₦airaland Forum

Tallesty1:
Money good sha. For this weather for one nah im diz one dey even imagine going that other side.



See Suleja weather for tonight

Lol, where in Suleja?

ednut1:
CIC requires 6 months average balance. But Nigerian Banks wont state this, so people include the 6 months statement let CIC compute themselves. if the money is from gift deed, sale of asset etc no need to 6 months statement

Thank you for your kind explanation.

Please, just a clarification...

For POF, are we to submit a 6 months statement of account or a reference/official letter from the bank stating the required information like the closing balance etc.

Yes, anger management class before you land in kirikiri

Offpoint:
You're welcome, better days ahead.

it'll hurt, but it's better to get hurt now and heal later, than to get in the nearest future for what would have been avoided when the signs are obviously cleared.

Stay strong

Thanks

Chi59:
That guy is not going to choose this lady. Period. He doesn't seem like he has the balls to stand up to his parents. I've inferred this from her post. Two years is enough to let his family know of his intentions Infact more than enough.
Aunty cokebar
If he wants to wife you, he'll tell his people.
If not, he'll keep beating around the bush.

Agreed!

Offpoint:
My advice:
For your own sanity, back out. remember in marriage, you're not only married to your husband but to his entire family. In the this situation, you know they don't want you... back out.

Remember parents have ways of influencing their kids, you don't wanna go into a family that the parents will frustrate.

This is not a time to think with emotions and stupid love... this is the time to use your head.

Thank you I needed to hear your last statement. Thanks

Macnnoli4:
His type are hard to get in this Nigeria. It is better you fight to the conclusion of the matter

Hence the reason I am sad... but I'll put this aside and try to heal.

If I ain't accepted in a family, the best gift I could give myself would be to walk out.

Thank you for your input.

Yemialade:
My sis,try and relax,and see everything fall back into place naturally.when u do this,he wil kum with his family begging 4 your hand in marriage.dont force things,everything will kum back to you.

Thank you, I appreciate

MorningStar233:
Atleast this one is better, mine , his parents already found a wife for him and are willing to go on his behalf and do the needful...it hurts

Woah! I'm so sorry.
What tribe though?

Omar09:
Martinez39s, ubunja, Many other notable MGTOW members and I don't give out the red pill for just knowing how to deal with women. We give it out for men to know how to deal with life. Your boyfriend is a weakling. And he is a simp. You don't want such person in your life. You don't want someone whom will always agree to your biddings without at least having his own way. It's not romantic at all. But hey we are called names for standing for something.

You should break up asap, you don't want such man in your life, plus you won't enjoy that marriage once entered. Ciao

Thank you, I appreciate

Vieamie:
Love Is Never Enough When It Comes To Marriage.
Do Well To Marry Into A Family That Loves You & Accepts You For Who You Are.
Give It Time, You Will Heal. Let Him Go

Thank you, I'm taking this route

doris4u:
My dear , Benin and Igbo people no dey too tally o, if it's a Yoruba guy no problem and again with the kind of response he gave, he is on the fence" . Don't wait for him to climb down that fence, try and have a proper conversation with him.
To get married in a family u are not liked is a very big problem, so be wise.

Thank you, thank you

EndtimeJudge:
I SENT YOU A MESSAGE KINDLY RESPOND
THANK YOU

I'ld appreciate if we could have the discussion here, thank you.

Chi59:
He's probably from anambra state (no offence to anambra people) They're very picky about marrying outside their state.
I used to hear that thing I didn't believe till I fell in love with a guy from that state.
Long story short, I inferred from what he had earlier told me about a past relationship that I do not stand a chance with his people. I'm ibo but from Imo.
I always advice never to agree to a marriage with a man whose family doesn't like you. Take heart.

He's actually from Imo

Thank you for your advise

anonymuz:
My dear sister, i guess your man is not ready to make his stand on you. Hes still being controlled by his family. Please politely excuse yourself from intending problems from his families. Save the headache now.

Okay, thank you for your input.

NNAMDIII:
2 years wasted

It is well

physise:
Yes, I have.

Okay, great.

With time, I'll also heal.

AshiraWealthy:
To be frank with you, my dear start looking for another guy. I'm Igbo so I know what I'm talking about. As long as both parents are alive and your guy is a typical omo igbo, not Lagos Igbos, forget it. You'll only end up hurting yourself. You'll just be there and the next thing see pregnant iyawo in the building. Dont say I didn't warn you.

Call it tribalism or bygote, Igbo's (some other tribes) don't usually marry outside their tribe. Even we the ladies, from a very tender age are advised not to marry outside our tribe and they give very cogent reasons to back this up and this these things have a way of conditioning our minds to how we now perceive people from other tribes. And we also get to see some of the reasons they told us not to intermarry with them. My late grand father once gathered all his grand children and warned us not to ever marry from the Hausa tribes with very valid reasons. Since then even Hausa don't even cross my way cos I dont notice them.
I find it difficult dating anyone apart from Igbo's now. The only non igbo ive ever dated was mixed ( igbo/Akwaibom). So dear, you shouldn't waste your time. Its clearly written on the wall that you're not wanted in that family. Kindly take a bow.

My ten cent.

Thank you, I appreciate this

Lamanii22:
Lol lazy bones.... She wrote in clear terms....



@OP you did the right thing by breaking up with him...

Okay, thanks for your input

WackyJ1:
I love what Tallesty1 says and I agree with his suggestions.

You also said certain things about his character which I believe is contributing to this.

You said he has complexes. This might be inferiority complex or low self-esteem.
You said he was the least performing child and the last born, which might have been because of or resulted in the low self-esteem. Even if he doesn't have it now, he definitely struggled with it in the past.

When you have that description of the least performing child, it means you were constantly compared to other children your elder siblings or even others outside. That affects a child's esteem badly and he won't be able to speak up for himself. That is what is going on with him now.

He is most likely also codependent.

He probably spent two decades of his life trying to win his parents approval and now he has a conflict that won't make him go against their wishes and gain their biggest disappointment, what do you think he would do? It would be very hard for him to contemplate any form of action that would involve putting his foot down.

Please understand that even the contemplation of their disappointment will cause him to sweat under AC and have anxiety attacks. This is something that he has been facing long, long before he met you.

So do what Tallesty suggested, talk to him.

Try whatever you can to improve the relationship you have with his parents.

If all fails, then move on

Thank you, thank you

cr7lomo:
Better move on and don't look bk .. hardly will u c an Igbo man marry outside their region, talk less of edo ... Listen to people like blu03 and regret it all ur life ... Blu03 will not b there when u start to face it... Everything is not love ooo... If something happens to him if u marry him, that's when u will know u hv ruined ur life

Thank you

JayLaFlame:
Hello OP..
You said something about him having this inferiority complex cos he feels he's an underachiever.. I feel like he doesn't want to go against his parents wishes just so he remains on their good book

Correct!

I888:
It's an Igbo thing to marry igbos. Igbo women may marry outside their tribe but the men, 98% of the time would prefer to marry only Igbo ladies.

Hmmm... I'm getting to know this. Thanks

Tallesty1:
Nobody here seems to understand the guy but I do a little because my eldest bro was a similar situation once.

You see all these people saying man up bla bla bla and the other one saying my mama cannot take decisions for me, Y'all are saying these because it is not you.

Mothers are the most manipulative people on earth and it is worse if they gave you a good life. It would be much easier for your man if his family gave him nothing but if thy gave the necessary support he needed as a child then Y'all have no idea how he's feeling.


Here's what I think he's trying do. He wants to take time to convince his parents instead of disobeying them, because if he disobeys them outrightly like people are suggesting, they will all hate you and you will regret marrying him as time goes on.

Truth is, it is better to be at peace with your husband's family and have minor issues with your husband than to be at peace with your husband and have issues with his family.

It possible that he's trying to delay marriage until they say "tor if nah must say if no be that bini girl you will remain single for life then please marry her"

It is also possible that he's trying to get his brothers on his side(what my brother did) and together they will help him to convince his parents.

So you don't need to call it off just like that, it means you don't value the fight he's fighting just to be with you.

What you need to do is sit him down and ask him what his plans are, why he chose the plans and how far he can go with it.


If the answers are reasonable to you then you both should stand by each other in this trying time, otherwise you move on.


In situations like this, it is usually the lady that do more to win the guy's parents heart long before the relationship gets to marriage level.


Once a parent says "if no be say that girl is not from our tribe, I for say make you marry her" just know that the battle is half won.

To an extent, that's what he said... he would delay getting married until they get tired... but can I wait? What if they don't get tired?

And yes, they provided everything for him, well above his needs.

Thank you for your input

physise:
Why always igbo? I am a bini boy, I went through the same thing last year. Her dad was against it, I told her to try her best to talk to him but she didn't want to try at all. I knew a breakup was coming and when it finally came, my heart was shattered to pieces. I understand your pain, tribalism is very very bad.

Hmmm... it is well.
Hope you've recovered?

JohnnyPalmer:
You made the right decision
Never doubt that for a moment

He should man up
I get he's scared of his parents or wants to please them

But parents won't be the one to live your marriage
Both you guys are a perfect match and in love with one another
.
Not once, not twice, he's been caught on the phone denying you or aiding and albeiting gettting rid of you

Don't call him or beg him.... If he loves you that much, he will call and make things right, and make sure you don't get back with him till he takes a stand... Let him clear his parents... So you don't keep on wasting time, sacrifices on something that will eventually won't work out

This is 2020, parents should get past all these nonsense.... You can't marry from this or that tribe

Imagine being denied a forever happiness because of some nonsense ideologies

Thank you


I'll be fine, thanks

fatymore:
Since his family doesn't want you, please leave for your peace of mind so as not to be watching your back always.

Thank you

doublegoldcrown:
He's wasting your time, you are too young for this situationship

Thank you

PrimadonnaO:
Inlaws who love you and are reasonable make your life a lot sweeter and easier. I wont advise any woman to marry into a family where she's not loved and warmly accepted.

Worse still, your boyfriend seems to be a family-pleaser. He won't be able to defend you. Just let the ship sail.

You'll find better.

My thoughts too, thank you

Drince:
You know blood is thicker than water.. It won't and will never be easy for him going against his parent's wish.. I'm sure you would think, why can't he man up and tell his family what he wants, he might do that but guess what? They might end up hating you.. You know what happens when your in-laws hate you? He is taking a very big decision that will either mar or man your lives... You should be surpporting him instead.. He is torn between blood and love.. It's never easy..

Hmm... thank you for this

Ikjosh04:
Oh ok, try and work with what I wrote earlier.
Best Wishes

Okay, thanks for your input