₦airaland Forum

funny thread

last happened in france98

The future of Super Eagles coach Stephen Keshi remained a mystery on Tuesday after the Nigerian Football Federation denied reports he resigned following their World Cup exit.
Nigeria went out of the tournament in Brazil at the round of 16 stage after a 2-0 defeat to France, after which Keshi said: “It's time for me to go back to my family and face fresh challenges."That was widely interpreted as a sign he had quit and it appeared to be confirmed when the Super Eagles’ official twitter account retweeted a story stating Keshi had indeed stood down.
However, when contacted by Goal on Tuesday, NFF spokesman Ademola Olajire: “Coach Keshi has not submitted an official resignation letter.“He was not employed in the mixed zone [after the France game] or on Facebook.”The former Nigeria captain has already achieved much success, becoming the second man to win the African Cup of Nations as a player and as a coach in 2013.After the team’s AFCON triumph, Keshi tendered his resignation saying he had been disrespected by the NFF. He opted to carry on following the intervention of the country's sports minister. Afterwards, he was owed seven months' salary, another issue that was resolved by the government. He saw the Super Eagles through qualifying to the World Cup and became the first Nigerian to take them to the round of 16, their first appearance at that stage since 1998.During the team's stay in Brazil he has claimed his services are wanted by at least six countries, among them South Africa who recently decided not to extend the contract of coach Gordon Igesund


source: http://m.goal.com/s/en-ng/news/4929298?ICID=HP_HN_4

trifling elements

Dear Mum

I have decided to talk to you, to let you know my feelings. I want to know why you did it. My story is short. I have stayed inside you for only three months.I was very comfortable and warm. I felt really protected. I know you are a special person because I ate the food you ate. I longed for the day I would see your face. Nine months was a long time to wait, but I was determined to wait. I had to be patient. One day I heard you converse with a man about me, and at some stage you quarreled. The man then offered you some money to get rid of me. I was happy and prayed that this meant that I would at least see you, the only person that I knew in the world: I was wrong. I had almost forgotten the issues until I felt something sharp pierce my tiny ear. I jerked silently and in pain, and asked you to protect me. Seconds later the object came, fiercer than before. My tiny was cut up, starting from the ears thenarms and legs. It was an agonizingexperience, my head was then cut off and I died.It took me a whole hour to die, a whole hour for an innocent three months human being to bemurdered. I remember the wholeincidence vividly and I keep asking myself, what I did to deserve that cruel death? Why me? Why did you do it to me? And why was I not given a chance to live? I know you are having a lot of nightmares. You remain guilty for the beastly act. Please explain to your God why you committed the heinous act.
Personally I have forgiven you though I never lived to see your face. My journey back to my creator was safe and I arrived safely. I was given a red carpet welcome by an angel. Iam infact, without bitterness.
I still love you mum,wish u d best on earth

your aborted child

normally do away with ma fone when exams are fast approaching......... for days

mydex93: Wo ma Sun re o Ba mi Kokuma Agagu.. Aa ka pade ni ojo ajinde Jesu..Really Gonno miss ds legend..he was more dan a father to me

ikale

Saw this on one of the pages I liked of fb nd i find it kinda cool so i decided to share it with ma fellow nairalanders.....
A,B,C & D do not appear in the
Spellings of 1 to 99.
i.e = ONE (abcd not found)
'D' appears 1st time in HUNDRED.
'A' appears 1st time in THOUSAND. 'B' appears 1st time in BILLION.
'C' appears 1st time in CRORE.
Moral:
Everyone has to 'WAIT' for their
TURN of SUCCESS...[b][/b]

THE immediate past governor of Ondo State, Dr. Olusegun Kokumo Agagu is dead.
Dr. Agagu died yesterday afternoon,less than 24 hours after returning from a trip to United States. He was aged 65.
He reportedly slumped and died in his House in Ibadan, Oyo State while another source said that he died in his Ikoyi residence, in Lagos.
The late Dr Agagu was to meet with President Goodluck Jonathan next week along with some elders of the Peoples Democratic Party, PDP, from the South West on the lingering crisis in the Party.
The state Chairman of the PDP, Ebenezer Alabi yesterday confirmed the death of Dr Agagu.
Alabi said “We spoke extensively by 10am today, we even shared jokes.”
Dr Agagu was born 16 February, 1948 at Iju Odo in Okipipupa local government area of the state.
He was elected Governor of Ondo State from 29 May, 2003 until February 2009.
He commenced his elementary education at St. Luke’s Anglican School, now known as St. Paul’s Anglican School Okitipupa, in 1954. In January 1958, he moved to live with his cousin, Edward Fagbohun in Ibadan, Oyo state where he continued his primary education at Ebenezer African Church School, Oke-Ado, Ibadan.
He continued his primary education in Kano in 1959 at Ebenezer Methodist School and Baptist Primary School Sabon-Gari, Kano State but came back
to Ebenezer African Church School, Ibadan where he completed his primary education in 1960. Thereafter, he was in Ibadan Grammar School between January 1961 and 1967 where he passed his West African School Certificate and the Higher School Certificate examinations.
He was admitted into the University of Ibadan in 1968 to study Botany but later changed to Geology in which he graduated with a B.Sc. (Hons) degree in Second Class Upper Division, in 1971.
Agagu went to the University of Texas between 1973 and 1974 for his Masters degree in Geology. Returning to Nigeria, he obtained a Ph.D degree in Petroleum Geology from the University of Ibadan in 1978.
Agagu was appointed by President Olusegun Obasanjo as Minister of Aviation in 1999
source: http://www.vanguardngr.com/2013/09/former-ondo-state-gov-agagu-is-dead/

In 1983, Bamanga Tukur was the Governor of the defunct Gongola State (now Adamawa & Taraba) and 30 years later, he is today the Chairman of the ruling Party, The PDP;
Dr. Bello Halliru was commissioner in the Old Sokoto State (now Sokoto, Kebbi & Zamfara) and 33 years after he is today Minister of Defence;
Major General David Mark(rtd) was the military governor of Niger State in 1984 and 28years later he is today the Senate President;
Gov. Murtala Nyako was the governor of Niger State in 1976 and 36years later he is today the Governor of Adamawa State;
Ogbonnaya Onu was governor of Abia State in 1992 and 20years after he is today the National Chairman of ANPP;
Gov. David Jonah Jang was the governor of Benue State in 1985 and 27years after he is today the governor of plateau state; and
Martins Elechi the Ebonyi State Governor is over 80 years old!
Only in Nigeria is this possible, where the youth of today have no hope into the future!
Where do we go from here? People Deceiving People (PDP), 1985, IBB was the president of Nigeria and our teachers told us that Buhari was the former Head of state..Our teacher also called us "the leaders of tomorrow".. 27years later, IBB and Buhari are still contesting for Presidency..
Its either our teacher lied to us about being the leaders of tomorrow..Or tomorrow is yet to come.. Who's fooling who?
Some of us ran out of the country,Obasanjo went abroad chasing them,telling all nations to deport Nigerian youths. Let's stand and fight for our right cos we are the leaders of Today...
From strike in health sector, to the labour, to judiciary, to Education and today our students are home lavishing!
Pls let all youth come to an alliance and fight for the unborn. We can't continue like this. Pass it to everyone if you believe in the NIGERIA DREAM. ENOUGH IS ENOUGH

idnoble135: I once read this on fb. True for most ladies.

u're ryt, it's a copy nd paste sturf

Goal

nadia_SA: yes the rain is never stop

nah, u got it wrng! The rain is ever stop

1. They believe in saving.
2. Believe in saving but buy
expensive clothes.
3. Buy expensive clothes but never
have anything to wear.
4. Never have anything to wear,
but always dressed beautifully.
5. Always dressed
beautifully, but never
satisfied.
6. Never satisfied, but still expect
men to compliment them.
7. Expect men to compliment, but
don't
believe dem wen dey compliment

A 41-year-old woman, Mrs Catherine Sefunmi Urouna, who allegedly drank a substance suspected to be chemical to protest her husband’s alleged refusal to buy her an iPad device was reported dead.
Her family of five and neighbours were thrown into mourning when they discovered that the deceased who was adjudged to be comfortable in her husband’s house took her life over a minor domestic disagreement.
The motive and cause of her death is however, being probed by the Ondo State police command.
The late Mrs Urouna, who was a mother of two boys and a girl, was buried on Friday. She was a senior executive accounting officer in Akure North local government area in Ondo State.
Although investigations into her death are still on, police sources disclosed to LEADERSHIP Sunday that trouble started when her husband who works in one of the states in the northern part of the country came home as usual to visit the family in Akure and his late wife welcomed him joyfully.
The deceased was said to have served her husband a good meal and thereafter asked him whether he brought the ipad she had earlier pleaded with him to buy for her, but the husband told her quietly that he was yet to buy it.
It was further gathered that he pleaded with his late wife to continue using the Blackberry phone he had earlier bought for her, pending the time he would be able to purchase ipad for her.
The reply of the husband was said to have not gone down well with the late Sefunmi who immediately threatened to kill herself if he would no accede to her request.
But the husband was said to have taken the threat lightly and as the argument persisted, the woman was said to have gone inside her room, took a substance suspected to poisonous chemical and headed for the toilet where she locked herself up.
Unfortunately she was said to have succeeded in drinking the substance before her daughter who saw her locking the door of the toilet and suspected she might want to do something funny because of her mood could reach the place.
Leadership correspondent gathered that when the daughter got there and started knocking at the toilet, there was no response from within.
Source: http://www.sardaunamagazine.com/index.php/job-search/item/3422-woman-commits-suicide-over-husband’s-failure-to-buy-her-ipad

Cnt jst say 'cos i dnt knw the reason why? Let me as op, wat is d reason why u ar askin? As i were abt to press the bck botton, the topic started arguin me to paste sumtin...wel, the grand moda of d fada dat burn ma pastor, it av die

kpozite: Bayern deserve 2 more goals to for their efforts
Is Chelshit still in the pitch?

they ar inside d pitch

CHANDEL: Didymozoonidea,aspidogastrea,and all that was just oh my gosh!

zoo101 stuff ryt. Ah, gone ar those days. Kudos 2 d A makerz in da couse

Any great ife part2 or above medic ere?

Xpectn a goal frm ida side veri soon

Putn in 4 surgery. Ma agg is 272.5. Sum1 said d cutof is 271.5 anoda person said it's 275. Wats reli d cutof 4 medicine pls....

on campus..........

matson247: UNILAG CUTOFF 2013
FACULTY
ARTS
BUS. ADMIN.
EDUCATION
ADMISSION OFFICE UNIVERSITY OF LAGOS 2013/2014 UTME ADMISSION CUT-OFF POINTS CATCHMENT DEPARTMENT MERIT EKITI LAGOS OGUN ONDO EUROPEAN LANGUAGES/FRENCH 48.13 NIL NIL NIL NIL EUROPEAN LANGUAGES/RUSSIAN 49.25 NIL NIL NIL NIL LINGUISTICS / YORUBA 47.63 NIL NIL NIL NIL LINGUISTIC/IGBO NIL NIL NIL NIL NIL ENGLISH 59.63 52.63 56.00 55.88 53.50 PHILOSOPHY 51.75 46.38 46.38 48.63 45.25 CREATIVE ARTS 58.88 48.88 51.88 55.38 55.63 HISTORY & STRATEGIC STUDIES 58.63 47.13 54.88 55.00 51.63 ACCOUNTING 69.13 64.88 67.88 67.75 65.00 ACT. SCIENCE 56.1350.38 52.50 49.63 45.00 BUS. ADMIN. 68.00 57.75 65.00 66.13 66.50 INSURANCE 64.38 48.25 55.13 56.13 55.00 I.R.P.M. 66.63 55.50 65.38 57.75 54.88 FINANCE 67.63 66.13 66.50 55.75 66.38 ADULT 46.25 NIL NIL NIL NIL BIOLOGY 45.50 NIL NIL NIL NIL CHEMISTRY 46.50 NIL NIL NIL NIL C.R.S. 51.25 NIL NIL NIL 48.63 EDUC. ADMIN. 59.63 53.00 54.63 58.50 54.63 EDUC. FRENCH 50.63 NIL NIL NIL NIL EDUC. GEOG. 52.13 NIL 45.38 NIL NIL YORUBA EDUC NIL NIL NIL NIL NIL GUIDANCE & COUNSELLING 53.75 48.25 51.13 52.00 50.88 MATHEMATICS 50.25 NIL NIL 50.13 NIL PHYSICS 53.75 NIL NIL NIL NIL INTEGRATED SCIENCE 55.88 NIL NIL NIL NIL ENGLISH EDUCATION 60.13 NIL 57.88 58.13 57.13 History Education 47.88 NIL NIL NIL NIL HUMAN KINETICS 48.00 NIL NIL NIL NIL IGBO EDUCATION NIL NIL NIL NIL NIL ISLAMICSTUDIES EDUCATION 47.13 NIL NIL NIL NIL HOME ECONOMICS EDUCATION 47.50 NIL NIL NIL NIL
OSUN NIL NIL NIL NIL 54.13 45.25 49.75 49.75 67.50 50.13 64.38 54.25 58.88 66.25 NIL NIL NIL NIL 50.50 NIL NIL NIL 53.00 47.00 NIL NIL 57.88 NIL NIL NIL NIL NIL
OYO NIL NIL NIL NIL 49.00 46.25 54.50 50.0067.38 50.38 58.88 52.75 55.63 58.00 45.50 NIL NIL NIL 57.13 NIL 49.38 NIL NIL NIL NIL NIL 56.38 NIL NIL NIL 46.63 NIL
TECHNOLOGY EDUCATION ECONOMICS EDUCATION BUSINESS EDUCATION
48.38 58.88 52.75
NIL NIL NIL
NIL 55.63 50.63
NIL 57.50 NIL
NIL 55.63 51.75
NIL 57.25 52.25
NIL 55.13 48.38
ENGINEERING
ENVIRON. SC.
PHARMACY LAW
DEPARTMENT CHEMICAL CIVIL COMPUTER ELECTRICAL MECHANICAL MET. & MAT. PETROLEUM &GAS SURVEYING & GEO. SYSTEMS ARCHITECTURE BUILDING ESTATE MGT. QUANTITY SURV. URB. REG. PLAN. PHARMACY LAW DENTISTRY MBBS PHARMACOLOGY PHYSIOLOGY MEDICAL LABORATORY SC. PHYSIOTHERAPHY RADIOGRAPHY NURSING
MERIT 66.63 65.13 69.25 70.25 68.50 54.50 70.25 58.63 64.00 67.25 46.63 54.25 45.50 53.25 68.75 68.75 69.39 72.63 68.50 67.13 67.75 68.75 69.75 71.25
EKITI 62.25 51.25 61.38 64.88 62.63 NIL 64.88 56.13 53.38 57.00 NIL 52.13 NIL NIL 62.75 59.63 65.00 71.38 67.00 65.00 60.25 67.88 56.75 68.88
LAGOS 62.50 63.25 68.00 66.13 64.50 46.50 66.00 48.13 53.00 61.88 NIL 47.50 NIL 49.63 63.75 65.50 68.50 71.25 65.25 65.13 61.63 66.13 57.38 64.38
OGUN 63.13 61.50 65.13 69.50 66.50 50.25 69.00 47.50 62.00 65.00 NIL 45.88 NIL 47.75 65.63 67.63 65.25 71.38 56.25 67.00 61.88 65.13 66.63 67.50
ONDO 64.25 59.63 68.13 62.88 65.13 54.00 64.13 NIL 59.25 64.38 NIL 50.50 NIL 48.25 62.75 63.13 67.88 72.38 58.63 65.25 67.75 68.38 70.63
OSUN 59.88 60.13 60.00 69.63 65.88 52.25 65.75 49.50 61.50 65.50 NIL 50.13 NIL 49.00 62.50 64.13 66.38 70.13 51.75 60.25 56.88 61.25 64.00 70.13
OYO 59.50 59.38 60.75 64.25 62.75 48.25 63.75 48.50 53.38 62.50 NIL 47.63 NIL 51.38 61.38 64.00 61.00 70.13 66.38 65.50 60.00 65.50 66.88 70.75
MEDICINE
2
SCIENCE
SOCIAL SCIENCES
DEPARTMENT COMPUTER CELL BIOLOGY CHEMISTRY MICROBIOLOGY MARINE SCIENCE MATHEMATICS BIOCHEMISTRY BOTANY PHYSICS Geology ZOOLOGY Geophysics Fisheries ECONOMICS GEOGRAPHY MASS COMMUNICATION POLITICAL SCIENCE PSYCHOLOGY SOCIOLOGY SOCIAL WORK
MERIT
67.38 55.25 51.50 62.13 45.50 46.25 59.63 47.00 49.13 63.38 44.88 55.50 48.75 67.63 57.00 69.63 67.75 61.00 67.50 65.25
EKITI
54.00 51.63 53.88 45.00 48.75 58.38 50.25 61.88 49.13 60.38 52.50 53.75 56.25 50.25
LAGOS OGUN
60.75 52.38 57.50 50.63 54.63 49.63 62.38 46.25 62.38 67.38 56.38 59.88 56.25 60.25 52.15 55.63 55.00 62.63 49.88 64.13 54.50 68.38 65.00 57.75 64.50 57.50
ONDO
61.38 50.13 48.88 50.38 55.00 51.63 65.25 49.75 60.63 55.00 55.38 56.50 50.63
OSUN
57.50 53.13 50.50 48.75 53.63 51.63 62.63 NIL 63.13 58.75 55.00 55.75 NIL
OYO
60.38 50.63 49.75 52.88 53.75 51.88 53.00 60.13 49.88 63.63 57.00 53.88 66.38 52.50
3

u well so? Abi you chop winch? Is dis unilag thread? Do u tink we nid dis here or why ar u derailn d thread? U almst scared me!

Messilo: Mbbs candidate let's predict cut-off mark for merit, i predict 266 for merit what is your opinion?

i pray oh. Ma agg is 272.5

Bodmas80: hope sure say u didn't wrote d putme coz of dis ur grammatical abuse... Wanting or Wanted??

his might b slip of hand. Ursz worse

4 d ui aspirants...D english comprehension was taken frm one of jamb's past questions....1978 english first comprehension

Sorry pals, i have been kinda busy. Moreso, i thought the tread must have been closed by now.this information goes out to all prospective applicants that intend to write this year O.A.UP RE-DEGREE Entrance exams... the form not more on sale...the exams is COMPUTER BASED TEST(CBT),and 100 questions in all, base on the subject combination one is applying for.English language is compulsoryfor all the combination which include the following;
1.EGM-ECONOMICS,GOVERNMENT AND MATHEMATICS
2.BCP-BIOLOGY,CHEMISTRY AND PHYSICS
3.GLR-GOVERNMENT,LIT-IN-ENGLISH AND CRS/IRK
4.CMP-CHEMISTRY,MATHEMATICS AND PHYSICS
5.GME-GEOGRAPHY,MATHEMATICS AND ECONOMICS...i'd advice u guys to start your preparation now, u don't need to wait till the examination date is released before picking up your books. The past questions and answers up till date for the pd-degreeENTRANCE EXAMS are available at O.A.U BOOKSHOP and also EvEryWhere on CAMPUS...by the special grace of God I was once a predite nd I knw what it takes to pass the entrance entrance....

243jamb, 302putme....mbbs. I pray oh

someone please help me oooooooo...........i'm an aspirant like you guy, my jamb score is 242(bio=53, chm=55 eng=63 and phy=71.....) putting in for medicine and surgery. what I can see here in oauportal while trying to register for putme is different ohhhh (2marks has bin added to my bio, it's now 55 which means my aggregate should be 244 but it's 243 that they put here even my second choice did not appear and I chose oau as both first and second choice...........don't know what to do oh, stil in awo café.........I tried checking my result back in jamb site but it's stil 242

Kendzyma: wetin series say?abi u dey use waec series to read 4 oau pume?.LMAO

beta laf out d stupidity now b4 it get outa cntrl. Why cnt he use series to prepare 4 oau putme? ? ? No knowledge is lost!!!

4 oau putme reg procedure, visit tmcity. Wapka. Mobi now