₦airaland Forum

I had always prided myself as a very faithful person, not till sometime ago, after i met Matt..

A colleague, Matt came in handy when the students proved a bit difficult for me to handle. I was learning to be accustomed to their manners till he came in one day, made scapegoats of some and restored real order to my class. New to the school, that was my first time of seeing Matt.. After the class, we did some getting to know each other, and I recognised that there was this thing I felt for him, should I call it love or lust at first sight..

We would later be talking for hours at a stretch, take time off just to gist and we went up the holding hands radar, then to cuddling and more.. It all happened a little at a time and fast too.. And surprisingly enough, every bit of my stay with Matt has been memorable.. He is every inch my fantasy guy... The only issue here is that we are both in committed relationships..

I knew I had started 'cheating' when I discovered I could tell Matt virtually everything, something I never did with my main guy.. He's the very open type too.. The kisses we've shared has been out of this planet.. A mere touch from him calmed my entire system.. Though I've known deep down that whatever we have is so temporal, I still wish I could be sane enough not to follow my feelings.. sane enough to do the right thing, and avoid duplicity..

My main relationship already seems to be disintegrating, as my heart has drifted away.. I somewhat wish I've been able to maybe manage the both of them, but my heart craves unashamedly for Matt.. I pity Rex, the main guy. He has sacrificed a lot for the relationship and it makes me feel terrible but not enough to stop seeing Matt.. He has been complaining bitterly that things are not the way it used to but he doesn't seem to have any clue about the depth of the matter..

I feel confused and sorry most times, but I also wish I don't have to stop seeing Matt.. I mean this guy seem to have all the intensity, sensitivity, creativity...lemme stop here, I had 'imagined' in a guy, my guy.. Just saying it as it is tho..

If another had written this, I would have thought them mad, maybe I'm madder.. Now I know much never to judge anyone, especially those who 'see' someone else other than their partners..

I used to rant when I heard graduates could stay more than 5 years without getting a job.. I would always say my case was different, not till it became real when I finished serving.. I had just stayed some months, and it felt like a decade...

I've done a lot of applying and all that and I came to a conclusion that they did us a big minus in school. They didn't tell us the whole truth. They lied that the world would rest on our palms if we studied hard. I was only lucky it wasn't too late to change my entire worldview.

Rather than wait fruitlessly for some fantasy job, I had to think up ways I could truly be happy. I read now with more gusto (till now, I never knew reading could be fun o), do my researches without being pressured from any quarter, participate in voluntary services that make at least a life better and refuse to be depressed because I've not found that fountain that rolls in money at least on a monthly basis.. And you know what, I'm learning a lot about money.. that money really come to those who are really in charge of themselves, who discover a passion and selflessly release themselves to pursue what they really want..

I'm learning that nobody really owes us.. A very close relative will always nag me about getting a job in the civil service , as if it's my birthright... And I'm always like wth.. Must I land a government job to really be considered employed?

Well, rather than spend the bulk of my time searching endlessly for some miracle job(I still believe in miracles tho), I'd rather seek out something, maybe a self-advancement program or render some reasonable service and put my best at it and keep being positive.. Who knows what tomorrow holds? We can only take a step at a time..

But then, dear poster, I understand a little bit of what you are going through.. I only pray you not to give up, as your efforts will yield mind-blowing results in no time.. You could also take this period to look into yourself and discover ways you could truly be happy.. There's more to life than getting a job.. I wish you the best..

See them! Insensitive people lining up to advise a lady who seems to have much sense than they do.. She wasnt rude at all.. I wish one wouldn't be quick to judge her, but should put one's self in her shoes..

What is playing out is the aftermath of a much needed relationship that has never been there.. Most of us probably don't know what happens to a woman when she's deprived of her FATHER'S unconditional care and love. I only pray the lady is healed of that terrible disease called 'bitterness'.. And I hope she realizes that all men are not like her father.. There are still good men..

And to this lady and any other bitter woman out there, happiness is a choice. You can choose to hold on to the hurt and end miserably; and you can choose to let go and truly live..
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morscino:
As a woman whether u like it or not,you shall be fvvked/married to something...either a man,a rubber(Dildos n vibrators) or a fruit(cucumber and co)....so,the choice is yours.

I even heard some are beginning to use cassava...

The last time I checked, sense was very much affordable.. Hurry now and go get some!

mandax:
Can't you write without exposing yourself as an impersonator?

it's an awesome thing to be tagged an impersonator for letting out one's deepest thoughts.. Besides, it's a free world.. Imagine all you can!

sisisioge:
Well...life is too short to be too serious.

lol..

yvelchstores:
Honestly, I can't relate to your complains. Sit where you want to sit in church. You may be on the defensive cos I Am yet to see a church that reserve a special place for single ladies . Secondly, marriage is a job really, a job that Ofcourse comes with its benefits as well as challenges. just as u celebrate when u get a job and happy the company found you worthy, I don't see anything wrong in a lady feeling same way, that her husband found her worthy. That is even a good attitude cos a lady that feels the man is fortunate to have her will end up wanting the man to serve her. This is not as God intended cos the Bible says the woman was created for the man .you need to start changing your mindset to align with marriage the way God intended so when that blessed man comes your way, it will be a success story, from beginning to end. Bless u.

On the defensive? Yours is a funny deduction.. As an open-minded Christian, I've been to liberal and conservative churches, and a number of conservative still do this separation tactics.. This post does not suggest that the 'leper syndrome' is confined to the walls of the church..It's far beyond of the church.. Stretching deep into the heart of the society.. And you have every right to hold your views on marriage.. But this my dear, are my views..

sisisioge:
Wowzerful!


Not true here sweetie. I'm on the left side of 30 and nobody treats me like a Nepa. My singlehood is my call. My anythinghood is my call. I own myself... I owe nobody any explanation... Except my mum though. She's worried and gets on my nerves...not in the leper form. She trys too hard to get me married by force by fire...yet it is my call. Telling me about her friend's son friend is in town, the cousin children's uncle in town etc wont change the fact that the call is mine. You get treated the way you want sweetie...your life is your call.

A lot of men will come your way...keep filtering till you get the one. If he's perhaps not ever coming, there's always a plan B Don't let anyone take your life from you

kudos to you ma'am that you are an exception.. I wouldn't change my stance on the fact that an overwhelming number of ladies tie the validity of their existence to marriage.. These are the ones I've got issues with..

Sundays are fast becoming bore days for me.. The saddening and hopeless look on the unmarried ladies and the blatant disregard of their married colleagues have earned me a trip to wonder island.. This sorry situation is worse in churches, where females are made to sit in the middle row, an 'honour' for their singlehood.. The perfect colony setting.. I've come to the conclusion that I must not get married to prove any point..

The society has a way of planning our lives, and most of us have the uncanny habit of dancing to her (the societies') whims..

Once a lady clocks 25, there's this panic that goes on around her; as though her worth as a human being depends on her getting married.. and she's missing out on being formally identified as a 'woman'.. Woe betide her if she turns 40.. Hey, its a sure sign she lived a wayward life! Blatant nonsense!

I don't have a problem with the society, since it has been this way since the days of Noah..
My anger is at you unmarried ladies.. Helping me understand why we let things be the way they are would go a long way to allay that anger that drives me crazy..

Please tell me why you have to act like your being married to a man makes you complete?
Why? Why do you make it seem like men are doing you a favour by asking you to marry them?
Why do you consent to the society treating you like lepers?

Answering these questions is a step to releasing ourselves from the maddening claws of what the society expects of us; and opening ourselves up to truly be in charge of our own world..

It has been observed that this post seems to give the impression that the poster is an 'anti-marriage' advocate..This is far from reality.
I respect the institution of marriage.. I believe in getting married for the right reasons.. I rather frown at the desperate and unflattery approach to it by an overwhelming fraction of the society..

I just knew it.. 'Me, stay away from sex?' - 'Impossible!', I playfully told my friends. It seemed like a joke, but I knew I was serious and I needed help. Help not because I was scared of going to hell.. I didn't want to imagine what I would turn to with that maddening appetite for sex. It was a feat I knew I couldn't dare. Surprisingly, three years and counting, I've had to sit back and wonder how I got to this point. Having done some inward review, I was able to figure this out..

My mind was my starting point

It never took me pains to get aroused. I simply had to take a quick trip to my mind and imagine.. Imagine the feel of raw flesh and what not; and vam! I'm turned on, looking for who to devour.
I had to change the conditioning of my mind..
It was a conscious act. I knew deep down that sex was important to me, and I loved it.. I also knew I had come to the point where I should be in charge of my hormones and not the other way round.. The turn around was when I told myself the hard truth.. The mind talk, you know..

Declutter your psyche of sexual imageries..

When you've been physically intimate with someone, there's a store that saves the entire event.. This is increased by the movies and images we are exposed to. In no time, we begin to subject every person we come across to our fantasy world. Oh, ladies do this too..
Now is the time to clean away those images and refill the store with more worthwhile ideas.. There is so much to live for..

Immerse yourself in a cause greater than you are.
Big grammar? Find a passion. Discover what it is you could die for and give yourself wholly to it. Your sexual energy could be channeled to other productive means that would make life more meaningful to you..
This doesn't necessarily mean getting a job. It entails looking into ourselves and finding ways we could express our individuality. Just start from somewhere and take a step at a time.

Step out and meet people for who they are.
Sex has the capacity of limiting the quality of our relationships with people. In the course of giving the expression of our sexuality a lead over us, we miss out on knowing people for who they really are, and are rather concerned with what they could give us, sexually wise.
I have been able to keep a number of healthy relationships with the opposite sex, without the sex question..Knowing how others see the world and finding ourselves in the process is a beautiful journey, and it's better experienced than told.

Accept and love yourself unconditionally!

This is a must for any interested in being celibate. I wish I could say more on this.. But no.. It's possible if you want. Love you for you. Don't be who you are not or who you don't want to be for anyone, whosoever..

The fact is, you'll always have that part of you that longs for sex.. and the difference is that you are now in control..

This is revealing.. As a woman, i think it's inherent in a high number of women to manipulate.. I'll confess, I too, am guilty.. We take advantage of the vulnerability of most men in accepting the 'women is the weaker sex' theory... and do what we really want to do without leaving any trail for suspicion.. Though dear poster, I'm glad you've not unearthed most of our secrets, biko next time, you could keep your thoughts on your discovery about women to yourself, and stop adding acid to our garri..

I feel so pissed when I hear my Igbo brothers passionately talking about Biafra.. I just wish they knew better.. Having read to some degree on the Biafra war and the post war period, I've concluded that secession is not the solution at all.. Okay, they want an exclusive Igbo land abi? If you are Igbo, tell yourself the truth and tell me the figurations from your widest imaginations on a sovereign nationhood of Ndi Igbo.. It will definitely be grim..

Having stayed with persons from different tribes, I've come to appreciate the multi ethnic nature of Nigeria. And it's pathetic to witness how the different tribes are suspicious of each other.

How long should we remain in the hopelessly sealed tag of victims?

We will be better off if we decide to sort out our differences, accept our uniqueness and forge on to see what we could make out of this nation. It's not too late.. There's much hope for Nigeria!

And should they succeed in their biafra thing, i will quietly resign and become Yoruba.. One Nigeria!

Do you really think you are in love with the other woman? You just need to take some step backwards and reexamine yout life.. The truth is, basing our love from someone from the flicker of our heart is so tricky.. You really think those strong feelings you have in there is love? That's lust raised to power one million.. You are going too fast.. Just slow down.. Who ever told you those emotions endure through marriage? By the way, it's no crime to feel attracted to someone else other than your wife. It's a sign you are alive. The difference lies in the way you handle the attraction. Remind yourself you are a married man and should only be committed to your wife. What if it was your wife that's going through this? And no woman in her complete sense will meddle shamelessly with another's husband.. Dear, you know what to do. Just clean up the salve that has clogged up your brain from thinking straight.. Whatever you have decided to do, do before it's too late!

Hmm.. Semantics! That course was like a dish that was prepared straight from the bottomless pit.. And the so-called professor never made things any better.. Good riddance!