₦airaland Forum

Largas:
There's no need for thanksgiving here. You're the original writer so, deserve the glory.

Will you publish?

Largas:
".... I was their first child".... You didn't indicate presence of other children, and if at that point you were the FIRST and ONLY child SO FAR, you still never indicated by adding 'first & and only child ATM(at the moment), don't know if I'm making any sense.

"when I think about it, we might have very low percentage of teenage pregnancy but we have high percentage of HIV infection".... DERAIL RINGS!!! Afterall, you couldn't back up your claims with valid, recognized proofs.


"Which is more politically correct term..........", Unnecessary derail, even so, who made you Judge to determine which was more Politically correct, are you Obama? You see how unnecessary it was. You sounded too authoritative when in the real sense, you have no authority-no punt meant.

"to speak about issues is mostly entertaining", yeah that Kin Kardashian part is interesting and promotes feminism but then it is too attached to the politically correctness of birracial/mulatoo so if there is a way you can disjoint them. Throw one away with the wash basin and maintain the ending pro-feminism paragraph.

Cool idea. I love you for your beautiful write-up.

Largas:
Maybe it was more glaring than I had thought. But the derails were much and at certain points, unnecessary. Do I need to highlight them?

I'm not an Editor anyway, maybe I'm not justified to judge your Art.

Largas:
LOL yeah we are all learners. I read along and observed subtle, subtle linings of feminism across the post.

Sometimes there is a derail and you mention politics, entertainment. A silent campaign only detectable by careful readers. But, I really enjoy the story, maybe it's cause I'm a pervert.

Largas:
Interesting how you used DRESSING UP to expose the protagonist's physical attributes.
Lovely diction too. But your paragraphing is really poor, makes your work difficult to read from line to line.