What's all the ish about getting married sef??

It comes up early for some, while later for some. I think it all depends on how early as a lady u get to prioritize and able to make the right decisions about rels.

Most ladies enter wrong rels and wouldn't learn until the 4th and 5th rel..and time's got legs!

And don't rule out the #spiritualfactor... There is a power called Delay that ought to be broken!

Teespice:
I really need to buy this book.

some people have ways of releasing pain, holding it back in is not strength but weakness because one can crumble under the weight.

Some of you insulting this woman are going through way worse but you feel the fear of opening up would make you vulnerable.

toke is only being human. that she's a celebrity makes no difference.

Spot on!

Teespice:
I really need to buy this book.

some people have ways of releasing pain, holding it back in is not strength but weakness because one can crumble under the weight.

Some of you insulting this woman are going through way worse but you feel the fear of opening up would make you vulnerable.

toke is only being human. that she's a celebrity makes no difference.

Spot on!

Teespice:
I really need to buy this book.

some people have ways of releasing pain, holding it back in is not strength but weakness because one can crumble under the weight.

Some of you insulting this woman are going through way worse but you feel the fear of opening up would make you vulnerable.

toke is only being human. that she's a celebrity makes no difference.

Spot on!

Hi Folaski, more of God's grace upon u ijn.
A friend of mine has been battling with constant blacksliding. According to him, He was born a muslim but having grown now, he's been desiring to be a xtian. Each time he accepts Christ, it doesn't take him more than few months to backslide. he's done this 3ce now. This time, he said he was lost in xtain music worship songs and shortly after he had a nap, he then had a dream that some muslim clerics started to persuade him in d dream about many reasons y he ought to be a muslim and on waking up, he had to give in and he was back to his former religion.

He said the dream has been shown to him thrice and I was really sad about it..I just didn't know how to help him..what could such constant revelation mean? What does he need to do cause he also seem confused about it??

Thanks as I await ur reply.

Orisirisi

OldBeer:
And cant you see most of the people you invited to comment avoided your thread cos they saw a thread made by a dead-brain dreamer girl who only finds her worth in a man.
Even the "bombshell" you dropped confirmed your dead-brain status.
Take this dead thread off so we can see real people with real problems.

Thank u.got no time for bickering

[quote author=OldBeer post=51148803]You think he's cheating yet you still want to die there.
This sort of obsession over a BOYFRIEND is a wah.
Now I'm feeling sorry for that dude.
Its obvious he has entered one chance with you.
Hopefully God will reveal it to him in a dream.[/quote
Over-reaction spotted! What's ur ish dude?brought this up here for some good-thinking guys to help take a closer look at d possibility of my BF involving in a somewhat "emotional cheating" and those who understand d concept v given their two-cents.. Not a must u comment.abeg swerve [quote author=OldBeer post=51148803]You think he's cheating yet you still want to die there.
This sort of obsession over a BOYFRIEND is a wah.
Now I'm feeling sorry for that dude.
Its obvious he has entered one chance with you.
Hopefully God will reveal it to him in a dream.[/quote
Over-reaction spotted! What's ur ish dude?brought this up here for some good-thinking guys to help take a closer look at d possibility of my BF involving in a somewhat "emotional cheating" and those who understand d concept v given their two-cents.. Not a must u comment.abeg swerve

DoTheNeedful:
I fear your kind of lady o,madam elevatedbeing. You appear too obsessed about this guy who is just a bf for now. You need to work on your esteem and emotions too. You appear as someone that can do something funny if this guy tells you that he is no longer interested in your relationship.
Partners should not be stifled and given close-marking in relationships.If you try to micro-manage a partner in a relationship,it is likely to backfire. Besides,I don't feel the guy is cheating.

What makes u think he's not cheating? Huh?

thorpido:
You know even though some people here feel you are insecured and people can have close friends of the opposite sex,my opinion has been that the relationship your boyfriend has with this woman is not 'normal'.He needs to break from her.
It's a good thing you're involving God and as long as your heart is right,He'll bring all things to light.
It's just a matter of time.

Well said my brother. Glad u're one those that understand that any other rel that's more intimate than the one u v with ur patner is called "emotional cheating" don't mind those that said otherwise...thanks

Hi all, now, lemme drop a bombshell:
BF had a dream two days back and in d dream, he wanted to buy stuffs from an elderly man, the man did not have what he wanted, he moved to the next man, the man had what he wanted and money was collected from him but the item was not given. The elderly man then commanded that he kneels down. He did as commanded and in no time other people gathered round him and wanted to judge his actions..someone in d crowd then asked that they need to recognize someone's presence, the person that stood up to be recognized was me and then I sat back... When he relayed the dream, I told him we wud need to ask the H/S for interpretation.. In my closet i got the meaning that he had offended me and that some people were ready to avenge for me.. This dream is really scarring BF and he had since been asking for forgiveness..I did not front o as per d whole dream ish but am just pretty confident that whatsoever he has been doing in secret with this woman, whether before we met or now,( cos I had been waiting on the lord concerning the issue) the H/S wud expose them.
I feel BF is scared more than ever, he's close to confession but feels scared to do that to me. he's been avoiding the woman, this morning, we got talking on phone and he just told me that the woman had asked him last weekend that he wud be spending this whole week with her cos of the exams (BF took leave for exams) and that he hadn't even seen her this week. He was saying it regretfully o...and I was like what does this woman even want from u and he said 'I don't know o". And I said a prayer that God will give us total victory over her and he replied Amen...

demelza:
He is not your husband yet and you are this riled up.
You want to be his one and only.
It seems the brother is your only hope in this life.
And what is all this dream you've been shouting upandan?
Don't you know the devil also gives dreams?
If you are already having HBP just in this dating stage, I wonder how it will be if you get married.
If you push him to choose between her or you, he could end up choosing you and resent you for it later. Respect the history they have.
I believe you are even looking for someone who will tell you to go confront her. Thank God no one has but if you feel the need to, do so and watch it backfire massively.
You are the only one who thinks their friendship is such a big deal.
Girl deal with your insecurity and jealousy, its a massive turnoff.
Jeez!

Thanks for the criticism!

Jahblessme:
Very hard for me to believe sex hasn't occurred.Red flags- the woman is his spec 2. She's in a bad marriage 3.Bf endless praise singing of her attributes 4 All the time spent in her house-training overnights and weekends 5. Personality changes in bf when he's with her 6. The woman basically dictating tone of your relationship .

This has gone way past emotional attachment ,blame your bf not the lady.Hes the one who should be drawing lines not her.You said whenever he's with her he assumes a new boldness,ask yourself why.

If your instincts are flashing red lights at you,there really is something wrong.Trust your instincts except you are naturally foolish.
I don't see this ending well thoughts the way the stumbling block is your bf not the lady,hes the one swallowing gifts and accepting like a starved fish.Fovus your attention on him.He will still meet tons of women will you keep having revelation and High bp daily?
Help yasef ma.

Good luck

My instincts don't lie. Aint foolish. Lots of red-light flashes here and there. My dream is just so on point. plus when she dictated the tone of the friendship. Bf would go to her place and wouldn't leave on time only for him to return and say "sister talks a lot" thanks, I'll consider ur tots.

Richy4:



I am not pissed but your insecurity has piled up to the highest heaven.....I couldn't just ignore it like others....

Your boyfriend is an adult.....U need not run his life for him at this stage especially when you were a girl friend...Assuming you were the wife, I would not have said a word....

You were only mad because they share more emotional gossips and you are not involved with the chit-chat...please live them alone... There was no place in the bible that says a man must not have a platonic relationship with the opposite sex...and I believe your resentment started when your boyfriend ran his mouth by telling you what she said about you... No girl will live that lying low

You can always do what other girls does by asking he choose between you and her....If you succeed in breaking them up, I hope you will take over the financial assistance, and other matured advises she gives to him.....Good luck

He dint even disclose anything on what she might v said about me. She gave an attitude at the background one night when I called- that was even the pointer to d dream I had. If I may ask u, y on earth wud my BF engage in emotional chit chat with some other woman? All cos of fin assistance What is this world turning to. Its fine when I was not in d pix.now that am in d pix, its just so wrong to do..
U seem not to find anyfault in this BF of mine. To you every abt him is on point. Whatever happened to moral standard way of living?? Thanks all the same!

tearoses:
Am I missing something here?

If I were your bf I will be disappointed that you don't even trust me
especially after all the good things you have said about him, are you implying that he has no sense?
If he is morally upright as you say, Why would he be sleeping with a pregnant mother of 4?
Can you give him some credit please?

Let me make it clear now that both of you will meet and have many relationships with the opposite sex in the course of your marriage. Trust and integrity are the keywords here.
If those are lacking then there really is no point going forward.
My husband is a choir leader, so that should give you an idea of how often he comes in contact with women in just that one area of his life. Will I go and die? I playfully call them my wives. They even have numbers sef. Its about trust and integrity.

Every friendship has a start and end date You are only trying to prematurely break up the friendship that would have most probably moved on in a few months time anyway. 20 kids cannot play for 20 years.

You also seem to be blaming the woman like she is the devil here, when infact all she has done is to help your bf financially and with accommodation when he needed it and been a friend to him.

Your bf is the one who owes it to you to draw lines. You have no biz with her.
Its like the woman's husband having a go at your bf instead of his wife. Do you get me?

Meanwhile What obstacles are you clearing? will you continue to take it upon yourself to clear obstacles for the length of the marriage?
how to you even intend to achieve that?
You are painting the man like he has no brain and doesn't know left from right and needs someone to hold his hand and teach him simple ABC
I will be insulted if I were the man

Please be mature about this.
You bf has a right to have a female friend especially the ones he met before you, and the ones who are/have helped him.
You have a right to have male friends too.
rather than fight and tell him to choose, what you need to do is to fill in the gap so that his need for you surpasses his need for any other person
position yourself correctly and you will be more than a million friends to him

sorry if this is not what you wanted to hear

Ma, that my bf should draw the lines is all I crave for..but the issue of my dream is another. I don't discard my revelations..he's got a lot I admire but lacks discipline when it comes to emotions.how do I handle the woman that was talking me down before him!...I see her as a threat cos bf model his specs after her..if he's not admiring sth she does today, its one of thing she did for him tomorrow...he's even studying a female dominated course so ladies flock around him. I don't have issues with that! Where I have issues is with the significance of my dream that came to reality and the lady's suspicious attitude towards me. How do I handle all of these?

Richy4:
[b]You were looking for a gunshot wound where there was none.....Did you come into his world, and boom!! you wanna be on the driver's seat?....Directing him on whom he should or should not talk to...Need I remind you that there was no ring on it yet......

And people were commenting as if who ever reported first wins...when did it become a no no to have an opposite sex friends.....You highlighted all those amazing qualities he has, Why were you a bit insecure....I thought that relationship is about trust...until you have an evidence to think otherwise....Based on your perspective, Is this enough to think otherwise?

Don't you think this could be a harmless relationship where a young man helps a married lady and since she was ok helps in monetary terms to show gratitude... I know how married women struggle to catch up in my uni days...Besides, What if the woman was trying to have her friend's back by making sure no spoilt brat traps him and toil with his emotions since she can sense his innocence....

What would you gain if you destroy the only friendship that mattered to him...are you gonna cage him since you feel he is easily influenced..as for the dream, are you gonna say all your dreams always come true..Why that particular dream.....Don't you think some dreams are figment of the imagination.[/b]..

U sound pissed..well, its true that we all can be starring at an object and see it in different form. My fear is My dreams. They don't lie. I it hadn't been d dream, would not have been here posting this..thanks all d same. I'll consider ur advice

Acidosis:


Do you really think your man can go as far as sleeping with a pregnant 35 year old woman with 4 kids?


Like you said earlier, he's not financially buoyant. He might be helping out with household stuffs, assignments, tutorials for her kids, and other related tasks.

How sure are you that your man will survive, financially, if he quits?

What if the woman decides to employ him officially as a P.A?

What are u saying Acidosis? What's not possible on this earth? We talking about a lady whom he's been close with and lived under the same roof for close to 6months(. Prolly before the pregnancy)..the hubby hardly comes home.hubby is in a scandal of impregnating another woman too. Where do u think she'll get her solace from other than the man she sees everyday for 6months? BF has a job now and is not depended on her but back then he wasn't working so he might v depended. Now, This woman only entices with the gifts and company (miss u stuffs) Nothing is impossible under the sun ke.
The ish is actually on emotional cheating.they've gotten deep into sharing deep stuffs but I still keep wondering how a woman would be relaying her marital life with a guy and would not be emotional about it.women burst into tears easily and BF could v just "pacified" her someway.

baddestchic:
you need to calm down.... if you want to keep this relationship you need to act smooth, calm like never before.... dont argue or fight 'cause its only going to kill the relationship if you act like you want them to scatter NOW...
guys are funny people when you hold on to them very tight they want to be freed..... when you act like you cant be bothered you just dont care.... they start asking questions like does she still love me

i would advice you to be silent like silence is a very powerful tool... dont act like you can see them...

Hmmm at calm down...ok. thanks

Ishilove:
Your boyfriend is a _pussy.
No offence

_ pussy monger right? Funny but just true!

Winneygirl:
All these school mother, school father, school husband, school children sef....
Where did the idea of this school family start from?
School mother in the University too?

@ winneygirl I tire for university school mother syndrome ooo! That's how he puts it to people. God help person o

Acidosis:
How do you define an older woman?

How old is she? Is she a young wife? Married to a young man, with kids or without kids?

This woman in question should be btw 32-35 yrs with four kids already and even preggy at the moment. Her first kid is 9yrs old..

Yieldings:
Gurrrl...


I've a lengthy reply for you, but questions, first:

-Do you think you're in a God-ordained r/ship? Or have you received divine confirmation that this guy is yours?

-Are you afraid to lose him? This question might seem simple but it's even more important than the above.

The divine confirmation that He's mine?- No, only rev of "another woman"
If I am afraid to lose him, I am not sure of my feelings about that but I won't be left with any choice than to leave him cos I can't imagine a triangle rel involving me and the older lady...I await ur lengthy reply. thanks

byvan03:
You aren't yet married to him but already entangling yourself with something that needs releasing. Is a steep road from where you are girl, too early for kabashing/uprooting mehhnn.


You were even sending him to go say thanks, are you really that naive?

Byvan, I couldn't see any of her moves as threatening, the gifts et al until I had this lil disagreement with him while she was there. She gave the attitude that awakened me and my Revelation from God starred at me in the face that she's the woman that's posing as a stumbling block btw us...thanks I am happy u conveyed ur tots to me.

DarkRebel101:
Infidelity/cheating comes in two complexions:

1.) Emotional infidelity: When one invests more than appropriate time and/or energy in a member or members of the opposite sex other than one's partner. One could also be said to be emotionally unfaithful if one has a stronger emotional bond with someone other one's better half. Many of us are guilty of this or at least were, but never thought it was a form of infidelity. We must have at some point deposited more emotional coins in the piggybank of one other than our lover. Yes? No? Perhaps we met him-her on the internet or at a party and we synched perfectly. No? Yes?

2.) Physical infidelity: This is the deal-breaker; the form of infidelity which involves sexual intercourse, kissing, and every other physical act of intimacy that you can think of. This usually happens when the excesses of emotional infidelity are not checked. Well, some never bother with the niceties of emotional bonds before they go rolling in the hay with someone other than their partner.

...

What's the point of this little lecture? The point is your BF is still in the first stage -- so breathe in some air of relief.

To salvage the situation, sit him down and blurt out your concerns in no uncertain terms. Tell him you're insecure...whatever at all! Just make him understand you're uncomfortable with his relationship with the woman in question. Tell him your wish is not that he chucks her out of his life, but that he draws a clearly defined line on how far his relations with her can go.

Howbeit you must remember that you met the woman in his life, and that her intent may not be as underhanded as you think; my advise?, tread with the shoes of wisdom and caution.

Good luck.

I hinge my conviction about this older woman's evil intent on the revelation I had when I first prayed about BF..It was clear! That her intent may not be as underhanded is a big lie. The Holy Spirit showed that to me as the warning sign of an existing "other woman" in his life. Thanks for analyzing physical and emotional infidelity, and thanks for the advice.

4tunebest:
Assuming you succeed in terminating this emotional relationship; how does it guarantee that throughout the 50+ years you guys would be married (I am assuming he has proposed since you refer to him as your husband-to-be) he wouldn't get himself emotionally entangled with someone else, since by nature he is a 'people pleaser'?

How certain are you that this is the best man you could get? See, when it comes to marriage, you really cannot use human wisdom to detect who a husband material is. God's leading & direction is what you need; fortunately for you, God reveals hidden things to you, so ask him to reveal if this guy is your husband or not

Thanks 4tunebest, he's emotionally vulnerable and that's a red flag truly. The H/S revealed that to me in no time that there's an older woman out there but I couldn't place the meaning of the dream for a long time until recently when she gave me dt attitude on the phone. I believe in Him to do more revelations..Thanks once again

toksbisola:
@Op; WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU? For goodness sake, when are you going to wake up and smell the coffee? You ain’t even married to him yet and you are already fighting off another woman from your man due to he’s cheating ways; oh please. Make no mistake, your BF is cheating on you emotionally as it’s not only when someone is caught red handed that it’s termed cheating.

Take a look at a few threads here on family section where the complaint centres on married individuals that are still attached emotionally to other people who aren’t their spouse. I tell you, it all started from not letting go of the individual before they say "I DO". In most instances if not all, the culprit still remains in close contact with the person they are emotional attached to even whilst they are married and because of that selfish action, they continue to hurt their spouse.

The question is, are you ready to fight this long and drawn out battle? Take note that THE ONLY PERSON THAT CAN STOP A CHEAT IS NO ONE ELSE THAN THEMSELVES. THEY ONLY STOP WHEN THEY WANT TO AND NOT BECAUSE YOU OR ANY OTHER PERSON TELLS THEM TO STOP. EVEN IF THE CHEAT CAN CLEARLY SEE THAT THEY ARE HURTING THEIR PARTNER BY GETTING INVOLVED WITH SOMEONE ELSE, IT DOESN'T MAKE ANY DIFFERENCE TO THEM AS ALL THEY DO IS MAKE SILLY EXCUSES TO JUSTIFY THEIR IRRESPONSIBLE ACTIONS.

If your BF chooses not to let go of his current fling, then think again if you are ready to share him with the other woman. YOUR CHOICE. One simple advice I would give you is to NEVER EVER GET MARRIED TO SOMEONE WHO YOU KNOW IS EMOTIONALLY ATTACHED TO SOMEONE ELSE. AS YOU WILL ALWAYS BE REGARDED AS A SECOND FIDDLE. ITS ANOTHER BALL GAME IF YOU DIDN'T KNOW; BUT IF YOU KNEW AND YOU STILL WENT AHEAD AND MARRY THEM, THEN YOU HAVE NO ONE ELSE TO BLAME BUT YOURSELF. DON'T ALLOW DESPERATION TO PUSH YOU INTO AN UNHAPPY SITUATION WHICH YOU COULD HAVE AVOIDED..

I won’t say whether you should carry on with your BF or let him go as that decision is entirely yours and yours only. Whatever decision you make, you will live with the consequence(s). I know that what I have written is a bit harsh but pardon my harshness as I just don’t want to see you say HAD I KNOWN AND CRY OVER SPILLED MILK. If you're ready to continue to fight for the attention of your BF from the other woman/women, then all the best to you.

I rest my case

Many thanks Toksbisola...this would go a long way in shaping my decisions. Its actually not yet a fling...their emotions are involved but way too deep..emotional attachment hurt even more than physical infidelity. They share too deep convos that are meant for lovers only if they've gotten to the physical infidelity stage is what's unclear to me..all the same I appreciate this!
Pls keep the criticisms coming in! It will help me do away with the rel asap.

Am open to more suggestions and advice...pls keep ur viewpoints coming in! @madam yieldings pls comment o

thorpido:
Hmmm................until they find solace in each others' arms.The fact that her husband impregnated someone else is a 'good reason' for her to seek solace somewhere else.
He may be a good man as you say but he's as good as his commitment to your relationship.
If God says he is your man,He will separate them and make him focus on you.If however,he is not the 'one' it is better to let him go.His relationship with this woman is toxic.

I'll consider ur advice..thanks a whole lot

thorpido:
Talk to God about it.Ask Him to reveal to you if this man is His will for you.If you get a conviction about him,ask God to shatter the relationship between them.

Tell your boyfriend you might be stepping back from the relationship if he won't put his acts together.

I asked if the woman's husband knows about the affair and his passing the night in the house?

Thanks for contributing. I'll go on my knees again to God. BF claims he's a friend of the family and that her husband knows him well. The hubby impregnated someone according to the woman who narrated the story to my BF. she shares her pains with him and prolly BF too does likewise of his past hurts and she keeps 'advising' him.

thorpido:
No two ways about this.Your boyfriend and this woman have an emotional attachment that goes beyond just being a 'school mother'.
If I may ask,does her husband know about this relationship?His passing the night in her/his house?
There's no doubt this relationship will take a toll on your own relationship with your boyfriend.As it stands now,it's a love triangle.Your boyfriend will be struggling to divide his attention.

You need to have a talk with him and threaten to quit the relationship if he will not put a stop to this relationship.I wonder how he sleeps in the house with a woman whose husband is often away for days/weeks and 'someone is not knocking on the bedroom door deep in the night'.

If he won't put a stop to this relationship,I'm afraid all you is a love triangle that won't end until the relationship ends.Can you wait till then?

Its clearly evident that there's more to the "school mother" syndrome. The kind of boldness that comes up on him whenever he's in her house is second to none. He picks on me on the phone easily it has happened twice or thereabout. I have u told him point blank that he must never pass a night in that house anylonger and I asked him to choose btw me n her..he promised not to but I am sure another day is awaiting him..the closeness is such that he had an ex that whenever trio go to the library to read, they sideline the 'ex' and they would exchange notes esp the woman, would now be gossiping the 'ex' on a piece of paper..u can imagine that! I need measures, strategies to release this woman's grip on him!

Dear Familylanders,
I look forward to sincere advice and criticisms from notable contributors on this mind-boggling issue as you guys always do.
I had to create a new monicker for this 'cos of its urgency. I am in a relationship with one of the few good men we have left in the world today..I am not ready to trade him for anything that might want to pose as a threat to" US" so am willing to clear "obstacles" our path.
Now, my BF is a courteous, dedicated, nice, intelligent young man who was brought up to have good moral values and respect for people. One of his weakness is that he is a people-pleaser. Also, He can be influenced easily. When I met him, I prayed to God for revelations about him and God showed me in the dream that an older woman was holding him in a discussion, the older woman was talking me down before my BF. When I woke up I couldn't place the meaning of the dream..I informed him about it and he couldn't understand too.
My BF is also a final year part time student and he's really proactive in his studies.this has earned him lots of admiration from many students. Now there's an older married lady he met in school who he's been close with he refers to her as his "school mother" he helps her out with assignments, tests and run menial errands for her.in turn this lady also doles out gifts to him, once housed him for months when he had accommodation issues. They got really close that the woman discusses her marital issues with him(her husband is a sales rep who travels a lot), they would gist and gist all day back when he was squatting there.All of these my BF told me about her but I dint see any harm in it.
When we newly met and my BF introduced me to her, the next day, this lady warned my BF against showing me much affection and bla bla ..I still didn't regard it to be an issue and the understanding of the dream I had was not still clear. Because they are close, my BF at the slight opportunity to ward off boredom, would go to her house and pass the night there and they would gist and gist like no tomorrow and resume at work d ff morning.
and she often request that my BF also come around and "play with her"
Recently, heard she was ill and they were to start exams and the lady needed some materials for d exam,she asked my BF to come drop it. I was even the one that kept reminding him to go and check on her and to also go say thanks for the foodstuff she got for him. And on the fateful night, we had some argument over the phone on his way to her house which lapsed till late night.
My awakening came when I asked after her and she answered at the background that she's preparing for exams and can't talk! What da heck? I only asked after her and did not request to speak to her. I quickly ended up the call and engaged my BF in a chat instead and the chat was really tense..that night, the Holy Spirit reminded me of my dream about an older lady and I was shocked.I informed BF about it and we eventually resolved our issues.
Eversince that re-awakening, I developed resentment in my heart at the sight of this lady rather than the usual respect. Now my BF sensed it and is trying to be defensive/diplomatic when it comes to her matter. I feel my BF and this older lady have some emotional affairs. BF kinda sees her as " a model for his specs" but trying hard for me not to notice this. This woman's got a strong grip on my Husband to be. Its troubling me. I want to release her strong grip on him. He's such a good material for a Husband.
Please Familylanders, I welcome ideas, criticisms and lashes to reset my BF's mindset to see the concequences of engaging in emotional affairs.

CC: tea roses,
Efemenaxy,
Ewuro4,
Myloveforhim,
Thorpido
5minsmadness and all Familylanders with great inputs on the family section.y'all should help me pls!