₦airaland Forum

JoannaSedley:
Sleeping with her even with her status shows what a rabid dog you were and still are. You maybe immune to the variant she had but if she finds out that you are cheating, she may reciprocate and feed you a HIV variant that replicates more than clostridium perfrigens.

The rest of your rambles is you talking and venting, you cannot survive your lifestyle alone without her contributions as obviously the girl comes from dough. With your reckless lifestyle and investment decisions you will always run back to her and the comfort of her dough and DOMESTIC SKILLS whatever the hell that means, so spare the bullsh!ts and remember to protect yourself.

I thought carefully if I should respond to your myopic, ignorant point of view and decided to educate you on salient issues which you couldn't decide.
Firstly, in business, not all ventures succeed. Try and examine the life of major investors and you will discover that they started other ventures that went down before they actually struck gold. So if she contributed to a venture that didn't do too well, it is painful but we have to move past that.
Secondly, her family is not loaded. Neither is she from a rich background. Matter of fact, I tend to detest ladies from rich backgrounds. Most of them have entitlement mentality. If I was looking for a rich lady, she won't even make the list.
You try to come off as someone who is medically and religiously inclined. I'm not a saint and never claim to be. My actions are mine and so I will weather any consequences as a result of my action.

You sounded so bitter and rabid. Try and get help please

keepingmum:
I see you deleted your 2nd post that - cooking your local dishes and attending your towns meeting is of most importance to you........

Oga if your culture and native dishes were important to you. You should have married from your village.
There are things you raised which i feel should be of more concern to you than culture and food.
Been married for almost a decade and half, oga does the laundry but i do it most - washing machine.....he always drys the clothes , i NEVER do

We are from different tribes as well. Oga doesnt believe in towns meeting etc , neither do i.

The HIV thing is no biggie as science has made conception easier with little risks of transmission of the virus to a spouse or child. So whilst i commend you for sticking, what you have done isnt something unusual. It happens alot.

If you want to end the marriage pls do. Stick to your slay queens or get an uneducated, unexposed has no intention to ever be exposed kind of wife that will cook you swallow with different village soups for breakfast, lunch and dinner . The type that will leave you on the weekends to attend village women's meeting from morning till night. Those ones that will mix with experienced retired ashangbas at the umunna meetings and get tutellage on how to be a coded runz wife......but it shouldnt matter to you, After all you ll get your village soups on demand and a wife who will carry big basin and soak to handwash your clothes as the village prince that you are

You truly amazed me with your vainness. Get off your high horse. I never asked her to go to the village for the meeting. The meeting is a gathering of men and women from my home town in the city were we reside. That meeting has been highly helpful. If you are truly from the east, ( I doubt you are) then you will know the value of this.
Lastly I didn't delete that post, it was deleted by a spam bot or something and I was banned. Thanks for your own view

NormalThing:
You are the S.I unit of loyalty!

If you have made sacrifices as regards her hiv status (whether she knew or didnt know prior to marrying you). She should and must be willing to make sacrifices for you; and things such as having little regards for your culture/ tradition and custom. She not wanting to learn and cook your native dish and she not attending towns Union meeting or anything that have to do with your custom are very trivial things for her to put up with.
That she wont consider what you've gone through for her explains she has issues beyond your control. You have shown her respect by even hiding the status from her and your family however she isn't transparent with you, doesn't respect you, doesn't respect your family.
As a christian i can advise you to continue putting up with her since you are so good at it and have done it for this long. However, you wear the shoe and knows where it hurts the most so therefore, do what is on your mind (You know this). You are vindicated. Whatever choice you make, All righteousness is fulfilled.

P.S
Dont listen to the TOAD who wrote this line in one of his comments;
The HIV thing is no biggie as science has made conception easier with little risks of transmission of the virus to a spouse or child. So whilst i commend you for sticking, what you have done isnt something unusual. It happens alot.

Thanks bro. I thought that would have been a little thing for her to do. Most women will easily do these things just to delight their husband. I wasn't really asking for too much.

havilla:
Sorry to say you married a useless woman who hid the fact that she had such a deadly disease as HIV and she didn’t care about infecting you. The truth is she never loved you, she probably just married you because you were stupid enough not to go for HIV test before marriage.

I'm very certain if you see me one on one you won't be able to muster enough courage to call me that

piroux:
Wow!! I'm shocked you chose to stick to a woman who is HIV positive and sleep with her
More guts, man!
But remove that staunch Christian nonsense from your post. You're not!! A staunch Christian will not stray and willfully commit sin. You will not ask her to go to town hall meetings and what not just because she's grateful to you, mba.

I for one, will never go for something that doesn't make me happy, at all. IG I go, it will be once. Asking her to do things that don't make her happy reeks or selfishness.
Love is kind, love is true and love bears no ill, a staunch Christian will know that.

I'm not married but I believe marriage should be give and take. You can work on your marriage without making your wife feel she should be indebted to you for staying with her.

For me, that HIV stuff is huge. But different strokes now.

Cooking your husband's fsvourite meal is being selfish? This is new for me. I thought marriage is about give and take.? A truly wise person will do these things knowing it will make her spouse happy. Maybe im selfish like you opined.
Lastly I never made/ make her feel indebted. I don't go about acting as if she owes me any debt. Matter of fact, I don't even mention the subject at home.

carammel:
This one loud o, God will settle your home for you o.
....and are you sure you are immune to the virus or you just have undetectable viral load? Don't go spreading it to other women in the name of seeking succor outside matrimony o.

I understand your concern. I was reckless.maybe God saw my plainness of purpose. I have been checking my status ever since and if I truly had the virus, it would have reached detectable levels by now. I studied a course very close to medicine..

Thanks everyone. I have been reading comments but couldn't comment cos I was banned by spam bot. I will revert back shortly

It's really not easy for me putting this up here cos I'm a private person and don't like my issues out but I guess I have to do this because I have been battling this in my mind and I want input from others just in case I'm wrong. Kindly pardon the typo errors and arrangement. I'm just gonna bare my mind and speak the truth.

Just don't know where to start. Right now I'm thinking of leaving my marriage. I married this lady over 5 years ago. I decided to go with her because she was more domesticated than others then( not your slay queen type). I saw a sign of temper tantrum then but I overlooked it.
I was working as a small time, fresh graduate. Two months to my wedding, I lost my job. We decided to go ahead anyway. Started doing some ragged hustling. I must admit I was really financially unwise then so I lost some small investment scheme which she contributed to. I was in this state until I got a job 2 years ago. It is a commission job,( for those who understand the implications). The beginning was very rough as I was trying to grow my clientele base. I must add that madam was supportive then but with insult attached.
I started growing and life improved. I took over almost all the bills in the house. Then early this year, I was transferred to a new location. Less lucrative added to the fact that I have to almost start all over again. My earnings drop but madam wouldn't want to hear that.

Now, while dating, she/family told me she has health challenges while growing up. I'm a loyal kind of dude. I don't back out on my friends and family. So I suck up everything. I had to do my laundry and clean the house most weekends. A couple of times she came down with sick and I stood beside her. She confessed that she was shocked I didn't leave like other men will do.
We got married and children wasn't forthcoming. My mum never for once complained. She encouraged us in prayer. Madam was kind of insinuating I was to blame. I just laughed. I have already done a test on myself before now and certified ok, not forgetting two a three ladies that took in for me during uni days ( Lord forgive me).

Then she came down with a terrible bout of illhealth. ran several tests, nothing was wrong. Until a nurse took my aside and asked us to run XYZ test ( HIV). Results came back positive. This explained her health challenges even before we met. I almost died that night. I cried my eyes sour. I thought I was the person that gave her. Yeah she's gone blame me too! After all, I was a bit of a lady's man in my yo days.
I had the longest nite that day. Morning came and I went to pick her up and transfer to a different hospital. A test was conducted on me next day and I was negetive. Was shocked ( by this time we have been together for years. 3-4 years of courtship and 1 year of marriage).
Doctor said we are discordant couple ( Google that). That I have natural immunity against the virus. since then I have ran test severally and I'm still negetive. I was in a dilemma. Should I leave? In hindsight now, I should have left. I decided to stand by her. Kept family out of the information. The doctors were shocked and was praising me for my support. The counsellor taught I was her brother on first meet but when he learnt I was the spouse, he shook his head in disbelief. He told me so many marriage collapsed in his office on couples hearing their status.
I nursed her back to health. Did fertility test and discovered she has an one occluded tube( blocked tube) and hormonal imbalance. Treatment ensued and she took in and delivered a child. Yeah I was sleeping with her.

Now the issues are these:
She insult my family and have little regards for them.
She has little regards for my culture/ tradition and custom. Imagine a wife not wanting to learn and cook my native dish. She doesn't like attending my towns Union meeting or anything that have to do with my custom. Even if she doesn't enjoy the meeting, at least put up appearance and pretend to, if that will make ur spouse happy.
She is head strong and stubborn. Only like doing what please her. I'm not a dictator kinda guy but the few things I insist on and cheerish, do them.
Still wash my clothes (machine) and do house cleaning on my free Saturdays. If you ask her, she will say I'm not a slave.
Sexual satisfaction is out of it. Even with the position of things, I still want to carry out my conjugal rights but she will decline. But when it's baby making period, she will start coming to me.
She doesn't want to assist financially anymore.she believes I'm saving my money elsewhere or taking care of my parents ( I'm first born). All explanation to make her see that my earnings have dropped fails. Yet you support ur family and I don't complain. She also believe I may not be telling her the truth. This stems from something that happened while we were dating. I was financially irresponsible then. I lied that my salary was withheld. I took a loan from some loan sharks and it was killing me. I decided to gather all my salary and offset this debt. She found out and since then she doesn't believe.
I find it out to share information. I have always held information to myself. She compounded it by using the information I I shared with her against me when I decided to start opening up.

Right now I don belleful. I'm a staunch Christian but I'm ready to separate and go my way and damn all consequences. I will rather stay single now and hustle and take care of my son. I have stopped having sex with her. No need bringing in more kids to compound the issue..
I have strayed to other ladies from time to time even before now.. Can't die because someone decides to lock up. I'm not perfect but I have always told her to call my attention to my fsults

I just want mature folks input
Please if you are here to insult kindly visit other threads please. I want response from matured folk

Mod please don't take this story to front page. Leave it here please.