₦airaland Forum

fellow nairalanders,
how una dey? well the search continues, iv picked interest in dis our nija movies and i think i can add a little flavour into
it to make it mmuch much much mmmmmmuchh better. i want 2 countribute to d nigerian movie industry by writing movie scripts and i can asure u guyz say no be anyhow storiesssss. to cut d long story short am intrested in working with "CHARLES NOVIA THINK" d guy dey think well,well Abeg if anyone can foward his active e-mail address,i will really appreciate it.
THANKS in anticipation.

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1 Life as an egg

So you think your life is bad.
Just think how bad the life of the egg is,
You only get laid once!
You only get eaten once!
It takes 4 minutes to get hard
2 minutes to get soft
You have to share a box with 11 other guys
And the only chick who ever sat on your face was your mother.
Now don’t u feel better?


2 Fruit Salad

Three guys who were lost at sea ended up landing on an island. After wandering around for a while, a group of natives picked them up and took them to their hut.

The chief came up to them and said, "We will let you live, if you can go out into the jungle and bring me 10 pieces of fruit." So the men agree and take off.

The first guy brings back 10 apples and places them before the chief. The chief said” Now, you must stick the apples up your ass and not show a bit of emotion, or else we will kill you." The guy obeyed, he got one in, and on the second, he flinched and was killed.

The second guy walks up and shows the chief 10 oranges. He is given the same task and he sticks up to 8 and then begins to laugh hysterically. He is also killed.

Much later, when the second guy gets to heaven and meets up with the first, the first asks him "You almost had it! Why did you laugh??" The second replies, "I could not help it. When I got the 8th up my ass, I looked up and saw Paul (the last guy) coming with pineapples."

1 Life as an egg

So you think your life is bad.
Just think how bad the life of the egg is,
You only get laid once!
You only get eaten once!
It takes 4 minutes to get hard
2 minutes to get soft
You have to share a box with 11 other guys
And the only chick who ever sat on your face was your mother.
Now don’t u feel better?


2 Fruit Salad

Three guys who were lost at sea ended up landing on an island. After wandering around for a while, a group of natives picked them up and took them to their hut.

The chief came up to them and said, "We will let you live, if you can go out into the jungle and bring me 10 pieces of fruit." So the men agree and take off.

The first guy brings back 10 apples and places them before the chief. The chief said” Now, you must stick the apples up your ass and not show a bit of emotion, or else we will kill you." The guy obeyed, he got one in, and on the second, he flinched and was killed.

The second guy walks up and shows the chief 10 oranges. He is given the same task and he sticks up to 8 and then begins to laugh hysterically. He is also killed.

Much later, when the second guy gets to heaven and meets up with the first, the first asks him "You almost had it! Why did you laugh??" The second replies, "I could not help it. When I got the 8th up my ass, I looked up and saw Paul (the last guy) coming with pineapples."

40 Years Together

A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband was not in their bed. She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him.
She finds him sitting at the dining room table with a cup of coffee in front of him. He appears deep in thought, just staring at the wall. She
Watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of coffee.
"What's the matter, dear?" she whispers as she steps into the room. "Why are you down here at this time of night?"
The husband looks up, "Do you remember 40 years ago when we were dating, and you were only 18?" he asks solemnly. The wife is touched to tears thinking that her husband is so caring and sensitive.
"Yes, I do," she replies.
The husband pauses. The words are not coming easily. "Do you remember when your mother caught us behind the couch kissing?"
"Yes, I remember." says the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him.
The husband continues, "Do you remember when she shoved a shotgun in my face and said, either you marry my daughter, or I will send you to jail for 40 years?'"
"I remember that, too." she replies softly. He wipes another tear from his cheek and says "I would have gotten out today."

fellow rear admirals! which way forward?the Nigerian navy exams coming up no d 26th abeg who has an idea on d format and any short listed names out in d papers?

hello fellow landers!
d search is hectic o!i don tire 2 dey find work 4 dis nija if u comot wit 2.1 no work,if u comot wit 3rd class na fry pan 2 fire.to go back to futher ur studies na another wahala as to get transcript na war! abeg which way foward? becos am really considerin buyin and sellin iced fish by d road side o!

Farting with style takes practice,
Perfection takes time; it's a gift,
You've first got to learn all the basics,
Like pushing one out in a lift.

Those silent but violent are classics,
With friends it's a really good game,
Fart in a crowd at a party,
Then watch to see who gets the blame.

Now once your technique has been mastered,
You'll know what your bottom can do,
But ALWAYS remember - don't push too hard,
Because one day you might follow through !!!!

A little boy asked his mother, "Why are you crying?""Because I'm a woman,"she told him.
"I don't understand," he said. His Mom just hugged him and said, "And you never will."

Later the little boy asked his father, "Why does mother seem to cry for no reason?"
"All women cry for no reason," was all his dad could say.

The little boy grew up and became a man, still wondering why women cry.
Finally he asked God. He said, "God, why do women cry so easily?"
God said:

" When I made the woman she had to be special.
I made her shoulders strong enough to carry the weight of the world, yet gentle enough to give comfort.

I gave her an inner strength to endure childbirth and the rejection that many times comes from her children.

I gave her a hardness that allows her to keep going when everyone else gives up, and take care of her family through sickness and fatigue without complaining.

I gave her the sensitivity to love her children under any and all circumstances, even when her child has hurt her very badly.

I gave her strength to carry her husband through his faults and fashioned her from his rib to protect his heart.

I gave her wisdom to know that a good husband never hurts his wife, but sometimes tests her strengths and her resolve to stand beside him unfalteringly.

And finally, I gave her a tear to shed. This is hers exclusively to use whenever it is needed."

"You see my son," said God, "the beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears, the figure that she carries, or the way she combs her hair.

The beauty of a woman must be seen in her eyes, because that is the doorway to her heart - the place where love resides."

please someone save me from this PTR-TRADING.COM,they hav bin sending $600 reward 2 my e-mail box daily,and the cash is not visible! to make matters worse i cannot unsubscribe. which kin wahala be dis?heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeelp!

hello fwends!
The search is still on for employment,and my expression is expected to be gloomy,wrinkled-up and cold but na lie o! Am smilesssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss all the way,because this is my last weekend of not working.if you share the same faith, can i hear an amen.

retire ke? do you know how helpful this site has been? anywayz e be like say you just wan see reactions! carry goooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

men ur d koko infact am jeyyin out tired of all dis browsin 4 job

well if i had a question for god, id ask him why love has to make some people cry? just when you found the right person the man of your dreams its one story or the other why?