₦airaland Forum

bukatyne:
@bold:

Why do you feel everything (your sacrifice of 'giving up your career') is now in vain?

What does 'you have come a long way of not having a cent' mean?

If wishes were horses, where do you want your life to be right now?

We have both made sacrifices. He is a good husband. I have apologised again & i pray to God to never do this again. God forbid i destroy my narriage with my own hands.

Help me please. Me & my husband got into an argument. He said something that made me think he is putting a female friend’s feeling over mine

I guess i got so jeolosy & so angry withought thinking my immediate response was to raise my hand as it to throw something i was holding at him. I quickly realised what i was about to do & i stopped myself. I didnt hit him.

He was shocked too & he just said what kind of a wife is this. He also stated that action shows that i dont value him. I apologised yesterday but i woke up today feeling regret, and shame. Should i apologise again? But then the initial argurment i still feel like he was in the wrong?

***** Decided to add more Context***
A friend asked if my husband can provide a reference for a project shes doing.

my husband is normally busy & i gave her an excuse & said im not sure he will be able to do so.
I then mentioned this to my husband a few days later in passing and told him that she was asking for a reference but i had given an excuse.

The next day whilst at work he then texted me saying its ok she can bring the reference forms and he will sign them. Which i even replied are you sure please dont stress yourself. He then said her own family had provided us with references when needed so its ok he didnt mind but she should bring all necessary docs.

She then went to my hubbys office with her brother to get the forms signed. My husband signed them. She sent a message thanking me.

When my hubby came home he was unhappy because she didnt bring all required documents & there was a part he was unhappy with.

I then said why didnt you tell her if you where unhappy. Why did you sign. He then kept saying you brought this person to me its your fault.

I took my phone and texted her to edit the part that my husband was unhappy with. She responded saying fine she will edit.

But my husband was still not happy & was shouting at me that it was my fault. I then told him its ok let me just tell her not to use him as a reference anymore.

My husband then kept saying no dont send the message “YOU WANT ME TO LOOK BAD” & stopped me from sending the text. This is when withought thinking i raised my hand as if to throw the phone at him. Which i instantly regretted and still do. I apologised twice but now he wont talk to me & refused to eat .

My marriage means so much to me. We have come a long way from not having a cent , gave up my career to support his own career, raise our kids. Now he is a successful man . But i feel its now in vain.

Davash222:
[b][/b]
So, in your country, what offence did the Husband's family commit?

I never said they commited any offence. Please i am looking for constructive advice.

Hello

Please help me. Am i being unreasonable.

I got married to my husband 12 years ago. He has previosly bought some land but not developed it yet due to financial hardships. When i was a newly wed my sister in law mentioned “oh this is land my brother bought for mum”

I asked my husband later and he laughed it off & said its not like that. I just left it at that & did not think more of it.

Recently things got better and after 9yrs of marriage & sacrifices from both of us he had enough to start building & by Gods grace the house is now nearly complete. Its two flats.

My mum in law has now moved to the house - which is great as we always say she will move into one flat and the other one is for us & our children. For when we visit Nigeria from abroad where we stay.

However recently my husband mentioned his brother & family will be moving in too. He has 3 children. I have made it clear that anyone can move in but the other flat should be left alone for our family. Im not sure that will happen.

It seems as though my husband’s family is under the inpression that this house is his mothers. It seems like back then my husband bought this land for his mother. And it seems the narrative in nigeria is its her house.

I honestly feel a bit stupid as i have two sons & in 12 yrs of marriage i sacrifised to build a house that i or my children have no say in. I made sacrifices to build house for others.

I love my mother in law & husband’s family. They are good to me. I just feel there is a breakdown of communication. Husband should have told me this is mums house or make it clear to his family now that this is OUR house but others are welcome to stay on our terms. But honestly i dont think i am even seen as an entity or “shareholder” of this house.

Please help on how i can deal with this withought upsetting my inlaws & my husband.

I must add i am not Nigerian by birth.