₦airaland Forum

Sham Honesty vs. Authenticity
Fr. Mike distinguishes what he calls “sham honesty” from true authenticity:

“There was a man named Dietrich von Hildebrand and he wrote a book called The Trojan Horse in the City of God. One of the chapters in that book is a chapter entitled “sham honesty” and, and he basically diagnosed this temptation that we have: to put our lives on display but not our selves.”

What’s the difference between displaying our “lives” and our “selves?” Fr. Mike explains, “I want to present myself in an edited fashion.” In other words, we pick and choose the parts of our lives that we display. This is sham honesty.

Sham honesty manifests in many ways in our culture, especially on the internet. Social media gives every one of us a platform to display our lives. But the version of our lives we display online cannot reveal our lives in full authenticity. It’s deeply selective.

The sham honesty of social media has worked its way into everyday life for many young people. Our culture deeply feels the pressure of being on display but lacking authentic relationships. As a priest who ministers on a college campus, Fr. Mike carries a special burden in his heart for young people facing the world of sham honesty.

Two Bad Solutions to Sham Honesty
Fr. Mike says there are two bad solutions to this “sham honesty.” On the one hand, there is shame—specifically, “toxic shame.” This pressure to put your life on display for everyone—and make it as attractive and appealing as possible—leaves us feeling ashamed. That’s because our authentic selves are out of sync with it. We’ve written a number of articles on the connection between porn and shame. Check them out here:www.unveilingmasturbation.com

On the other hand, Fr. Mike points out the problem of shamelessness. Shamelessness is pretend authenticity:

“There’s really good things in this world, and if I’ve violated those good things, then I have a sense of shame.”

The solution to sham honesty isn’t to pretend that bad things are actually good. Toxic shame traps people in the lie that their authentic selves are bad, and therefore unlovable or unforgivable. Shamelessness takes the lie even further and says we should accept the bad things about ourselves and reject any attempt at correction. This results in an upside-down world with no distinction between good and evil.

The correct solution lies elsewhere.

The Real Solution: Finding True Friends
So if the answer isn’t toxic shame or shamelessness, what is it? Fr. Mike says it’s finding real, authentic friends. It’s finding people that you can open up to and be real with about the bad stuff in your life. Essentially, he’s talking about accountability.

Accountability means having trustworthy friends who can share your life. But who are these people exactly, and where do you find them? Fr. Mike says:

“Whenever I I’m talking to young men and young women about their accountability partner [I ask] ‘Who is someone that you trust and that and who is in your life as well?’ So I want to set a clear bar, but also it’s kind of a low bar. They don’t have to be your absolute best friend. They don’t have to be someone that you see on a regular basis. [It just needs to be] a real relationship [with a] person whose opinion and perspective I trust.”

You don’t want to be accountable to someone who will betray you. You want someone who’s trustworthy and reliable. On the other hand, this person doesn’t have to be the perfect friend; they don’t have to be perfectly wise or perfectly like you. They just need to be there in your life.

Sham Honesty vs. Authenticity
Fr. Mike distinguishes what he calls “sham honesty” from true authenticity:

“There was a man named Dietrich von Hildebrand and he wrote a book called The Trojan Horse in the City of God. One of the chapters in that book is a chapter entitled “sham honesty” and, and he basically diagnosed this temptation that we have: to put our lives on display but not our selves.”

What’s the difference between displaying our “lives” and our “selves?” Fr. Mike explains, “I want to present myself in an edited fashion.” In other words, we pick and choose the parts of our lives that we display. This is sham honesty.

Sham honesty manifests in many ways in our culture, especially on the internet. Social media gives every one of us a platform to display our lives. But the version of our lives we display online cannot reveal our lives in full authenticity. It’s deeply selective.

The sham honesty of social media has worked its way into everyday life for many young people. Our culture deeply feels the pressure of being on display but lacking authentic relationships. As a priest who ministers on a college campus, Fr. Mike carries a special burden in his heart for young people facing the world of sham honesty.

Two Bad Solutions to Sham Honesty
Fr. Mike says there are two bad solutions to this “sham honesty.” On the one hand, there is shame—specifically, “toxic shame.” This pressure to put your life on display for everyone—and make it as attractive and appealing as possible—leaves us feeling ashamed. That’s because our authentic selves are out of sync with it. We’ve written a number of articles on the connection between porn and shame. Check them out here:www.unveilingmasturbation.com

On the other hand, Fr. Mike points out the problem of shamelessness. Shamelessness is pretend authenticity:

“There’s really good things in this world, and if I’ve violated those good things, then I have a sense of shame.”

The solution to sham honesty isn’t to pretend that bad things are actually good. Toxic shame traps people in the lie that their authentic selves are bad, and therefore unlovable or unforgivable. Shamelessness takes the lie even further and says we should accept the bad things about ourselves and reject any attempt at correction. This results in an upside-down world with no distinction between good and evil.

The correct solution lies elsewhere.

The Real Solution: Finding True Friends
So if the answer isn’t toxic shame or shamelessness, what is it? Fr. Mike says it’s finding real, authentic friends. It’s finding people that you can open up to and be real with about the bad stuff in your life. Essentially, he’s talking about accountability.

Accountability means having trustworthy friends who can share your life. But who are these people exactly, and where do you find them? Fr. Mike says:

“Whenever I I’m talking to young men and young women about their accountability partner [I ask] ‘Who is someone that you trust and that and who is in your life as well?’ So I want to set a clear bar, but also it’s kind of a low bar. They don’t have to be your absolute best friend. They don’t have to be someone that you see on a regular basis. [It just needs to be] a real relationship [with a] person whose opinion and perspective I trust.”

You don’t want to be accountable to someone who will betray you. You want someone who’s trustworthy and reliable. On the other hand, this person doesn’t have to be the perfect friend; they don’t have to be perfectly wise or perfectly like you. They just need to be there in your life.

I have four kids. A daughter and three boys. If you’re a parent, I’m sure you’ve said things that you never thought you’d have to say as a grown, mature adult. Let me give you an example.

One of my children was recently running around the living room naked, singing a song and pretending that his boy part was a musical instrument.

“No, your penis is not a guitar.”

“But dad, it’s my rockstar penis!”

“No, no it’s not.”

I’d love to go back and ask the Chris who was walking up the aisle, freshly married, if he ever thought that he would someday have a conversation with his young son about using his penis as a guitar.

Nope.

I’m also guessing that you could have asked that same newlywed Chris if he would someday want to write a blog post about how pornography impacts your sex life.

Nope.

So, here’s what we’re going to do. I’m going to share some general observations about porn and what it does behind the closed bedroom door. Raw details. Gleaned both from being a former porn watcher and also from reading an endless number of personal testimonies from men (and their spouses) who were hopelessly addicted to porn for decades.

Yes, I used to watch porn. Yes, it’s an issue that still haunts me. My porn shadows might be dimmed by the light of recovery and accountability, but they are often very stubborn stains that contaminate neuro-pathways for decades (I’m still waiting for the complete fade).

Here we go.

Porn makes you want an orgasm more than her.
There’s often a deeper, emotional reason why people watch porn (i.e., abuse, neglect, anger, etc.), but as far as the brain is concerned, you watch porn in order to masturbate and get to orgasm. Porn doesn’t make you a better husband. It doesn’t get you promoted at work. Porn doesn’t enhance your parenting. For many, it’s used to fire up your neurology, give you an erection, and help you orgasm.

The amazing human brain is an organ of great efficiency. It desires the least amount of resistance in order to achieve the greatest amount of satisfaction. If you teach your “plastic” brain that pornography is the risk-free, always available, constant novelty way to reach orgasm, then chances are it’s going to learn to desire that over her.

Porn becomes the path of least resistance.

For all of its complexity, the brain operates under a very simple principle. Whatever you feed your precious brain is what it learns to love. And if I’m constantly teaching my brain that porn is an easy orgasm, then I’m going to develop a dehumanized view of my wife – seeing her simply as a means to an end.

If I can be so blunt – porn causes you to see just a hole instead of a soul. Neurologically, you’re masturbating inside of your wife.

This is far from the “mingling of souls” experience that God-honoring sex is capable of. The mysterious math of 1 and 1 that equals 1 referred to in Genesis when Scripture tells us that the two became one flesh.

I’ve read stories about couples who use porn to spice things up in the bedroom. If that’s you, careful. If your desire is to spice up the bedroom, while also ensuring total satisfaction with your wife, then why not buy something that actually intends to show couples how to experiment in the bedroom, tastefully, with different positions, like Kama Sutra. Or any number of Christian bloggers who write about the topic.

In other words, if you’re honest, you’re not using porn to spice up the bedroom. You’re using the porn to spice up your dopamine reward system by watching someone else have sex. It’s selfish. The porn you’re watching has zero desire to actually teach you anything about sex, intimacy, or your wife.

A quick self-assessment:

If you’re in the “spice it up” category, have you ever watched porn outside of the bedroom without your spouse’s knowledge?
Do you need to have sex for a really long time in order to almost talk yourself into an orgasm?
Have you ever struggled to orgasm during sex unless you envision something from your favorite porn?
A yes answer to any of these questions is a red flag that porn is taking over. Which is a perfect segue into the next section on PIED.

Porn makes your penis limp.
Yeah, I went there.

Three years ago, I spent several months studying a fairly new phenomenon called porn-induced erectile dysfunction (PIED). And now, three years later, my social media feed is inundated with ad after ad from ‘hip” erectile dysfunction pill distribution companies.

Listen – it’s not normal for otherwise young, healthy men to be NOT be aroused by a beautiful, naked woman. And don’t give me this bologna about “performance anxiety” – don’t kid yourself. Quit watching porn for 90 days and try again. If it still doesn’t work, then we can talk about what else (other than porn) might be going on. Otherwise, the pills on Facebook are only masking the real problem.

Here’s some of my 2017 research:
Eliminated porn use.
Most (but not all) temporarily eliminated, or drastically reduced, the frequency of orgasms.
Some decided to add other positive behaviors like exercise into their routines.
And, as a result, you find page after page of comments on pages like YourBrainOnPorn.com, NoFap.com, and RebootNation.com who have regained their ability to maintain an erection and have sex with a human partner.

If you’re struggling with ED, don’t just mask the issue with a pill. Ask yourself if your porn use is to blame.

Porn makes you love your wife less.
In the Bible, Jesus tells us that we can’t love both God and money. Our hearts just don’t have worship space for both.

In my experience, there’s something similar that happens with porn and your wife. Neurologically, I just don’t think we have the brain space to love them both.
Today’s porn, available in virtually endless amounts, can goose the reward system beyond anything sex with a real person could provide. Through continual exposure, the brain can be conditioned to prefer pornography over sex with real people.

No porn addict can look me in the eye and tell me that he is able to fully adore the beauty and uniqueness of his wife while also consuming significant amounts of pornography. His brain simply won’t allow it. There’s no room to adore both of them. It’s either porn or her.

Back in 2016, I wrote curriculum for a Catholic organization that used deep teaching from Theology of the Body. If you’re not familiar with TOB, that’s fine. At its core, it teaches that the very design of men and women point toward a divinely appointed unification of souls that occurs when intimacy if offered freely, totally, faithfully.

When Scripture refers to the marriage union as one that creates “one flesh,” it’s as if this was God’s way of talking about the lifelong bond that is cemented, celebrated, and consummated in sex.

Porn cannot do the same thing.

Consider this comment from the Covenant Eyes blog. Does this husband sound like he cares deeply for the heart of his wife? That they share a “one flesh” union?

“Years ago, I fell in love with a man who I thought loved me as a person. Now, I feel as only a sexual object to him. I do not deny him sex and do try to accommodate his requests, but IT IS NEVER ENOUGH. Is it normal to need constant sexy pictures/videos of your spouse daily? Is it normal to want to “talk dirty” daily? Is it normal for daily sex to not be enough? These were things that weren’t part of the relationship when it started and I’m not into it now. And how, knowing that your partner “isn’t enjoying it,” can you even fathom continuing it…day after day?

We have children together and I stay to keep the family together. I keep asking myself how this even happened, were there red flags and I didn’t see them? I need an emotional connection, I want to be loved as a person and not just used to fulfill sexual needs. I want sex to be a connection, not just an act.”

Dear porn addicted husband, I implore you to do whatever it takes to re-see the beauty of your wife. The unrepeatable, miraculous, unique, beauty of her. Pursue. Chase. Go after HER affections. The porn you’re watching cannot fulfill any of the promises of love, affection, and satisfaction that her heart desires.

What’s my path forward?
I realize that the journey is a lot more complicated than just, “Hey, quit watching porn!” But nothing will change unless you really want change. Men (and women) who find success from sexual addictions, like porn, often have a mix of the following things present in their lives:

A wingman – someone who loves them unconditionally.
A swarm of supporters – we all need cheerleaders.
Purpose – what do you stand for?
Spirituality – who do you believe in?
Accountability – keeping the issue in the light with tools and conversation.
When at least a few of these are present, your chances of recovery go WAY up. Our book, unveiling masturbation will get you started.

For years, I battled with an addiction to pornography. I didn’t know it was an addiction because I just felt it was a perfectly normal thing for a guy to struggle with. I was exposed to my first pornographic experience when I was about 10 years old.

I was a Christian and tried to live a Christian life, but my porn addiction took a hold of my life. I tried many times to quit. I tried to lay porn down and vowed to never look at it again. It wasn’t long before I picked it up again and it became easier and easier to override the Holy Spirit.

It carried over into my adult life where I never came clean or was honest with anyone about my addiction, including my wife. It caught up with me as all sins do, and it almost cost me my marriage, church, and my children.

I found myself back in my childhood bedroom weeping because my wife and I were separated and I could only see my kids when she dropped them off so I could visit. My wife is a wonderful person! She was simply fed up with the life we were living because honestly, sin had taken over my life and Satan had blinders over my eyes.

There were times I prayed for death earnestly because I couldn’t stop porn. I felt like a fake and a failure as a Christian, husband, father, and friend! Then, one evening I came clean to my best friend on my porch about my lifelong addiction. Turns out he also had the same struggles.

God brought me down to a crawl so that he could open my eyes. With the help of a friend who understood, a wife that stood firm in love, a God who cares, and Covenant Eyes, I did the impossible! I found freedom from a lifelong addiction to pornography!

On the way back from a counseling session with my wife, God spoke to me about becoming a missionary.

I immediately called the missionary that we support at our church, got a passport, and the week that I got my passport back in the mail, the missionary called out of the blue and asked me to go to Hungary on a mission trip to aid the Ukrainians. Two days later, I called him back after speaking to my wife about it and accepted the invitation.

God has changed my mind and heart! He has opened doors and put a greater anointing on my life than I ever had before. He has turned my life upside down. My marriage is stronger than it ever was before, and now we are doing ministry together! Victory over porn is possible! I never thought it was, but I was wrong! Accountability is key! Don’t be ashamed and secret about your addiction any longer, and let God (through unveiling masturbation) change your life!

“Flee from youthful passions, and pursue righteousness, faith, love, and peace, along with those who call on the Lord from a pure heart. But reject foolish and ignorant disputes, because you know that they breed quarrels. The Lord’s servant must not quarrel, but must be gentle to everyone, able to teach, and patient, instructing his opponents with gentleness. Perhaps God will grant them repentance leading them to the knowledge of the truth. Then they may come to their senses and escape the trap of the devil, who has taken them captive to do his will” (2 Timothy 2:22-26).

The verse about “youthful passions” has often been applied to the struggle against porn. So let’s take a deeper dive into 2 Timothy 2:22 and its surrounding context and see what we can learn about breaking free from the desire for porn.

What Were Timothy’s “Youthful Passions”?
First, we should note Paul doesn’t specifically warn Timothy about looking at bad pictures. Young Pastor Timothy faced a different, more subtle temptation: arguing about minor theological tangents and Bible trivia in the face of real heresy. If Timothy were a 21st-century pastor, the danger would be closer to the comments section of Christian YouTubers than porn sites.

(Because the specific issue Paul addresses here wasn’t sexual temptation, I’ve heard people say you shouldn’t apply it to fleeing from porn. However, I think this misses the underlying point of “lusts.”)

Paul employs the word “epithumia,” which can mean “focused on” or “inordinate desire,” depending on the context. In Romans 7:7-8, Paul says that knowing God’s law awoke in him knowledge of “covetousness,” but it’s the same word that’s translated “passions” here (or “lusts”). In 2 Timothy 2:22, Paul uses the plural form of the word, so what he has in mind can cover a range of inappropriate desires.

For Timothy, the “passion” may have been the intellectual pride and divisive spirit. But it could just as easily be a passion for sex that manifests in watching porn.

The Deeper Issue With “Youthful Passions”
Too often, “flee youthful passions” is taken as simply “flee the desire for sex.” But if we peel back the layers from “youthful passions,” we learn something critical about the temptations of porn and lust: There are actually some common denominators between the impulse to fight over biblical minutia and the impulse to click on a sexy ad.

This tells us something else important as well. Sexual desire itself isn’t the problem—Paul wants us to flee the lustful “passions” that run deeper than sex. So what are they?

These “Passions” Stem From Ignorance
The problem Timothy faced was not a desire for theological and biblical precision. Quite the opposite. Earlier in chapter 2, Paul points out two notable heretics, Hymenaeus and Philetus, who were teaching serious errors that contradicted the Gospel. But people were getting caught up in certain aspects of their arguments and losing sight of the Gospel. They were ignorant, not because they weren’t smart, but because they forgot what was truly important.

Likewise, the temptation to look at porn arises from ignorance—losing sight of what’s truly important. How so?

You may simply be unaware of the effects of porn.
that dishonors yourself, God, and your relationships.
If you know all these things but fall to temptation anyway, you’ve forgotten what is truly important. You are acting ignorantly, even if you know better!
What’s the solution? Flee foolish ignorance and cling to the truth. If you’re unaware of the dangers of porn, educate yourself. If you’re aware of them but tend to forget, remind yourself regularly. Fleeing temptation means fleeing ignorance.

These “Passions” Arise From Impatience
Paul tells Timothy to be gentle with everyone and patient. The word for “patient” in 2:24 has the idea of long-suffering (being able to endure evil or difficulty). A theological controversialist lacks gentleness and has no patience for enduring difficulty.

Likewise, the temptation to look at porn is fueled by impatience with difficult circumstances. It may be the impatience of a single person to experience a sexual relationship. It could also be the impatience of a married person who is sexually unfulfilled. Some wrestle with impatience over other frustrations in life that have little to do with sex. Regardless of the motivation, we give in to the desire to watch porn when we lack the patience to pursue a God-honoring alternative.

The temptation to impatience offers unique challenges—how can you flee something like this? Patience, or longsuffering, means you must lean into the difficult circumstances. You must learn to see the difficulty as an opportunity for growth, not just a hardship to be avoided (James 1:2-3). Fleeing temptation means fleeing impatience.

These “Passions” Turn People into Captives
In verse 26, Paul says that those caught up in these controversies have become captives of the enemy.
Too often, we confuse these passionate desires with our identity. I am what I want. And the world tells us we must be true to ourselves and what we want. People who stubbornly follow the desires of their hearts are held up as examples for us to follow! But the passions of the heart will deceive you (Jeremiah 17:9).

Whether through theological arguments or porn, these passions will trap you when you give in to them—you become controlled by your desire. Soon, it is not you seeking what you want; it’s the things you want controlling you.

Fleeing captivity means thinking twice about our desires instead of automatically assuming they’re good and true. For the Christian, our true identity is to look more and more like Jesus (Philippians 2:1-11, Ephesians 5:1-2). The more we train our hearts to desire Christ, the greater freedom we experience from the passions of the flesh.

The Simple Path Away From Porn
In Overcome Porn: The 40 Day Challenge, we offer a simple outline of the path away from porn, based on 2 Timothy 2:22:

1. Run from—this means removing yourself from the temptation as much as possible. It means learning about the dark realities of porn and how to eliminate it from your life.

2. Run to—it’s not enough to get rid of the porn. Unless you replace porn with something good, you will relapse. This section focuses on the good things that should take the place of porn in your life.

3. Run with—God never intended for us to break the clutches of sin on our own. He has given us the community of believers to build us up! The last part of the challenge looks at the role relationships play in overcoming porn.

I am 38 and just celebrated two years of freedom from pornography addiction. Not just white-knuckled sobriety like I’ve had in the past, but actual, deep, soul freedom!

Two years ago, my core message was that I would always be a slave to porn to some degree and that best I could do was to try to avoid it as much as possible. I believed deep down that I would never truly break free. After using it for 25 years and failing to quit a thousand times or more, I had good reason to believe that!

A forced disclosure to my wife brought our world crashing in upon us. I was a single moment away from losing my marriage, my career, and putting my children through the hardships of divorce. I had finally hit rock bottom.

I finally reached out for help.

The Steps to Freedom
One of the first steps I took was to put Covenant Eyes on all my devices. This helped to establish some safety for my wife and me when we needed that desperately. I also joined a group dedicated to helping men break free from porn addiction. I also started therapy with a CSAT (Certified Sex Addiction Therapist).

I read any book I could get my hands on regarding freedom from porn. I listened to audiobooks and podcasts on the same topic. I got a sponsor. I completed the full disclosure process with the help of a CSAT. I stopped telling lies to myself and my wife and others.

I still attend weekly meetings.
I still see a therapist.
I still engage with the recovery community that helped me break free.
I still read book after book.
I still listen to dozens of podcasts.
Trading Lies for Truth
I used to do these things driven by fear but somewhere along the way my core values changed. I looked at myself and all the change I had experienced and realized something new about myself. I realized I am capable of real and lasting change with the help of God and others.

This was my NEW truth, and, in fact, it was the truth all along. I realized that all this time, I had exchanged the truth for a lie. Romans 1:25 says, “They exchanged the truth about God for a lie and worshipped and served created things rather than the Creator—who is forever praised. Amen” (NIV). Through the help of God and others, I have now exchanged a lie for the truth.

I was a voracious consumer of pornography for many years, and no matter how much I consumed, it was never enough. Indeed, it can never be enough. I am 38 years old and I am free from pornography addiction. I invite you to join me, and get unveiling masturbation book is a great place to start.

My aims in this book.

I To create awareness on the spiritual dimension of masturbation addictions.
II To open the understanding of people regarding the reality of demons and their operations.

III To give insight on the value of sexual purity.
IV To unveil the spirit behind masturbation.
V To see those addicted to masturbation set free and live normal life again.
VI To supply information on how to conduct self- deliverance.

VII To supply information on excessive masturbation side effects.
VIII To supply information on herbs that will reverse the side effects and how to make use of it.

IX To make you recover what the enemies have stolen spiritually.
X To carry everybody along, including the teenager so the words are simple to understand and direct to points.

XI To make people understand they are not alone. In their struggles against masturbation addiction.

“ A leader has the vision and conviction that a dream can be achieved. He inspires the power and energy to get it done”

Ralph Nader.




My personal advice.

Thank you for reading my book. For this book to get into your hand is not by mistake or chance,I believe, is by divine directions. The Lord orchestrates these events in your favor.
I want you to look at the book in hand as a self deliverance manual and a road map to your freedom.
Please study it, take note with deep concentration, diligence, determination, rap attention and keen interest.
The knowledge in this book is spiritual and physically important. Don’t forget Is the truth you know that will make you free.
Apply the knowledge you learn from this book and follow the instructions to the end. Even if your theology seems otherwise the testimonies you will get will blow your mind.


“The best advice I ever got was that knowledge is power
and to keep reading.”
David bailey.







CHAPTER ONE.
0
What is masturbation?
To masturbate is to stimulate your self sexually. In other words , to have sex by yourself, with yourself. Source- vocabulary
But after much counseling , research and questioning, I discovered that masturbation is more than physical stimulation of sensitive organs. It is an act that engages the realms of imaginations a lot. This is what I mean the masturbator pictured sexual scene in his mind then carrying out the acts.
I define masturbation as a mental sex or imaginary sex that involves physical stimulation.

The realms of imaginations and masturbation.
The realm of imagination when used properly is the seat of creativity.
Imagination, channel in the way of biblical meditation, opens one up for divine illuminations. Likewise the occult and witchcraft use the realms of imagination to access the realms of the spirit.
This realm of imagination is what makes masturbation spiritually dangerous. Because lustful imaginations open the masturbator unconscious to realms of the spirit.
Thereby creating room for spiritual relationship and unconsciously bond. This vice is more of a spiritual transaction than physical. And that way the bible warn in in 2 Corinthians 10:5 “ Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ’’

What makes masturbation highly addictive? Scientific reasons.

During masturbation the brain releases the following hormones
(1) Epinephrine (2) Oxycontin (3) Endorphins (4) Dopamine (5) Oxytocin (6) Serotonin (7) Testosterone ( Prolactin (9) Vasopressin.

“During masturbation, the brain releases several hormones, the most important being dopamine. Also known as the “happiness hormone”, dopamine is heavily involved in the brain’s reward system. Along with oxytocin, a hormone that improves social bonding, dopamine also improves mood and satisfaction.
Other hormones that are released during sexual release also include endorphins, testosterone, and prolactin”: source: me-science.

Oxytocin and Vasopressin these hormones bind the masturbator to masturbation. And also give the follow a sense of sexual pleasures.

“In masturbation addiction, two key substances play a role, dopamine and endorphins. Dopamine is a reward neurotransmitter that allows a person to feel pleasure. Endorphins are chemicals that the body uses to counteract stress and physical exertion, making one relax and recover. While a person is masturbating, dopamine is released, and the person experiences a pleasurable high that peaks off during a climax.
After the orgasm,
endorphins are released, making the person feel sated and sometimes fall asleep.
Masturbation effects on the brain are complex. When a person becomes dependent on these feelings and uses them to escape stressful life situations or mental problems, it opens the window for masturbation addiction to occur. Masturbation addiction can become a cause for concern when it transforms into a means to cope with issues instead of facing them head-on” source: addiction resource.

So according to science the same hormones( dopamine and endorphins) behind masturbating addiction are also behind drug addictions .
“cocaine is so addictive because of the change it creates in the brain after repeated use. It acts as a stimulant within the body, creating increased levels of brain hormone dopamine.
Dopamine is located in the reward circuit of the brain and associated with feelings of pleasure and movement” source- National Institute on Drug Abuse.

“Opioids (heroin, codeine) trigger the release of endorphins hormone, your brains feel good neurotransmitters. Endorphins muffle your perception of pain and boost feelings of pleasure, creating a temporary but powerful sense of well being. When an opioid (heroin, codeine) dose wears off, you may find your wanting those good feelings back, as soon as possible. This is the first milestone on the path toward potential addiction”
source- Mayo Clinic.

“Drug use is often voluntary in the first instance. The development of a full addiction occurs through a variety of circumstances.However, the brain changes during a substance-related disorder in ways that can take a long time to bring back to a healthy state.

A person whose brain’s reward circuitry has not altered as a result of addiction experiences positive feelings in relation to generally rewarding behaviors, such as exercising, being with family, or consuming delicious food. These should all make a person feel good.

This might motivate a person to repeat these behaviors and regain that positive feeling.
Substances produce a euphoric feeling by triggering large amounts of dopamine in certain regions of the brain responsible for the feeling of reward.
Addiction occurs when the act of using a substance takes over these circuits and increases the urge to consume more and more of the substance in order to achieve the same rewarding effect”
source- Medical News today.
















Biblical reasons why masturbation is highly addictive.

“Above all guard the door of your mind with diligence , for out of it are the issues of life. Proverb 4:23 Afv.”
The mind is a gateway to the soul. And the soul consist of
• Faculty of logic.
• Emotions.
• Wills.
• Conscious and subconscious.
The soul is our personality. With the soul we think, reason, consider, remember and wonder.
With the soul we experience emotions like happiness, love, sorrow, anger, relief and compassion. with the soul we resolve and make decisions.
And the bible makes us know the soul can be defiled or polluted.
How the soul is defile
• Through lusting.
The bible put it this way “but I said to you, every one who look upon a woman to lust after her has already committed adultery with her in his mind .Mathew 5:28” virtual every body that is addicted to masturbation is also addicted to pornography. And you cant watch pornography without lusting.
Lusting give birth to sexual fantasy, sexual fantasy give birth to defilement, once defilement set in logical reasoning is distorted then masturbation.
• Through entertaining, dwelling and accepting sexual thoughts.
The bible put it this way” for from within, out of the heart of man, proceed evil thoughts, adulteries, sexual sins, murders, thefts, coveting, wickedness, deceit, lustful desires, an evil, blasphemy, pride, and foolishness all these evil thing come from within, and defile the man. Mark 7:21-23”
• Through soul tie.
It when two people are join together to become one in soul, through sex 1 Corinthians 6:16 make us to understand that sex is not only physical, it involve the soul and the spirit. So for the bible masturbation is more spiritual than physical.
• Through opening of spiritual doors in human life.
“He that diggeth a pit shall fall into it, and whosoever breaketh an hedge, serpent shall bite him. Ecclesiastes 10:8”
“ flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a man commit is outside is body, but he who sins sexual sin against his own body. 1 Corinthians 6:18. the bible make it clear that sexual sins inclusive of masturbation open door for demons. and demons of masturbation is behind addiction.

















What makes masturbation a trend among youth?
• Mismanagement of sexual drives.
• Inherited sexual polluted foundation.
• Christian leaders differ widely in their understanding of its spiritual and moral implications.
• A lot of religious leaders shy away from the topic.
• Many youth see it as a safest means of geting sexual pleasure without the risk of pregnancy and sexual transmitted infections.
• A lots of website encourage it as means of sexual exploit.
• Our modern culture seems to celebrate immorality.
• Medical journal and a lot of articles online and offline embrace it and see it, as a means of releasing sexual tensions.
• The introduction and wide spread of internet further made pornography cheap, available and easy to access. With the internet a youth or teenage can easily watch pornography on smart phone and other devices without the knowledge of their parents.
• Available and affordability of adult satellite television channels in many homes today.
• Advert agency.
Many advertising company use sexual imagery to display products, with the sole aim of catching viewers attentions and most music video is full of nudity. And majority of this erotic contents target the youth.
• Our modern culture has not only embraced it. It even has one month to be celebrated internationally every year may 17 and 28.
• notable organizations like planned parenthood want out to even encourage mass (youths) to practice it. Saying I quote” masturbation is normal, and can be a healthy way to learn about your body. In fact, it’s the safest way to have sexual pleasure there is- there is no risk of pregnancy or STD s”
But that's pure deception. The best is abstinence.




















When will masturbation be considered an addiction?
“ There’s no clinical diagnosis for masturbation addiction . It’s not recognized as addictive by the American Psychological Association (APA)”
“ it addiction is not recognized as a mental health condition by Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5) Which sets the criteria for diagnosing mental health condition’’ that means this professional body did not recognise it as addiction.They simple refer to it as,
Compulsive sexual behavior and Hyper-sexuality disorder.
Because they don’t show signs of withdrawal symptoms, as hard drugs do.
Medical definition of addictions show they should be signs of withdrawal symptoms but Merriam- Webster dictionary define addiction as

(1) “compulsive, chronic, physiological or psychological need for a habit- forming substance, behavior, or activity having harmful physical, psychological, or social effects and typically causing well- define symptoms( such as anxiety, irritability, tremors or nausea ) upon withdrawal or abstinence.
(2) A strong inclination to do, use, or indulge in some thing repeated”
So from the dictionary definition any thing we indulge in repeatedly can be defined as addiction. So masturbation addiction can refer to excessive or compulsive masturbation.
Symptoms of addictions:
• when a person masturbates more than 5 times a day for 21 days and you can’t quit.
• When every sexual provocation trigger masturbation.
• When the act takes much of your time and energy.
• When you find yourself engaging in the acts, even in a public restroom and office just to satisfy the urge.
• When you are suffering from the side effects but you can’t quit.
• When, even as a married couple, you still prefer masturbation to normal sex.
• When you try your best to quit but you lack the willpower to do so.
• When the urge to do it, easily overwhelms you.
• When the thoughts of it flood your mind each time you are alone , and you find it difficult to resist.
• When you don’t drive sexual satisfactions from normal sex, until you masturbate.
• When you spend much of your earn subscribing to adult tv channel, porn sites and watching pornography till middle night.















Side effects of excessive masturbation.

The side effects is not formally recognized or medical diagnosable I mean medical doctors are not train in this, most don’t even believe excessive masturbation have any effects but believe in sexual exhaustion.
Side effects will vary from person to person due to levels of intensity.
Symptoms:
• Fatigue.( body pain)
• Sleep disorders (insomnia or hypersomnia).
• Low back pain due to loss of calcium as a result of excess seminal fluid loss.
• Decrease in sperm count.
• Urine infections.
• Loss of sexual sensitivity.
• Physical and mental tiredness because it involves much energy from the body.
• Fast aging. Due to excess loss of vital fluid, the human body starts aging very fast.
• It leads to hormonal change or in balance in the body.
• Internal heat in the body.
• It causes premature ejaculation .
• Addiction to pornography.
• Unsatisfying lust .
• It causes penis to shrink, I mean not growing to full size .
• It causes erections problems. ( erectile dysfunction)
• Unstable mind and unfocused mind due to sexual thoughts or fantasy.
• It cause hair fall, whenever a man involves in excess sexual activity
DHT (Dihydrotestosterone) level increases inside the body, and it prevents hair growth, which also causes hair loss. Dihydrotestosterone (DHT) Is an androgen.
Androgen is a sex hormone that helps in contributing to the development of what are the thoughts, man sex characteristics, such as body and hair.
• And some other symptoms similar to sexual exhaustion.
Some websites, articles and medical experts encourage people and even suggest the benefits of practicing such acts without warning that,is highly addictive and the danger ahead(effects of addiction) especially for youth. And don’t know much regarding side effects of it addiction.
And many doctors get confused on how to treat and properly diagnose what is wrong(side effects) . I advise that much research should be carried out on this.
My facts are based on personal experience, counseling, interview and personal research and even questions with medical practitioners.
I believe in personal experience.
I believe in the chemistry of semen.
I believe in the chemistry of the brain.
I believe in the chemistry of the body.
Anybody telling you there are no side effects for those addicted to it. Is not telling you the truth. Ask such fellow what are the symptoms of sexual exhaustion?
And what causes it?
Anybody, articles and medical expect telling you is the safest sex, And the best way to explore your body and to avoid pregnancy and infections is lieing the best is sexual purity and abstinence.

For quite a while now, masturbation has been a gray area of Christian sexuality. It is fairly “accepted” for men and rarely discussed among women. It gets to sneak around under the name “natural sexual release.” Natural is not a synonym for godly, but for the most part, we are pretty content to leave it alone. We already have enough battles to fight, no need to add another to the list.

But this battle is worth our attention for many reasons. Here are three.

3 Reasons to Kick Masturbation
Sex should not be selfish.
Masturbation is very appropriately termed “self sex” because it is self-focused. Biologically speaking, sex is the union of two people, not one. Our sex drive is a desire to have that intimate union with another person. Masturbation does not fill that desire. It is our way of saying, “It is my sex drive and I want it appeased when I want it appeased.” Sex is about surrender and giving, not power and taking.

It does not honor God.
No addiction honors God. As Christians, we are not to be slaves to anything, even our bodies, which we are supposed to regard as the temple of God (1 Corinthians 6:19-20). We are commanded to honor God with our bodies. Even those of you do not feel you are “addicted,” think about those moments you masturbate. Ask yourself if God is watching you and thinking, “That’s my child; I am so proud right now.”

It does not honor your spouse.
Remember, ladies, sex is about two becoming one. It is not about your husband using you and then you taking care of yourself. Whether you are single or married, masturbation can lay a groundwork for difficulty. You are training your body to respond to certain environments, stimuli, and triggers. These might be environments, stimuli, and triggers your husband either will not be able to recreate or will choose not to recreate (like watching pornography). You have separated yourself from him and, unintentionally, have limited the intimacy you can experience with him.

That being said, fighting this battle is not easy. It would be far easier to believe that this is an OK thing to do and that you will be able to recover from this later. However, sin is sin and habits are habits. The sooner you can get them out of your life, the better.

3 Practical Steps to Kick Masturbation
Here are some practical steps to set boundaries to keep yourself from falling.

Think on Truth
More often than not, especially for us ladies, masturbation finds its root in fantasy. Stop that chain at the very beginning by holding tight to the words of Philippians 4:8. One of the things we are told to think on, or meditate on, is truth. Truth is, you are not on some beach island with Casanova. Truth is, you have a life in front of you that needs your attention, and a Savior who has promised to help you through it. You do not need to run from it. When we run, we fall.

Know Your Weaknesses
Speaking of the chain of fantasy, know what situations tend to get you into the mindset to either fantasize or masturbate. For some women, stress is a huge trigger. For others, loneliness is a culprit. Some women don’t necessarily have a trigger, but a certain environment is more conducive to falling. Obviously, pornography or erotica can be a trigger. Sometimes, it is something benign. Even watching G-rated movies may start your mind wandering. Sometimes it is something that can be godly! Know your weakness. You cannot always avoid it, but knowing what it is will help you “pray up” and be on your guard.

Do Not Make It Easy
Romans 13:14 warns us against making provision for sin in our lives, specifically provision for the lust of our flesh. The battle for purity is already difficult enough without making sin convenient. Make masturbation as inconvenient as possible.

I debated putting this in here, because I thought it might be too suggestive. Just as I was thinking about it, I got an email from a single Christian young woman struggling with masturbation. She was guessing that a good step in the right direction would be to get rid of her vibrator. Yes, that would be a very good step in the right direction. Get rid of it. I will not speak definitively within marriage, but I believe that intimacy gadgets have no place in the life of a single Christian woman. Get rid of them, and while you are getting rid of those, get rid of anything that can be used in place of those. (If I’m talking to you, you know what I am talking about.)

Since the Garden, Satan has capitalized on gray areas, convenience, and human weakness. It is doubtful Eve would have eaten from that tree if she had a firm belief in the truth of God’s word. It is also doubtful she would have gone to the trouble if the tree were on the top of Mount Everest. Make masturbation your tree on the top of Mt. Everest, and stand firm on the truths of God’s word and His desire for purity. Most importantly, though, seek His strength and His wisdom. This is not a battle that can be won overnight, and the journey out can be marked even by physical pain, much like withdrawal. You will need Him every step of the way. The good news is, He promises to be there.

“No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.” – 1 Corinthians 10:13