As someone rightly said, involve a/your Lawyer. This isn't something you can do ALONE.

Secret separation won't help you; where would you run to with 3 kids?

Just get a Lawyer, and make him sign an undertaking in a Police custody. Himself and his mother must tender their signatures on that form whether or not you live together.

If you're scared or worried about your togetherness after the process; approach your brother, find a way to bring him home at the next slightest provocation. I don't know how you women endure violations; it beats my imagination.

Your brother would do the 'craziness', and get a police immediately. You can pretend by begging your brother to take it easy on him, but make sure he's taken via a VAN to the custody. A night in the cell would reset his brain.

To crown the whole process, prepare pounded yam, and serve him in the cell.

Leaving or running away won't help you. We all know you'll, in no time, run back to him, in the name of LOVE & CHILDREN.

We MEN may act tough and all crazy but majority are scared of crazy policemen, Lawyers, and anything called 'undertaking'.

Do not be scared of him, na only woman e fit beat. A thunderous slap from a corporal would turn his fortune around.

shaybebaby:

Ofcourse the most important thing here is the material things she owns.
Try to hide the green shade small na.

No, baby, it's not. But when a story reeks of fiction, I spot it easily. My post you quoted is just one of the reasons this story rings false.

You married a boy, not a man. Hian

Its very annoying when people justify physical abuse because of what something the woman has done
But these same men do not punch, kick or slap their boss or a craze looking mopol when they are provoked.

If you cant control yourself or have anger issues then please get help
Your wife is not your punching bag

By now every man should know and understand the type of wife they married. If you cant live with her attitude then leave her.
She is not a donkey that you beat gba gba gba
They you go and lay with the the next day
Shameful

Cheund:


Working for the government does not mean thats my sole source of income. I run other businesses that pay me well specifically Event consultancy, What ever kind of event, I offer professional advice and services from the comfort of my home and all I need to succeed in such business is contacts and recommendations.

Working for the government in this context mean 'Civil servant'.

Hmm....

Well, as long as you aren't scamming anyone, no point in me picking out the holes in your story. Enjoy.

InformedLola:


No, baby, it's not. But when a story reeks of fiction, I spot it easily. My post you quoted is just one of the reasons this story rings false.

Ever heard truth is stranger than fiction? Even if it isn't her true story, you can bet on it that someone out there somewhere is dealing with the same scenario.

@informedlola
I have no reason to wake up on an early Sunday morning (6:30am) to fabricate stories when I have my boys to prepare for chuch and my 5 months old baby girl to breastfeed. What do you think I intend to achieve by opening up a thread as early.
Anyways I very much appreciate your concern by commenting, thank you again.

Acidosis:


Why this?

I don't think I understand your post as everything I've written are the very same words I'd give my 'blood' sister if she finds herself in a similar situation.

Read your post again

Cheund:


We're on rent I paid for it

Leave everything to GOD and make sure you pray about it

Cheund:
@informedlola
I have no reason to wake up on an early Sunday morning (6:30am) to fabricate stories when I have my boys to prepare for chuch and my 5 months old baby girl to breastfeed. What do you think I intend to achieve by opening up a thread as early.
Anyways I very much appreciate your concern by commenting, thank you again.

Thought you said your last is 24months

Onegai:
Well, first and foremost, take a deep breath. Then pray and ask God to give you strength.

Go buy a new sim, register it today.

Do you have a trusted friend or relative to stay with? Get one. Someone with space.

Start packing quietly, just clothes and the necessities for you and your kids. Anyone ask, mummy told you to visit (tell your mum the lie).

Ask immediately on any platform and from everyone is there is a place to rent. Small, 2 bedroom, around your office. Say it is for a cousin. If you can move back in with your mother, that will be best.

Inform some of your friends and one trusted person in position of authority (Nigerians like Pastors so tell yours). Do NOT let anyone convince you to stay. They will gossip but so what? Had gossip killed anyone? If they cannot say it to your face, who cares?

Once you get all these in order (I'm giving you a week to move out so Saturday your kids should be at your trusted friend's place), call a family meeting betweent your mum, his parents and do NOT let your husband know. Inform them that you're moving out for your safety and sanity. That you want to stay alive to raise your children. That when your husband comes to his senses, they can look for you. Do not let them convince you to stay. His parents will prioritise their son's welfare over your welfare. So do NOT allow them convince you to stay.

Leave immediately after that meeting and switch your sims. I don't want your husband knowing where you are for 3 weeks. He can speak to you on the phone (call him and let him greet his kids, politely say "please excuse me" and drop the phone if he starts insults and threats. Save any messages threatening you).

I'm asking you to do this because your husband is no longer a husband, no longer a father and no longer even a son. He has lost himself and doesn't even know it. And you cannot tell him and cannot save him. So prioritise your welfare and that of your kids. If and when he comes back to his senses, you have work to do on your marriage but he has even more work and forgiveness and trust to earn back.

God bless u for this advise. i just reconciled wit my hubby after 2yrs of separation. i faced my fears of being a temporary single mum nd survived by God's grace wit my child than being six feet below coz of wat people wil say.
after d last incidence in 2014 of my hubby beating me up nd strangling me i made up my mind to live even though i had nothing,i stil had hope.i planned my exit when he neva xpected nd moved back to my mum wit enof insult nd challenges but i held on to God nd he saw me tru.it took a long time for hubby to realise his mistakes nd make a turn bak.i drilled him to b sure hes changed after he came bak apologising.
hubby now pampers nd adores me nd kip apologising each day. i am stil in my apartment due to my work nd child's school.hubby visits on weekends nd returns to his place by weekday.i put him on probation to observe d new changed man he had become. my God changed him nd am stil shocked

Acidosis:
As someone rightly said, involve a/your Lawyer. This isn't something you can do ALONE.

Secret separation won't help you; where would you run to with 3 kids?

Just get a Lawyer, and make him sign an undertaking in a Police custody. Himself and his mother must tender their signatures on that form whether or not you live together.

If you're scared or worried about your togetherness after the process; approach your brother, find a way to bring him home at the next slightest provocation. I don't know how you women endure violations; it beats my imagination.

Your brother would do the 'craziness', and get a police immediately. You can pretend by begging your brother to take it easy on him, but make sure he's taken via a VAN to the custody. A night in the cell would reset his brain.

To crown the whole process, prepare pounded yam, and serve him in the cell.

Leaving or running away won't help you. We all know you'll, in no time, run back to him, in the name of LOVE & CHILDREN.

We MEN may act tough and all crazy but majority are scared of crazy policemen, Lawyers, and anything called 'undertaking'.

Do not be scared of him, na only woman e fit beat. A thunderous slap from a corporal would turn his fortune around.

2 army men is enof.just tip them wit 10k or 15k. he wil do his honey moon underground for 2weeks nd i promise he wik neva b d same again talkless of raising his hands on op

Cheund:
I appreciate you all, all of the views and opinions. I am real, very real.
I was awake all night thinking what to do or who to talk to , I feel relieved I did open up.
To a world who need not see me to offer advice and help. I appreciate everyone here.

I feel in control of my state with the awe of warm suggestions trooping. I am noting all of the comments, you all rocks.

I have never gotten so focused in this state like I have been today, that you all for the family presence.

Honey I'm about to send you a pm. Gonna add you to a Facebook group that will inspire you.

dayanmo123:


Leave everything to GOD and make sure you pray about it

The same way you leave everything to God to help you poo, wee, eat. I bet God is also the driver that takes you into the car, drive you to work, hold your pen at work, assist you with withdrawals at the ATM, and even ask you the amount to withdraw and spend.

Pidggin:


Read your post again

..same thing Onegai said. I didn't understand her points until I asked further. Could you please highlight those faults for clarification? I'm not perfect.

Dyt:


Thought you said your last is 24months

Not at all. Im not in an abusive union. I only feel her pain cos I know women who go tro this kind of hell. Its horrible both emotionally and mentally especially.

Dyt:


Does he strangle you too?

Overlook the strangling? Hell no. What I meant is her acting like he does not even exist in the home. If he does not get d attentions hes looking for to start a fight or get physical with her, his brain will definitely go back to default settings. If that does not work, relocating with the kids to an unknown destination will do her a whole lot of good.

cococandy:

She should overlook the strangling because of her kids.

alatbaba1:


Try watch MR & MRS. It's a naija/ghana movie. It will help u deal with him.
Hope don't have fault of your own.

ha! Dat one nah for man wey get conscience o.

police woman come and arrest me na. D last time I checked, d op asked for advise and I just gave my piece. U wnt be given a price if u gave the best advise. Would you? Try not to get irrational when on public forums. No one has a perfect or best solution to another's problem. That's why its called a forum so u can learn from others. Tnx

Mamatee07:


Turn a blind eye to strangulation and slaps it's time to start arresting those who contribute to people dying from domestic violence like you

Sorry guy to disappoint u, I'm not in an abusive union OK. She asked for advise and I just dropped my 1 shilling. Stop getting yourself worked up on people's views. Drop yours and get out. Shikena.

Dyt:


You will know those their husbands beat them na
I am sure this one is still praying and fasting
There's gonna be a miracle
We should support in prayers and fasting too

Oshisko

Dyt:


Thought you said your last is 24months

Lol OP come and explain this.
I talk am say something tells me you might be trolling.
How come your last child's age is jumping up and down?

Sometimes all these posts are by jobless boys looking for a reaction out of nairalanders.

Come and answer or you'll be banned from this site so you'll stop causing trouble.

On point. Dyt and mamatee07. Come and pick some sense here[email][/email]

GodnGold:
Cheee sweety,You alone know the truth in all of this.
As always,I prefer both sides of the tale.

But this is one version.

Do you agree you have your own faults?

What do you do that warrants his strangling you?

A man cannot wake up from his bed,turn to his wife who is sleeping and start strangling her...no except if the man is deranged and needs psychiatric help.

Women like to talk and nag,you have mentioned you pay the bills,the cars belong to you...

Honey,I refuse to believe that he contributes nothing to the house.

If you nag at every little thing...men don't like it.
He is not a child and you don't correct the mistakes of a man who will soon become a "grandpa".

Mind your health,mind your kids and keep your job.

If you don't get appreciated today,your kids will appreciate you,invest your time,energy and prayer in your kids.

Do not go into physical confrontation with a man that will strangle you to death.

Do not react to anything he says because without your reaction,there will be no action from him.
Try it today.
By the way,I have kids same age as yours.
Let love and peace reign.

Cheund:

It is painful, really painful. Here I am thinking out my next line of action. # My husband slaps and tries to strangle me at any little provocation #. Whe he has a date, he looks for a quarrel and sleeps out.

I am tired of both physical and emotional humiliation. I have 3 kids-6/4/24mnths, I bring the food to the house for him and the kids. He works with a private firm but often come back home saying no money. I work for the government and takes care of family bills. The cars in the house are all mine and he drives any at will.

He has no value or respect for family / wife or mother. I am ashamed of complaining to my mum or the church. DON'T SAY HIS MUM OR DAD, he walks out on them and have no respect for anyone.

When you see him out, he looks calm and nice but believe me he is a wolf in sheep clothing.

I have been thinking out what to do when he returns home today. This is 6:33am he left the house since about 10:pm last night without a word to any one. I overheard his mum(she's been with us for Omugwo) asking where he was going to , he ignored her and drove off.

I am tired and thinking out my mind what to do when he returns.

I have no strong bones like him so don't advise I fight him, but I am thinking I should lock the gate and do not allow him in. Pls nairaland family help me out. What should I do?
(Modify) (Quote) (Report) 1 Share (Un-Share)

if he didn't do the Bolded, would you have made this post?

treasuredkids:
Sorry guy to disappoint u, I'm not in an abusive union OK. She asked for advise and I just dropped my 1 shilling. Stop getting yourself worked up on people's views. Drop yours and get out. Shikena.

treasuredkids:
Not at all. Im not in an abusive union. I only feel her pain cos I know women who go tro this kind of hell. Its horrible both emotionally and mentally especially.

You had to explain yourself twice?

:Pyeah that's for emphasis sake.

Dyt:





You had to explain yourself twice?

MaDam, u're already in an abusive marriage what are you waiting for? Are you waiting tiill a death is announced? Did you hear of Ronke shonde and titi arowolo? A man without respect for hs own parent, so how is he going to lead his own home as the father, husband and lover?

Cheund:

It is painful, really painful. Here I am thinking out my next line of action. My husband slaps and tries to strangle me at any little provocation. Whe he has a date, he looks for a quarrel and sleeps out.

I am tired of both physical and emotional humiliation. I have 3 kids-6/4/24mnths, I bring the food to the house for him and the kids. He works with a private firm but often come back home saying no money. I work for the government and takes care of family bills. The cars in the house are all mine and he drives any at will.

He has no value or respect for family / wife or mother. I am ashamed of complaining to my mum or the church. DON'T SAY HIS MUM OR DAD, he walks out on them and have no respect for anyone.

When you see him out, he looks calm and nice but believe me he is a wolf in sheep clothing.

I have been thinking out what to do when he returns home today. This is 6:33am he left the house since about 10:pm last night without a word to any one. I overheard his mum(she's been with us for Omugwo) asking where he was going to , he ignored her and drove off.

I am tired and thinking out my mind what to do when he returns.

I have no strong bones like him so don't advise I fight him, but I am thinking I should lock the gate and do not allow him in. Pls nairaland family help me out. What should I do?
(Modify) (Quote) (Report) 1 Share (Un-Share)

Wait o! Drives your car? Lives in a house where you pay the bills?And you have not packed his bags yet? Abeg let him go leave off his concubines or are you waiting for an HIV positive result to take action?

nyben4eva:
Try to have a heart to heart discussion with him,ask him what you've done wrong to deserve all he does to you.Most times,women are the cause of their problems.You might have offended him without knowing and he finds it very difficult to forgive you.Search yourself very well,the answer to your problem might be in your hands.

Marital problems can be solved only when the two agree.your solution options are
1.let him live his life while you live yours focusing on you,your children and the things dat make you happy.despite living in the Same house.if u do nt expect anything frm a person you won't. Be disappointed.
2.separate. (ask him to stay off or you stay off for sometime until you both decide to be with each other on terms dat are beneficial to you both and not one sided.

Cheund:
I appreciate you all, all of the views and opinions. I am real, very real.
I was awake all night thinking what to do or who to talk to , I feel relieved I did open up.
To a world who need not see me to offer advice and help. I appreciate everyone here.

I feel in control of my state with the awe of warm suggestions trooping. I am noting all of the comments, you all rocks.

I have never gotten so focused in this state like I have been today, that you all for the family presence.

Madam,sorry for your predicament. I pray that the good Lord heal your marriage.

Let me start by asking,do you have morning devotion with your family daily? If no,pls you can encourage it in your home from now henceforth, and do try engage your husband to do more of the prayers. Thats exactly what i do,since I encouraged it, my husband leads the worship and prayers on our knees, he seldom allows me to. I pray for the grace to do that,slowly but surely your Hubby's heart will be reformed. Pls don't give the enemy a chance to destroy your marriage. Be a loving wife by not making your hubby less a man,cos I feel that's where he feels trampled on,you bn much more successful than he is.. Whenever theres an argument,pls do not remind him about his failures at home,learn to be meek, if possible keep quiet so he doesnt get violent. Don't be too quick to pay the bills,let him do his manly duties!! Why buy fleets of cars? Why throw it at his face that you've got everything under control? Be wise and build your home in humility and for the love of God pray that every strange woman be cast out.

Pls let God into your home. A family that prays together, stays together.

Onegai:
Well, first and foremost, take a deep breath. Then pray and ask God to give you strength.

Go buy a new sim, register it today.

Do you have a trusted friend or relative to stay with? Get one. Someone with space.

Start packing quietly, just clothes and the necessities for you and your kids. Anyone ask, mummy told you to visit (tell your mum the lie).

Ask immediately on any platform and from everyone is there is a place to rent. Small, 2 bedroom, around your office. Say it is for a cousin. If you can move back in with your mother, that will be best.

Inform some of your friends and one trusted person in position of authority (Nigerians like Pastors so tell yours). Do NOT let anyone convince you to stay. They will gossip but so what? Had gossip killed anyone? If they cannot say it to your face, who cares?

Once you get all these in order (I'm giving you a week to move out so Saturday your kids should be at your trusted friend's place), call a family meeting betweent your mum, his parents and do NOT let your husband know. Inform them that you're moving out for your safety and sanity. That you want to stay alive to raise your children. That when your husband comes to his senses, they can look for you. Do not let them convince you to stay. His parents will prioritise their son's welfare over your welfare. So do NOT allow them convince you to stay.

Leave immediately after that meeting and switch your sims. I don't want your husband knowing where you are for 3 weeks. He can speak to you on the phone (call him and let him greet his kids, politely say "please excuse me" and drop the phone if he starts insults and threats. Save any messages threatening you).

I'm asking you to do this because your husband is no longer a husband, no longer a father and no longer even a son. He has lost himself and doesn't even know it. And you cannot tell him and cannot save him. So prioritise your welfare and that of your kids. If and when he comes back to his senses, you have work to do on your marriage but he has even more work and forgiveness and trust to earn back.

jeez! have you been through this process before or you are a counsellor? great post! might just screen grab it to advise women in abusive marriages.

mukhcech:


ha! Dat one nah for man wey get conscience o.

Every man has conscience. Jst find Hw to explore it.