₦airaland Forum

Dyt:
Thought you said your last is 24months

24 weeks

@informedlola
I have no reason to wake up on an early Sunday morning (6:30am) to fabricate stories when I have my boys to prepare for chuch and my 5 months old baby girl to breastfeed. What do you think I intend to achieve by opening up a thread as early.
Anyways I very much appreciate your concern by commenting, thank you again.

I appreciate you all, all of the views and opinions. I am real, very real.
I was awake all night thinking what to do or who to talk to , I feel relieved I did open up.
To a world who need not see me to offer advice and help. I appreciate everyone here.

I feel in control of my state with the awe of warm suggestions trooping. I am noting all of the comments, you all rocks.

I have never gotten so focused in this state like I have been today, that you all for the family presence.

InformedLola:
Hmmn. You work for the government and you own multiple cars? Are you a politician?

Working for the government does not mean thats my sole source of income. I run other businesses that pay me well specifically Event consultancy, What ever kind of event, I offer professional advice and services from the comfort of my home and all I need to succeed in such business is contacts and recommendations.

Working for the government in this context mean 'Civil servant'.

johnson232:
u sound really cool...
it means u saw those trait during courtship and still went ahead?
my worry is, human hardly change, his attitude wasnt because of your earnings, i think that is the way he is. but are u sure u didnt contribute to it one way or the other?
because am sure though he had issues during courtship, but he wasnt like this.
do u normally disrespect and mock him because u earn more than him?

Courtship! I wasn't living with him during courtship and couldn't have known much about him. We were both working as corps members and only see each other after work and hang out on Saturdays. How could I have known much about him.

I am opting for separation for now, I pray God gives me enough Grace to work it out. I will be applying for my annual leave and stay far away with my children. I hope to work out something before my leave finished

Onegai:
Well, first and foremost, take a deep breath. Then pray and ask God to give you strength.

Go buy a new sim, register it today.

Do you have a trusted friend or relative to stay with? Get one. Someone with space.

Start packing quietly, just clothes and the necessities for you and your kids. Anyone ask, mummy told you to visit (tell your mum the lie).

Ask immediately on any platform and from everyone is there is a place to rent. Small, 2 bedroom, around your office. Say it is for a cousin. If you can move back in with your mother, that will be best.

Inform some of your friends and one trusted person in position of authority (Nigerians like Pastors so tell yours). Do NOT let anyone convince you to stay. They will gossip but so what? Had gossip killed anyone? If they cannot say it to your face, who cares?

Once you get all these in order (I'm giving you a week to move out so Saturday your kids should be at your trusted friend's place), call a family meeting betweent your mum, his parents and do NOT let your husband know. Inform them that you're moving out for your safety and sanity. That you want to stay alive to raise your children. That when your husband comes to his senses, they can look for you. Do not let them convince you to stay. His parents will prioritise their son's welfare over your welfare. So do NOT allow them convince you to stay.

Leave immediately after that meeting and switch your sims. I don't want your husband knowing where you are for 3 weeks. He can speak to you on the phone (call him and let him greet his kids, politely say "please excuse me" and drop the phone if he starts insults and threats. Save any messages threatening you).

I'm asking you to do this because your husband is no longer a husband, no longer a father and no longer even a son. He has lost himself and doesn't even know it. And you cannot tell him and cannot save him. So prioritise your welfare and that of your kids. If and when he comes back to his senses, you have work to do on your marriage but he has even more work and forgiveness and trust to earn back.

Thank you sister. Already thinking on working on this.

johnson232:
what actually happened?
it is obvious there is something u are not telling us, because u women know how to lie very well.
was he like this before u both got married? what happened?

We courted for 3 months before marriage, just graduated and had no job. I got a job before him and few weeks into my job, he was called back were he served and has been there ever since. Initially, I thought he is behaving this way because I earn more than him,so I gave him access to my account via my atm card.

Like I wrote earlier, he looks calm and we have been into this for almost 7 yrs.
This attitude of his is becoming worrisome for me cos is affecting everything about me. I tried letting the pains pass by but lately, it's not been easy.

Happiness inspires me and I tried making my home as happy and beautiful as much as I can. I have my flaws of course as a human.

I just served him breakfast whole heartedly but honestly my mouth is like sealed and my mind is busy thinking out how to go about all these.

My calmness seems to douse the situation as he is busy chatting and laughing with his mum. Note: I have never heard any problem with his mum even though we are not very close but we have a very warm relationship.

All comments and views are highly appreciated. He just came back now, and his mum opened the house for him. I am speechless and with no strength to confront him after reading your comments.
His mother came in asking me to forgive him. What should I do or shouldn't do. I have been doing my best to keep my home and honestly, I am about giving up hope.
How long will this continues? I am bearing all these because of my children, my mum and younger ones and my place of work. They look up to and expect much from me. What should i do or shouldn't I do?

I am gradually getting frustrated and losing focus and inspiration from my around me. I will be 32 by late this year, with a promising career and viable business I do from the comfort of my home just to augment govt salary.

I need stability mentally and emotionally and my hubby is threatening all these by his attitude.

I am thinking about quitting the marriage but don't know if it's right at this time and I am also scared about the other phase of life.

amtaken:
Mxm.

7 years In marriage, have tried several options.

tearoses:
No respect for his own mum and dad and walks out on them, so how will he have any respect for you?
Where did you come across such a man?
This one that he is always trying to strangle you, I hope he doesn't succeed one day.

Please don't lock the gate or do anything that will put you at risk because from the look of it, his mother wont be able to stop her son from injuring

Go to your family and discuss with them, hopefully they will be able to support you and assist you through the next steps you need to take.
Life has no duplicate
Think of your children at least and what will happen to them if God forbid this man succeeds in strangling you one day

My mum is a widow and the first time I complain to her, she worry herself to sickness. I can't afford putting her through this again

amtaken:
Is the house yours or his?

We're on rent I paid for it

It is painful, really painful. Here I am thinking out my next line of action. My husband slaps and tries to strangle me at any little provocation. Whe he has a date, he looks for a quarrel and sleeps out.

I am tired of both physical and emotional humiliation. I have 3 kids-6/4/24mnths, I bring the food to the house for him and the kids. He works with a private firm but often come back home saying no money. I work for the government and takes care of family bills. The cars in the house are all mine and he drives any at will.

He has no value or respect for family / wife or mother. I am ashamed of complaining to my mum or the church. DON'T SAY HIS MUM OR DAD, he walks out on them and have no respect for anyone.

When you see him out, he looks calm and nice but believe me he is a wolf in sheep clothing.

I have been thinking out what to do when he returns home today. This is 6:33am he left the house since about 10:pm last night without a word to any one. I overheard his mum(she's been with us for Omugwo) asking where he was going to , he ignored her and drove off.

I am tired and thinking out my mind what to do when he returns.

I have no strong bones like him so don't advise I fight him, but I am thinking I should lock the gate and do not allow him in. Pls nairaland family help me out. What should I do?
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It is painful, really painful. Here I am thinking out my next line of action. My husband slaps and tries to strangle me at any little provocation. Whe he has a date, he looks for a quarrel and sleeps out.

I am tired of both physical and emotional humiliation. I have 3 kids-6/4/24mnths, I bring the food to the house for him and the kids. He works with a private firm but often come back home saying no money. I work for the government and takes care of family bills. The cars in the house are all mine and he drives any at will.

He has no value or respect for family / wife or mother. I am ashamed of complaining to my mum or the church. DON'T SAY HIS MUM OR DAD, he walks out on them and have no respect for anyone.

When you see him out, he looks calm and nice but believe me he is a wolf in sheep clothing.

I have been thinking out what to do when he returns home today. This is 6:33am he left the house since about 10:pm last night without a word to any one. I overheard his mum(she's been with us for Omugwo) asking where he was going to , he ignored her and drove off.

I am tired and thinking out my mind what to do when he returns.

I have no strong bones like him so don't advise I fight him, but I am thinking I should lock the gate and do not allow him in. Pls nairaland family help me out. What should I do?