things are not really necessary for children. Why not just buy a good phone and for browsing they should use the laptop. Chatting and social network is a sheer waste of time and many youth don't know how to manage their time on the internet. So having a BB 24/7 may not be ideal.

For those that feel they need a BB badly, my advise is that grow up quickly, work, earn your money and buy your BB for yourself.

My thought for now, don't know if my view may change in 10years time.

What kind of MIL would ask her DIL the person responsible for her pregnancy? Haba, Tiwa better caution his parents, seems they are too forward. Imagine d errant nonsense! Confronting both friend and wife, I tire o. They couldn't even wait for their son to confirm whether he slept with his wife during his last visit.

What can I say unto the Lord, all I have to say is thank you Lord.

Many thanks to everyone that commented on this thread. Your kind, consoling and words of comfort were helpful.
I thank God that today I have a beautiful one month old baby girl. After that miscarriage, I took in again about four months later. The journey of course had its ups and downs but with happy ending and now I can say I CAME, I SAW AND I CONQUERED.

For everyone waiting for this same type of blessing, I pray that we will soon celebrate with you.

blaise26.abj:
1st April

My birthday mate, also 1st April

It's a pity your sister has to go through this. It's quite obvious that her husband is no longer interested in the marriage- that is if he even regards their relationship as a marriage. The fact that they have gone to the registry makes their union a legal one so I wonder why he felt trapped after the first pregnancy scare just after one month of marriage. Some people think the white wedding is the actual solemnization -no.

It's better for her to accept the divorce now than for it to happen years latter. It's even easier now that they have no kids yets. That man is just not ready for marriage, I just wonder whether he was coerced into it in the first place. The guy has no regard for their union and he doens't even see it as one, so what is she holding unto?

Remember Cynthia's case. Who told you it can't happen to a man?

Guitarlife: Okay here we go again. I guess I have to school you a lil. How many times do I have to educate your likes that you are misinterpreting the scriptures?
When has fornication suddenly become adultery? I know you don't suppose christ made a mistake by mentioning fornication instead of adultery do you ?
I expect now you are suspecting that passage does not make sense right, or possibly the issue had to be with the translators.
Listen dude, you are lucky and today is your day. Take it from me you are about to be emancipated. Write down todays date cos the scale of heresy that you have been caring around for ages is about to the shaken off.
Now answer my question : how can a married person commit fornication ? Does this submission mean that even adultery is not a condition for divorce but only fornication ?

The meaning of the word "fornication" means any unlawful sexual intercourse including adultery. In the Bible the Greek definition of the word "fornication" means to commit illicit sexual intercourse. Source: http://206.135.15.32/answers/afornica.html


Nelson New Illustrated Bible Dictionary defines Fornication as:

Sexual relationships outside the bonds of marriage. The technical distinction between fornication and adultery
is that adultery involves married persons while fornication involves at least one person who is unmarried. But the
New Testament often uses the term in a general sense for any unchastity.


Also note the use of WIFE in the bible passages. A WIFE IS NOT THE SAME AS FIANCEE as you claim in your explanation. Being married and being betrothed (now called engaged) are two different things and cannot be used interchangeably. So your explanation is very weak and unbiblical.

So I rest my case. Learn if you want to, the choice is yours!

Guitarlife: Don't you get it? She stood before God and man and made a convenant .She swore that she was gonna stand by a man 'in plenty and in want, in sickness and in health till death did them part' . What kind of woman makes a meal of such words.
Was she not aware that things could go awry when she was saying those ?
What am on about is that if she knew quite well that she was gonna skeddadle when and if things hotted up. She shoulda keep her mouth shut.
She could have asked the priest to skip that part and not gone ahead to bellow into the mic when she knew she was just there for the good.
Yeah! What I'm saying is that when she took those vows, she already signed up to die if that was what it would have required to stay in the marriage.
Why don't you read the marriage vows again and then tell me if it's not bondage yes it is. If you can't stand the freaking heat then don't even walk into the oven.
Is that too hard to comprehend ? In conclusion all divorcees are cowards simples especially those who walked out on a marriage cos their lives was at a risk.
They don't have any respect for their words so don't expect me to have any respect for them.

Seems you are just a bitter person and you dont make much sense. Who made you the judge over others? What exactly do you know about marriage? I know you claim to be a christian, so haven't you read the conditions for divorce in the bible? Do you know better than Jesus Christ Himself who said "Matthew 19:9 - And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except [it be] for fornication......." and "Matthew 5:32 - But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, ......." Infact, there are loads of bible passages that explains that adultery is a basis for divorce. So where did you get your acclaimed knowledge from. Debrief's case was not even adultery alone but was coupled with abuse, for you, she should have died in the marriage. SMH...

Funny enough, you want to prove that you know it all (relationship and marriage) but this thread of yours explains the real weak you. Deal with your weak self before judging others harshly.

https://www.nairaland.com/796329/making-terrible-mistake

Guitarlife- you may decide to judge a post but not the poster and stop attacking people's personality. Now read Debrief's post again and criticize her write-up and leave her personal life out of it.

Well, my DAD did a good job all by himself. My mum died when I was still very young, my dad spoke so fondly of her and didnt re-marry. Unfortanetely, he also died few years ago - 19years after my mum.

Happy birthday, Serubawon.

@edakedkay- It is well with you. This is a word for you:
" There shall nothing cast their young, nor be barren, in thy land: the number of thy days I will fulfil" Exo 23:26

free2ryhme: It is only shallow minds that think this way.. First the broda in question is an Ibo man and how does an ibo man thinks? he thinks in terms of power, money and greed.. Serious as the issue may get you call it absurd ... I am not yoruba but if the woman in question was a yoruba I am sure that house will be hot for everybody including the intruder... To your statement you made about Obama's son .. I will emphatically say it here your ibo instinct will not let you try it .. Una like money whether blood money or not .. e dey una blood

Wow!!! What a description of an igbo man. Where did you get your statistics from and how are you so sure Yoruba women will stay and fight? Stop basing your opinion on tribe.