ifedapo2016:


wow, really? thats nice... no credit was given to anyone when i saw it but it was lovely so i thought its worth sharing... i don't have any problem in giving credit but i need to know more i think

The title is "I should have spoken up"
It is a copyrighted material written by Lanre Olagbaju
It is currently in the process of being made into a shortfilm for public awareness
It was first published in 2015 on my blog
Anything else you want to know?

This story was written by me and I can't even find any form of credit
This is Plagiarism

Kingdom Husbands
A kingdom Husband is one who recognizes that he may be in charge but was put in charge and will one day give account.
A kingdom husband is a leader in the home not a boss.
A kingdom husband doesn't bully.
A kingdom husband doesn't abuse his position and power

Sir, if your daughter(s) cannot pray for a husband like you...you have failed in the office of 'husbandhood'. Be the kind of man you pray for your daughter(s)
Sir, a man is not a senior boy, a man is not a big boy, a man is not a home boy...a man is a man. Are you a man?

‎"I'm simply being a man" is your excuse. Which "How to be a man" manual said that men need to callous, mean, insensitive and unfaithful to be men? Real Men are responsible and dependable. Stop being a boy and grow up sir

‎Sir, you cannot play a good father to excuse yourself from being a good husband. You cannot buy your children's love, you may confuse them with the gifts but they will see the deception when the time comes. Truth is, once you are a good husband...it takes care of everything else.

‎Sir, what else do you need to know about a girl that KNOWS you are married and still sleeps with you? You are simply trading gold for coal and smiling...if she cheats with you, she will definitely cheat on you.

‎Sir, that woman you ill-treat is someone's dream woman...they will literally jump at the offer to take her off your hands. Stop thinking you're doing her a favor being with her.

‎You treat your wife like trash but throw a fit when your sister is treated the same way...Dude! What goes around

Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers -1 Peter 3:7

Husbands, love your wives and be not bitter against them; turning love into hatred of their persons; ruling with rigour, and in a tyrannical manner; behaving towards them in a morose, churlish, and ill natured way; giving them either bitter words, or blows, and denying them their affection, care, provision, protection, and assistance, but using them as servants, or worse. All which is barbarous, brutish, and unchristian, and utterly unbecoming the Gospel - Gill's Exposition of Colossians 3:19

The word respect, as a noun, means a feeling or understanding that someone or something is important or serious and should be treated in an appropriate way. As a verb, it means to admire (someone or something) deeply, as a result of their abilities, qualities, or achievements.

In relationships, people approach respect from the perspective of what they should be “getting”…forgetting that it has a “giving” component as well. Respect has both inlet and outlet; that is why it is not demanded…instead it is reciprocated. There should never be a point where you get so close to someone that respect is off the table. We all need respect, especially from those who are closest and most intimately connected with us.

Romans 13: 7 says “Pay to all what is owed to them: taxes to whom taxes are owed, revenue to whom revenue is owed, respect to whom respect is owed, honor to whom honor is owed”

Respect is not achievable without humility…at the same time; respect is not attainable for someone that lacks self-esteem. Self-esteem is not the same thing as being full of oneself. However, it is good to have an unshakeable conviction that your thoughts, feelings and even your body deserve respect. If you are truly convinced that you are worthy of respect, people are unlikely to doubt it. To be respected, you have to KNOW that you deserve respect.

Respect is deeper than speaking politely to others or a child obeying his/her parents. True respect always seeks to validate the respected; making them feel safe and affirmed within the relationship. To truly be respected, we must also respect. If you can’t find anything in your partner worth respecting, I suggest you consider why you are even in the relationship.

When you respect someone -

You respect each other’s boundaries. A boundary is a line that a person does not want crossed…for example, a girl tells a boy she is not sleeping with him till they get married, that’s a boundary. The boy shows respect by not pestering her for sex. Boundaries are good for any relationship that will be healthy. Discounting the things that your partner is passionate about is also crossing the boundary. You can discuss such things, if you feel they are overdoing it, but don’t make him/her feel like it’s not important.

You do not disregard their good qualities and amplify their flaws. Nobody is perfect and there are times that we will let our partners down. When he/she falls short, affirm the good qualities/positive contributions to the relationship over the flaws. It shows respect, it lowers the person’s defenses and makes it easier to resolve the issue

You compromise. You do not always have to be right…when you are wrong, please admit it. Learn how to agree to disagree. Don’t throw a fit because you’re wrong…don’t gloat too when you are right. The important thing is that both of you listen to each other and value what each person has to say. Nobody is right 100% of the time…even a stopped watch is right twice a day. There are times you have to be wrong as a sign of respect to your partner (if you know what I mean). What’s more important…your opinion or your relationship? Philippians 2: 4 says “…Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others”

You choose your words carefully. Words are powerful and how they are used in a relationship shows respect or a lack of it. Words are like eggs, once broken, they are hard to put back together. So before you go on a ‘war of words’ with your partner, what are you trying to accomplish? Punishment? Change? Diplomacy is likely to achieve it, if change is your goal. You cannot claim to respect someone and say things anyhow…only inconsiderate people claim to be blunt when talking to others. If you are wise enough to conceal your ‘bluntness’ at the court when talking to the judge or when talking to your boss…it means your bluntness is selective. Say what’s on your mind without poisoning the mind of the person you are saying it to. Ephesians 4:29 says “Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear”. If what you want to say will not build up, is not relevant, or does not give grace to the hearer, shush!

You show consideration. Sincerity in compliments, thoughtfulness toward your partner, helping around the house…who said she has to be the one to cook dinner always? But if you are a kitchen disaster waiting to happen…help with other things. Value each other’s opinion

You treat them the way you want to be treated. You hate being called dumb but that’s the first thing that rolls off your tongue when you are quarrelling with people. Implementing this requires emotional restraint. Any mature relationship that will be successful/foster the growth of both people must be based on this principle. The Bible says “…Outdo one another in showing respect” Romans 12:10

Your word is your bond. Lies weaken trust in a relationship and ultimately weaken respect. Stop lying…stop breaking promises.

Let me end with this statement…”Respect means recognizing our own worth - and the worth of others. When we respect our partner, we are able to rise above pettiness, jealousy and cruelty. When we respect ourselves, we are able to transcend insecurity, defensiveness and fear. And respecting both ourselves and our partners enables us to build strong, lasting and mutually-supportive relationships” - National Healthy Marriage Resource Center (NHMRC)

Emotional Bank Account

Every relationship (marriage or courtship) has an emotional bank Account

Every action we take either makes a deposit or a withdrawal

Just like your normal bank account…if you withdraw more than you deposit, you run the risk of overdrawing your account.

We all know that an account in good standing is one with sufficient funds ALWAYS.

My advice is that you always fund your emotional account

Every little thing that puts a smile on your partner’s face is a deposit.

Sending a text to wish him/her a good day at work…or to ask how their day is going

Remembering important dates…birthdays, anniversaries

Being helpful…lightening your partner’s workload. Don’t be that guy that sits watching TV while the wife slaves away in the kitchen…help with something, set the dining, anything that reduces her workload.

PDA (For the married)- Public Display of Affection…this tilts more toward men than women. Let your partner know that you are proud to be with her in public. Don’t be the stranger in public, lover in the bedroom type of guy.

Let your partner’s concerns concern you

Keep commitments - do what you say you will do, when you say you will do it

A little hug

A little ‘thank you’

A little ‘you’re the best’

A little treat, like taking care of her tires before winter or helping him pick out his work clothes.

A little going out of your way to make life easier for him/her

A little compromise

A little courtesy...something as simple as opening the door

Smile, let your partner know you are happy he/she is there with you

A little unexpected gift (not necessarily expensive)

A little kind gesture that shows how much your partner means to you

Don’t be the taker in the relationship…don’t be a perpetual ‘withdrawer’

Sincere Apology when necessary - knowing when you are wrong and admitting your mistakes prevents the wound from festering and helps the healing process. Don't ever be too proud to apologize


Fund your emotional bank…you never know when you will need to make a huge withdrawal.

“… by being of the same mind, maintaining the same love, united in spirit, intent on one purpose. Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves; do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others” Philippians 2: 2-4

I have seen some great quotes about companionship and company…here are a few of them

“No road is long with good company” – Turkish Proverb

“Life's most deep feelings are often expressed in silence and the one who can read volumes from your silence is your true companion” - Ritu Ghatourey

“A pleasure companion on a journey is as good as a carriage” -Syrus

“By ourselves we can enjoy life, but to really appreciate life we must find companionship” - Unknown

Above all, the Bible says in Genesis 2:18 “The LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a companion for him who is suitable for him."

The word Companionship, as a noun, means the good feeling that comes from being with someone else. It is a feeling of fellowship or friendship.

Dr. Leo Buscaglia defined companionship as “that state of being friends, but it goes a deeper than even a friendship. It is a closeness or familiarity, a true fellowship among two people who for whatever reasons have truly connected”

One main element that is hard to come by in marriages, in our time, is COMPANIONSHIP.

That person that stays with you through thick and thin…

That person that says something to you and you feel like the weight of the world just got lifted off your shoulder.

That person you can’t wait to share ‘how it all went down’ with.

That person that makes you feel like indeed it’s worth everything you are giving. That person that connects with you on deeper, non-sexual levels.

That person you can spend the whole day with and not get bored.

That person that seems to get you when nobody else knows what you are talking about.

That person you can truly call your friend.

That person that in a way, can kinda read your mind because he/she knows you that well.

As humans, we’ve been made to crave companionship…this deep connection. God saw this need and made provision for it. However, there are times we try to fill it with other ‘quick fix’ alternatives but when the chips are down, our hearts still long for that connection. When we’ve had our fill of the alternatives, the craving returns. Adam was lucky because he did not have to do a lot of searching to find his companion. In our time, we need to search till we find this person...and it can be dangerous if we settle for something else.

It is so easy to find someone to sleep with

It is so easy to find someone to hang out with

It is so easy to find someone to use and abuse

But it is a daunting task to find a companion; some people go through 3 marriages before finding that suitable companion.

Companionship is far more intimate than even romance…it usually is the basis for two people wanting to remain together. The day you no longer see a companion in your spouse, that’s the day you want out. Have you heard people say something like “We drifted apart”…it’s just another way of saying there is no companionship anymore.

When you dread being alone with your partner, know for sure that you do not have a companion.

Companionship is a two way road…you cannot want a companion if you won’t be a companion. The Bible says “A man that has friends must show himself friendly…” Proverbs 18:24. Companionship is a bit deeper than friendship though…it is a closeness or familiarity, a fellowship between two people who have found a connection.

Companionship can never be attained without being friends first

Companionship can never be attained where there is selfishness.

Companionship can never be attained where there is laziness (it is built over time and requires resilience and hard work. If you want a successful companionship, you need to resolve to work hard to build and maintain a sense of closeness, familiarity, warmth and affection. Your bond will break without this factor, no matter how strong it is to begin with)

Companionship can never be attained where there is deceit and unfaithfulness

Companionship can never be attained where there is CONSTANT disagreement (Can two walk together without agreeing on direction? Amos 3:3)

Companionship can never be attained without openness

Companionship can never be attained if your words and actions don’t match (If you truly care about someone, show them you care. Words are cheap)

Companionship can never be attained if you do not make time for each other

Companionship can never be attained without commitment

Companionship can never be attained without a forgiving heart (...bearing with one another, and forgiving each other, whoever has a complaint against anyone; just as the Lord forgave you, so also should you) Colossians 3:13

People get married for all kinds of reasons but ask anyone with a lasting/standing marriage, he or she found a companion. Companionship will go with you all the way…when sex fails, when beauty fades, when the children are no longer in the house, companionship keeps the house a home.

How to meet a man’s need for companionship in a relationship

Be his friend – It does not matter how many friends he has, you have to be his best friend. The person he talks to first. The person he shares his secrets and fears with.

Be pleasant/cheerful – nagging, being grumpy, being pessimistic, always appearing sad/depressed are natural/organic male-repellant. Irrespective of what went wrong during the day, smile when you see him. Save the frustrations for later and keep them in perspective. Talk about the positives first…talk about the positives more. The Bible says “A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a depressed spirit saps a person’s strength” Proverbs 17:22

Speak his ‘Language’ – make time once in a while to talk about the things that interest him. His sports, his team, his passion. You will be amazed at the connection this can build.

Find and enjoy Mutual hobbies – Find something fun that both of you enjoy and can do together. Even if it’s grocery shopping or just walking around the neighborhood. There has to be something.

Play games together – find a game you both enjoy (not a gameshow). Preferably a board game and enjoy an hour together doing this.

Be a good listener – give your man room to express his frustrations about whatever bothers him. Even if you don’t see why he should, let him…don’t pick out faults in what he is saying. Let him vent…know when to offer sympathy and know when to offer advice.

How to meet a woman’s need for companionship in a relationship

Be her diary – A woman wants to talk about everything. The guy that cut her off on the freeway, on her way from work. The co-worker that was mean to her. The funny suit a co-worker was wearing today. The ridiculous hike in the price of tomatoes. The viral video she saw on social media.

One of a woman’s principal needs in a companion is someone to have a conversation with. Someone she can pour out everything in her heart to. Frequent conversation will help her to feel psychologically connected to you. Most men find time to talk to women while dating them but the moment we marry them, all the conversations somehow start getting annoying, boring, unnecessary, repetitive…this is a VERY WRONG move. Don’t ever give your woman a reason to shut you out. Be that man she fell in love with again …she needs to have a pleasant conversation with you, without distractions, for a minimum of 30 minutes EVERY DAY. A woman lacking such quality conversation with her man tend to resort to nagging and faultfinding in an attempt to meet this need on at least a rudimentary level. Fill her need for conversation, and you will likely find that she becomes less inclined to nag and be irritable.

Please Listen – Letting her talk is different from watching her rant. Show her that you are genuinely interested in what she has to say. Look at her in the eyes when listening…it builds a bond. Don’t pre-empt, or interrupt…your complete attention is important. Don’t find faults; don’t be quick to tell her where she was wrong. Truth is, the more you listen, the more she will talk….the more she will share. Talking gives a woman pleasure. Indulging her in this pleasure-finding adventure will give her warm feelings for you. This will make her want to be patient with you and nice to you. (Trust me, there are days you will need to cash in on the patience).

Make her laugh – Don’t be that soulless, overly serious, anti-fun, anti-social guy. Dude, when you are too serious, you ain’t much fun….make your woman laugh. Have fun together. Laughter always breaks the ice.

Speak her ‘Language’ – make time once in a while to talk about the things that interest her. Watch her favorite shows with her once in a while.

Tame the Beast – Men are naturally temperamental. It takes wisdom to control it. Don’t be that door slamming, table punching, cursing, storming out in rage kinda guy. The book of proverbs says a lot of things about controlling one’s anger

He who is slow to anger has great understanding, but he who is quick-tempered exalts folly Chapter 14 verse 29

He who is slow to anger is better than the mighty, and he who rules his spirit, than he who captures a city Chapter 16 verse 32

A fool always loses his temper, but a wise man holds it back Chapter 29 verse 11

Let it flow – Men are also naturally secretive and we tend to bottle things up…but don’t be afraid to let your feelings show, even if it’s just a little. Showing her you can be vulnerable is also showing her you are human.

Season your words with salt – This is very important. When you talk to your woman, BE PLEASANT. Don’t just say what you feel, how you feel…there are times you have to keep quiet and it speaks volume. There are times you need a time out to structure your words so you don’t affect the structure of your relationship. Words can hurt and words can erode a person’s self-esteem, especially coming from someone you care about. Learn how to TAME your tongue. The bible says “Whoso keeps his mouth and his tongue keeps his soul from troubles” Proverbs 21:23

After A Brief Illness?
Where I'm from, when someone dies suddenly...they say "he/she died after a brief illness". When in reality, the underlying cause is an un-diagnosed or disregarded ailment.
In the same vein, people do not just end their marriages after a little argument...the crescendo is what everyone sees, but it builds up from

disregarded signs and warnings.
Moments of ignoring each others feelings.
Periods of pretending that all is well.
Dealing with trivialities and hoping that the real problem goes away on its own.
Denial
Failure to deal with small issues till they gather mass.
Abuse of a spouse's good heart/nature.
Wanton disregard for the sanctity of marriage.
Abuse of forgiveness.
Continuous physical and emotional abuse
Failure to seek help when it is obviously needed.

Those that know the importance of good health do an 'annual physical' to check that all is well and if there's an issue, they can tackle it ASAP.
Married people with a view to having a happy home/marriage should also take time to review their marriage from time to time...

Start by being doubly sure that all is indeed well (many times we camouflage potentially volatile issues with activities, 'busy-ness' and the mindset that 'if it ain't broken, don't fix it')
Ask your partner what they think of the relationship...ask if they are getting all they want from it and tell them your opinions as well
Based on your findings, work out a plan to fix the issues raised...don't just ignore them or see your partner as being petty. It's like ignoring an open wound.
If there are bigger issues...talk about them
Know what causes the issues
Look for trends and patterns
Look beyond the surface, dig deeper
Know what causes what and what aggravates what
Deal with it...if it's beyond you, seek help
Learn to nip issues in the bud (this stops the spread of its poison in your marriage/relationship)

So according to 3rd John 1:2
I pray that you may enjoy good health and that all may go well with you, even as your soul and marriage/relationship are getting along well in Jesus' name

30 GOLDEN NUGGETS FOR ALL MARRIED WOMEN


1). Never raise your voice, for any reason, at your husband. It’s a sign of disrespect. “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger” -Proverbs 15v1


2). Do not expose your husband's weaknesses to your family and friends (unless it is abuse). Cover him; you are covering your home.


3). Never use attitudes and moods to communicate to your husband; you never know how your husband will interpret them. “Anxiety weighs down the heart, but a kind word cheers it up” - Proverbs 12: 25


4). Never compare your husband with other men; you have no idea what their life is all about.


5). Never ill-treat your husband's friends because you don't like them…use discretion, the person who's supposed to get rid of them is your husband. “As a ring of gold in a swine's snout so is a beautiful woman who lacks discretion” - Proverbs 11:22


6). Never forget that your husband married you, not your maid or anyone else. BE to him a wife. “For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh” -Gen 2:24


7). Never delegate your “wife-ly” duties. People may help in other areas but your husband is your PERSONAL responsibility


. Never scorn your husband if/when he comes back home empty-handed. Rather encourage him.


9). Never be a wasteful wife, your husband's sweat is too precious to be wasted.


10). Never pretend to be sick for the purpose of denying your husband sex


11). Never compare your husband to your one time sex-mate in the bedroom. “…My beloved is dazzling and ruddy, Outstanding among ten thousand” - Song of Solomon 5:9-10


12). Never bring disrepute to your husband in public. “Her husband is respected at the city gate, where he takes his seat among the elders of the land” - Proverbs 31:23


13). Never yell at or challenge your husband in front of the children


14). Strife for Excellence as a wife. “An excellent wife is the crown of her husband, But she who shames him is like rottenness in his bones” - Proverbs 12:4


15). Never allow your friends to be too close to your husband. Where I’m from, it’s called ‘overfamiliarity’.


16). Never disregard your looks…being married is not a license for sloppiness.


17). Never discount your husband’s opinion in an “in your face” or “imma do what I want” way. Don’t put him below anyone (parents, siblings, friends, family) in your “opinion-seeking hierarchy”. Let him know that his opinion matters even if you have to go another route.


18). Having more money doesn’t switch the balance. Earning more than him does not automatically make you the husband.


19). Never starve your husband of attention…be his listening ears, never be too busy to listen to him


20). Anytime you have a better idea, don’t make him look stupid. Everyone has their area of expertise


21). Don't be too judgmental, instead let your words edify your husband. “Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only such a word as is good for edification according to the need of the moment, so that it will give grace to those who hear” – Ephesians 4:29


22). Say NO to laziness, the words wife and mother hardly go well with the word lazy. “She gets up while it is still night; she provides food for her family and portions for her female servants.” – Proverbs 31:15


23). Cook what your husband likes (in as much as it doesn’t affect his health negatively).


24). Take life one day at a time; don’t put unnecessary pressure on your husband. Enjoy every moment/resource as it comes.


25). Be hospitable; not just to your husband but to everyone entering your home. “…and is well known for her good deeds, such as bringing up children, showing hospitality, washing the feet of the Lord's people, helping those in trouble and devoting herself to all kinds of good deed” – 1 Timothy 5:10


26). Don't associate with women who have diverging views of marriage.


27). Value your marriage, the value you place on it is the value others will give it. “Marriage should be honored by all…” - Hebrews 13:4


28). Children are a blessing from the Lord, love your children and train them in the way they should go. “Direct your children onto the right path, and when they are older, they will not leave it” - Proverbs 22:6


29). Don’t ever outgrow your responsibilities in the home. Never abandon your care for your family for any reason. “She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness” -Proverbs 31:27


30). A prayerful wife is a better-equipped wife, pray always for your husband and family. “Pray without ceasing” - 1 Thessalonians 5:17

1). Never raise your hands against your wife…only weak men hit women. Only a dumb man hits his wife in front of her children. FYI, God hates it when you do it. “For the Lord, the God of Israel, says: I hate divorce and marital separation and him who covers his garment [his wife] with violence” –Malachi 2:16


2). Love your wife into submission, don’t force her into submission. Forcing her into submission is tantamount to slavery. Submission is the natural response to love…if you’ve loved her but she doesn’t submit, love her some more


3). For a Christian husband, submission is a two way lane…you should love your wife enough to submit to her too. “Submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ” – Ephesians 5:21


4). Your wife is not your mother…don’t compare them. The love of a mother to a child (storge) is different from the love between a husband and a wife (Eros). Your wife is not a property either, she is not like your car or your house…your wife is part of you; like your eyes or an internal organ. Treat her as such.


5). Do your BEST and some more to PROVIDE for your family. One of the qualities of a real man is his ability to provide for his family. “Anyone who does not provide for their relatives, and especially for their own household, has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever” – 1 Timothy 5:8


6). Lead by example, be a ROLE MODEL…show your male children how to be a good husband, show your female children what to look for in a good husband.


7). Don’t have a vengeful spirit when dealing with your wife. “I will show her” is an immature statement. Permit me to say GROW UP!


. Protect your wife from ALL harms…be ready to give yourself for her if need be “Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her” – Ephesians 5:25 .


9). Don’t rub your position as the ‘head of the family’ in anybody’s face. Don’t be quick to flash that card. The truth is, anytime you need to remind the people you lead that you’re the head…you probably ain’t. Leadership is not enforcing your will; it is knowing and choosing what’s best for the organization.


10). HELP to lighten your wife’s burden. Don’t be the “that’s my wife’s job” kind of guy. Acts of service show that you truly love your wife and you don’t want her overwhelmed. Cook when you can (if you can), help with the dishes once in a while, help get the kids ready, who said a man can’t help in the kitchen or with laundry?


11). Never put your wife down with your words. If you call her dumb, it shows you are dumber for marrying a dumb person. “Let your speech always be with grace, as though seasoned with salt…” – Colossians 4:6


12). Never make a scene in public. Respect your wife enough to let it wait. “Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect…” – 1 Peter 3:7


13). Never yell at your wife, especially in front of the children. Your children will love and appreciate you for it. When there is an argument, drop the shaming, blaming and always wanting to be right. Learn effective communication skills, they always get the job done without hurting anybody.


14). Set the tone for your home. Be what you want the family to be. You want excellent kids? Pursue excellence. You want respectful kids? Show respect. You want a peaceful home? Live peaceably with your family. Children watch and do what you do, not what you tell them to do.


15). Never let ANYONE (including your family members) disrespect your wife. You may not know it, anyone that disrespects your wife is indirectly disrespecting you.


16). Don’t just live for today, secure your family’s future.


17). Your wife’s opinion MATTERS. I will say it again, your wife’s OPINION matters. She is the ultimate recipient of the repercussions of your decisions (good or bad) and you think she should not have a say?


18). Encourage your wife to be the best she can. It is not a competition…there are women that have brought relevance to their husband by excelling in their fields. Be proud of her when she shines, don’t be jealous…know that she made ‘it’ because of your support. It shows you are a great leader when your wife excels and shines.


19). Give your wife your undivided attention whenever she desires/requires it…spend quality time with her and let her pour out her heart to you. A woman only opens up to someone she considers special and deserving of that ‘privilege’.


20). Show affection to your wife and children. Let them know you are happy to have them in your life. Hug them, smile, play with them, spend time with them, say nice things to them. Communication and time together are keys to a strong marriage. African fathers are wired, by culture, not to show affection or emotions…BIG ERROR. Don’t let your children see you as “that mean guy”.


21). Don't be cruel. Don’t abuse your wife emotionally. There are men that will never hit their wives physically but the emotional torment and punishment they dole out is enough to kill the women. ‘Shutting down’ because there is an issue, refusing to eat, refusing to participate in anything in the house, intentionally doing the things you know she hates, threatening her with divorce, treating her like she’s nothing, leaving the house unannounced and coming back late, rubbing her face in your immorality and ‘sexcapades’ (some men do it). “Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them” – Colossians 3:19


22). Honor your marriage enough, not to defile it. Engaging in extra marital affairs is simply dishonoring your marriage and the vow you made before God and men. When you do this, you are inviting God’s judgment. “Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous” – Proverbs 31:15


23). Be a GENTLE disciplinarian. Don’t just go all out in your wrath when somebody does something wrong. Self-control is the most important virtue for someone in a position of power or leadership. Don’t scar your children because you are trying to correct them. “Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged” – Colossians 3:21


24). Keep your wife in the loop. Create a clear vision of your shared future together. Let her know everything that is going on with you and with the family. Let her know when you are ‘light’, let her know when you are ‘heavy’. Let her know what you have and what you own…let her know how everything feeds and fits into one another. If you have a business, let her know how you run it. Let her know what you owe and what you are owed. Don’t be that guy that died and his wife had no idea how anything worked or where anything was…he was too secretive for his own good.


25). It’s good to be hardworking but it’s better when, as a man, you know how to prioritize and live a balanced life. Don’t be engrossed in your work to the detriment of your marriage or home. Don’t be all about your family that you can’t even keep a job. Know what needs to be done, when it needs to be done and for how long it needs to be done. “For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven” - Ecclesiastes 3:1. Don’t be on a cruise when you NEED to be at a board meeting and don’t be at a board meeting when you should be at your child’s recital. Live a balanced life.


26). There are times that things won’t be going great financially, don’t be too proud to accept help from your wife…and don’t be too lazy to let it stay that way.


27). Be fair to your wife. Learn to appreciate her…let go of unnecessary and subjective criticism. You can only choose between controlling and having a connection with your wife; you cannot have both.


28). Learn how to agree to disagree. The fact that your wife doesn’t see it the way you do is not a declaration of war…neither does it mean she is usurping your ‘position’. “No two people agree on everything, and that's okay, but it's important to be okay with each other's differences”. - Lee Bowers


29 Check in regularly to be sure the marriage is on the right track. Don’t assume all is well. Only your wife can tell you if things are going good. Take time to talk about your relationship (even if it’s just for 15 minutes)…not the kids, not work, not general conversations. Let it be just about the two of you.


30). Constantly remind her of your love for her…say it from time to time, it won’t kill you…tell her “I love you”. If you have an issue with that, send her a text during the day, let her feel loved. Above all, SHOW her you truly love her…talk is cheap.


You may be a prayer warrior but how you treat your wife is directly proportional to the efficacy of your prayers. The Bible says in 1 Peter 3:7 Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers