₦airaland Forum

So many posts on this thread have decided to toe the 'tribal' line. I don't think there is no good road at all in Aba, only that some of them are not good. Same goes to many (if not every) other cities in Nigeria. This trend is nationwide, and it's not only in the area of road networks. You have state governments that lack tangible vision, that find it difficult to sit down and work out authentic, long lasting and cogent developmental plans. You see governors building mushroom schools and plastering their names all over the school wall as if they just done something exceptional (a certain 'Oyin ni o' of Osun state comes to my mind here!). They construct 'makeshift' roads (especially if the President is about to visit) and when the first heavy rains come, and the big lorries pass, the road gives way. They specialize in erecting and commissioning (with lots of fanfare and celebration) mere boreholes, and have citizens in this 21st century come and form long queues to hand-pump water, and lug it on their heads or in wheel barrows back home. What stops them from executing standard water processing and distribution plants so that people can get water in their homes? Oh and just visit that borehole in one year, its probably no longer working. These are governors who instead of establishing modern transportation systems, prefer to flood the roads with keke napeps and okadas. Instead of sponsoring some poor kid to get an education, they'll rather donate expensive cars to traditional rulers and chiefs who are already comfortable... I can go on and on. I guess too many of our leaders and their plethora of advisers don't deserve to be where they are; and the citizens who are the ones suffering have kinda resigned themselves to fate instead of demanding good governance. If only we understood the power of mass mobilization...

@baby 123- I can so understand how you felt. You're really taking the words out of my past- the jealousy, stalking, insecurity, hours of public begging that makes you appear bad, the threats of self destruction if I leave, alienation from friends, the nagging and whining and complaining... Well at least the experience gave me clues on things to watch out for in subsequent relationships. 'I love you' is not enough. 'Respect my person' (as I respect you) should play a big role too. I pray my children never turn out that way. By the way, there is a movie I recently saw that's really germane here, The Waitress. Its not a very popular, glamorous hollywood flick, but its one of the most eye-opening and educating as per domestic psychological and physical abuse. I'll get a link to it and post it here.

Here's one crazy thing my uni ex once did. I told him I needed a laptop and would tell my dad to send me money. Immediately, his ego or insecurity or whatever it was kicked into overdrive. I reckoned that to him, owning a laptop was a status symbol and if I had one while he didn't, it would be a slight on his personality as the 'man'. Well, he said I shouldn't bother my dad because he has many responsibilities. Instead, he would tell his sister to collect a laptop that apparently a family friend of theirs wasn't using and send it to him , and he would let me be using it. The logic of this statement baffled me. I said he should go ahead amd make his request, but I still asked my dad for money for a system. His sis turned down the request, much to his annoyance, and my dad sent the money. We went together to buy the laptop, and here comes another 'crazy'- he wanted me to combine our names for the tech guy to use in registering/setting up the system ID(eg deepwaterspsycho PC instead of my deepwaters PC). I disagreed. Then he said if people ask me the owner of the laptop, I should tell them it is 'our' laptop and we contributed money to buy it! I disagreed. I brought the laptop to class and he became uneasy, so I wanted to show off abi? Why is it only my picture that is on the desktop? I should add his picture too! I just carried my load and left the class. Bottom line is, he's one of some men folk who can't stand the thought of their partners achieving more than them, even if it is over a little matter like owning a laptop.

Hmm when I'm alone, I think a lot. I think about my life, all the mistakes, dumb, silly things I did, (weep maybe) and promise myself never to do them again. I think of all the beautiful wonderful things that have happened to me, and thank God for those opportunities and blessings. Then I imagine things I could do now that my future self will thank me for, and make plans for them. Then meditate. And if I'm still alone after all this, I read or watch my favourite comedies on cable..

@Jenny- Shortly before I left him, I think he may have guessed that I was about to leave for good and he became very docile. When I told him I was leaving, he attempted the normal 'you can't leave me blablabla after all we've been through together blablabla I don't know why I was behaving like that blablabla I promise I have changed blablabla...' He wanted to start wasting time pleading for another chance and calling people to beg on his behalf (he's very good with that) but I told him I had patiently borne every wrong he did me, enough was enough except he wanted me to lose my head. I wasn't even in the mood to listen to plenty talk and I was so unusually calm and composed, he was kinda scared. Long story short, it all came to an end... P.S He got his 2:1- Thank God for him!... More later...

@Efemena- He wasn't well off, I wasn't depending on him in any way. Now I can only blame myself for letting all that happen and not taking drastic action when it got bad. Also, I think what may have led me to stay on was that at one point, he started having problems with one of eyes, and started getting blind there. He was really depressed and sad and begged me not to abandon him in his condition. Well I promised that I won't leave him 'cos of d eye; I guess that sort of made me feel guilty anytime I wanted to leave. But the guy knew how to capitalise on his condition o! I just hope other people are learning from mine and others mistakes. There's nothing like being happy and comfortable in a relationship, not dreading the prospect of meeting the person; or having your heart jump everytime he calls, not because you're in love, but because you're scared of the pain you may be about to receive... I'm glad I can laugh and joke about it now. If I can, I may post some of the 'funny, crazy, unusual' things the guy did. That guy was one hell of a character!

@Jenny- At first I was really embarrassed confiding in any one about what was happening. I tend to be very private/secretive, didn't want people getting to know the 'perfect couple' cover was all a sham; and I was hoping it would get better. And soon, he had managed to alienate me from all my friends, especially my once closest friend whom he started calling a slut/bitch/bad girl, that he knew all about her, she would be a bad influence on me... Let's just say I spent all my time with him so I really didn't have any friends to confide in. @ Nicky - I ask myself the same question over and over, but I still don't understand. Maybe because I always thought I wouldn't have multiple relationships before getting married, and hoped it would work out with him if I learned to be 'submissive'. Maybe I was just plain stupid. Maybe I wasn't reasoning well. I don't know. Incidentally, he was ready to marry me, and he was very very faithful as far as I know. Oh how I wished then he would fall in love with some other girl. Alas the psycho was obsessed with me and would never take no for an answer...

Ok thanks. I met the guy in University. We were actually classmates and best of friends. (Maybe dating a classmate isn't a very good idea afterall) When we progressed into dating, it seemed quite blissful, perfect couple of the year. Then I noticed he was becoming extremely possessive, controlling, suspicious, violent and authoritative. At first I chalked it down to 'natural' male behaviour. But isn't there a difference between a loving jealousy and bitter obsession? I had to explain every call I answered, every message I received, every contact on my phone; A guy couldn't smile at me because he would get jealous; and of course I had to start greeting friends with a straight face to avoid trouble. What really scared me at this point were his tales of juju, of how his father was deep into it, and he too supported it (he's a devout catholic btw!); and if I ever did anything 'wrong' he would find out from his mediums blablabla. I often wonder why I didn't leave at this point, I really can't say. He started making me do his assignments, with the argument that do I want to finish with a 2:1 while he a 2:2. I would do all the assignments, the term papers and seminars, and then have to sit with him during exams so I could help him out. If results came out and I had a grade higher than him, I had to listen to him whine... He was always afraid of me being popular, of me answering questions in class, of me taking part and being successful in competitions (except I would spend the money on him). We spent the whole day together, after lecture hours we would stay back to 'iron' out issues, then evenings he would come to my hostel till 9 pm. But he would still harass me that I'm seeing other people! when do I even have the time?... Sorry I'm not finished and this is getting so long. I always say one day I would write a superstory script about that experience...

Hi all. I've been going through this thread I can't help but remember what I've also passed through. However, in my case, we were not even married. Is it okay if I share here or this thread is strictly for married people only?

I was going thru this thread in a bus and meehnn, I was laughing so much the other passengers were wondering if I don kolo! I'll always come back to this thread to laugh over and over again! Never a dull a moment for Naija o.