₦airaland Forum

You want to break up because you suffer with your own insecurities.

I recently met with a guy who fits the description. For fun, I asked him what he looks for in an ideal woman. 80% of his answer was the woman's looks. Light skinned, thin, nice shoulders, have an air about her, natural beauty, not too much makeup. 20% was personality - someone sweet and simple. I was disappointed in the answer because I felt that if the woman doesn't fit the looks department, she won't be given a second look. That's why women end up bleaching and wearing promiscuous clothing, because they understand that 80% of the time, not one will give them the time of day unless they look a certain way.

Now when it comes to personality and character, no one is perfect. For a man to believe he will find the perfect woman is unrealistic. Just as with every relationship, work needs to be put into making it work.

And just as much as it is said that women are golddiggers....men of today are way too materialistic aswell. A good woman is not her nice clothes, weave, shape or face. If men keep chasing that, they will keep getting golddiggers. Good fit - afterall, both are after plastic.

I'm a South African lady dating a Nigerian man. First time experience and best experience so far. I am educated, so is he. I have my own money, so does he. I respect and value him as a human first before he is Nigerian. He is a good man - loving, caring, protective. I love him for who he is not what he does or has. I have seen no indication that he is with me for reasons of citizenship or because I am easy.

I think people generalize too much. People are different, whether from the same country or not. You will find good and bad in SA and Nigeria. You will find good and bad in your own immediate families. Is it really possible that an entire nation can be defined by the same characteristics?

People will always be sceptical of something they do not know. But anyone limiting themselves from exploring anything or anyone due to generalised statement spread by others is missing out on their own personal interesting discoveries, a broader sense of acceptance and understanding of others and themselves and lessons in tolerance.

Since dating a Nigerian, I am exposed to their communities and find the following stereotypes are in my opinion to be false;

1. Nigerian women are not attractive - I have met and interacted with some very gorgeous Nigerian women
2. South African men are lazy - I have met and dated hard working South African men
3. South African women date Nigerians for money - I am friends with a lot of South Africans dating Nigerians, and I know of one that is doing it for money. The rest are in it for love. Majority have jobs and contribute to household bills.
4. Nigerian men marry Nigerians and play with South Africans - I know a lot of married SA-Nigerian couples
5. Nigerian men are big spenders - I have not seen this with my man. He prefers to save money than spend it. So do his friends.