₦airaland Forum

Uglymugg:
I have to say, I don't understand the meaning of being "smart", because it seems that everytime someone does something selfish and self-centered, stepping on toes without giving a damn, it is referred to as being smart.

Should we all be smart? Because being selfish is actually very easy.

Well, there isn't a rule across the board. It's a dog eat dog world. Most of the world's most successful business owners are manipulative, calculating, selfish and have stepped on toes to get to where they are. They wouldn't tell you this. What they show to the world is what they want us to see.

mrblessed:
Nairaland has become a space where anyone makes high-sounding, fact-deficient statement without a corresponding empirical evidence to support their claim. Yes, a lot of unmarried ladies (the same is applicable to unmarried men) litter the length and breadth of Nigeria, but mere "availability" -- and, of course, desperation, a term clearly evident in your post, but not stated, can't hardly be the reasons. In most cases, "desperate" ladies who have set marriage as a goal, almost always achieve their objective more than carefree, happy-go-lucky ones who have led themselves up to a blind alley. Note that not marrying not at all -- or even late marriage -- is a social problem to any society.

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You have great wisdom.

I'll give an example of my sister who got married at age 26. After giving birth to her first child, she travelled alone to the U.S. She came back to Nigeria before the expiration of her visa. Then she travelled again, but this time, and unknown to her husband, she had other plans- to live in the U.S as an illegal immigrant.

When she left, she was pregnant.

In my opinion, she had it all planned out. My question always has been: what kind of wife and mother gives up husband and child for a better life in a developed country. Her son was traumatized for the first few years she left, he was barely 2 at the time, but thankfully, 6 years later, he's grown out of it, plus she keeps in touch and ensures he doesn't lack a thing.

However, she and her husband have since broken up and she couldn't possibly care less.

Though I staunchly condemn my sister's methods, I should not blame her entirely unless I want to be sentimental. The same society that condemns her for what she did is the same that would shame her if she wasn't married as I'm typing this.

What if that was her only chance at marriage and having children? In my opinion, my sister played smart and life favors only smart people while the rest of us are shamed for being innocent and naive.

These past but recent experiences have taught me that it's better to have been married than not to be married at all. A friend recently called, we hadn't spoken in a looong while. When he realized I wasn't married, he exclaimed, "a pretty girl like you! Are you sure you're not the problem?". Imagine!

In spite of my sister's shortcomings and failed marriage, my mum still rates her far better than I because of her achievements like children and some money. While, I, on the other hand, a "failure".

Mum will often tell me how I'm no longer beautiful. She would tactically tell me how other people think so too.

For example, on this particular day, I went to her office briefly. On getting home that night, she told me about how her colleagues marvelled at my looks. But that one of them, who also happens to be my mum's close friend told the others that, "ah it's because you didn't know her before now. If you did, you wouldn't say she is beautiful".

Mum sometimes tells me how she's never happy seeing me around. She's ashamed, I guess, having an older, unmarried woman in her house.

Wouldn't blame her though, most nigerian mothers are seriously traditional. Even worse, I'm not working, though I try not to eat her food. I feed from my little savings, while my dad funds my professional exams.

This is just to make a simple but relevant point that contrary to what Op thinks, any woman who is desperate to get married will get married.

What are the chances of a 30+ old woman finding a potential spouse in this country?

For single women 30 and above, what stigma do you face within your social circle, work place, family and community in general as a result of your single status? And, why aren't you married? Is this a personal choice?

For men in this category, why are you still single and how far would you go in meeting a potential mate? What are the pressures you face from family?

For both sexes, have the qualities you look out for in a potential changed overtime and to what degree does family influence your choice of a mate?

I'd also like us to share success stories of older people you know who later got married and right. We want to know there's light at the end of this dark tunnel.

Kindly invite friends to this page so that this topic can get the publicity it deserves.