₦airaland Forum

yep, i feel year.

good tactics. love it.

COCO29:
Mr black man touch me
with your magic stick
so that i will submit

claim back you position
as it was told because
you see as a black woman
i was to bold.

i tried ryhming it up, but i cudnt do it. so basically dis poem has a blank verse.

yeah, i have seen the new ones and i have commented on them. gimme few minutes and i will be back to finish up my comments. thanks.

let me go grab some chinese, i will be back and i will turn dat poem to rhyme. gimme like 20mins. i will be logged off nl while im gon.

to rhyme aint easy but if u can do it, it makes the poem easy to memorize and recall.

COCO29:
my African king, my Nubian jack
tall stallion like all dressed in black
my king my lover my Nubian jack

i look at you strong and robust
who knew the love and respect i hold for you
why look back on a pass filled pain
where you were beaten humiliated & chained
now broken from boundage your free
don't raise your hand to disrespect me


why do you build me up only to break down
say am beautiful that i should where a crown
only to defile me by beating me to the ground
my African king my Nubian jack hold your head up
don't look back because it might be messed up

i took the liberty of adding something to the last line and re-organizing some lines. since i noticed you worked with some rhymes. i added something to the last line to complete the sequence.

it is another nice poem, much better dan the 1st one about the brothers and quite clear. the message and moral is good and you are ones more able to pass it across without confussing the readers.

nice poem

COCO29:
Mr black man touch me
with your magic stick
so that i will submit

claim back you position
as it was told
because you see as a black woman
i was to bold.

this is simple, got an indifferent emotion to it and passes across a clear message without having the readers thinking too much.

quite lovely, i must say.

do u work with rhyming schemes?

hi CC,

if u are asking me about your name, i love it. it reminds me of coco butter, plus i can shorten it to CC(which is so sexy)

if its about u writing more poem, please write more cuzz u have got your number one fan who happens to be ME.