₦airaland Forum

freecocoa:
Call me crazy but I'm thinking the babe shouldn't even marry you if something like this is reason enough to tell her to find someone else, where is the love then? Mschew.

It came to a point it was obvious her mother was the one instigating the whole melodrama. The woman even threatened to deal with me if I don't leave her daughter. The father call me on the phone one day and told me to forget her daughter and move on since her wife has started threatening. He sympathize with me and told me in confidence his wife is the problem.

The girl still want me, the father said he's not the one that'll get married to his daughter and that whoever she brought home he'll give his blessing but the mom had been the manipulator.

What do you think?

EfemenaXY:
I honestly don't get what the issue is.



Your lady / fiancée is a medical graduate and it's only normal that she'll want to further her studies in her field, albeit in the U.S.A. Her uncle will be footing the bill so that eases the pressure off you. So what's your problem with that? Pride? Can you afford to shoulder that responsibility 100% or is it that you don't want her to further her studies at all, because what? You're insecure? Is that what the real issue is? If it is, then I'm sorry, you're what we call a dream killer husband.

Re: wedding in the Catholic Church, her parents do have a point. One of the seven sacraments undertaken by Catholics is a promise and comittment to wed in the Catholic Church and bring up their kids as Catholics. Additionally, for a marriage between a catholic and non-catholic to take place in the Catholic Church, you the non-Catholic will be expected to 'convert'. i.e get baptised, receive holy communion, and be confirmed in the Catholic Church.

You may not like this, and you certainly don't have to do any of these, but that's just the way it is. If you love her enough, it's a sacrifice you'll just have to make unless of course she's open to switching over, and from what you've written, that seems unlikely given her family background of staunch Catholics. But either way, it's a good thing you bring this up now and thrash out your differences because this issue will certainly rear it's head again when you start having kids, and decisions will have to be made on where they'll worship. So it's better you have those uncomfortable discussions now, rather than later.

Re: your third point, is that an issue with you?

Really?

The conditions were really an issue at the time. Putting clause to a marriage and you can understand when an over 90+ old man made his reservation. My people were just hissing and conversing in low tone when the provocative statement were made by my ex father.

The notion of putting me down just to pass judgment is entirely inconsistent with my reservation as regards her education. Read where I stated I was instrumental to her education at some point. My problem is she never discussed anything furthering education over sea and why should I hear from her father? It's supposed to be she and I making that decision and not I being teleguided by her family.

On the religious ground, I've no qualms but inserting it as a condition makes it demeaning. He could've discuss it with me on the sideline and not giving commandments.

The last issue is understandable but putting it up as a warning wasn't entertaining to say the least.

With the torrent of support advices I received in the last thread, I am compelled to put up this one and sincerely need your contributions to take the best decision.

I dated a lady for three years while she was in the medical school in a private University and at the time I was taking care of her tuition and other sundry elements not forgetting we were live in lovers during school recession and when she finally graduated. I've even visited her parents for a light introduction on her insistence cos according to her 2 other gentlemen living in US and UK are equally coming for her hand in marriage.

I discovered that her mother is favourably disposed to the American guy because he's a referral from his younger brother who also live in USA. But the lady in question loves me and didn't want to yield to her parents advice particularly her mother who I believe is doing so for material benefits.

The problem is we fixed a date to carry out a light traditional ceremony where both families were fully present including her kinsmen, call it a mini traditional marriage and when the ceremony was coming to an end, my woman dad stood up and start giving me "conditions" in the presence of everyone. The conditions includes :

1. I'll allow their daughter continue her education in USA which expenses will be sponsored by her uncle staying in Lagos.
2. They'll never attend any marriage ceremony held in any church except Catholic Church
3. I must never lay hand on my wife.

After he made the pronunciation, the most elder man in their family stood up and reprimand him. Caution him and indeed it was really a warning as the old man told him he cannot decide for another man how to run his family.

After the episode I decided to put further marriage arrangements on hold and months past I asked her to look for another man. The fact is I am not comfortable marrying into her family again but this girl has been calling giving unending excuses for her parent.

Should I continue facing front or I should give the marriage a shot?

Thanks

doskie:
yes it is. She will start seeing you as a window to through which her privacy and classified information can leak all because you want to achieve nairaland likes and fame. You need to appear coded and mature.

He'll be working for Linda ikeji brand. Not as her Personal Assistant.

Thanks to everyone for the contributions. I'll sieve the responses and utilize the recommendations.

Once again, I thank you all.

I'm in my mid 30s and is really desirous in settling down with the right lady but I am confused as hell. I've dated couple of ladies and the experiences are better imagined as most of these ladies turn into something else in a short while into the relationship.

Due to this fact, I am even afraid of approaching another since it is the usual woo a lady I don't know from Adam and begin to study her, her family and et AL all over again and in the course of such enterprise things may come crashing again unexpectedly.

Is it ideal if I rely on relations, friends for a referral? I was thinking it is better because a particular relation already knows the girl background and all about her.

Please between wooing a lady or banking on referral, which is Best OPTION in landing a good woman for marriage?

Help.......

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