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I'm sure I'm not the only one who gets a little annoyed by that couple on social media. You know who I'm talking about. Their profile pictures are selfies of them together smiling. Their statuses are inside jokes or cheesy relationship goals. But when you actually spend time with them, you're wondering why they're together. Unlike their public facade, behind closed doors, this couple is always bickering about everything from chores to finances, and they seem on the verge of breaking up. It becomes so tiresome that you long for the days when a social-media status was merely a shout out in your AIM profile. Unfortunately, social media has evolved to become a part of our daily lives -- which includes sharing too much information about our relationships. The thing is, genuinely happy couples don't have to boast about it. In fact, they hardly discuss their relationship on social media. Here are eight reasons why over-posting couples may not be doing as well as they make it seem. 1. They're convincing others to convince themselves. When two people constantly post inside jokes, confess their love for each other, or share pictures of themselves doing fun and romantic activities, it's a ploy to convince everyone else they're in a happy and healthy relationship, which is really just a way to trick themselves into thinking they're in a happy and healthy relationship. Sexologist Nikki Goldstein told Mail Online: "Often it's the people who post the most who are seeking validation for their relationship from other people on social media. How to Hug a Guy to Turn Him On: 12 Secrets "The likes and comments can be so validating that when someone is really struggling, that's where they get their up from -- not the person making the gesture, but what other people will say about it." 2. People who post more often are more likely to be psychopathic and narcissistic. A survey of 800 men ages 18 to 40 found that "narcissism and psychopathy predicted the number of selfies posted, whereas narcissism and self-objectification predicted editing photographs of oneself posted" on social-media networks. Another study discovered that posting, tagging, and commenting on Facebook is often associated with narcissism in both men and women. In short, the more often you post or engage on social media, the more likely you are to be either narcissistic or, even worse, psychopathic. And in case you're wondering, "Narcissists are very bad relationship partners," says professor Brad Bushman of Ohio State University. 3. When you're happy, you don't get distracted by social media. Sure. There will be plenty of times where you'll share a status or a couple of pictures of you and your significant other. Happy couples, though, are busy enjoying each other's company in the present. This means that they're not going to stop enjoying each other's company just to post a status or snap a selfie. That's why you'll see this couple post a collage of their recent trip after they get home. They were too preoccupied with having fun to keep posting pictures. 4. Couples who post a lot tend to be insecure. After surveying more than 100 couples, researchers from Northwestern University found those who posted more frequently on social media about their partner actually feel insecure in their relationship. 5. Couples are better off when they keep arguments offline. Have you ever been in the presence of couple that's fighting? It's awkward, to say the least. Now imagine that fight playing out for the whole world to see on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, or YouTube? Instead of filming and uploading an anger and profanity-filled video, for example, the argument should be discussed in private between the couple. There's no need to air your dirty laundry to all of your friends, family, co-workers, or even clients. 6. Those who post more often on social media rely on their relationship for happiness. Researchers from Albright College call this Relationship Contingent Self-Esteem (RCSE). RCSE is described as "an unhealthy form of self-esteem that depends on how well your relationship is going." These people use social media to brag about their relationship, make others jealous, or even spy on their partner. "These results suggest that those high in RCSE feel a need to show others, their partners and perhaps themselves that their relationship is 'OK' and, thus, they are OK," said Albright assistant professor of psychology Gwendolyn Seidman, PhD. 7. They don't have anything to prove. Couples that are genuinely happy do not need validation from social media to prove how happy they are. They don't need to show-off, make anyone else jealous, or keep tabs on their significant other. They're so secure and content in the relationship that there's no need to gush about it. 8. People who stay off Facebook are happier. Denmark's Happiness Research Institute wanted to know what would happen if people quit Facebook for a week. So, they conducted an experiment that involved 1,095 people. How to Make More Friends When You’re Feeling Lonely "After one week without Facebook, the treatment group reported a significantly higher level of life satisfaction," stated the researchers. Prior to the experiment, the volunteers were asked to rate their lives on a scale of 1-10, with 10 being the happiest. The "no Facebook" group increased from an average of 7.75/10 to 8.12/10, while the group that kept using Facebook actually decreased from 7.67/10 to 7.56/10. The researchers also found that frequent Facebook users were more likely to feel angry (20 percent versus 12 percent), depressed (33 percent versus 22 percent) and worried (54 percent versus 41 percent). Conclusion In reality, it doesn't really matter what all the research says. It matters what you think and feel. However, the comments and findings from professionals may be something to at least take a look at. And if you feel you, a partner or friend has a "social media" issue, you may want to take a much closer look.
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Bragging about your relationship on social media? We get the impulse. There’s nothing better than being in love, and if you feel strongly about your partner, you certainly want to share those feelings with the world. Posting intimate details is a sign of poor personal boundaries. Before you click “post,” however, reconsider what you’re putting out there. Some posts might seem innocuous while putting your relationship in jeopardy. For instance… 1. Don’t post what happens between the sheets. Why It’s a Mistake: Well, first of all, gross. Second of all, no one likes a TMI-nator. (That’s a portmanteau of “TMI” and “terminator,” by the way. You’ll be seeing it everywhere soon). We’re not saying you shouldn’t engage in a little long-distance flirtation with your S.O. If that’s your thing, though, keep it on the texts. Whatever you do, don’t post anything publicly without the full consent of your partner, or you could be putting your relationship in jeopardy. “When someone posts personal information about their relationship, they are also revealing things about their partner that they may not want shared with the public,” Jim Seibold, Ph.D., a licensed marriage and family therapist, tells FashionBeans. “This can damage trust between the couple.” We’ll file that under “yeah, duh,” but it’s certainly something to keep in mind. 2. Keep the personal details about your partner to yourself. Why It’s a Mistake: You might think it’s cute that your girlfriend sleeps with a Pound Puppy. She probably doesn’t want her coworkers to get that little glimpse into her intimate life, though. Besides, aren’t those details sweeter when they’re just between the two of you? As a general rule of thumb, ask your partner if you can post a personal detail you’re thinking of sharing. If they say no, honor their objection. How Often You Should See Your Boyfriend or Girlfriend? 3. Save the mushy stuff for each other. Why It’s a Mistake: We get it. You love your romantic interest (that’s kind of what “romantic interest” means). The world doesn’t necessarily want to know your secret pet names, though, not even if they are “potchke,” “fleutchke,” “notchke, “motchke,” or “little, little squirrel.” There are things you share with your partner that aren’t meant to be shared with anyone else. Again, save that stuff for texts or emails. Better yet, send an old-fashioned love letter. You’d be surprised how effective something as simple as a piece of paper can be. “Posting this type of information minimizes the specialness of the relationship. An important characteristic of intimate relationships is it uniqueness,” Seibold tells us. “There are things you share with your partner that aren’t meant to be shared with anyone else. That helps create an intimate connection between the couple. The more that information is shared, the less the relationship feels special and unique.” So while it might seem special to upload a photo of your beau just waking up, you’re actually allowing all these people a glimpse into a private moment. 4. Keep unapproved pictures of your partner on the camera. Why It’s a Mistake: People are weird about what they consider “unflattering” when it comes to images of themselves. A certain pout might be the most adorable expression in the world to you. Your partner, though, might consider it his Twilight look, and not in a good way. Remember the social media relationship rule of thumb: Ask before posting. You’ll never go wrong when you get permission first. 5. Stop trying to win points in your lovers’ spat. Why It’s a Mistake: When you make your fight public, you’re undermining your ability to make up effectively. Why? Because your friends and family will undoubtedly take your side. You’ve opened the door for people to give their two cents about what you are doing in your relationship. They might not be so keen on your terrific partner a week or two after you called them a “selfish and horrible narcissist.” Or whatever. Keep that stuff private. Once you make up, you’ll be glad you didn’t go public with your beef. 12 Key Characteristics of Real Friends 6. No one wants to see your tongue-wrestling selfies. Trust us. Nobody. You have nothing to prove. Why It’s a Mistake: If you’re not an actor in the latest hit rom-com, nobody wants to see you kissing. There are two good reasons to keep your smooches off of social media. First, kissing selfies seem a bit voyeuristic. How is that going to make your dad feel? Second, you won’t gain any points among the lonely hearts in your friend group. People who are having a hard time finding love just about gag when they see their friends making out on their social media feed. We know this goes against everything our culture taught you, but some things just don’t belong on social media. 7. Don’t post mean jokes about your S.O. (Why are you making them anyway?) Why It’s a Mistake: Social media is famously bad at transmitting tone. And tone is the only difference between a flirtatious jab among lovers and a cruel jibe at your loved one’s expense. Without the context that you share as a couple, people aren’t going to see the humor in your partner’s uncanny ability to get lost in his own home town. They’ll just see disrespect. 8. There’s no need to flaunt pictures of pricey presents. Why It’s a Mistake: That’s great if your partner can afford diamonds and jewels and Apple products. Showing those gifts off on social media is a big mistake, though. First of all, class resentment is a real and powerful force in our culture. Even if you don’t make your friends hate you, you might simply make them feel bad that they can’t afford such a fancy present. Oh, then there’s the whole burglary thing. Even Kim Kardashian—who has actual, giant bodyguards—was targeted based on her social media posts. 9. Nobody looks forward to reading passive-aggressive notes about your partner. Why It’s a Mistake: We’ve all seen these. “I still can’t believe some people can be so selfish.” The subtext here is, “You know who you are,” and people are pretty good about reading between the lines. If you have a problem with your partner, talk it out in person. Throwing vague clues to the hounds of social media is just going to make things worse. “It can be so tempting in a fit of rage to put info about your relationship on [social media],” relationship therapist Donna Oriowo, M.ED, LCSW, tells FashionBeans. “However, when you post, you’ve opened the door for people to give their two cents about what you are doing in your relationship.” That’s inviting a world of hurt. “Having a bunch of random people telling you about how to deal with your partner(s) (solicited or not) can confuse you, and make it seem like you prefer to talk to people outside of your relationship, rather than discuss issues with those involved,” Oriowo says. 10. Don’t post just looking for validation. Why It’s a Mistake: We’re trained to take our friend’s likes and comments as accurate measures of value. That’s a big mistake when it comes to relationships. Are you happy with your partner? If so, it doesn’t matter how many shares your kissing selfie gets (also, you need to go back and read No. 6 on this list). Avoid comments like, “Aren’t we just the cutest couple in the world?,” because constantly posting positive photos and statuses can also affect your relationship in a negative way. “When you post intimate details about your relationship, especially if they are always positive, you could end up in the position to feel like you have to keep up a facade,” Oriowo tells us.. In other words, by keeping things purely positive, you could be idealizing your relationship—and you’ll never be able to live up to perfection. 11. Keep any negative feelings about the in-laws to yourself. Why It’s a Mistake: It doesn’t matter if your nosy mother-in-law isn’t on your friends list. Social media posts are slippery little buggers. Remember in Jurassic Park, when Jeff Goldblum’s Dr. Ian Malcolm warns park director John Hammond that, “Life, uh, finds a way?” That’s what social media posts are like. No privacy setting in the world can prevent your nasty posts from finding the people they’re written against. When that person is your mother-in-law, you’re in for a lifetime of awkward Thanksgivings. 12. There’s no need to share ultrasound pics, or really any image of the inside of your body. Why It’s a Mistake: Pregnancy is a beautiful miracle and all, but it’s also very personal. Most people don’t want to see a developing proto-human, not even in grainy black and white. It totally makes sense to announce your joyful event (although note that most doctors recommend you wait until the second trimester, when the risk of miscarriage plummets). However, you don’t need an ultrasound to do that; words will do just fine. 13. The inside scoop on the breakdown of your relationship doesn’t need to go public. Why It’s a Mistake: Breaking up can make you feel crazy. Still, if you can keep at least a thin strand of ego tethered to reality, it’s best to resist the urge to vent on social media. Chances are you still share a lot of friends. Coming on too strong about your broken heart can make them feel like they have to pick sides. And if you’re the one who started the trash talk, you’ve got a disadvantage in that contest. Besides, there aren’t very many ways to pick fights on social media that don’t make you look petty and small. When they go low, you go…ah, skip it, that’s so 2016. 14. What you really shouldn’t post? Everything. Why It’s a Mistake: Note that we didn’t say “anything.” Your partner is a big part of your life, and it’s appropriate to post exciting news or a funny story. But if your friends know everything that happens in your household from sunup to sundown, it’s probably time to cool it on the social media for a while. Keep a few secrets. Guides On Healthy Relationship “Posting intimate details is … a sign of poor personal boundaries. With more potential and current employers monitoring social media, that information is not likely looked upon as positive,” explains Seibold. “It also says to others that you are willing to post personal information on social media about them as well. Other friends and family may be less likely to trust you as well.”
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