₦airaland Forum

Sirmwill:
Broom ma
He is not the richest
Elon is the richest according to their statistics

He's the richest. Gates is so rich, he's afraid of the world knowing how rich he is.

That's very normal in New York City. There's no big man there.

We both know the Nigerians who go to 'Nam.

officialwdhtvv:
Moment The Lord Chosen members welcomed their General Overseer Pastor Lazarus Muoka to Germany.

#wetindeyhappentv


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=30F2cbBta6Q

He doesn't wear an apron?

NLCreator:
Previous thread
https://www.nairaland.com/8220683/bandits-threaten-kidnap-tinubu

● "Kidnap me instead," Olawale Oluwamind begs bandits.

● "Don't let obidients gaslight you," Bwala O'Mockery tells bandits.

ABUJA - After bandits appealed for support to kidnap Tinubu and free Nigerians from their ongoing hardships, many citizens took to social media to strongly warn these bandits not to even think about it.

This week, a group of bandits launched a daring campaign asking Nigerians for support in their mission to kidnap President Tinubu and end “Operation Sapa.” They even sweetened the deal by offering giveaways of agbado and free data bundles as a way of “giving back” to the suffering populace.

While some Nigerians saw hope in the campaign, many raised their voices in protest, urging the bandits not to dare touch Tinubu. Leading the charge was Olawale Oluwamind, a Lagos-based professional queue-stander, who took to Instagram Live with a passionate plea.

“Egbami o! Where were you, bandits, when PDP was giving us ‘wealth of body?’” Oluwamind exclaimed, tugging at his now baggy native attire that could fit two of him inside. “Eh? Where? Back then, I looked like a mini trailer! I couldn’t even enter public transport without occupying two seats. I tried all sorts—Intermittent Fasting, Keto, slimming tea, even that cabbage soup nonsense. But no matter what, I couldn’t lose a single kilo.”

Oluwamind paused to wipe a tear from his eye, clearly moved by his own story of 'weight-loss' struggle. “Then Tinubu came into power, and before I could say ‘agbado,’ I dropped 30kg in three months. No more gym membership, no more struggling. You see this new physique? Courtesy of Tinubu. And now you want to kidnap him? Abeg, bandits, if you ruin this man’s regime, I’ll have to go back to the treadmill. Do you think I can handle that emotional trauma again? Kidnap me instead!”

Meanwhile, the bandits attempted to calm the rising tensions. “We understand the unintended side benefits of this administration,” said their spokesperson, Kabiru Turji. “But we’re thinking of the long game. It’s not just about weight loss; it’s about our children’s future—whether they grow up skinny, fat, or forever stuck in fuel queues. We need a future where we can afford food, fuel, and freedom."

As Nigerians continued to debate between maintaining their new Tinubu-slimmed bodies or risking it all for the bandits’ promised “rescue,” one thing was clear: whether in the fuel queue or back in the gym, Olawale Oluwamind was ready to sacrifice for the nation—just as long as his newfound indomie figure stayed intact!

“Tinubu, mo ni mo dupe! If not for you, I’d still be carrying pounded yam on my waist!” Oluwamind said, graciously accepting his title as Nigeria’s unofficial weight loss ambassador.

In another development, blogger Bwala O'Mockery expressed shock and disappointment over the viral video.

“Dear bandits,” he began, “I had to double-check to make sure your TikTok account wasn’t hijacked by some mischievous obidients. Imagine my shock when I realized it was really you! It’s downright embarrassing that you let them gaslight you into believing President Tinubu has failed.”

“Let’s address a few things, shall we? First off, claiming that Tinubu has failed in security? Please! The fact that you’ve got a booming business in the forest—without even a lion bothering you—is proof enough that Tinubu has mastered the art of security! I mean, have any of you even been attacked by hyenas lately? No? Exactly!”

“And about that 150 billion naira jet you’re whining about—come on! Investing in that plane is like buying a life jacket before a swimming lesson! When World War III breaks out, who’s going to be saving Nigerians and flying them to Mars? That jet! You all are thinking short-term; Tinubu is playing chess while you’re stuck on checkers!”

“Now, I hear you saying Nigerians are suffering, and you want to rescue us? How noble! But you do realize that your grand idea involves kidnapping the very man who’s helped us lose weight faster than any fad diet, right? If you think we’re going to let you touch him, you must have mistaken our love for a hate crime! You bandits could run for office, you know—stop acting like spoiled babies on TikTok and show us what you’ve got!”

In the end, the message was crystal clear: bandits need to think twice before laying a finger on the President. We live in a country where folks are ready to stand in line for hours just to catch a glimpse of the man who’s magically transformed their waistlines! Kidnapping Tinubu would be like stealing the last piece of jollof rice at a family gathering—it’s the ultimate betrayal, one that even the bandits’ most die-hard fans would struggle to defend!

You do read the Babylon Bee. It's obvious. This is nice anyway. Even though I'm a strong Tinubu supporter (Anyone should quote me, anytime). But tolerance is golden and distinguishes me from those halfbaked illiterates.

Zonefree:
You guys have our 100% cooperation. May Allah grant you the zeal to complete this great achievement...Amin.

Kashim Shettima will take over. Yes! The Maiduguri man, remember his forefather Sanni Abacha.

Golan007:
He should have ignored it.

Don't mind the idiot.

I admire his calmness. That man's calmness should be studied in schools.

Salewa97:
The priest should first accept the challenge before we start discussing the topic.

He should stop being reluctant and accept the challenge. It's a simple thing to do.

If he believes he has the superior knowledge, then he should stop running away from the debate.

Don't mind the "Priest". The priest is a devil.

I said it. The ugliest candidate would win the Edo state Governorship election.

BarrElChapo:
Where’s paul enenche in the picture?

He's afraid of Islamabad.

I mean, check the list of past Governors of that state. They all would win Mr Universe ugly or what's that ugliness competition called?

PlayMaker14:
See the kid above me squatting with his parents and waiting for "Hand" to touch David Hudenyi that is living a good life.


😂

What good life, Mr Nigerian who worships the basic necessities of life?

SultanOfAbia:
What if Biden wake up for Night to go Piss
Come enter Kamla Harris House by Mistake

He can't wake up alone. The Secret Service are in his room 24/7.

NgeneUkwenu:
A member of the opposition.

Why not state what their President says?

Putin propagandist.

So he shouldn't report what the MP said? I don't understand. Is there anything wrong with the News? Did he lie?

frugal:
They just jump on topics. If you check well he might be an APC supporter.

And what's wrong with being an APC supporter? I want to know. Tell me where in the Constitution condemns an APC supporter. I want to know.

CoronaVirusPro:
Even when you have a foreign passport and your birth place still states Nigeria, you will still get that cold welcome.


Please! Don’t blame the government for the tainted reputation. The people tainted that image by themselves. Nigeria is not the only country with corrupt leaders, what makes us worst is that, we citizens are also as worst as our leaders.

Don't mind him. Plus Morocco? Those are racist. Everyone should know that, it doesn't matter if you hold the whitest passport on earth.

From NC to FL. That's fishy.

flokii:
I was surprised to see an Igbo singer Chike feature Mohbad (song he performs till date), still featured Tope Alabi on another song..
In my mind, I was like, this one rode on Yoruba talents to stardom, tomorrow he'll open his gutter mouth to insult Yorubas.

I love this. We should not be scared of talking about our cultural achievements.

descarado:
Which people do you know their culture to have come to this conclusion or is it the normal self hate caused by low self esteem?

The ones that wear rings on their necks. The ones that put discs on their lips. Don't pretend, I can go on with the list if you don't mind.

He works with Peak milk.

Where is Kanu the little Monkey?

Calylove:
If I go to the Governors office and speak Yoruba, wont he ask me to speak English?
He will. Policy summersault
The governor himself should use the local language to address citizens.
Shikenan fa!!!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BLpF-Ok0_yY

Using English is a subtle warning to Okoro. He wants Emeka to know that they're being warned.

Goldensword:
So European now mean ethnic group?

In your quest to defend nonsense, you still ended up shooting yourself in the foot, if all the people you mentioned are collectively Europeans and at such are entitled to rule America, then every Nigerians too is entitled to rule Lagos nah, because we're all collectively Nigerians 😂😂😂,

You guys should try and grow beyond tribalism and stop all this nonsense talk.

It's not a sin if the post is beyond your comprehension. I promise you. But it would be better if you cared about how you embarrass yourself by publicly displaying your unintelligence, it's pretty unintelligent.

Sulele04:
Aye yin ti baje sir.💔
It is a shame that we are both from Epe.

You are part of those that foisted this failure Tinubu despite knowing he has nothing to offer just because you no like omonna same you still spread intra-tribal hate.

You are to old for this fooling olohun.

"Sir" ti e tun ba won fi si lo n pami lerin.

babasolution:
That analogy doesn't work here though, cos the Europeans don't have a common language.

They speak Germanic languages. See...Police, Policia, Poliz. In Spanish, "Represent" is "Representa".

Kobojunkieee:
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

To be correct, is this the same rice farm https://www.nairaland.com/8190353/ogun-govt-earns-n1billion-revenue#131597983

Yes. You can see the Hausa people in the photo. I just noticed.

SilasGreenback:
Trump is an animal, whether you like it or not.

Says an animal who has never crossed the shores of West Africa. That's the only reason I refuse to blame you. You're an animal.

STEWpid:

C h a i..











Kayefi lele yi o.

The United States of Atrocities (USA).

Nkpi,
Anu mpama,,

It's in London, United Kingdom. Not The US.

NnamdiN:
Never noticed this. Why I go look plane nyash ?